Bitch, Bitch, Bitch
As I see it, a LiveJournal is good for approximately three things:
My Weight
I feel like I'm more overweight than I've ever been -- not by a lot, but enough to make me unhappy -- and I know roughly why. What with my car being gone and everything (more on that later - a lot more), I'm trapped at home and generally unable to go out to the woods, the gym, dancing, etc - all the things that I actually enjoy and that keep me active. Even the relatively non-active things that I can do elsewhere are superior to the single activity that's available within these walls - watching tv and dicking around on my laptop. Also, what with being crankier about everything in general lately, I've been hitting the chocolate a lot harder and more often.
While I know that there are still plenty of exercise opportunities available to me here if I went for them - biking/jogging around the neighborhood, doing jumping jacks, or whatever - I really don't like the available alternatives. For one thing, it is waaaaaay too hot outside to spend any significant time there, much less be active. For another, the apartment is rather too small to make exercising indoors a viable option. Without my air-conditioned gym, my gorgeous, shaded wood, or the fun and socialization (and, yep, air conditioning) of dancing, each exercise is an exercise in misery.
I feel like my choices are to very quickly and actively make myself miserable by doing exercises that I hate, or to more quietly and subtly make myself miserable by sitting on my arse, watching tv and eating chocolate. And I don't like either alternative - aside from the weight gain issues of the latter, it just gets boring after a day or so - and I've been stuck for TWO WEEKS, with at least another week coming.
I know that the vast majority of people - at least the people who's opinions I give a rat's ass about - don't care if I've put on a few extra pounds, but I do. I'm a creature of vanity, and I want to be seen as skinny for once in my life, or at least not overweight, even if it is only slightly. And this entire ordeal is making that very difficult.
Boys
Oleg's playing the silent game again. I know that he doesn't mean to, but goddamnit it - is it so much effort to answer one freaking text message? And we talked about this! And by 'we,' I mean 'I.' Aside from some rather belated, albeit extensive, apologies, he didn't have a lot to say on the subject, which is pretty damn typical. How on earth is it that a person can write five paragraphs of guilt-ridden apologies, plus a text message, plus two phone calls (the former that consisted largely of me yelling at him, the latter that consisted mostly of him rambling about how sorry he was) and then start pulling the same stupid crap a week later? For god's sake, it's not like I'm asking for twelve-page handwritten letters every week, and it's not like I'm constantly calling him "just, like, to say hi and see how you're doing and stuff" or expecting him to do the same.
I respect that you're not the sort of person that actively contacts people without having a specific reason to do so. I respect that you have your own life and your own stuff do do, and that the vast majority of your life doesn't really involve me. I respect and accept all of that, which is why I generally don't bug you unless I have a specific reason to do so - once a week, maybe every couple of days at most - and usually what I need you for is emotional support. Ignoring me because you simply can't be bothered to remember to reply? Yeah, real fucking supportive. Thanks.
My Car
So, my car got wrecked at the beginning of this month. After looking into various cheap options for replacing it, we settled on my cousin's old car - it's old and kinda shitty, but her mother was willing to give it to us, basically for free, as long as we covered some repairs on it, which would still be cheaper than buying a used car. The trouble with this plan was that it would be two weeks before I'd have a chance to get the car, because it was in Maryland, and my uncle (who lives next door) was heading up to visit his family on the 18th, and said I could tag along with him on the way up and drive myself back down once I had the car. That's all fine and dandy - it's the middle of summer after all, so there's not a lot that I need to do, and I can survive two weeks of carlessness. The astute among you, however, may recall that it is now after the 18th, and that I'm still cranky and carless. Award yourselves a shiny gold star of detectivery.
My cousin's mother/uncle's ex (but not actually my aunt - long story) was supposed to, at some point over those two weeks, take the car to the garage so that it would be ready to drive, and I could pay for it and leave when I got there. Yeah, that didn't happen. Instead, she dicked around for two weeks, and then called my uncle the day before I was supposed to leave, to say, oh by the way, she hadn't done anything yet, because she's just been so frazzled and busy, blah blah blah. So, no Maryland for me.
It finally fell upon my uncle to take it to the garage while he was there (even though he was busier than she was), but he dropped it off, no problem, and gave the mechanic my father's number so that he could let us know when it would be ready and what the repairs would come to. Turns out that it won't be done until the end of the week, will run about $2000, and now I have no way of getting to Maryland. The most likely option at this point is to take the train, but then I don't have a ride from the station to the mechanic - the ex might do it, but she's probably, you know, busy.
And to think - two weeks ago, I could have had an equally (or possibly even slightly less) shitty car for about the same amount, that I wouldn't have to travel across two states to acquire. Of course, that brings us to.....
My Parents
Throughout this entire ordeal, they've been swinging wildly and merrily between "We are your parents and we know what's best and we will take control of everything!" and "You're twenty years old now, and need to learn to handle these things for yourself because you're not proactive enough, so we're not helping!" I'd say that their rather bipolar approach to the problem is without reason or pattern, but the pattern seems to be that they're constantly hitting upon all the exact opposite points that they should be.
Everything that I'd rather handle on my own - like, say, looking into alternative options for getting a car, since this one doesn't seem to exactly be the most efficient or productive choice - they've been completely overruling. They didn't even consider looking for other options after this one got all complicated, and they steamroll me when I suggest I do so, because apparently This Is the Car We Are Getting and That's Just the Way It Is. And everything that makes them lecture me about being motivated and proactive is stuff that I really can't efficiently manage on my own. My entire life is on hold while they get their shit together - I can't socialize, I can't work, I can't get out, I can't run basic errands, I can't do anything without someone to give me a ride - and they keep insisting that if I wanted to, I could live a perfectly normal life without a car. In other cities, yeah, that's entirely true. There are plenty of small towns where everything's close enough together to easily get around in, and plenty of thriving metropoli with conveniences on every corner and an efficient public transportation system.
But Durham in the summer? No fucking way. Their suggestions have been to:
A- Walk where I need to go...........in 95-100+ degree heat, and at a maximum of a ten-mile radius (yeah, aside from the grocery, there's nothing useful to me within ten miles), where most of the neighborhoods have poor, if any, sidewalks, and no shade.
B- Bike where I need to go............on a borrowed, rickety bicycle, with no helmet, and the same distance constraints.
C- Bus where I need to go.............with the city's unreliable, frequently late bus system that costs money (which I don't have, because I can't work, remember?) and spends more time broken down by the side of the road, with everyone inside sweltering in the heat, than it does actually running.
I know for a fact that it's been at least twenty years since either of them has lived without a car in any city for more than a week, and they're going on about it like I'm being a spoiled, overprivileged brat and a car is a mere luxury item. I'd like to see them give it a try - never mind the fact that they've got three cars in Georgia, for the two of them.
Urgh. I've run out of things to bitch about, but I'm still feeling bitchy. And hungry. I'm going to go get breakfast.
Oh! Except:
Netflix
...has been stopping and starting like it's on freaking dial-up lately. I know it's not a problem with our internet connection, because my laptop's been going fine. It's probably their new stupid navigation system, which is more annoying than the old one, which ran just fine, and the new one is probably hogging up all its resources.
I hate everything.
- Posting bad poetry
- Forgetting it exists
- Whining
My Weight
I feel like I'm more overweight than I've ever been -- not by a lot, but enough to make me unhappy -- and I know roughly why. What with my car being gone and everything (more on that later - a lot more), I'm trapped at home and generally unable to go out to the woods, the gym, dancing, etc - all the things that I actually enjoy and that keep me active. Even the relatively non-active things that I can do elsewhere are superior to the single activity that's available within these walls - watching tv and dicking around on my laptop. Also, what with being crankier about everything in general lately, I've been hitting the chocolate a lot harder and more often.
While I know that there are still plenty of exercise opportunities available to me here if I went for them - biking/jogging around the neighborhood, doing jumping jacks, or whatever - I really don't like the available alternatives. For one thing, it is waaaaaay too hot outside to spend any significant time there, much less be active. For another, the apartment is rather too small to make exercising indoors a viable option. Without my air-conditioned gym, my gorgeous, shaded wood, or the fun and socialization (and, yep, air conditioning) of dancing, each exercise is an exercise in misery.
I feel like my choices are to very quickly and actively make myself miserable by doing exercises that I hate, or to more quietly and subtly make myself miserable by sitting on my arse, watching tv and eating chocolate. And I don't like either alternative - aside from the weight gain issues of the latter, it just gets boring after a day or so - and I've been stuck for TWO WEEKS, with at least another week coming.
I know that the vast majority of people - at least the people who's opinions I give a rat's ass about - don't care if I've put on a few extra pounds, but I do. I'm a creature of vanity, and I want to be seen as skinny for once in my life, or at least not overweight, even if it is only slightly. And this entire ordeal is making that very difficult.
Boys
Oleg's playing the silent game again. I know that he doesn't mean to, but goddamnit it - is it so much effort to answer one freaking text message? And we talked about this! And by 'we,' I mean 'I.' Aside from some rather belated, albeit extensive, apologies, he didn't have a lot to say on the subject, which is pretty damn typical. How on earth is it that a person can write five paragraphs of guilt-ridden apologies, plus a text message, plus two phone calls (the former that consisted largely of me yelling at him, the latter that consisted mostly of him rambling about how sorry he was) and then start pulling the same stupid crap a week later? For god's sake, it's not like I'm asking for twelve-page handwritten letters every week, and it's not like I'm constantly calling him "just, like, to say hi and see how you're doing and stuff" or expecting him to do the same.
I respect that you're not the sort of person that actively contacts people without having a specific reason to do so. I respect that you have your own life and your own stuff do do, and that the vast majority of your life doesn't really involve me. I respect and accept all of that, which is why I generally don't bug you unless I have a specific reason to do so - once a week, maybe every couple of days at most - and usually what I need you for is emotional support. Ignoring me because you simply can't be bothered to remember to reply? Yeah, real fucking supportive. Thanks.
My Car
So, my car got wrecked at the beginning of this month. After looking into various cheap options for replacing it, we settled on my cousin's old car - it's old and kinda shitty, but her mother was willing to give it to us, basically for free, as long as we covered some repairs on it, which would still be cheaper than buying a used car. The trouble with this plan was that it would be two weeks before I'd have a chance to get the car, because it was in Maryland, and my uncle (who lives next door) was heading up to visit his family on the 18th, and said I could tag along with him on the way up and drive myself back down once I had the car. That's all fine and dandy - it's the middle of summer after all, so there's not a lot that I need to do, and I can survive two weeks of carlessness. The astute among you, however, may recall that it is now after the 18th, and that I'm still cranky and carless. Award yourselves a shiny gold star of detectivery.
My cousin's mother/uncle's ex (but not actually my aunt - long story) was supposed to, at some point over those two weeks, take the car to the garage so that it would be ready to drive, and I could pay for it and leave when I got there. Yeah, that didn't happen. Instead, she dicked around for two weeks, and then called my uncle the day before I was supposed to leave, to say, oh by the way, she hadn't done anything yet, because she's just been so frazzled and busy, blah blah blah. So, no Maryland for me.
It finally fell upon my uncle to take it to the garage while he was there (even though he was busier than she was), but he dropped it off, no problem, and gave the mechanic my father's number so that he could let us know when it would be ready and what the repairs would come to. Turns out that it won't be done until the end of the week, will run about $2000, and now I have no way of getting to Maryland. The most likely option at this point is to take the train, but then I don't have a ride from the station to the mechanic - the ex might do it, but she's probably, you know, busy.
And to think - two weeks ago, I could have had an equally (or possibly even slightly less) shitty car for about the same amount, that I wouldn't have to travel across two states to acquire. Of course, that brings us to.....
My Parents
Throughout this entire ordeal, they've been swinging wildly and merrily between "We are your parents and we know what's best and we will take control of everything!" and "You're twenty years old now, and need to learn to handle these things for yourself because you're not proactive enough, so we're not helping!" I'd say that their rather bipolar approach to the problem is without reason or pattern, but the pattern seems to be that they're constantly hitting upon all the exact opposite points that they should be.
Everything that I'd rather handle on my own - like, say, looking into alternative options for getting a car, since this one doesn't seem to exactly be the most efficient or productive choice - they've been completely overruling. They didn't even consider looking for other options after this one got all complicated, and they steamroll me when I suggest I do so, because apparently This Is the Car We Are Getting and That's Just the Way It Is. And everything that makes them lecture me about being motivated and proactive is stuff that I really can't efficiently manage on my own. My entire life is on hold while they get their shit together - I can't socialize, I can't work, I can't get out, I can't run basic errands, I can't do anything without someone to give me a ride - and they keep insisting that if I wanted to, I could live a perfectly normal life without a car. In other cities, yeah, that's entirely true. There are plenty of small towns where everything's close enough together to easily get around in, and plenty of thriving metropoli with conveniences on every corner and an efficient public transportation system.
But Durham in the summer? No fucking way. Their suggestions have been to:
A- Walk where I need to go...........in 95-100+ degree heat, and at a maximum of a ten-mile radius (yeah, aside from the grocery, there's nothing useful to me within ten miles), where most of the neighborhoods have poor, if any, sidewalks, and no shade.
B- Bike where I need to go............on a borrowed, rickety bicycle, with no helmet, and the same distance constraints.
C- Bus where I need to go.............with the city's unreliable, frequently late bus system that costs money (which I don't have, because I can't work, remember?) and spends more time broken down by the side of the road, with everyone inside sweltering in the heat, than it does actually running.
I know for a fact that it's been at least twenty years since either of them has lived without a car in any city for more than a week, and they're going on about it like I'm being a spoiled, overprivileged brat and a car is a mere luxury item. I'd like to see them give it a try - never mind the fact that they've got three cars in Georgia, for the two of them.
Urgh. I've run out of things to bitch about, but I'm still feeling bitchy. And hungry. I'm going to go get breakfast.
Oh! Except:
Netflix
...has been stopping and starting like it's on freaking dial-up lately. I know it's not a problem with our internet connection, because my laptop's been going fine. It's probably their new stupid navigation system, which is more annoying than the old one, which ran just fine, and the new one is probably hogging up all its resources.
I hate everything.