new story: dig me out, dig me in
Dig Me Out, Dig Me In
by Pearl-o
Gerard/Mikey, implied Gerard/other. NC-17. ~2500 words.
Warnings: incest; always-a-girl!Gerard; unplanned pregnancy issues; general fucked-up-edness.
Much thanks to anoneknewmoose for support and beta duty.
Summary: Gee took the test in the basement bathroom. Leaving the door open just a crack, so she could still hear the familiar sound of Mikey playing video games on the couch.
You can read this story at AO3 here, or behind the cut tag.
It was raining the day Gee found out, the kind of cold relentless February rain that defeats every trick of layering and overcomes every umbrella, leaving you chilled to the bone. Walking from the sidewalk down the stairs in the subway was a shock to the system, too hot and close and crowded. Gee managed to make it to a bathroom before she threw up.
She threw up again on the ferry - almost nothing but bile; all she'd had today was coffee. She called Mikey from her cell and he was waiting at the station to pick her up. They stopped at a CVS on the way home. Gee sat shivering in the overheated car and stared at the raindrops on the window while Mikey went in to pick up a bag of CornNuts and a pregnancy test.
Gee took the test in the basement bathroom. Leaving the door open just a crack, so she could still hear the familiar sound of Mikey playing video games on the couch.
There were two blue lines on the stick. Gee threw it out and went to sit beside Mikey on the couch and rest her head on his shoulder.
"You okay?" Mikey said quietly.
Gee made a face. "I could really use a drink."
The next day was a Friday. Gee skipped class and slept in until noon. The house was empty when she woke up - Mikey, Donna, Don all out at work. Even Elena was gone, probably lunching or playing cards with her old lady friends.
Gee dragged her fleece Batman blanket up the stairs and curled up on the couch with a can of Chef Boyardee ravioli. There was nothing on TV except soap operas and court shows.
Donna got home a little after four. Gee could hear her bustling around the kitchen for a few minutes before she stuck her head in the living room.
"You sick, baby?"
"Kinda," Gee said. She curled into herself a little, tucking her feet beneath her and pulling the blanket tighter.
"Are you having dinner with us?"
Gee shook her head. Donna disappeared again. Gee changed the channel to Full House reruns.
Mikey's shift ended at six; he was home by six-thirty. Gee was surprised. Mikey always had something to do on Friday nights. A party, a show, a date, whatever - something other than just sitting home all night.
When she asked him all he did was shrug and say, "Nothing exciting going on. I'd rather just hang out with you."
"I don't think I'm gonna be great company," Gee said.
Mikey rolled his eyes. "Whatever."
Gee didn't tell anybody else besides Mikey. Not yet. It was strange - her whole life she had loved the feeling of having a secret, of there being something special that nobody else knew. She'd created a million secret societies for her and Mikey growing up, covert clubs and rituals and codes, with no real purpose beyond the thrill of having something that belonged only to them.
This was different, in a million ways. It was important, and it was huge, something that could change her life, and it was inconvenient, not her choice at all. More than anything else, it was stupid. She felt a little sick whenever she made herself think about how dumb she had been.
But there was another part of her, a small part, that still felt something of that same glamour as when she was a kid. A secret. Because it was something huge, but no one could tell by looking at her, no one had any idea. Something that could change the entire world - at least her entire world - and it was hers and hers alone.
(Well, and of course Mikey knew. But then, Mikey had always known all of her secrets.)
Another secret: late at night, curled up in Mikey's bed (and it wasn't so much that she couldn't sleep alone, more like she didn't particularly want to anymore), facing each other with the blankets pulled up over their heads, in this private space, she could admit something else.
"I know I can't have it," Gee whispered, her breath between them in their tiny shelter. "But I kind of want it."
Mikey always looked younger without his glasses. Helpless. She could barely make him out in the dark, even though he was only a few inches away from her. But she still had the overwhelming urge to protect him. "You say that like you want me to argue with you," Mikey said.
"Maybe I do," said Gee.
"Okay," Mikey said. "Which side?"
"I'm too young," Gee said. "I'm not ready. At all. What would I even do with a baby? I'm a fucking mess, and I'm just about to graduate, and god, I don't even have a boyfriend, I would be doing this all by myself. I'm so fucked up, Mikey, I can't even take care of myself, let alone someone else. Fuck."
"You could, though," Mikey said. "I mean, if you really did want to keep it. You'd manage. You'd figure out how to make it work. People do it all the time. And, like. You wouldn't really be doing it alone. You know Ma and Dad and Elena would all help out." Mikey was silent for a moment, then added, "I'd help, too. You know that. Whatever you needed. If that was what you wanted, I'd help you raise it."
If Gee was a mess, Mikey was too. Eighteen, working a shitty job and going to school part-time, drinking almost as much as her, partying too much. What the fuck would Mikey do with a baby, either? It was almost funny, except for how it wasn't.
"You'd be a good dad," Gee said. She wished it was Mikey's baby, not just some dude she'd had a drunken hook-up with, some guy she barely remembered. It was a fucked-up thing to think, but it was true.
"It'd have flippers," Mikey said solemnly. "Be born with a tail. Maybe it would have mutant powers like the X-Men."
"Another freak in the world," Gee agreed.
She moved her head forward and pressed her lips firmly, chastely, against Mikey's.
"Gee..." Mikey said. His voice cracked a little. "What are you--"
"Don't," Gee said. Don't pretend you don't know. Don't pretend we're not on the same wavelength. They had always been on the same wavelength. She thought they probably always would be. They didn't have to talk about it.
"Are you sure?" Mikey said. His hand found hers and grasped it tight.
"No," Gee admitted. She kissed him again.
Gee woke in the early hours of the morning facing the wall, with Mikey wrapped against her. His big hands heavy across her stomach, his nose buried in her hair, his boner poking her in the back. She had to untangle herself and crawl over him to get out of the bed to go to the bathroom. It was freezing this early in the morning, and she peed as quickly as she could, washed her hands and scurried back to the warmth of the blankets.
She let out a sigh of relief as she got back in. It felt like a sanctuary, safe and protected. Mikey rolled over towards her.
"Hey," he said.
"Hey yourself," said Gee. "Back to sleep now."
Mikey made a noise of disagreement. He lifted himself up on his elbow above her and looked at her a while without speaking.
"Do you--" he trailed off, biting his lip.
Gee felt the heat rise to her face, all at once. She settled on her back, spreading her knees a little further apart. "Yeah?"
Mikey leaned over and kissed her again, not chaste like last night, but still slow, still careful, still waiting for her. She wrapped her arms around his back and tugged him down until the lengths of their bodies were touching, his weight pushing her down into the bed.
Gee had a sudden memory of being in junior high, back when reading Seventeen magazine seemed the height of coolness. Practicing kissing on her arm, pillowcases, a mirror; none of it was ever satisfying. Three years difference was an eternity then, when she had tumbled into the hell of puberty and Mikey was still on the edge of childhood. But then Mikey had tumbled in, too, and if it was hell at least they were there together, not left there to be confused and miserable and alone.
Mikey's hand snaked under her shirt, and she jumped a little at the chill of it. "Sorry," Mikey muttered, and she shook her head and bit his lip, encouraging him on. His hand was rough, a little callused, too little pressure as he brushed against first the curve of her breast and then the nipple.
Gee squirmed, pushing her hips up against him. That was where the warmth was. All the heat in the world, right there in this bed, burning through her pajama pants and Mikey's boxers.
(There had been times when they had slept in the same room - when one of them had nightmares or they'd stayed up all night watching movies together or drinking, whatever - and Gee had heard the sound of Mikey's careful breaths and the rustling of his blankets and known that he was touching himself. There had been times when she'd done the same thing, not knowing whether or not he was awake.
Sometimes Mikey came up to breakfast without putting a shirt on, and Gee could see the hickeys up and down his neck and chest, and she wanted nothing more than to push her fingernails into each bruise.)
Gee bit down hard on Mikey's shoulder and felt him tremble against her. "Please," she said.
"I don't--" Mikey started to say, and she was ready to start to get pissed at him, but he swallowed audibly and finished, "--I don't have any condoms."
"S'okay," Gee breathed. It wasn't, she thought almost giddily, like she could get pregnant again.
She knew exactly how many girls Mikey had fucked - he got around, the skinny little fucker - but never, she was sure, without a condom. There was something there, something weird, where that still felt like a big deal, even under these circumstances.
Mikey was pressing into her before she was really ready, but it felt good that way, the extra tinge of roughness as he pushed through her resistance. Stretching her open... she had seen enough porn to know exactly what it looked like. She wished she could see it now, their connection transformed into physical, material fact.
She wanted to see Mikey's dick. She wanted to kneel on the floor and suck him off, dirty knees to match her dirty mind, make his hard dick shiny with her spit while his hands lay soft but firm in her hair. She wanted to push him on his back and ride him, rest her hands on his chest while he stared up with his half-focused eyes and his mouth slack-jawed with the same wanting. Gee wanted so much it ached.
This wasn't the time for any of that, just the welcoming cocoon of the bed and the two of them as close as they could get. She could feel the desperation in Mikey's body as he moved in her, fast and urgent. He wasn't going to last long. It was hard to keep her eyes open, but she still wanted to see. Mikey kissed her over and over, barely giving her a chance to breathe.
"Gee," Mikey said, voice strained. "Gee, I'm -- Shit." He came, clinging to her tightly, forehead pressed against her collarbone.
Gee shifted beneath him, trying to find the right angle to get herself off, but it wasn't there.
"Sorry," Mikey said. He kissed her shoulder. Gee made a small noise in her throat as he pulled out.
"Mikey, please."
He moved, bending his head down to her breast and taking her nipple into his mouth. Gee sucked in a breath and knotted her fist into Mikey's fluffy hair, clutching him closer.
Mikey stroked his hand down her stomach, to her inner thighs. She couldn't help holding her breath as his fingers reached her cunt. Mikey hadn't been gentle, and she was already starting to feel sore, in the best way. She still felt so empty from his absence, so fucking wet, her own slickness mixing with Mikey's come.
"Come on," she said, blinking wetness back from her eyes. "Mikey, come on."
Mikey lifted his head just long enough to say, "Don't worry," and then settled back into it, mouth on her breast and fingers at her clit. Mikey wasn't awkward at all here, just sure and patient. He kept at it a long time, building her up slowly, steady pressure and rhythm ratcheting her up higher and higher until she finally came, her fingers digging into Mikey's arm to hold him still while she clenched again and again around his hand.
Mikey knelt up above her, shaking out his wrist with a small smile. "I need a fucking cigarette," he said.
"Me, too." Gee lay back limp against the pillows.
Mikey stilled and raised one eyebrow at her. She nodded. She'd made her decision.
"Are you going to want me to go with you?" he said. "I can get time off work."
Gee nodded again slowly. "It's for the best," she said.
Mikey lay down again beside her. "Whatever you need," he said. Neither of them said anything else for a while. They both fell back asleep, tangled together.
Gee brought Mikey with her to the appointment. She spent the entire time in the waiting room drawing on his arm with markers, a sleeve of colorful glorious tattoos. Afterwards he drove her home.
A few weeks later they went out for sushi, eating endless plates off of the revolving track and getting tipsy on sake. They took the long way home and stumbled into the quiet dark house around midnight. Gee took Mikey by the hand and led him down to the basement, pushing him back against the wall as soon as they reached the bottom of the stairs. She took his face in her hands and kissed him hard.
Mikey grinned at her. "I knew date night would get me some tail. Never fails."
"Asshole," Gee said, punching him in the arm. Mikey grabbed at her shoulders and spun her around, reversing their positions, so Gee was against the wall, Mikey hunched over, penning her in.
They fucked right there, slow and leisurely.
They watched DVDs afterwards, Gee sitting cross legged, Mikey's head resting in her lap. The room was dark except for the light from the screen, just enough to make out shapes. Just the two of them, in the dark, safe and peaceful.
Gee was pretty sure this was how it was supposed to be. She thought, nothing ever has to change this.
by Pearl-o
Gerard/Mikey, implied Gerard/other. NC-17. ~2500 words.
Warnings: incest; always-a-girl!Gerard; unplanned pregnancy issues; general fucked-up-edness.
Much thanks to anoneknewmoose for support and beta duty.
Summary: Gee took the test in the basement bathroom. Leaving the door open just a crack, so she could still hear the familiar sound of Mikey playing video games on the couch.
You can read this story at AO3 here, or behind the cut tag.
It was raining the day Gee found out, the kind of cold relentless February rain that defeats every trick of layering and overcomes every umbrella, leaving you chilled to the bone. Walking from the sidewalk down the stairs in the subway was a shock to the system, too hot and close and crowded. Gee managed to make it to a bathroom before she threw up.
She threw up again on the ferry - almost nothing but bile; all she'd had today was coffee. She called Mikey from her cell and he was waiting at the station to pick her up. They stopped at a CVS on the way home. Gee sat shivering in the overheated car and stared at the raindrops on the window while Mikey went in to pick up a bag of CornNuts and a pregnancy test.
Gee took the test in the basement bathroom. Leaving the door open just a crack, so she could still hear the familiar sound of Mikey playing video games on the couch.
There were two blue lines on the stick. Gee threw it out and went to sit beside Mikey on the couch and rest her head on his shoulder.
"You okay?" Mikey said quietly.
Gee made a face. "I could really use a drink."
The next day was a Friday. Gee skipped class and slept in until noon. The house was empty when she woke up - Mikey, Donna, Don all out at work. Even Elena was gone, probably lunching or playing cards with her old lady friends.
Gee dragged her fleece Batman blanket up the stairs and curled up on the couch with a can of Chef Boyardee ravioli. There was nothing on TV except soap operas and court shows.
Donna got home a little after four. Gee could hear her bustling around the kitchen for a few minutes before she stuck her head in the living room.
"You sick, baby?"
"Kinda," Gee said. She curled into herself a little, tucking her feet beneath her and pulling the blanket tighter.
"Are you having dinner with us?"
Gee shook her head. Donna disappeared again. Gee changed the channel to Full House reruns.
Mikey's shift ended at six; he was home by six-thirty. Gee was surprised. Mikey always had something to do on Friday nights. A party, a show, a date, whatever - something other than just sitting home all night.
When she asked him all he did was shrug and say, "Nothing exciting going on. I'd rather just hang out with you."
"I don't think I'm gonna be great company," Gee said.
Mikey rolled his eyes. "Whatever."
Gee didn't tell anybody else besides Mikey. Not yet. It was strange - her whole life she had loved the feeling of having a secret, of there being something special that nobody else knew. She'd created a million secret societies for her and Mikey growing up, covert clubs and rituals and codes, with no real purpose beyond the thrill of having something that belonged only to them.
This was different, in a million ways. It was important, and it was huge, something that could change her life, and it was inconvenient, not her choice at all. More than anything else, it was stupid. She felt a little sick whenever she made herself think about how dumb she had been.
But there was another part of her, a small part, that still felt something of that same glamour as when she was a kid. A secret. Because it was something huge, but no one could tell by looking at her, no one had any idea. Something that could change the entire world - at least her entire world - and it was hers and hers alone.
(Well, and of course Mikey knew. But then, Mikey had always known all of her secrets.)
Another secret: late at night, curled up in Mikey's bed (and it wasn't so much that she couldn't sleep alone, more like she didn't particularly want to anymore), facing each other with the blankets pulled up over their heads, in this private space, she could admit something else.
"I know I can't have it," Gee whispered, her breath between them in their tiny shelter. "But I kind of want it."
Mikey always looked younger without his glasses. Helpless. She could barely make him out in the dark, even though he was only a few inches away from her. But she still had the overwhelming urge to protect him. "You say that like you want me to argue with you," Mikey said.
"Maybe I do," said Gee.
"Okay," Mikey said. "Which side?"
"I'm too young," Gee said. "I'm not ready. At all. What would I even do with a baby? I'm a fucking mess, and I'm just about to graduate, and god, I don't even have a boyfriend, I would be doing this all by myself. I'm so fucked up, Mikey, I can't even take care of myself, let alone someone else. Fuck."
"You could, though," Mikey said. "I mean, if you really did want to keep it. You'd manage. You'd figure out how to make it work. People do it all the time. And, like. You wouldn't really be doing it alone. You know Ma and Dad and Elena would all help out." Mikey was silent for a moment, then added, "I'd help, too. You know that. Whatever you needed. If that was what you wanted, I'd help you raise it."
If Gee was a mess, Mikey was too. Eighteen, working a shitty job and going to school part-time, drinking almost as much as her, partying too much. What the fuck would Mikey do with a baby, either? It was almost funny, except for how it wasn't.
"You'd be a good dad," Gee said. She wished it was Mikey's baby, not just some dude she'd had a drunken hook-up with, some guy she barely remembered. It was a fucked-up thing to think, but it was true.
"It'd have flippers," Mikey said solemnly. "Be born with a tail. Maybe it would have mutant powers like the X-Men."
"Another freak in the world," Gee agreed.
She moved her head forward and pressed her lips firmly, chastely, against Mikey's.
"Gee..." Mikey said. His voice cracked a little. "What are you--"
"Don't," Gee said. Don't pretend you don't know. Don't pretend we're not on the same wavelength. They had always been on the same wavelength. She thought they probably always would be. They didn't have to talk about it.
"Are you sure?" Mikey said. His hand found hers and grasped it tight.
"No," Gee admitted. She kissed him again.
Gee woke in the early hours of the morning facing the wall, with Mikey wrapped against her. His big hands heavy across her stomach, his nose buried in her hair, his boner poking her in the back. She had to untangle herself and crawl over him to get out of the bed to go to the bathroom. It was freezing this early in the morning, and she peed as quickly as she could, washed her hands and scurried back to the warmth of the blankets.
She let out a sigh of relief as she got back in. It felt like a sanctuary, safe and protected. Mikey rolled over towards her.
"Hey," he said.
"Hey yourself," said Gee. "Back to sleep now."
Mikey made a noise of disagreement. He lifted himself up on his elbow above her and looked at her a while without speaking.
"Do you--" he trailed off, biting his lip.
Gee felt the heat rise to her face, all at once. She settled on her back, spreading her knees a little further apart. "Yeah?"
Mikey leaned over and kissed her again, not chaste like last night, but still slow, still careful, still waiting for her. She wrapped her arms around his back and tugged him down until the lengths of their bodies were touching, his weight pushing her down into the bed.
Gee had a sudden memory of being in junior high, back when reading Seventeen magazine seemed the height of coolness. Practicing kissing on her arm, pillowcases, a mirror; none of it was ever satisfying. Three years difference was an eternity then, when she had tumbled into the hell of puberty and Mikey was still on the edge of childhood. But then Mikey had tumbled in, too, and if it was hell at least they were there together, not left there to be confused and miserable and alone.
Mikey's hand snaked under her shirt, and she jumped a little at the chill of it. "Sorry," Mikey muttered, and she shook her head and bit his lip, encouraging him on. His hand was rough, a little callused, too little pressure as he brushed against first the curve of her breast and then the nipple.
Gee squirmed, pushing her hips up against him. That was where the warmth was. All the heat in the world, right there in this bed, burning through her pajama pants and Mikey's boxers.
(There had been times when they had slept in the same room - when one of them had nightmares or they'd stayed up all night watching movies together or drinking, whatever - and Gee had heard the sound of Mikey's careful breaths and the rustling of his blankets and known that he was touching himself. There had been times when she'd done the same thing, not knowing whether or not he was awake.
Sometimes Mikey came up to breakfast without putting a shirt on, and Gee could see the hickeys up and down his neck and chest, and she wanted nothing more than to push her fingernails into each bruise.)
Gee bit down hard on Mikey's shoulder and felt him tremble against her. "Please," she said.
"I don't--" Mikey started to say, and she was ready to start to get pissed at him, but he swallowed audibly and finished, "--I don't have any condoms."
"S'okay," Gee breathed. It wasn't, she thought almost giddily, like she could get pregnant again.
She knew exactly how many girls Mikey had fucked - he got around, the skinny little fucker - but never, she was sure, without a condom. There was something there, something weird, where that still felt like a big deal, even under these circumstances.
Mikey was pressing into her before she was really ready, but it felt good that way, the extra tinge of roughness as he pushed through her resistance. Stretching her open... she had seen enough porn to know exactly what it looked like. She wished she could see it now, their connection transformed into physical, material fact.
She wanted to see Mikey's dick. She wanted to kneel on the floor and suck him off, dirty knees to match her dirty mind, make his hard dick shiny with her spit while his hands lay soft but firm in her hair. She wanted to push him on his back and ride him, rest her hands on his chest while he stared up with his half-focused eyes and his mouth slack-jawed with the same wanting. Gee wanted so much it ached.
This wasn't the time for any of that, just the welcoming cocoon of the bed and the two of them as close as they could get. She could feel the desperation in Mikey's body as he moved in her, fast and urgent. He wasn't going to last long. It was hard to keep her eyes open, but she still wanted to see. Mikey kissed her over and over, barely giving her a chance to breathe.
"Gee," Mikey said, voice strained. "Gee, I'm -- Shit." He came, clinging to her tightly, forehead pressed against her collarbone.
Gee shifted beneath him, trying to find the right angle to get herself off, but it wasn't there.
"Sorry," Mikey said. He kissed her shoulder. Gee made a small noise in her throat as he pulled out.
"Mikey, please."
He moved, bending his head down to her breast and taking her nipple into his mouth. Gee sucked in a breath and knotted her fist into Mikey's fluffy hair, clutching him closer.
Mikey stroked his hand down her stomach, to her inner thighs. She couldn't help holding her breath as his fingers reached her cunt. Mikey hadn't been gentle, and she was already starting to feel sore, in the best way. She still felt so empty from his absence, so fucking wet, her own slickness mixing with Mikey's come.
"Come on," she said, blinking wetness back from her eyes. "Mikey, come on."
Mikey lifted his head just long enough to say, "Don't worry," and then settled back into it, mouth on her breast and fingers at her clit. Mikey wasn't awkward at all here, just sure and patient. He kept at it a long time, building her up slowly, steady pressure and rhythm ratcheting her up higher and higher until she finally came, her fingers digging into Mikey's arm to hold him still while she clenched again and again around his hand.
Mikey knelt up above her, shaking out his wrist with a small smile. "I need a fucking cigarette," he said.
"Me, too." Gee lay back limp against the pillows.
Mikey stilled and raised one eyebrow at her. She nodded. She'd made her decision.
"Are you going to want me to go with you?" he said. "I can get time off work."
Gee nodded again slowly. "It's for the best," she said.
Mikey lay down again beside her. "Whatever you need," he said. Neither of them said anything else for a while. They both fell back asleep, tangled together.
Gee brought Mikey with her to the appointment. She spent the entire time in the waiting room drawing on his arm with markers, a sleeve of colorful glorious tattoos. Afterwards he drove her home.
A few weeks later they went out for sushi, eating endless plates off of the revolving track and getting tipsy on sake. They took the long way home and stumbled into the quiet dark house around midnight. Gee took Mikey by the hand and led him down to the basement, pushing him back against the wall as soon as they reached the bottom of the stairs. She took his face in her hands and kissed him hard.
Mikey grinned at her. "I knew date night would get me some tail. Never fails."
"Asshole," Gee said, punching him in the arm. Mikey grabbed at her shoulders and spun her around, reversing their positions, so Gee was against the wall, Mikey hunched over, penning her in.
They fucked right there, slow and leisurely.
They watched DVDs afterwards, Gee sitting cross legged, Mikey's head resting in her lap. The room was dark except for the light from the screen, just enough to make out shapes. Just the two of them, in the dark, safe and peaceful.
Gee was pretty sure this was how it was supposed to be. She thought, nothing ever has to change this.