(no subject)
when i fell in love for the first time... i didnt want to admit to myself that i was actually in love, cuz for one the person i fell in love with was I felt above me in all levels, beauty interlect popularity, and secondly she was a girl.
Now your gonna go 'oh no teenage angst lesbian crush' but it wasnt sexual in anyway, not at all. But i was desperate to be with her to be her favourite friend. And in the conserquence Amy ruined my life. She suffered as well, she still is, anorexia is a disease of the mind. I was 'whipped' and it was inevitable: amy would always be my first unrequited love. But i got over her quickly because she became ugly towards me, she misjudged me. I may have loved her, but im not pathetic.
The second time i fell in love, it was a motherly love. And to an extent i do still love her. But i do have alot of resentment towards her. She is my red spark.
I then fell in love with him, but that was unrequited to because he is much older than i am, and i got very confused. lying awake listening to his beautiful songs, his beautiful beautiful songs. But i recognised that i just wanted the unobtainable because i wanted to delay thinking about my problems....
And then i fell in love with alex. Maybe he does love me. Maybe he did. Maybe hes just as confused as i about love. But i wont know. And i must love him if i allow myself to get hurt by him.
this is to show that love comes in all forms...