Play on Friday & Cage last night
On Friday we played, first time since Kinkfest weekend. Also, Ar decided to lock me in the cage again last night, after a few weeks of allowing me in the bed.
We played on Friday evening. Or was it Saturday? No, I believe it was Friday. So much has happened, and the whole weekend seems to run together in my memory. Well, it was one of those evenings. We'd planned to play Thursday night, but it didn't work out.
Ar wanted to try out some rope bondage ideas, using some new rope from Twisted Monk, which is a nice dark purple color she really likes (turns out the hot pink color Monk planned last year didn't work out, and Ar finally went with her second choice color). She tied a little harness around my upper chest and shoulders. That part went really well, and if felt pretty secure. Then she had me lay on the massage table, and she tied my wrists together pretty tightly. Then she used more rope to tie my ankles together.
My wrists were already feeling a little strain, from the ropes being so tight, and my arms relaxing and putting a little pressure on my wrists from their weight hanging at my sides, not able to fall all the way down to the table. Nothing serious, but when she finished tying my ankles together and I felt her start to pull on the ropes, I just knew she was going to tie them together. I know it's a bit of topping from the bottom, but this was sort of an experiment, and I commented that my wrists were already feeling a little strain, and attaching my legs to them, rather than to the harness was going to put a lot of pressure and I probably wouldn't last long.
She took the advise and attached the ropes from both wrists and ankles to the harness, and tied it off. Yep, I was tied. I wondered if I'd be able to reach any knots and get free, but didn't try. She watched for a minute. My wrists were still feeling the strain, light but still present. I recall seeing lots of elaborate rope bondage hot ties, where ropes seem to run all over the bound body, holding the thighs together, supporting the upper arms, pulling everything so close and so tight. I think the last chapter in the Midori book is that way. Somehow I'd imagined that in my mind. She asked how I was, and then tried tying more rope from elbow to elbow, roughly approximating the bicep binder toy. I thought to myself, well, wondered as she tied the rope around, if she'd loop it through the harness so as to prevent the ropes from possibly slipping down my arms, but alas, nope. She did make it very tight, so it stayed in place by virtue of putting a lot of pressure on my skin, much like the leather toys do.
Now it's time to confess the obvious... I was still really in work mode, not submissive headspace. And that continued for quite some time. It's sad, but it happens when I've been working a lot. Especially working at home, I'll wake up in the middle of the night, thinking about the project, and I'll just get up and work on it more. Then get a little more sleep, wake up thinking on it, work during the day, take a break for 4-5 hours in the evening with Ar, sleep half a night, and the cycle repeats. I get a lot of work done like that, but it means I just get really consumed by the project, thinking about it all the time. I really do like being so productive some of the time, and I try to not live like this so much, but it does happen and certainly the last week has been that way.
It also interesting that in the last couple weeks, Ar has been really consistent about putting the collar on my in the evening, so I end up wearing it about 20 hours a day. You'd think that might help keep me in a play or submissive mindset, but honestly, at least for the last week, the effect has been pretty much zero. I really wish is did, but the truth is, when I get so wrapped up and focused on a project, and I work on it all night and most of the day, waking up thinking of it, even staying naked and collared all day doesn't keep me in play mode. It just doesn't.
So, back to the rope bondage. There wasn't fun play energy there, but for experimentation (or "lab time" as Midori called it when we met her in 2002 at a book signing & rope demo), we probably weren't expecting a really hot scene.
She undid the hog tie after several minutes, and decided to try a tie where I'm on hands and knees (still up on the massage table). She tied my elbows to my knees, each side with a separate piece of rope. As she looped the ropes around, I imagined in my mind she'd use quite a bit more ropes, maybe tying my ankles together, maybe doing something to my wrists, maybe rope between my knees and maybe even rope from knee to knee under the table, so they couldn't move closer together?
But Ar had different plans, involving a paddle. And here is where being so in work mindset didn't go so smoothly. Of course, I did remain in the position, even though I could have escaped from just those two ropes, almost certainly with little effort using my untied hands. So maybe I was submissive, but it didn't *feel* that way. It just felt painful. Well, it's always pain, but how I can describe the difference between having fun, playful pain and trying my best to stay in the position and take it, even though it wasn't fun at all?
Ar can certainly tell the difference. She knew, but spanked anyway. I think, at least at first, she was hoping I might soon start getting into it. But no so much. She stopped several times, being careful, and talked with me a bit. I so wasn't into it, but even then, I do fully recognize it's her decision and her right to decide what to do, and if I don't like it, I still have to try. And try I did, though I certainly did squirm and react differently. I just can't help reacting the way I feel, and even though there's no doubt she gets to decide what to do, it's never been our understanding that I'm supposed to fake or pretend to like something when I don't.
After just a little while, the ropes slipped down, and as I writhed around, one of my arms pulled most of the way out. She started to untie it all, and I just slipped my arms gently out of both sides. She told me to lay flat on the table, and she grabbed the big leather ankle binder toy and fastened it around my legs. At first, it was up pretty high on my legs, as she started working with the buckles. Even though I still wasn't in a really submissive mindset, I still wanted to help, but knew she wouldn't take kindly to me saying something about how to better put it on. So I inched forward on the table a bit, so it was more on the narrow part of my ankles, where it would eventually slide to anyway. Sometimes she's feeling really dominate and gets a bit mad if I do anything at all to either assist or interfere, so I wondered for a moment if that would be ok. She didn't say anything, so it probably was, or maybe it wasn't even noticed. I didn't want to upset her or make this somewhat awkward mood turn sour, and I had a feeling she wasn't just putting this big thing on my legs just for the fun of fussing with leather straps. She was almost certainly securing me for harsher pain play.
Sure enough, she started spanking. Pretty roughly. Ok, it probably wasn't so hard in a purely scientific sense of force and momentum striking the skin. But it felt rough. I wasn't really warmed up, even from the swatting before, and I wasn't in the mood, which makes a massive difference. At least I was laying flat, rather than having my ass bent at a tight angle from kneeling with knees touching elbows. I really was glad for the more secure bondage. I can really struggle, even when I'm deeply in subspace, and being tied down does give a comforting feeling of safety and security. At least nothing bad is going to happen due to me and my bad reactions.
She swatted my ass for a while. I knew it wasn't really hard, but it felt hard. She paused several times. This clearly wasn't a usual, really fun scene, and she's careful with me. But she didn't hesitate to spank, knowing I wasn't liking it so much. After maybe 5 or 10 minutes, at least a few songs had played, she'd started and stopped many times, and it was clear I wasn't getting into it. She stopped, and it seemed like she was going to talk with me and maybe stop the scene. But that's not what happened.
Instead, she got the red inflating gag from the drawer and stuffed it in my mouth. She sat on the bed next to me, and spent some time inflating it, pressing the pump harder and harder. After it gets inflated a bit, it's remarkably hard to force more air into it, causing my mouth to open wider. She uses a technique of pressing and holding her finger over the little air intake on the bottom of the blub. Maybe it leaks, or maybe the valve isn't perfect and some air escapes? Whatever the reason, it manages to really force more air in, forcing my mouth open wider, quite uncomfortably, and it makes the rubber part inside really fill in the little spaces where a little screaming can get by.
She had quite a look as she sat there, pump the little bulb, harder and harder. Mostly a determined and resourceful look, but also a touch of sadistic energy. I think that was probably the first bit of this play that really started to get though to me, seeing her there, right in front of me, mercilessly pumping away at the gag in my mouth, all the while being unable to say anything while watching her do this to me.
More spanking continued. None of it nicely. She wasn't in a nice warmup mood. Then again, she does carefully measure it, giving me just enough to press me over that edge where it'd be a nice, gradual buildup. She obviously wanted me to suffer, and indeed she's very good as delivering exactly that. There were several times she stopped for a bit, usually coming over to pump on the gag a bit more. She switched to the rubber-like cane, which really hurts. And the new rubber paddle. And the normal wooden one.
Eventually she stopped, though it had been a while. She released the gag, and oh what a relief that was. But I'd been drooling, and now it was getting all over.
She disappeared into the bathroom, and returned in a minute with the feeldoe between her legs. She walked right up alongside the table, between it and the bed, and put the dick end right in front of me, touching my face. The gag was still in my mouth, so there wasn't any question of weather I was supposed to suck on it.
She untied my ankles and told me to get into position on the bed. She'd put the usual two towels down. As I got up, quite a bit of the drool dripped over me, onto my chest, maybe some down my side. She commented how yucky I was, how some was even in my hair. I was a little surprised she didn't take the gag off. Usually she doesn't like drool getting all over. But instead she gave it a few squeezes, though not nearly as severely as before. Clearly, she knew I hadn't been feeling so submissive, and I wasn't going to get a chance to say anything discouraging and talk her out of fucking me in the ass.
In just a minute, she had the feeldoe in me. It slipped in pretty easily. It's supposedly only 1/4 inch smaller than the diameter of the big purple one, but oh how much different that is. It also doesn't go really, really deep, but enough I can feel it. Ar gets to feel sensation too with the end in her, though she says it's not really intense.
She pounded away. Of course, I moaned away, trying to scream a bit from under the gag. She'd played the techno disc and as she was fucking away, the last song came on, so I guess we'd been playing a total of about 50 minutes. Just at the end, while being pounded, I think my feeling of resistance started to subside. Anal fucking really is pretty intensely overwhelming, and the feeling are pretty hard to resist, especially as she thrusts in and out so incredibly fast, over and over.
She dropped the feeldoe to the towel on the floor, got on the bed and pulled me up farther, and took off the gag. I was a bit of a mess, and she handed me a tissue to wipe off a bit. We lay there for a bit, and she grabbed me and did a little ball squeezing. We talked, and after a while she "took me" (ordinary sex). Oh, it'd been a while, and she felt soooo good.
Well, that turned out long.
Here's a quick bit about the cage...
She decided to put me in last night, and even though I was thinking about the project and wanted to get up to work on it, of course I consented to go into the cage. I was quite cold, and she didn't give me the blanket, but she was a bit nice and tossed in the tiny pillow case so I could at least get a tiny bit of covering on my chest.
I was awake most of the time. And I can't tell you know long that seems. It just goes on and on forever. I wasn't really uncomfortable, and in fact even though the cage really is a small size, it doesn't feel so tiny anymore. It really feels pretty natural, almost homey to me sometimes, even though, rationally, I know my legs are folded up since my body barely fits.
She put me in around 10, maybe 10:30, and let me out around 5. She let me lay with her for a while, helping to warm me up, and we talked for a bit before she had to get up to get ready for work. She said she's going to lock me up again tonight, probably not as nicely. I'm worried about the strap, and she seems to like my concern. She said if I'm lucky it'll be the sleepsack tonight. I believe that means I'm supposed to be careful not to drink anything later in the evening.
Whew, at least I'm caught up now. Will try to stay that way, letting you know what she decides to do with me tonight.
Oh, one more little thing, more of a humorous & sad little thing. Turns out we left some stuff at the hotel. We is really me. Saturday morning, Ar put most of the toys back in our bags, not really hidden, but at least out of sight. But some stuff was still out. One thing for sure was the enema kit, which I'd used very early so I'd be clean for getting fucked by Nina (not sure exactly what other stuff was left). So when I made that quick return to the room Saturday morning, I put those last few things in one of the drawers. And there they remained, out of sight, out of mind, including when we packed up and I checked out.
So I called the hotel last week, saying I left some things in the room, asking if they'd found anything. The woman asked "what sort of items". I'd mentally prepared myself and in that moment though, "ok, here goes" and I said very matter of factly "some sex toys". There, that was it. Just a simple matter of fact, no hemming and hawing, no beating around the bush, just came out and said it. The woman on the phone did pretty much the same, trying not to interject any emotion, though at the end of the call, I could hear some giggling breaking out. Oh well. She had no idea, but would check with housekeeping.
Well, I think I've made 4, maybe 5 calls, and I stopped by on the way back from the munch last Wednesday. Every time, a different person, and every time, the same result... they don't know, but they'll check. Well, I'm happy to say, yesterday one of the called back. I wasn't in just then, and they left a message. I called just before starting to write all this. They were going to ship the items (and charge for the shipping), but I asked them to just hold them and I'll pick it up on Wednesday afternoon (on the way to the munch, or maybe after the munch if rush hour traffic is bad). After all this, I kinda want to pick it up in person, maybe keeping my cool, in a sort of matter-of-fact "doesn't everyone bring and use an enema kit" kind of way.
We played on Friday evening. Or was it Saturday? No, I believe it was Friday. So much has happened, and the whole weekend seems to run together in my memory. Well, it was one of those evenings. We'd planned to play Thursday night, but it didn't work out.
Ar wanted to try out some rope bondage ideas, using some new rope from Twisted Monk, which is a nice dark purple color she really likes (turns out the hot pink color Monk planned last year didn't work out, and Ar finally went with her second choice color). She tied a little harness around my upper chest and shoulders. That part went really well, and if felt pretty secure. Then she had me lay on the massage table, and she tied my wrists together pretty tightly. Then she used more rope to tie my ankles together.
My wrists were already feeling a little strain, from the ropes being so tight, and my arms relaxing and putting a little pressure on my wrists from their weight hanging at my sides, not able to fall all the way down to the table. Nothing serious, but when she finished tying my ankles together and I felt her start to pull on the ropes, I just knew she was going to tie them together. I know it's a bit of topping from the bottom, but this was sort of an experiment, and I commented that my wrists were already feeling a little strain, and attaching my legs to them, rather than to the harness was going to put a lot of pressure and I probably wouldn't last long.
She took the advise and attached the ropes from both wrists and ankles to the harness, and tied it off. Yep, I was tied. I wondered if I'd be able to reach any knots and get free, but didn't try. She watched for a minute. My wrists were still feeling the strain, light but still present. I recall seeing lots of elaborate rope bondage hot ties, where ropes seem to run all over the bound body, holding the thighs together, supporting the upper arms, pulling everything so close and so tight. I think the last chapter in the Midori book is that way. Somehow I'd imagined that in my mind. She asked how I was, and then tried tying more rope from elbow to elbow, roughly approximating the bicep binder toy. I thought to myself, well, wondered as she tied the rope around, if she'd loop it through the harness so as to prevent the ropes from possibly slipping down my arms, but alas, nope. She did make it very tight, so it stayed in place by virtue of putting a lot of pressure on my skin, much like the leather toys do.
Now it's time to confess the obvious... I was still really in work mode, not submissive headspace. And that continued for quite some time. It's sad, but it happens when I've been working a lot. Especially working at home, I'll wake up in the middle of the night, thinking about the project, and I'll just get up and work on it more. Then get a little more sleep, wake up thinking on it, work during the day, take a break for 4-5 hours in the evening with Ar, sleep half a night, and the cycle repeats. I get a lot of work done like that, but it means I just get really consumed by the project, thinking about it all the time. I really do like being so productive some of the time, and I try to not live like this so much, but it does happen and certainly the last week has been that way.
It also interesting that in the last couple weeks, Ar has been really consistent about putting the collar on my in the evening, so I end up wearing it about 20 hours a day. You'd think that might help keep me in a play or submissive mindset, but honestly, at least for the last week, the effect has been pretty much zero. I really wish is did, but the truth is, when I get so wrapped up and focused on a project, and I work on it all night and most of the day, waking up thinking of it, even staying naked and collared all day doesn't keep me in play mode. It just doesn't.
So, back to the rope bondage. There wasn't fun play energy there, but for experimentation (or "lab time" as Midori called it when we met her in 2002 at a book signing & rope demo), we probably weren't expecting a really hot scene.
She undid the hog tie after several minutes, and decided to try a tie where I'm on hands and knees (still up on the massage table). She tied my elbows to my knees, each side with a separate piece of rope. As she looped the ropes around, I imagined in my mind she'd use quite a bit more ropes, maybe tying my ankles together, maybe doing something to my wrists, maybe rope between my knees and maybe even rope from knee to knee under the table, so they couldn't move closer together?
But Ar had different plans, involving a paddle. And here is where being so in work mindset didn't go so smoothly. Of course, I did remain in the position, even though I could have escaped from just those two ropes, almost certainly with little effort using my untied hands. So maybe I was submissive, but it didn't *feel* that way. It just felt painful. Well, it's always pain, but how I can describe the difference between having fun, playful pain and trying my best to stay in the position and take it, even though it wasn't fun at all?
Ar can certainly tell the difference. She knew, but spanked anyway. I think, at least at first, she was hoping I might soon start getting into it. But no so much. She stopped several times, being careful, and talked with me a bit. I so wasn't into it, but even then, I do fully recognize it's her decision and her right to decide what to do, and if I don't like it, I still have to try. And try I did, though I certainly did squirm and react differently. I just can't help reacting the way I feel, and even though there's no doubt she gets to decide what to do, it's never been our understanding that I'm supposed to fake or pretend to like something when I don't.
After just a little while, the ropes slipped down, and as I writhed around, one of my arms pulled most of the way out. She started to untie it all, and I just slipped my arms gently out of both sides. She told me to lay flat on the table, and she grabbed the big leather ankle binder toy and fastened it around my legs. At first, it was up pretty high on my legs, as she started working with the buckles. Even though I still wasn't in a really submissive mindset, I still wanted to help, but knew she wouldn't take kindly to me saying something about how to better put it on. So I inched forward on the table a bit, so it was more on the narrow part of my ankles, where it would eventually slide to anyway. Sometimes she's feeling really dominate and gets a bit mad if I do anything at all to either assist or interfere, so I wondered for a moment if that would be ok. She didn't say anything, so it probably was, or maybe it wasn't even noticed. I didn't want to upset her or make this somewhat awkward mood turn sour, and I had a feeling she wasn't just putting this big thing on my legs just for the fun of fussing with leather straps. She was almost certainly securing me for harsher pain play.
Sure enough, she started spanking. Pretty roughly. Ok, it probably wasn't so hard in a purely scientific sense of force and momentum striking the skin. But it felt rough. I wasn't really warmed up, even from the swatting before, and I wasn't in the mood, which makes a massive difference. At least I was laying flat, rather than having my ass bent at a tight angle from kneeling with knees touching elbows. I really was glad for the more secure bondage. I can really struggle, even when I'm deeply in subspace, and being tied down does give a comforting feeling of safety and security. At least nothing bad is going to happen due to me and my bad reactions.
She swatted my ass for a while. I knew it wasn't really hard, but it felt hard. She paused several times. This clearly wasn't a usual, really fun scene, and she's careful with me. But she didn't hesitate to spank, knowing I wasn't liking it so much. After maybe 5 or 10 minutes, at least a few songs had played, she'd started and stopped many times, and it was clear I wasn't getting into it. She stopped, and it seemed like she was going to talk with me and maybe stop the scene. But that's not what happened.
Instead, she got the red inflating gag from the drawer and stuffed it in my mouth. She sat on the bed next to me, and spent some time inflating it, pressing the pump harder and harder. After it gets inflated a bit, it's remarkably hard to force more air into it, causing my mouth to open wider. She uses a technique of pressing and holding her finger over the little air intake on the bottom of the blub. Maybe it leaks, or maybe the valve isn't perfect and some air escapes? Whatever the reason, it manages to really force more air in, forcing my mouth open wider, quite uncomfortably, and it makes the rubber part inside really fill in the little spaces where a little screaming can get by.
She had quite a look as she sat there, pump the little bulb, harder and harder. Mostly a determined and resourceful look, but also a touch of sadistic energy. I think that was probably the first bit of this play that really started to get though to me, seeing her there, right in front of me, mercilessly pumping away at the gag in my mouth, all the while being unable to say anything while watching her do this to me.
More spanking continued. None of it nicely. She wasn't in a nice warmup mood. Then again, she does carefully measure it, giving me just enough to press me over that edge where it'd be a nice, gradual buildup. She obviously wanted me to suffer, and indeed she's very good as delivering exactly that. There were several times she stopped for a bit, usually coming over to pump on the gag a bit more. She switched to the rubber-like cane, which really hurts. And the new rubber paddle. And the normal wooden one.
Eventually she stopped, though it had been a while. She released the gag, and oh what a relief that was. But I'd been drooling, and now it was getting all over.
She disappeared into the bathroom, and returned in a minute with the feeldoe between her legs. She walked right up alongside the table, between it and the bed, and put the dick end right in front of me, touching my face. The gag was still in my mouth, so there wasn't any question of weather I was supposed to suck on it.
She untied my ankles and told me to get into position on the bed. She'd put the usual two towels down. As I got up, quite a bit of the drool dripped over me, onto my chest, maybe some down my side. She commented how yucky I was, how some was even in my hair. I was a little surprised she didn't take the gag off. Usually she doesn't like drool getting all over. But instead she gave it a few squeezes, though not nearly as severely as before. Clearly, she knew I hadn't been feeling so submissive, and I wasn't going to get a chance to say anything discouraging and talk her out of fucking me in the ass.
In just a minute, she had the feeldoe in me. It slipped in pretty easily. It's supposedly only 1/4 inch smaller than the diameter of the big purple one, but oh how much different that is. It also doesn't go really, really deep, but enough I can feel it. Ar gets to feel sensation too with the end in her, though she says it's not really intense.
She pounded away. Of course, I moaned away, trying to scream a bit from under the gag. She'd played the techno disc and as she was fucking away, the last song came on, so I guess we'd been playing a total of about 50 minutes. Just at the end, while being pounded, I think my feeling of resistance started to subside. Anal fucking really is pretty intensely overwhelming, and the feeling are pretty hard to resist, especially as she thrusts in and out so incredibly fast, over and over.
She dropped the feeldoe to the towel on the floor, got on the bed and pulled me up farther, and took off the gag. I was a bit of a mess, and she handed me a tissue to wipe off a bit. We lay there for a bit, and she grabbed me and did a little ball squeezing. We talked, and after a while she "took me" (ordinary sex). Oh, it'd been a while, and she felt soooo good.
Well, that turned out long.
Here's a quick bit about the cage...
She decided to put me in last night, and even though I was thinking about the project and wanted to get up to work on it, of course I consented to go into the cage. I was quite cold, and she didn't give me the blanket, but she was a bit nice and tossed in the tiny pillow case so I could at least get a tiny bit of covering on my chest.
I was awake most of the time. And I can't tell you know long that seems. It just goes on and on forever. I wasn't really uncomfortable, and in fact even though the cage really is a small size, it doesn't feel so tiny anymore. It really feels pretty natural, almost homey to me sometimes, even though, rationally, I know my legs are folded up since my body barely fits.
She put me in around 10, maybe 10:30, and let me out around 5. She let me lay with her for a while, helping to warm me up, and we talked for a bit before she had to get up to get ready for work. She said she's going to lock me up again tonight, probably not as nicely. I'm worried about the strap, and she seems to like my concern. She said if I'm lucky it'll be the sleepsack tonight. I believe that means I'm supposed to be careful not to drink anything later in the evening.
Whew, at least I'm caught up now. Will try to stay that way, letting you know what she decides to do with me tonight.
Oh, one more little thing, more of a humorous & sad little thing. Turns out we left some stuff at the hotel. We is really me. Saturday morning, Ar put most of the toys back in our bags, not really hidden, but at least out of sight. But some stuff was still out. One thing for sure was the enema kit, which I'd used very early so I'd be clean for getting fucked by Nina (not sure exactly what other stuff was left). So when I made that quick return to the room Saturday morning, I put those last few things in one of the drawers. And there they remained, out of sight, out of mind, including when we packed up and I checked out.
So I called the hotel last week, saying I left some things in the room, asking if they'd found anything. The woman asked "what sort of items". I'd mentally prepared myself and in that moment though, "ok, here goes" and I said very matter of factly "some sex toys". There, that was it. Just a simple matter of fact, no hemming and hawing, no beating around the bush, just came out and said it. The woman on the phone did pretty much the same, trying not to interject any emotion, though at the end of the call, I could hear some giggling breaking out. Oh well. She had no idea, but would check with housekeeping.
Well, I think I've made 4, maybe 5 calls, and I stopped by on the way back from the munch last Wednesday. Every time, a different person, and every time, the same result... they don't know, but they'll check. Well, I'm happy to say, yesterday one of the called back. I wasn't in just then, and they left a message. I called just before starting to write all this. They were going to ship the items (and charge for the shipping), but I asked them to just hold them and I'll pick it up on Wednesday afternoon (on the way to the munch, or maybe after the munch if rush hour traffic is bad). After all this, I kinda want to pick it up in person, maybe keeping my cool, in a sort of matter-of-fact "doesn't everyone bring and use an enema kit" kind of way.