Teach Me How Love Goes (1/2)

[peacockcock]

The room smells of crayons and glue. There are tiny pairs of scissors scattered around the alphabet rug. Blocks are stacked in the corners built as makeshift forts to keep the boys away, and easels with messy paintings of flowers. There is a collage of self-portraits drawn on multi-colored pieces of construction paper from all of his former students.

It isn’t much, but it’s like a tiny piece of home to Adam. It was five years ago when he was hired. He remembers walking in to a room with bare walls and a couple of boxes of children’s books and toys. It was a scary time, giving up everything he wanted for something he’d never thought he’d consider.

But right now, sitting in a tiny plastic chair and cutting out stars for Tanner’s galaxy with Rebecca and Louise coloring at his feet, giving up what he thought were his dreams doesn’t seem so bad.

“Mr. Lambert!”

He glances up from the purple construction paper and looks at Ava. Her grin is missing two front teeth. “I did the bunny ears that you showed me!” she points down to her pink shoes, laced perfectly. “I did it all by myself.”

Adam puts up his hand for a high-five. “Good job!” he laughs. “Now keep practicing so you can show off to all the other kids at recess.”

He watches as she runs back over to the carpet and unties her shoes. It takes her a couple of tries, but she gets it again. Adam’s heart swells up a little with pride because he taught her that, just like he taught James to count to 10 in Spanish, and Annabelle some of her times tables.

The look on their faces when they finally get it is worth everything.

-

There is a small restaurant called Nuvo down the block from the elementary school where Adam teaches. Every Friday, he goes there for dinner and a free glass of wine-one of the perks of his college roommate being the bartender.

“Bad day?” Terrance asks, wiping down the counters. Everyone has left so it’s just Adam alone at the bar. “Usually you stop after two glasses.”

Adam swallows the last drop and hands the glass over to Terrance. “Sometimes I need adult time after being around the kids all day. My job is so rewarding-I just. It’s so lonely sometimes, you know?”

Terrance’s smile is sad. He’s always been disappointed with Adam for switching to an education major and becoming a teacher. They were both theater majors in their freshman year. They bonded over their love of music and performing. Their plans were to graduate college, move to a shitty apartment in New York City and not stop until they made it.

In their junior year, Adam panicked because, really, who makes it big in theater? He didn’t want to be poor his entire life working as a bartender just to pay his rent. Terrance is still chasing the dream, taking the occasional dancing or singing gig. Sometimes, Adam envies him for never giving up that dream.

“Don’t you ever feel lonely, honey. You know I’m always here for you,” Terrance says, but his words don’t take the sting away.

Adam reaches for the half empty wine bottle and takes a swig. That helps take the sting away, momentarily. He closes his eyes and savors the rich taste on his tongue.

Someone shouts Terrance’s name behind him. Adam swivels the stool around and-well, the guy is just about the cutest thing Adam has ever seen. He’s wearing the required white button-down and black pants, but his nametag reads Kris and underneath says Manager. He’s so not the same manager that’s usually here with the beard.

“Jerry has to leave because his girlfriend’s car broke down,” Kris explains. “I know you’re supposed to leave at eight but do you think you can close with me tonight?”

Terrance wipes his hands with the rag and tosses it on the counter. “Yeah, that’s fine. Let me just call my roommate so he doesn’t worry about where I am.”

Kris grins and says, “Thank you,” and Adam can’t take his eyes off of his mouth. He tries to calculate in his head the last time he had sex. Two months and four days. Being a teacher is horrible on his sex life.

A hand swipes the rag in front of Adam and he looks up to see Kris staring at him, his mouth parted and his eyebrows raised a bit. Adam knows that look. It’s the one the cute boys give him before he takes them to the bathroom for a blowjob.

“You want a glass?”

It takes a moment for Adam to realize Kris is talking to him and he snaps out of it to respond. “No, uh, thank you. I’ve already had four.”

Kris smiles and corks the bottle. “So you’re the one Terrance gives all of the free drinks to. The old manager warned me about you.”

Adam reaches for his wallet in his pocket and flips it open to pull out some cash. Kris’s hand covers his. “Don’t you dare,” Kris says, his hand lingers on Adam’s longer than it probably should. “You’re not paying for a thing.”

His hand actually twitches when Kris pulls his away, wanting another touch. “Okay, boss,” Adam says.

He laughs. “Just call me Kris.”

“Kris,” Adam says, even though he already knew his name from the nametag. “I’m Adam.”

-

The restaurant dies down around ten. Terrance is helping Diane clean tables because of her bad back and Kris is sitting in the stool next to Adam, leaning close with their knees touching.

“Aren’t you supposed to be doing your managing duties?” Adam asks. He feels a familiar warm buzz that’s not from the alcohol but the proximity of a hot guy. His sweaty fingers have been tearing tiny pieces of napkin for the past half hour.

Kris looks around at the employees cleaning up for the evening. There’s still a couple eating in the corner booth, but Kris doesn’t seem all too concerned. “I think they’ve got it under control,” Kris says and turns all of his attention back to Adam. “Besides, this is my third day here. They know what they’re doing more than I do.”

That’s fine with Adam because he doesn’t want Kris to leave him. “Okay, good,” he says quietly.

Kris’s smile reaches his eyes. “Good.”

Adam tells Kris about his childhood here in San Diego, his younger brother being a pain in the ass but also one of his best friends. He tells Kris about the wild parties with Terrance in college and how he broke free from that. Now he’s here, making just enough money to afford a little house.

“I know how you feel. I dropped out of college freshman year because I thought I could become a musician,” Kris says. “I didn’t even want to, like, be famous. I just wanted to go around and play my music for people. Not easy when you’re broke and nobody wants to listen.”

Adam hangs on to every word. He’s been dying to meet someone like Kris for a long time. They both know how it feels to give up because having a dream is no longer enough to be happy.

“Why didn’t you go back to school?” Adam asks.

Kris looks away and picks up a stray piece of napkin from the counter to rip it to even smaller pieces. “Things came up. I never had a chance.”

Adam wants to ask what came up. He wants to know everything about this man, but he doesn’t push it. They can save the details for later.

Their conversation stretches on for another hour. Adam can’t even recall what they’ve talked about. It’s mindless, easy conversation without uncomfortable pauses. Kris hangs on to every word Adam says, his eyes never stray, and sometimes he’ll reach out to touch Adam’s wrist.

“Don’t mean to interrupt.”

They look at Terrance and it feels like walking into a bright room after being in the dark for too long. The restaurant is empty and the chairs are already on the tables. Kris slips his hand out of Adam’s, blushing like crazy.

“I’m so sorry, Terrance. Oh god, I’m the worst manager. I didn’t--” he looks at Adam and somehow his face gets even more red. “I got distracted.”

It’s obvious that Terrance is trying hard not to laugh. “It’s okay, boss. Adam seems to have that effect on people,” Terrance says and then turns to Adam. “So, are you coming, or…”

Adam glances at Kris, wanting him to say something. He wants him to say something so bad. But when he doesn’t, Adam slips off the stool. “Yeah, I’m coming.”

He doesn’t make it two feet before Kris reaches for his arm. “Don’t,” he says. His eyes are looking up at Adam, so big and honest, “stay with me.”

And how can Adam say no to that? He sits back down and reaches to touch Kris’s knee. “Okay,” he says. “I’ll stay.”

Kris responds by beaming at him. Terrance slips out sometime after that but Adam doesn’t remember saying goodbye.

“I don’t want you to think I’m like a slut or anything because I’m not,” Kris starts, and Adam’s ears perk up. “Tonight was just really nice and I wouldn’t mind-you’re, um…”

Adam puts him out of his misery. “Are you asking me to back to your place?”

Kris looks up at him bashfully, “I was thinking your place. Mine’s a mess.”

Adam takes a deep breath because he was not expecting this tonight, then he grabs Kris’s arm and drags him out the door and in the direction of his house.

-

It only takes twelve minutes for them to get back to Adam’s house and thirty seconds to get Kris naked on the bed. Kris’s mouth is hot and he’s so fucking eager for every one of Adam’s touches and kisses. Adam doesn’t think he can get enough of it.

Kris breaks a kiss and his head falls back onto the pillow, grinning up at the ceiling while Adam works on his neck. “I don’t do this very often,” Kris says, slipping his hands under Adam’s shirt and slowly raking his nails over the skin of his back. Adam trembles just from being touched. It’s been too long.

“I don’t either,” Adam says, kissing Kris’s cheek and then his mouth. “Not in a while.”

They pause for a moment. Kris’s eyes are big and sparkling up at Adam. The corner of his mouth twitches into a sweet smile and he looks relieved. “Good,” Kris whispers.

Adam kisses him again, slow and deep, his fingers threading through Kris’s hair and pulling a little. He’s rewarded with a moan. It’s nice to feel wanted again, like there is nowhere the person beneath him would rather be than right here. Adam hopes that Kris feels the same because he hasn’t been with someone like this in a long time.

Kris’s hands travel from Adam’s back to his chest, running his fingers over Adam’s nipples. He smirks at the slight hitch of Adam’s breath.

“Fuck,” Adam groans, reaching down for Kris’s cock. It’s perfect, just the right size, and it’s making Adam’s mouth water. He pumps his fist a few times and Kris bucks his hips up into Adam’s hand. “First,” Adam says, nipping at Kris’s neck, “I’m going to suck you.”

Kris slaps Adam’s hand away from his dick and shakes his head. “No, first, you’re going to get naked. I want to see you,” he says, pushing up for a kiss. “Later can you fuck me? I need you to,” he gasps, “please, Adam.”

Adam chuckles, “Patience, baby,” he says, touching Kris’s bottom lip with his finger before pushing it in his mouth. Kris sucks it down to the knuckle, breathing heavily through his nose as he locks eyes with Adam. It’s mesmerizing-those lips wrapped tight around Adams finger. He slips in another and Kris takes it with watery eyes and his throat contracting around the fingers, but doesn’t stop sucking.

Adam pulls his fingers out and hastily unbuttons his jeans because he needs to get his cock in that mouth right now. Kris leans up on his elbows and watches Adam pull out his cock with hungry eyes.

“I want it like this,” Kris says and opens his mouth just slightly. Adam almost comes just from that.

Adam straddles Kris’s chest and slowly eases his cock into the tight heat of Kris’s mouth. He leans up to grasp the headboard and slowly fucks Kris’s face. Kris gags, just like he did around Adam’s fingers, but he keeps sucking, making noises around Adam’s cock like it’s the best thing he’s ever tasted in his life.

“Holy fuck,” Adam says, sinking his teeth into his own arm just to have something to keep his mind off of Kris’s mouth and tongue so he doesn’t come so soon. He needs this to last as long as possible.

Kris’s hands come up to palm Adam’s ass, his nails running up and down the back of Adam’s thighs. Then he slips a finger between Adam’s cheeks, lightly brushing against his hole.

Adam comes, hard, right in Kris’s mouth and a little on his chin. Kris hums happily as he licks it all up.

“That was awesome,” Kris says when Adam collapses next to him, his chest heaving like he just ran six miles.

Adam looks at him. Kris’s hair is standing in every direction, his mouth is swollen and he looks delicious. “You’re evil,” Adam moans, rolls over onto Kris and claims his mouth.

Kris grasps Adam’s shoulders and smiles devilishly up at him. “My turn,” he says, bucking his hips up, his cock hard against his stomach and wanting attention.

Adam gives it his full, undivided attention.

-

The comforter and pillows are kicked to the floor along with their clothes, and outside the dark night sky is changing into a light blue. They’ve been dozing for the past few hours, waking every so often. Adam has been craving this for weeks.

“This is so crazy,” Kris murmurs, sleepy eyes crinkled in the corners from smiling. He’s lying on his stomach with his chin on Adam’s chest, his fingers toying with Adam’s bangs. Adam keeps his hand wrapped tight around Kris’s bicep to keep him right there, warm and naked.

Adam shifts on the mattress, slowly running his hand up and down Kris’s arm. “You’re so crazy. Putting out like that on the first date,” Adam says. He arches his back to stretch his sore muscles. “I feel so cheap.”

Kris presses a kiss to Adam’s collarbone, crawling up the mattress for Adam’s lips. “You’re one to talk. Pouncing on me as soon as we walk through the door,” Kris says. He touches his forehead to Adam’s and they have to cross their eyes to look at each other.

“I like you,” Adam admits. There are dragons breathing fire in his stomach. He’s already been inside of Kris, tasted him, but this feels more intimate.

Thankfully, Kris smiles. He brushes his thumb across Adam’s cheekbone. “I like you, too,” Kris says. They’re grinning like idiots and it’s perfect.

“Good,” Adam says, tilts his chin up and claims Kris’s mouth for the thousandth time tonight. He makes a mental note to make Kris his famous omelets for breakfast because he doesn’t want this to just be a one-night-stand.

They make out for a long time and never let their hands wander below the waist, but Adam can feel Kris’s cock getting hard against his thigh. Adam groans and tears his mouth away from Kris’s.

“I can’t,” he whines. “Too tired.”

Kris makes a ‘hmmm’ sound and licks a hot trail up Adam’s neck. “You can,” he says. Adam covers his face with his arm, biting down as Kris places open mouth kisses down Adam’s chest and stomach.

“No, I can’t,” Adam says again, but his cock betrays him. He curls his fingers in Kris’s hair to guide his head down until he’s mouthing Adam’s dick.

Kris smiles, smug. “You can,” he says, and then wraps his lips around Adam’s cock for the second time tonight.

-

The garbage truck outside his house wakes Adam. He stretches and looks up at the clock to see that it’s past noon. Adam closes his eyes again, reaching his arm out for Kris and grabs a fistful of cold sheets. His eyes fly open and he’s alone. The comforter and pillows are back on the bed and the only clothes on the floor are his own.

Adam looks around for a note. He even gets out of bed and fans out the comforter incase it is hidden, but there’s nothing. There’s no trace of Kris. If it wasn’t for the bruises and bite marks on his skin, he’d think it never happened, just a vivid wet dream.

His heart shouldn’t be broken. Most guys he sleeps with leave in the morning and Adam never gives it a second thought. This time there wasn’t much alcohol involved or foggy memories. There was conversation, an intense connection that Adam’s never felt so early before. They laughed and played and touched.

Adam falls back into the bad, gathers up the covers, and sulks.



Kris stands with his feet on the dip of the sidewalk, rocking back and forth on his heels. His fingers are jammed in the pockets of his jeans to keep warm from the afternoon chill. The unmistakable sound of a school bus is heard from around the corner and Kris smiles.

It stops in front of their house and he looks up at the curious faces with bright backpacks and little hands pressed against the windows. Behind them, he sees a flash of blonde walking through the aisle towards the front. Ava grabs the railing and hops down the couple of steps onto the pavement, whipping her head around to say goodbye to the bus driver.

“Daddy!” Ava takes off towards him, jumping up into his arms when he’s within reach. “Are you going to pick me up every day?”

“I hope so, Bug,” he says, holding her up with one arm and picks up the book bag she dropped and throws it over his shoulder. “I got my new job so my schedule is more flexible.”

“Will grandma still take me to school?”

Kris heads up the driveway to their blue house with white shutters, and a tree with a tire swing dangling from a thick branch in the front yard. The house is small, only big enough for the two of them. Sometimes the roof leaks and the floorboards creak, but it’s home.

“Yup,” Kris says, putting her down when they get through the front door, tucking her book bag in the corner. “We’ll have to start leaving a few minutes earlier than we usually do.”

Ava doesn’t respond but he sees the scowl on her face and suddenly it’s like revisiting a dream. Everyone always tells Kris how much she looks like him. They share the same brown eyes and full bottom lip. It’s the rare moments like right now, when she turns to him with that look, and all he can see is Katy.

Kris shakes his head and lets his mind cloud over that memory.

Ava climbs the barstool and reaches for an apple in the fruit bowl. She sets it on the center of the counter while Kris reaches for the peanut butter on the top shelf of the cupboard and a knife to cut the apple.

“How was school?” he asks, slicing the apple into small pieces for them to share. It’s a routine that they usually save for when Kris brings her home from his mom’s house after work.

“Horrible,” she says, resting her cheek on her palm, looking dismayed. “Jordan spilled paint on my sweater! I got mad and hit him and Mr. Lambert put me in time out.”

Kris dips a piece of his apple in the peanut butter. “It sounds like Mr. Lambert did the right thing. You shouldn’t be hitting your friends at school.”

“But-” she stutters to her defense.

“But nothing,” Kris says. “You’re going to apologize to Jordan. I’m going to have a talk with your teacher about this during our parent-teacher conference tomorrow night.”

Ava sighs far more dramatically than Kris has ever thought her to be. “Okay,” she says, stuffing more peanut butter than apple in her mouth.

“Now go watch TV and color,” Kris says, cleaning up the apple core and the jar of peanut butter. “I’ll call you when dinner is ready.”

Ava shuffles off into the next room and Kris hears the television turn on. He heads to the bathroom and turns on the light, leaving the door open just a crack so he can keep an ear out for Ava. His reflection is tired with deep purple rings under his eyes. Kris’s fingers grip the porcelain countertop, closing his eyes for just a moment.

It’s been difficult the past few years being a single father. He spends his nights playing with glitter glue and sitting in a pink plastic chair pretending to drink out of a miniature cup at a tea party with Barbie. Ava is patient with him when he tries to braid her hair, or tie it in a bow.

Sometimes he just wants somebody to share it with.

Kris leans into the mirror, pulling down the collar of his shirt to reveal a bruise from last night. It’s still sensitive to the touch, remembering Adam’s teeth sinking into his skin. He tries not to dwell on the regret of leaving this morning; all of that pale skin stretched out on those dark sheets, everything in him was telling him to stay.

He should have stayed.

“Daddy?” Ava calls for him. Kris opens the door and sees her standing in the kitchen, an open coloring book in hand and her hair is no longer up in a braid. “What are you making for dinner?”

“Chicken nuggets.”

She smiles and disappears again into the other room.

-

“All children, except one, grow up,” Kris reads.

Peter Pan has been Ava’s favorite character since she was three. She was Tinkerbell for Halloween last year and this year she wants to be Peter. Every night they curl up in bed, Kris’s ankles hanging over the edge of the mattress and her head pillowed on his shoulder. Sometimes she follows along with her finger, reciting the parts that she’s memorized.

“But who is he, my pet?” Kris animatedly reads, changing his voice from the mother’s to Wendy’s. He feels the rumble of his daughter’s laughter against his stomach. “He is Peter Pan, you know, Mother.”

Ava puts her hand over the page. “Daddy?”

“Yeah, Bug?” Kris says, placing the book down on his lap.

She sits up, crossing her legs and holding her stuffed bunny close to her chest. “Where’s Mommy?”

Kris panics. She’s been asking more about Katy lately and he knew she’d want to know where her mother is. He has been putting it off because how is he supposed to explain to her that she’s never going to know her mother.

He opens his arms. “C’mere,” he says. Kris opens his arms and she shuffles into them, tucking her head under his chin. Kris rocks her back and forth a little and kisses the top of her head. “Your mommy loved you very much,” he says. “You have the same blonde hair. And sometimes your face reminds me of hers.”

“Really?” she asks, looking up at him, hopeful. “I look at my pictures of her a lot. She’s the prettiest girl ever.”

Kris feels the tears start to gather in his eyes. He presses a smile into her hair. “Yeah she is,” he says fondly. It’s been so long but he still loves Katy. He always will. “She went up to heaven a little after you were born. You were her little angel.”

Ava snuggles closer to Kris. He rests his cheek against the top of her head. “Did you know she’s the one that started calling you Bug?”

“She did?”

Kris nods, smiling at the memory. “Just after you were born, she was holding you and she couldn’t stop talking about how little you were. Then she said, ‘she’s our little bug’.”

“I wish I could meet her,” Ava whispers, and Kris isn’t even sure if he was meant to hear it. He just holds her even tighter, singing her a lullaby until she falls asleep.



The classroom is quiet. The only sound is of scissors cutting through construction paper and little fingers digging through buckets of markers and crayons.

Adam circles the room, looking over their shoulders at their drawings. He asked them all to draw their families so he can hang them on the wall for when their parents come tonight for conferences. It’s amusing to see a family through the eyes of a five-year-old.

He stops behind Amy, smiling when he sees her family. On the pink construction paper, she drew herself holding the hands of her two moms. Next to them is a house that barely comes up to the middle of the stick figures, and above them is a big orange sun with bursts of red.

“Nice job,” he tells her, reaching down to point at all the empty space on her paper. “Maybe draw a sky and some clouds.”

Amy brings her hand to her mouth to study her drawing. “Can it be purple?”

“The sky can be any color you want it to be. It’s your world, so you can use your imagination,” Adam says, having drawn his fair share of pink skies and purple grass that his mom still keeps framed in her house.

Excited, she reaches for the purple.

Adam has met most of their parents now that they are well into September. He knows what to expect when he looks down at Jordan’s drawing to see his aunt, who has raised him since he was two, and his dog. And Rebecca, whose mother only graduated high school a couple of years ago, drew the two of them with her mother’s boyfriend.

Ava sits in the corner, her chin rested in her hands and her eyes casted on her drawing. Adam takes a seat next to her to take a look. The white sheet is almost covered completely with a big blue house. In the front stands two figures, the little blonde Adam recognizes as Ava, and a man with scribbled brown hair that Adam assumes is her father.

“You didn’t draw your grandma?” Adam asks, resting his elbows on his knees.

“Nuh-uh,” she shakes her head and points to her picture. “I live with my daddy. Grandma only takes me to school and I used to go to her house after but my daddy got a new job so now he spends time with me.”

Adam smiles. “That’s wonderful,” he says. “Will I finally get to meet him tonight or is your grandma coming?”

Ava looks at him, her eyes bright. “Nope! Daddy said he’s gonna come tonight. I told him about hitting Jordan and he got mad and said he needs to talk to you about it.”

“Uh oh,” Adam says. “If you promise not to hit anyone else, I promise not to get you in trouble with your dad.”

She grins and nods her head. “I promise! I’ll never ever do it again. Even if Jordan spills paint on me, I won’t hit him.”

Adam chuckles. He really does love these kids.

-

The Talbots close the classroom door behind them and Adam immediately reaches up to his neck to loosen his tie. It’s almost nine and he has met with fifteen parents today for conferences. He sits down on the alphabet rug just for a few moments of rest before he needs to prepare for tomorrow’s lesson with clay.

Adam takes the tiny tyrannosaurus rex and some fat little green dinosaur in the toy box and smashes their heads together. In the back of his throat, he makes a small growling sound and then laughs at his own stupidity. He really needs more adult friends. Maybe he’ll go out with Terrance this weekend.

Just as he tosses the dinosaurs back in the box, the classroom doorknob jiggles and there is a knock. Adam sighs, running his hand through his hair and pulls a little.

“Go away,” he mumbles as he heads to the door, just quiet enough so the person on the other side of the door won’t hear but he kind of hopes that they do.

When he opens the door it’s not the Talbots, or the Caterinos, or Rebecca’s mom. It’s Kris in wrinkled work pants, and an untucked shirt. He’s looking at Adam like he’s got three heads and a tail. Adam’s heart stings at the sight of his face.

“What are you doing here?” Adam asks, not budging from the doorway. He doesn’t even bother being professional and politely inviting Kris in. There is no way they are going to pretend the other night never happened.

“I’m Ava’s dad,” he says, forcing a smile. “Sorry I’m late. Someone called in sick at work so I had to stay late to help out. I almost didn’t come but Ava hit that boy the other day and I figured I needed to talk to her teach-you about it.”

Adam’s head spins. All of his students’ faces are a blur in his mind but then he focuses on Ava. He thinks of her family portrait with only her father, and her dark eyes that are almost identical to Kris’s.

“She’s an amazing kid,” Adam says sincerely.

Kris’s face nearly lights up the entire room at the mention of his daughter. “Yeah, she is,” he says. “She’s the coolest little girl ever.”

Adam steps to the side to let Kris in and closes the door behind the two of them. He watches as Kris strolls over to the wall lined with drawings and spots Ava’s.

“She’s really talented,” Adam says, coming up to Kris’s side. “Did she tell you that she was the first to learn to tie her shoes?”

Kris nods and looks at Adam. That flame is still in his eyes from the other night. “She talks about school all the time,” he says. “I couldn’t wait to finally meet Mr. Lambert.”

Adam takes a deep breath to keep himself from jumping Kris and plastering him right up against the drawings. He can still taste Kris’s tongue and the stubble of Kris’s cheek against the sensitive skin of Adam’s inner thigh.

Instead of eating Kris alive, he pulls up two small plastic chairs to the yellow table and sits down. If this were any other parent, they’d discuss how Ava is a really bright kid and the best in Adam’s class. He’d discuss the situation with Jordan and how he really had it coming because Jordan ruined a totally cute sweater.

Adam doesn’t say any of that because he’s still bitter about waking up to an empty bed.

“You didn’t stay.”

Kris plops down in the chair next to him. “I didn’t know we were going to talk about this.”

“I thought we had an amazing time,” Adam says softly. “I don’t know if you were just looking for a quick fuck, but it sucked. I was going to make omelets.”

That startles a laugh from Kris and he hadn’t even meant it to be humorous but once it left his mouth he realizes how silly he sounds. But then Kris’s smile falters and he looks down, gently kicking the tennis balls at the bottom of the legs of the chair.

“I did have an amazing time,” Kris admits. “You’re, like, the coolest guy I’ve met in a really long time.”

Adam slips his foot a bit closer to Kris’s, their toes almost touching. “Then why did you go?”

“Because of Ava,” Kris says. “She’s only five. I can’t bring people into her life like that.”

Adam wants to know what happened to Ava’s mother, but he doesn’t ask.

“If things were different and I didn’t have her, I would’ve stayed. We could’ve woken up together and you could’ve made us omelets,” Kris pauses. “But I have to think of her needs before mine. Now that I know you’re her teacher-it just wouldn’t work.”

Adam lets out a dramatic exhale, sulking in his seat. He likes Kris, and Adam usually gets the things he likes. Especially when they are pretty and small and have a nice mouth. Children have never been an obstacle.

He shifts in his seat and sits upright, pushing the knot of his tie back up to his neck and puts on his best professional face.

“So,” Adam starts. “Let’s start with the whole situation with Jordan.”

-

They linger in the doorway. The hallway is dark except for the light spilling out of his classroom. Kris bites his lip and Adam waits to hear what his goodbye will be.

“You’re an amazing teacher,” Kris says. “I know being a teacher wasn’t your dream and you wanted to sing, but you were meant for this, Adam. Ava admires you so much and I-thank you.”

Adam has never believed that before. He was settling for teaching, but, somehow, with Kris saying it, Adam thinks it may be true.

“You’re welcome,” Adam says, staring down at their shoes. He cautiously glances up. “You know, Parents’ Day is coming up. It’s when the parents come and eat lunch with the kids and the, uh, teachers.”

Kris smirks. “Oh, really?”

Adam bites down on the inside of his bottom lip and reaches to run the back of his finger along the lapel of Kris’s jacket. “Will I see you there?”

Kris steps out into the hallway, tapping the door with his hand. “Yeah. I’ll see you.”

-

At home, the silence is so loud that Adam wants to scream. It’s buzzing in his ear and the ticking of the clock is taunting him. He turns on the light and rummages through the refrigerator for a snack, but the silence is still laughing in his ear.

Adam drops the hummus on the counter and walks out of the kitchen. He sits on the floor in his living room and pulls out his phone. His finger hovers over his mom’s number for a moment, but not even he feels pathetic enough to cry to his mother.

“Can you come over?” he says into the phone. He knows his voice gives him away.

Thirty-five minutes later, there’s a knock on his door. Terrance stands on the other side with that familiar look of pity in his eyes. He told Adam the other day to never feel lonely, so he’s hoping Terrance will pull him out of it.

“You didn’t tell me Kris has a daughter.”

It’s the first thing he says to Terrance. They’re sitting on each end of the couch, Adam’s feet on Terrance’s lap.

“I didn’t know,” Terrance says. “Kris keeps his life to himself. Even if I did know, I didn’t expect you to run off and fuck my boss.”

Adam sinks lower into the couch and crosses his arms over his chest, pouting. “His daughter is in my class,” he says. “That’s got to be against the teaching code to fuck your student’s dad.”

“You’re both consenting adults, Adam,” Terrance says. “I’m sure it’s okay for you to see each other.”

Adam feels sad. Like, eating chocolate ice cream until he explodes kind of sad. “He doesn’t want to. He told me that he can’t bring people into Ava’s life like that.”

Terrance curls his fingers reassuringly around Adam’s ankle. “It’ll be okay, sweetie. There will be other guys. Besides, dating a single father makes you a part-time dad as well. You’re not ready for that.”

Adam thinks about Ava and Kris, reading bedtime stories and then sharing a bed with Kris every night. It’s not that he wants that with Kris necessarily-they’ve only met twice in their entire lives and Adam really isn’t ready to be any kind of father. He likes having kids for six hours a day and then they go to their parents. It’s just that closing in on thirty, Adam wants someone to come home to.

Adam sighs. “Let’s get some ice cream.”



The cafeteria smells the same as Kris’s did when he was a kid. There’s the same clatter of lunch trays and hundreds of young voices and laughter melding together. Ava drags him by the hand to an empty table and they sit with their spaghetti.

“I dunno how they knew pastetti is your favorite, daddy,” Ava says. Her chin already has drops of red sauce. “It’s not as good as grandma’s.”

Kris takes a bite. He’s not even sure if the sauce is actually tomato. Ava is definitely bringing her lunch from now on. “Nobody cooks as good as grandma.”

Ava nods in agreement, shoveling a forkful of pasta in her mouth and making a mess all over her face and shirt. Kris hands her a napkin. “Wipe your face.”

She cleans off her mouth only to make another mess with her next bite. “I’m happy you came here instead of goin’ to work like everyday. I was scared I’d be the only one without a mommy or a daddy to eat lunch with me.”

Kris feels a pang in his chest thinking of her alone in the cafeteria surrounded by all of her classmates and their parents. “You never have to worry about that, Bug. I’d never let you be by yourself.”

They finish the rest of their spaghetti and cartons of chocolate milk in silence. Ava has always been a quiet eater and Kris’s nerves are driving him up the wall. Every time somebody over four feet tall walks by, he tenses up, expecting to see legs that go on for miles and a pair of gorgeous blue eyes.

After eating, they dump their trays at the nearest trashcan and bring it to the dishwashers. Kris makes sure Ava tells them ‘thank you’ and they head back to their table.

“Mr. Lambert!” Ava calls out, her mouth hanging wide open like it does whenever she gets excited, waving her arm madly.

Kris’s body is perfectly still, afraid to make the slightest movement. But then he hears Adam’s voice behind him and he has no choice but to turn around.

Adam looks gorgeous. His hair is styled up and he’s wearing a grey button-down with the sleeves rolled up. Kris wonders for the millionth time how he could ever be a teacher looking like that. Aside from pierced ears, he’s clean-cut and professional. It’s just unfair because his kindergarten teacher was a heavy-set older woman. He probably would’ve honed in on the bisexual thing at a much younger age if they were all made like Adam.

An uncontrollable smile spreads on Adam’s face when Kris holds his hand out. “You made it,” Adam says. It’s unnecessary for them to shake hands for as long as they do, but Kris doubts anyone notices.

“I did,” Kris says. He shoves his hands in his pockets so that he doesn’t reach out for Adam again. For right now, he’s Mr. Lambert and not the guy he had sex with. It takes him a moment to remember why he told Adam they can no longer have sex, but then he looks at Ava.

“Sit down next to me,” Ava says, an open spot on the bench for Adam.

Adam makes sure it’s okay with Kris before he sits down. It’s uncomfortable to say the least. The only person not fidgeting and coming up with more than two word responses is Ava. She talks a mile a minute, too young to notice the tension at the table and that her daddy can’t stop staring at her teacher.

“Daddy sings, too,” she says, sitting on her feet with her chin pressed into her palm, “just like you do.”

Adam’s face lights up. Kris is pretty sure they talked about this during their night together but Adam pretends to know nothing. “Oh yeah?” he says. “What does he sing?”

“At night, he sings me a lullaby and-and sometimes he goes to the bar to sing but I’m not allowed to go to those because I’m not old enough.”

Adam laughs. “No, you’re a little too young for that. I’m sure your dad’s amazing. I’d love to hear him sometime.”

Ava’s eyes get real wide and she leans forward to tug Adam’s arm. “Come over tonight, Mr. Lambert! Daddy is going to make tacos and they are much better than the ones they make here. He can sing for you.”

Adam looks absolutely panicked. He smiles at Ava but stares at Kris like a deer in headlights. Kris has never been good at denying Ava anything. She has this pout that feels like a spear straight through his chest. He’s not looking forward to when she asks for a car someday.

“Err-Ava,” Kris starts. “Ada-Mr. Lambert probably has a lot going on tonight. It’s too short notice.”

There’s that friggin’ pout. “No he doesn’t!” Ava whines. She turns to Adam, jutting her bottom lip out and pulling out the best puppy eyes Kris has ever seen. “You don’t wanna come over?”

Adam’s mouth gapes open and close for a moment, his eyes darting back and forth. Kris can tell he’s trapped, but Adam leans forward and lowers his voice. “I’m trying to think of an excuse, really, but that face is lethal,” Adam says. “It can’t hurt, right? Just dinner and a song, maybe.”

Kris thinks this could be dangerous. He promised himself there would be no more Adam-or anyone-until Ava is older. Dinner can be innocent. There’s nothing suggestive about tacos and Ava will be there the whole time to keep them from doing anything they shouldn’t.

“Right,” Kris says. “Dinner and a song.”

Ava’s squeal echoes throughout the entire cafeteria.

-

“I’ll get it, I’ll get it!”

Kris grabs her arm as she sprints past him and pulls her back towards the kitchen. “You finish setting the table. I’ll get the door.”

Ava stomps her feet towards the plates Kris set on the counter. He hurries to the foyer and checks himself out in the mirror real quick. This isn’t a date, he tells himself. They’ve already established that there won’t be any dating. This is only dinner.

Kris opens the door to the Adam he met at Nuvo, not the teacher that he saw today. His hair is free of product and looks really soft. Instead of a button-down, he’s wearing jeans that are perfectly tight and a black t-shirt.

“Is that an offer?” Adam asks, wearing an impish grin on his face. Kris blinks, confused, and wonders what he was just thinking about and if he had just said any of it out loud. Then, Adam gestures towards his chest. “Your apron.”

Kris looks down at his ‘Kiss The Cook’ apron and smirks at Adam. “Not in front of the kid,” Kris says. He sidesteps to let Adam inside and his arm brushes Kris’s stomach as he passes. Kris doesn’t mean to touch his stomach afterwards.

“So,” Adam says, “this is awkward.”

Kris leans against the door. It’s totally awkward, but it’s not uncomfortable. “C’mon, I’ll give you a tour of our humble abode.”

Adam follows close as Kris leads him into the kitchen. Ava drops the forks on the table when she sees Adam and catapults towards him. “Hey, kid,” Adam says, leans down and hugs her. “Dinner smells good. Did you make it or did your dad?”

“Daddy did but he let me shred the cheese!”

Adam smiles. “Well, I’ll just have to put extra cheese on mine.”

Kris walks over to the ground turkey sizzling in the pan and listens in on their conversation. “You look different,” Ava says. “Are you wearing makeup?” Kris stays turned towards the stove, laughing to himself.

“Just a little bit,” Adam says, a soft edge to his voice that he must save for his students. “It brings out my eyes, don’t you think?”

“You look very handsome,” Ava tells him. Then, she asks, alarmingly, “Daddy, doesn’t Mr. Lambert look handsome?”

Kris drops the spatula and chokes on his own breath. He glances at them over his shoulder and Adam looks like he’s about to die from holding back his laughter. “Yeah, dad, do you think I look handsome?” Adam says, like the little shit that he is.

“I think he looks very handsome,” Kris says, mostly because he wants to humor Ava, and, well, he really does. “Not as pretty as you, though, Bug.”

Ava giggles with delight.

-

The living room lights are dimmed and the blue from the television flickers over Ava’s face as she sleeps, curled between Kris and Adam. They’re full from tacos and ice cream, enjoying the quiet moment together, talking about their lives in hushed voices.

“I should put her to bed,” Kris says, touching his thumb to Ava’s hairline, careful not to wake her. He looks up at Adam, who’s watching him with soft eyes. “You’ll stay for a little while?”

Adam smiles, looking warm from the wine. “Take her to bed,” he says. “I’ll be here.”

Kris picks Ava up, her legs falling over one arm and her head restinh on his shoulder, never waking. He’s thankful she’s already asleep so he doesn’t have to read her a bedtime story. Adam’s downstairs waiting and he’s eager to get back.

He places her on her purple sheets and covers her with the comforter. Ava frowns for a moment and then settles back into her slumber. Kris leans down and presses a kiss to her forehead.

“G’night, Bug,” he whispers, turns to plug in her nightlight and leaves the bedroom door open just a crack.

Adam is pouring himself another glass of wine when Kris gets downstairs. He looks incredibly gorgeous, his hair now swept over his forehead and a little sleepy. Kris resists going over to him for a kiss because he told himself that they wouldn’t be doing that anymore. He sits on the other end of the couch to try to keep his distance.

Distance doesn’t seem to be in Adam’s vocabulary because he sprawls his long legs over the couch, tucking his toes under Kris’s thigh.

“You guys have a good life here,” Adam says, his cheek resting on the back of the couch. “You’ve got this single dad thing down. I don’t know if I could do it.”

Kris shrugs as if it’s no big deal. Raising Ava has been the best thing he has ever done in his life. “We’re like the Gilmore Girls,” Kris says with a laugh.

Adam snorts. “What do you know about Gilmore Girls?”

Kris blushes and mentally blames it on the wine. It’s a good show, okay? There are a lot of music references and Lauren Graham is hot. “Ava’s mother used to watch it all the time when we were teenagers. Sometimes I catch Ava watching it, but I don’t think she gets half of what they’re talking about.”

“Cute,” Adam says. “So if you’re like the Gilmore Girls, does that make me Luke?”

Kris wrinkles his nose. “I think I’d be Luke, actually. I’ve got the restaurant and the plaid part down,” he says. “You’ve got those blue eyes like Lorelai.”

Adam looks down; his tongue runs over his bottom lip. Slowly, he meets Kris’s eyes again. “You know they end up together in the end.”

Kris’s heart is beating like mad. His ears are hot and Adam wriggles his toes under Kris’s thigh to make him smile.

Adam clears his throat. “Can I-this might be out of my place, but I’ve been curious. What happened to Ava’s mother?”

The fire Kris feels is put out. His chest feels tight like it always does when he thinks of Katy. “We were eighteen when we had Ava. For the first few months, she was the best mom. I had to work and she took classes online so she could work towards a degree. Somehow we made it work despite how young we were.”

Adam shifts closer on the couch for Kris’s hand and squeezes tight.

“I was working late and she needed to go to the store. Ava cried a lot so Katy dropped her off at my parents’ so she could do what she needed quickly. She went through an intersection and-and someone went through the red light.”

It has taken him a long time to be able to tell the story without crying. There are tears falling down Adam’s cheeks, though, disappearing under his chin. He pulls Kris in his arms and holds him close.

Kris grips Adam’s shirt until his knuckles are white. “I stay up at night thinking-what if she didn’t drop Ava off at my parents? They’d both be gone. I’d have nothing.”

Adam scratches his nails against Kris’s scalp. “Shhh,” he whispers, his mouth pressed to Kris’s hair. “Don’t think ‘what if’, okay? She’s alive and happy and has such an amazing dad.”

Kris releases his grasp on Adam’s shirt and leans back in his arms. “I know,” he says. “I’m okay most of the time. I just needed you to know why I can’t be with anyone for real yet. I wanted to that night we were together. It’s too soon.”

“You don’t have to explain, Kris.”

“No, I do. I want to-with you.” He doesn’t even know what he’s saying. As much as he’s not ready, he still wants Adam. “I don’t know what I want or what you’re looking for but I liked tonight and the other time. Being with you. I like that.”

Adam’s smile is innocent and beautiful. “I like that, too.”

Kris doesn’t know when Adam’s face got so close, his mouth is right there. He closes his eyes and waits for Adam to kiss him.

-

In the morning, Kris doesn’t expect Adam to be there, but he’s surprised to see a note.

I left right when the sun came up so Ava wouldn’t see her teacher in bed with her dad. I don’t know what this is between us but it doesn’t have to stop. No strings attached?

Here’s my number. Use it.

Underneath ten digits are scribbled and Kris scrambles for his phone. After entering Adam’s number, he falls back into the pillows and sends out a quick text.

this is me using your number

His phone vibrates not even a minute later.

kris!!! You still owe me a song.

next time :)

part two