backdated to the night of jill's entrance
She didn't really understand it.
She didn't really understand a lot of things, honestly. She'd come to accept a lot of strange things as time went one - that sort of thing happened when you went to Experiment house, when you found yourself suddenly in a land of Giants and Marshwiggles and great talking Lions.
But now she was somewhere that wasn't Narnia - and Edmund was here, and everyone was here, and they kept saying Eustace was here, but-
But she couldn't find him. She'd taken the time to wash off her face so she wasn't tasting that coppery pang of blood all of the time, but she kept looking for him. This room, that room - evidently found the bedrooms, and stuck her chainmail under one- and her bow and arrows, although she kept her sword, just in case. Just in case of what, precisely, she wasn't sure - but the tunic hung around her calves, and she raised her voice as she called for him yet again. "Eustace?"
--
He was outside on a rock, staring up at the stars. Talking with Edmund had made him near frantic to find Jill, but the other parts of what his cousin had told him were upsetting enough that he wasn't sure he wanted to go looking for her just yet. He had to be sure he'd processed everything first; the last thing he wanted to do was mar their meeting by falling apart over the demise of Narnia.
Sighing, he shifted rather irritably on the rock, finding a place where the knot in the tree behind him wouldn't dig into his shoulder blade. Soon, he thought; just until the moon sank beneath the treeline. Then he'd get up, put away whatever lingering upset he had, and go and find his friend.
--
She was scared, even as she stepped out of this place, wondering offhandedly what kind of a name 'the Compound' was. Honestly, something like... 'Refuge' or something might be better. Maybe. She called out for him again - what if Edmund was wrong? What... what if that wasn't Edmund at all, or this was some strange sort of... something? Afterlife? (She didn't really think of it as Heaven, because those things aren't taught at the Experiment House).
"Eustace?" She was trying not to remember the blood and the cries of the dying- she'd been so sure when she'd come out of that cave that he was still in there, that Tirian was in there-
But what if that's not what happened? What if she'd died- "Then I'll deal with it. I'm here for a reason." She muttered it to herself, and cleared her throat as she picked over the sort of plants that you wouldn't find in Narnia or in England. She could hear things - animals, maybe? She drew the sword on her hip clumsily - it shook as her hand did, as she'd had a bit of a stressful day.
--
It was the glint of the moonlight off steel that caught his eye-- and then the voice, the low mutter that slithered into his ear and made him sit up, his legs swinging off the side of the rock as he peered into the night. "Jill?" he called curiously, hopping down and going toward her. There were only thirty yards or so between him and the compound, and he met her halfway, a strange hesitant grin fighting its way onto his face. "Jill," he repeated, looking her up and down. He'd rarely been so happy to see anyone-- perhaps only Caspian, upon his arrival here. "Cor, you look like hell," he said awkwardly, grinning. "What... are you hurt?" She was covered in blood. He hoped it wasn't hers.
--
She dropped the sword. Vaugely, she knew that you weren't supposed to do that- she was sure there had to be rules against that type of thing, but she didn't know them. She didn't even really know how to handle the sword, but once she saw him, she didn't care. She shook her head, even as her hand reached for his. It was clean, at least, her fingers tight on his hand. "Scrubb?" Her voice actually cracked, and she rubbed at her face with her other hand as her eyes got wet.
It was so much - the battle, the coming here, that bloody cave-
"Eustace?"
--
Oh, by the Lion, she was going to cry. It was distressing, but it was so very Jill that he couldn't find it in him to even make fun of her for it. He squeezed her hand in his and gave her what he hoped was a bolstering smile. "Where'd you get the sword, Pole?" She didn't seem hurt; he thought there would be rather more in the way of tears if that were so. Also, he was fairly certain Edmund would have seen her to a doctor if that were the case. God, it's good to see her, he thought, and though it had only been a few weeks since he'd seen her, it felt like longer.
--
She hiccupped. "Same place you got yours." She gave up, and as gross as she was, she hugged him. It was less hugging him and more fitting herself into his taller frame, but it worked - she was still crying, and now her words were muffled against his shirt. "I t-thought you were in that awful cave." His smile had helped a bit, but she just wanted to know he was here, and alive - and not full of holes from those nasty Dwarves. "I d'know why I'm here. Or why Aslan put me there-" In that place.
Just thinking about it made her entire body stiffen, and the tears came faster even as she tried to stop them. "It's alright. Really, it is." It obviously was not, but there was a great deal to be set by putting up a good face on things.
--
She was rather gross, but he wasn't going to argue; these were borrowed clothes after all, they'd wash, and it was Jill. Having tangible proof that she was alive and well was far more important than the state of his shirt. "In what cave?" he asked, rubbing her shoulders gently. He hoped she didn't mean the Underland; though how she'd have ended up there after the fall of Narnia was beyond him.
But it was rather a lot to take in, in any case, and he didn't want to hear the story out here with her shivering against him, any more than he thought she would want to tell it that way. "Jill... you're a mess. Come inside, let's find you some dry clothes."
--
She nodded, and scrubbed at her face again. "Alright. I... Edmund had said you were here - I know I'm right awful looking, I just needed to see you-" She flushed then, and ducked her head. "... Especially because of where we had been." She sounded a bit like a ninny - it wasn't that she couldn't do whatever it was while he wasn't there, it was just that she was so worried about him.
"And a shower. I feel like I'll stick to whatever I touch."
She moved ahead of him, not really saying much as they ducked into the Compound. She just kept thinking about whose blood was on her, and that led to every time Eustace said anything she replied with a non-commital 'hrm'. She hadn't meant too, but she was deep enough in thought that it just worked out that way. Once she'd grabbed pants and a skirt and a shirt and things (after he'd showed her the laundry), she ducked into the shower- it took her ages to get it all rubbed off, because blood has a horrible habit of getting under your nails and such. "Oi, Scrubb?" She knew he was sitting outside somewhere.
--
"Tell me everything once you're washed," he agreed, letting his hand rest on her shoulder for a moment as he let her precede him into the building. Once inside, he took up residence in the hall outside the girls' washroom, sitting with his knees drawn up and his arms draped over them, his head tipped back against the wall. It was weird, he thought; it was clear there was so much to hear, but they were able to put it aside for a time, take care of more pressing concerns. That he was able to do that, he thought, was mostly due to her influence.
When she spoke, he startled out of his thoughts. "Mmm?" he called back, his head craning a bit around the door, not to see anything but so his ear would be pointed in her direction. "I'm here."
--
She really had no idea he gave her so much credit. She scrubbed off her nails, and washed her hair for a fourth time. "... I don't think I'm ever going to get all the blood off." She made a grumpy noise, twisting to get the bits in the middle of her back. She could feel the dried blood, because it made her itch.
"By the by, what did you mean, what cave? It's the cave that's here, where I appeared. Didn't you?"
--
"No," he called back, surprised and dismayed on her behalf. "I fell asleep in my backyard and woke up under a tree here, on the beach. I say, Pole, I'm... that's rough. I'm terribly sorry that's how you had to show up." She'd hated the underground parts of their journey far more than he had, that was certain, and he'd hated them quite a bit. "Well... you're out now, and won't ever have to go back in unless you decide you want to." He'd see to that; if there was another storm like the one everyone had weathered before he showed up, he'd make sure they secured a space in the compound.
--
She made an incredulous noise, and turned off the water - and realised that while her towel was inside, her clothes were not. "I say, Scrubb, be a gent and toss a girl her clothes?" Her face burned, but she hardly was going to walk out there in a towel. "And I don't think there'd be any reason for me to want to. I mean, 'Yes, please, let me go into the cave system where it's bloody easy to get lost and you can't see a thing and-" Her voice had thickened with threatening tears again, and she pinched herself to make her stop. "Sorry. ... Wait, you were in your backyard?"
--
"Right," he said, scooping up the whole bundle and thrusting it blindly into the washroom, his eyes averted. "I just meant sometimes if it storms... did anyone tell you about the hurricane?" The clothes were pulled from his hands, and he answered her question. "Yes, my back yard, just after school. I was thinking of Narnia, and fell asleep dreaming of it." That was something he didn't mind admitting to Jill, as he was fairly certain she dreamt of Narnia too; and even if she didn't, she wasn't likely to tease him for admitting it. "I woke up here and thought I'd wished myself there somehow." His voice made his disappointment apparent.
--
She toweled herself off, then blushed even as she tugged on her knickers and bra - he was right outside, and it was just a bit odd - mostly because there wasn't the excuse for it like there'd been when they were traveling (although she still easily hid in the brush and got very used to putting clothes back on under a blanket on the few times they'd been able to bathe). ".... You mean you didn't go then?" She yanked on the skirt and the shirt - rather odd, having a t-shirt that was so heavy and not made to be under a shirt - clearly not to be under a shirt, because otherwise why would it have words on the back? She hopped out of the shower tugging on a pair of socks, finally standing upright when she was dressed except her shoes.
"... You were from before?"
--
"Didn't go where? To Narnia, you mean? No...." He took a breath and said evenly, "Edmund told me there was a war. That you saw the fall." His voice was soft, rueful. He didn't want to admit it might be true. But he steeled himself, Courage, Eustace. Aslan would want you to face it bravely. "Lucy comes from after that. I suppose... I suppose she didn't quite make it all plain to me when I first arrived-- understandably so," he said reasonably. "It's not an easy thing to think about."
--
She made a noise in her throat. "I didn't see the fall. Just... things were bad, Eustace." She had a faraway look in her eyes, all of the emotion drained from her. It was the only way she could deal with it right now, was not dealing at all. "Really, really bad. You were there, though." She rubbed the back of her neck. "And Lucy wasn't, so she probably hasn't a clue." It wasn't easy to think of - and living it was harder. "... Want to go somewhere, Scrubb? Rather not discuss this in the loo."
--
"Hungry?" Eustace asked with a grin. "I could use something, even if you're not-- come on," he said, leading her down the hall. She'd talk better with some food in her, and probably easier too; if she was paying attention to food, she'd probably only be half able to be upset about what she was talking about. "You say I was there? That's odd." He held the kitchen door open for her and went towards the icebox. "Let's see what we can rummage up....."
--
She shook her head. "Not really. Nice cuppa'd be nice, though." She turned on the stove with the kettle on it, and once she checked it for water, she looked back at him over her shoulder. She bit the inside of her lip, and cleared her throat. "If you grab anything for yourself..." She thought with the best way to say it, then gave up. "No meat, please." She looked back at the kettle, as it was much more comfortable then having to explain that, and then started rummaging through cupboards.
--
With his head still inside the icebox, Eustace rolled his eyes at her, glad she couldn't see him. "I'll grab enough for two, don't worry," he said, pulling out a plate of scones and a bowl of pineapple chunks. Balancing them on one arm, he reached for a loaf of bread and the small jug of milk. "Here," he said, sliding the lot onto the counter. "Help yourself. Sit there, I'll do this," he said, taking the kettle and motioning her toward a chair in front of all the food. He had wondered at the no-meat request, but remembering their experience in Harfang with the Stag, he thought perhaps she was just being safe rather than sorry.
--
It was less that, then she had a feeling that meat-things would look vaugly similar to what she'd seen today. Well. Yesterday, maybe? She hadn't slept, so she supposed it was all today. "Not hungry, Scrubb. Not now, anyway." She sat, waiting for the tea to heat. "... How're you?" Stupid question, likely would have a stupid answer - but it'd be better then just sitting and staring at each other like idiots. She didn't know if she should tell him, or not tell him, or... "You being there wasn't odd. It was after the railway car jolted, Aslan brought the two of us to Narnia." She picked up bread without even thinking, and started to gnaw on it.
--
"Railway car?" he queried, picking at a scone. "What railway car? D'you mean-- we were going to go visit everyone at the hols, is that what you mean?" He sensed he was on the edge of a difficult topic, and didn't want to push her -- especially since he wasn't entirely certain he wanted to know his own future himself. He might sleep easier in ignorance... but it would be churlish to leave Jill to carry the burden all herself, and so he told himself to see it through.
--
She looked down at the bread. "... I... Are you sure you want to know this?" She scratched the back of her neck, honestly feeling a bit odd about the whole thing. She was still trying to key down from the battle, and she certainly didn't want to sleep because she was scared as all dickens that she'd wake back up in that cave, or worse - a different one. She stared at the bread, and swallowed. "... When're you from? Are you before or after we got all together with your cousins and Professor Kirke, and Aunt Polly?" That would change things. Maybe-
.... Edmund'd told him. "What did he tell you?" She wished she hadn't told anyone anything. All these people here, and now they knew, but they didn't - they only knew the little bits they'd guessed, and that wasn't good for anyone.
--
"I want to know," he said, though he didn't sound entirely sure. But he pressed on, "I'm from before you-- last I remember was our first month of school. So tell me everything." He could see in her eyes that she wasn't looking forward to telling him, but that only served to bolster his resolve to hear it out. She couldn't sit with whatever was troubling her so all alone.
--
She shrugged, and explained that they'd all gotten together - Him, and Peter and Edmund and Lucy, Professor Kirke and Polly- Aunt Polly, as it were. ... And what happened with Susan. She told him about Tirian appearing like a ghost in the dinner table, and swallowed before continuing. She was looking down at her food most of the time, seeming very unlike herself. "Then when we were all on the train, there was this frightful jerk-" She paused, and then continued. "You and I were in Narnia. Tirian - he was the last Narnian king, you see. Seven generations after Rilian."
She didn't know if she wanted to continue. She -had- to, but she didn't know if she wanted to.
--
Eustace's eyes widened at that. "Seven?" By Aslan, that was a bloody long time. And for them it had only been three years...... It was strange, and not in the best of ways, to think that between his first and second trip to Narnia it had been three years in his world, and fifty or so Narnian years had passed; and then to find in the next three, over two hundred years had passed...
"Well obviously we were called there for a purpose, especially if not everyone else went with us...." He saw something, some expression cross her face, and leaned forward, resting his chin on his folded hands. "What about the rest? What happened after that?"
--
She struggled with the words. "There was a false Aslan - something that..." She paused. "... The Calormene were working with some of the Animals." The light had left her eyes, and the color was slowly leeching from her skin. "And they were getting the other animals to believe them, that Aslan and Tash were the same and that Aslan told them to-" Her voice was rising, and then broke. She stared resolutely at the mangled bread in her hands. "The Calormene invaded. Were invading. Some of the Animals-" She cleared her throat again. "And... And t-The Dwarves-" And then she started to cry.
"They killed all the Horses, Eustace. All of them. The Dwarves shot them." Tears dribbled down her pale cheeks, and she tried to rub them away. "We were losing. I.. I ki-Killed-" She felt like she was going to throw up. She hadn't even eaten anything, and she just-
"'Scuse me." She stood, her mouth covered with a hand, and then the wave of nausea passed. She closed her eyes, and shook her head slightly, sitting back down.
--
Eustace was appalled, and even felt a little sick himself. Treachery and betrayal, a false idol with the name of Aslan, and the Lion himself declining even to step in and rout the usurper and its Calormene cohorts..... he understood, now, why she was so broken up about it, and why it was so hard for her to calm down. He'd be in a right state too, and didn't mind admitting it. "Hey, Pole, it's alright," he said softly, going round the counter to lay a hand on her shoulder. "You're here and safe, and Narnia.... Aslan wouldn't have let you leave if he didn't have things well in hand." It felt right to say, but after seeing Edmund in so much despair, he was no longer entirely sure it was true.
--
She felt like she was going to throw up, her breath hitching as she tried to stop crying. "I- There was no way we could have won, Eustace. When- When they shot- The Drum started. Calling Calormene reinforcements." Her shoulders hitched, and she wrapped her arms around her middle like that would somehow stop the hurting. She'd killed people. Killed Animals, killed people, and even so, even with all that they'd been losing- And the Horses. Somehow, the Horses mattered more then that, because they were shot by thier own-
Dwarves are for the Dwarves.
Not their own.
She just mumbled some sort of apology, her voice breaking as she rubbed futiley at her eyes.
--
"Don't apologize, Pole, you loon," Eustace said awkwardly, feeling strangely torn between wanting to hug her and being afraid he was going to get shoved away if he did. So he settled for a halfway point, sliding his arm round her shoulders and half-hugging her to his side. "You've every right to be upset, and I'll be the last person to say you ought to pretend to be alright when you're not." He did want her to feel better, of course, but to genuinely feel it, not just put it on like a costume for his sake.
--
She turned, and hugged him as tight as she could. When she stood the chair slid backwards, but she didn't care, her eyes closed as her shoulders shook. She was trying to breathe, trying not to cry - but it wasn't working that well. "I killed people, Eustace." It was muffled, against his shirt as she didn't let go of him. Not yet, not until he pulled away. "And Animals. I had to, but-"
She'd killed them. They would have no future, because of her.
To say she wasn't dealing well was an understatement.
--
He let out a soft sound of surprise as she hugged him, thinking Well that settles that, then, and wrapping his other arm around her. "It was a war, Jill," he said quietly, not even sure if she wanted him to talk, but not thinking he could bear to stay quiet when he might make this all easier for her by finding the right thing to say. "You couldn't help it-- would you rather have let them kill you? I hope you wouldn't, because if you would then I might have to thump you one for being even worse of a loon." He was babbling, which he was fairly certain couldn't possibly be making her feel better. "You were fighting for Aslan," he blurted, "for what he stands for. Whatever you did, Pole, you did for Aslan."
--
She felt stupid. She knew there was a good reason, she knew that she did what she had too - but she still could see it, and knew that they had families - and here she was, hanging all over Eustace like... like some... something that hung. She pulled back, and wrapped her arms around her waist even though she'd give everything she had to just stay where she was. Her eyes were red and swollen, and she looked a mess. "I know." She didn't know what else to say than that, didn't really know how to express the horror and guilt and-
And everything. She just didn't know how, and she looked down at her chair. "How is it here? Do you like it?" Her eyes were still dark with pain, but she felt like she was burdening him. He didn't know, and her dumping it on him-
She knew it made her a nit to even think it, but she would rather he be happy then both of them be miserable.
--
"Jill," he said softly, looking at her with a pained expression as she pulled away from him. She did look a mess, and he understood some part of the grief and helplessness she was feeling. How could he not, when he'd felt it himself watching the aged King Caspian's ship sail away to Aslan's country? And in making that connection, he then also understood how she might need to think about something else for a time, as he had, and so relented and let the subject be changed.
"I like it well. Caspian is here, and Edmund and Lucy and Susan, as I'm sure you know. Everyone else seems to be very friendly, really quite lovely. They're from all sorts of worlds and times, and it's quite fascinating to hear about the places they're all from." He hoped she'd find the humor to poke fun at him, always with half a mind to what he could learn from a situation.
--
She swallowed, and nodded. "Edmund told me Susan was here." Her brow knit. "It... it's a bit odd, isn't it? With the way she-" She paused. "You weren't there for that, either." Her fingers wound in the thin cotton of her t-shirt, and she exhaled slowly. "... This is a bit... difficult to get used to. I'm sorry, Eustace." She looked down at the worn toes of her shoes, her voice quiet. "I'm grateful that you're here."
She'd been so very worried over him originally - at least he was safe, even if he didn't remember - or hadn't lived it, as the case may be.
--
"Don't apologize, or do I have to call you something worse than loon?" he chided her gently. "I'm glad you're here, Jill, no matter what strangeness comes up because of it. I doubt anything can be a worse shock than getting sucked through a portrait and ending up in the sea," he added with a bit of a chuckle. "Truly... if you're here, you'll be alright. We'll make it work, somehow."
--
She nodded, and looked up at him. "It'll be alright. Just.. getting used to it all, and if you'll remember it's been a very long day." She finally started eating. "... You're right thrilled about Caspian, aren't you." She smiled at him over her cup of tea.
--
Eustace smiled and rolled one shoulder in a shrug, sitting back down again. "Yes," he admitted. "I never thought I'd have another chance to see him-- you know," he said with a sheepish grin. "It's just nice-- and now you're here, I've got both my closest friends-- it's quite a nice feeling, actually." It was equally nice that she knew him well enough to know how much it would mean to him to have his friend back.
--
She nodded, and hesitated. "I... I think I'd quite like another hug. If you don't mind?" She swallowed, and tried to avoid becoming a blubbering mess again. "... He seems very nice - very Narnian." She grinned at that. "Bit like you, actually." She sighed. "... Do you know where I can sleep? I mean. Not.. now. Just- in general? I'd rather not end up being like when we were past the River Shribble."
--
Eustace tried not to smile, afraid she'd take it for making fun, and stood back up to get close and hug her gently again. "I'm glad you're here," he repeated. "And it will be alright, I promise. Things will settle and after a while you'll feel right at home." When he pulled away he gave her a bracing smile. "There's a room in this building where new arrivals can stay. Tomorrow I'll get Susan and Lucy to help find you a place to stay for good."
--
She nodded, and smiled tiredly. "I'm very happy you're here, too. I'd be ever so lost if I didn't know anyone." She squeezed his hand, and then yawned so hard her jaw ached. ".... I think I may actually go find that room where I can sleep." She blinked twice. "Thanks, Scrubb."
--
"Don't mention it," he said with a return smile. "Sleep well, Pole. Jill. I'll.. I'll see you in the morning." And she was gone, and Eustace found that in spite of all the troubling things she'd told him of the state of Narnia as she'd left it, the smile lingered on his face for quite some time.
She didn't really understand a lot of things, honestly. She'd come to accept a lot of strange things as time went one - that sort of thing happened when you went to Experiment house, when you found yourself suddenly in a land of Giants and Marshwiggles and great talking Lions.
But now she was somewhere that wasn't Narnia - and Edmund was here, and everyone was here, and they kept saying Eustace was here, but-
But she couldn't find him. She'd taken the time to wash off her face so she wasn't tasting that coppery pang of blood all of the time, but she kept looking for him. This room, that room - evidently found the bedrooms, and stuck her chainmail under one- and her bow and arrows, although she kept her sword, just in case. Just in case of what, precisely, she wasn't sure - but the tunic hung around her calves, and she raised her voice as she called for him yet again. "Eustace?"
--
He was outside on a rock, staring up at the stars. Talking with Edmund had made him near frantic to find Jill, but the other parts of what his cousin had told him were upsetting enough that he wasn't sure he wanted to go looking for her just yet. He had to be sure he'd processed everything first; the last thing he wanted to do was mar their meeting by falling apart over the demise of Narnia.
Sighing, he shifted rather irritably on the rock, finding a place where the knot in the tree behind him wouldn't dig into his shoulder blade. Soon, he thought; just until the moon sank beneath the treeline. Then he'd get up, put away whatever lingering upset he had, and go and find his friend.
--
She was scared, even as she stepped out of this place, wondering offhandedly what kind of a name 'the Compound' was. Honestly, something like... 'Refuge' or something might be better. Maybe. She called out for him again - what if Edmund was wrong? What... what if that wasn't Edmund at all, or this was some strange sort of... something? Afterlife? (She didn't really think of it as Heaven, because those things aren't taught at the Experiment House).
"Eustace?" She was trying not to remember the blood and the cries of the dying- she'd been so sure when she'd come out of that cave that he was still in there, that Tirian was in there-
But what if that's not what happened? What if she'd died- "Then I'll deal with it. I'm here for a reason." She muttered it to herself, and cleared her throat as she picked over the sort of plants that you wouldn't find in Narnia or in England. She could hear things - animals, maybe? She drew the sword on her hip clumsily - it shook as her hand did, as she'd had a bit of a stressful day.
--
It was the glint of the moonlight off steel that caught his eye-- and then the voice, the low mutter that slithered into his ear and made him sit up, his legs swinging off the side of the rock as he peered into the night. "Jill?" he called curiously, hopping down and going toward her. There were only thirty yards or so between him and the compound, and he met her halfway, a strange hesitant grin fighting its way onto his face. "Jill," he repeated, looking her up and down. He'd rarely been so happy to see anyone-- perhaps only Caspian, upon his arrival here. "Cor, you look like hell," he said awkwardly, grinning. "What... are you hurt?" She was covered in blood. He hoped it wasn't hers.
--
She dropped the sword. Vaugely, she knew that you weren't supposed to do that- she was sure there had to be rules against that type of thing, but she didn't know them. She didn't even really know how to handle the sword, but once she saw him, she didn't care. She shook her head, even as her hand reached for his. It was clean, at least, her fingers tight on his hand. "Scrubb?" Her voice actually cracked, and she rubbed at her face with her other hand as her eyes got wet.
It was so much - the battle, the coming here, that bloody cave-
"Eustace?"
--
Oh, by the Lion, she was going to cry. It was distressing, but it was so very Jill that he couldn't find it in him to even make fun of her for it. He squeezed her hand in his and gave her what he hoped was a bolstering smile. "Where'd you get the sword, Pole?" She didn't seem hurt; he thought there would be rather more in the way of tears if that were so. Also, he was fairly certain Edmund would have seen her to a doctor if that were the case. God, it's good to see her, he thought, and though it had only been a few weeks since he'd seen her, it felt like longer.
--
She hiccupped. "Same place you got yours." She gave up, and as gross as she was, she hugged him. It was less hugging him and more fitting herself into his taller frame, but it worked - she was still crying, and now her words were muffled against his shirt. "I t-thought you were in that awful cave." His smile had helped a bit, but she just wanted to know he was here, and alive - and not full of holes from those nasty Dwarves. "I d'know why I'm here. Or why Aslan put me there-" In that place.
Just thinking about it made her entire body stiffen, and the tears came faster even as she tried to stop them. "It's alright. Really, it is." It obviously was not, but there was a great deal to be set by putting up a good face on things.
--
She was rather gross, but he wasn't going to argue; these were borrowed clothes after all, they'd wash, and it was Jill. Having tangible proof that she was alive and well was far more important than the state of his shirt. "In what cave?" he asked, rubbing her shoulders gently. He hoped she didn't mean the Underland; though how she'd have ended up there after the fall of Narnia was beyond him.
But it was rather a lot to take in, in any case, and he didn't want to hear the story out here with her shivering against him, any more than he thought she would want to tell it that way. "Jill... you're a mess. Come inside, let's find you some dry clothes."
--
She nodded, and scrubbed at her face again. "Alright. I... Edmund had said you were here - I know I'm right awful looking, I just needed to see you-" She flushed then, and ducked her head. "... Especially because of where we had been." She sounded a bit like a ninny - it wasn't that she couldn't do whatever it was while he wasn't there, it was just that she was so worried about him.
"And a shower. I feel like I'll stick to whatever I touch."
She moved ahead of him, not really saying much as they ducked into the Compound. She just kept thinking about whose blood was on her, and that led to every time Eustace said anything she replied with a non-commital 'hrm'. She hadn't meant too, but she was deep enough in thought that it just worked out that way. Once she'd grabbed pants and a skirt and a shirt and things (after he'd showed her the laundry), she ducked into the shower- it took her ages to get it all rubbed off, because blood has a horrible habit of getting under your nails and such. "Oi, Scrubb?" She knew he was sitting outside somewhere.
--
"Tell me everything once you're washed," he agreed, letting his hand rest on her shoulder for a moment as he let her precede him into the building. Once inside, he took up residence in the hall outside the girls' washroom, sitting with his knees drawn up and his arms draped over them, his head tipped back against the wall. It was weird, he thought; it was clear there was so much to hear, but they were able to put it aside for a time, take care of more pressing concerns. That he was able to do that, he thought, was mostly due to her influence.
When she spoke, he startled out of his thoughts. "Mmm?" he called back, his head craning a bit around the door, not to see anything but so his ear would be pointed in her direction. "I'm here."
--
She really had no idea he gave her so much credit. She scrubbed off her nails, and washed her hair for a fourth time. "... I don't think I'm ever going to get all the blood off." She made a grumpy noise, twisting to get the bits in the middle of her back. She could feel the dried blood, because it made her itch.
"By the by, what did you mean, what cave? It's the cave that's here, where I appeared. Didn't you?"
--
"No," he called back, surprised and dismayed on her behalf. "I fell asleep in my backyard and woke up under a tree here, on the beach. I say, Pole, I'm... that's rough. I'm terribly sorry that's how you had to show up." She'd hated the underground parts of their journey far more than he had, that was certain, and he'd hated them quite a bit. "Well... you're out now, and won't ever have to go back in unless you decide you want to." He'd see to that; if there was another storm like the one everyone had weathered before he showed up, he'd make sure they secured a space in the compound.
--
She made an incredulous noise, and turned off the water - and realised that while her towel was inside, her clothes were not. "I say, Scrubb, be a gent and toss a girl her clothes?" Her face burned, but she hardly was going to walk out there in a towel. "And I don't think there'd be any reason for me to want to. I mean, 'Yes, please, let me go into the cave system where it's bloody easy to get lost and you can't see a thing and-" Her voice had thickened with threatening tears again, and she pinched herself to make her stop. "Sorry. ... Wait, you were in your backyard?"
--
"Right," he said, scooping up the whole bundle and thrusting it blindly into the washroom, his eyes averted. "I just meant sometimes if it storms... did anyone tell you about the hurricane?" The clothes were pulled from his hands, and he answered her question. "Yes, my back yard, just after school. I was thinking of Narnia, and fell asleep dreaming of it." That was something he didn't mind admitting to Jill, as he was fairly certain she dreamt of Narnia too; and even if she didn't, she wasn't likely to tease him for admitting it. "I woke up here and thought I'd wished myself there somehow." His voice made his disappointment apparent.
--
She toweled herself off, then blushed even as she tugged on her knickers and bra - he was right outside, and it was just a bit odd - mostly because there wasn't the excuse for it like there'd been when they were traveling (although she still easily hid in the brush and got very used to putting clothes back on under a blanket on the few times they'd been able to bathe). ".... You mean you didn't go then?" She yanked on the skirt and the shirt - rather odd, having a t-shirt that was so heavy and not made to be under a shirt - clearly not to be under a shirt, because otherwise why would it have words on the back? She hopped out of the shower tugging on a pair of socks, finally standing upright when she was dressed except her shoes.
"... You were from before?"
--
"Didn't go where? To Narnia, you mean? No...." He took a breath and said evenly, "Edmund told me there was a war. That you saw the fall." His voice was soft, rueful. He didn't want to admit it might be true. But he steeled himself, Courage, Eustace. Aslan would want you to face it bravely. "Lucy comes from after that. I suppose... I suppose she didn't quite make it all plain to me when I first arrived-- understandably so," he said reasonably. "It's not an easy thing to think about."
--
She made a noise in her throat. "I didn't see the fall. Just... things were bad, Eustace." She had a faraway look in her eyes, all of the emotion drained from her. It was the only way she could deal with it right now, was not dealing at all. "Really, really bad. You were there, though." She rubbed the back of her neck. "And Lucy wasn't, so she probably hasn't a clue." It wasn't easy to think of - and living it was harder. "... Want to go somewhere, Scrubb? Rather not discuss this in the loo."
--
"Hungry?" Eustace asked with a grin. "I could use something, even if you're not-- come on," he said, leading her down the hall. She'd talk better with some food in her, and probably easier too; if she was paying attention to food, she'd probably only be half able to be upset about what she was talking about. "You say I was there? That's odd." He held the kitchen door open for her and went towards the icebox. "Let's see what we can rummage up....."
--
She shook her head. "Not really. Nice cuppa'd be nice, though." She turned on the stove with the kettle on it, and once she checked it for water, she looked back at him over her shoulder. She bit the inside of her lip, and cleared her throat. "If you grab anything for yourself..." She thought with the best way to say it, then gave up. "No meat, please." She looked back at the kettle, as it was much more comfortable then having to explain that, and then started rummaging through cupboards.
--
With his head still inside the icebox, Eustace rolled his eyes at her, glad she couldn't see him. "I'll grab enough for two, don't worry," he said, pulling out a plate of scones and a bowl of pineapple chunks. Balancing them on one arm, he reached for a loaf of bread and the small jug of milk. "Here," he said, sliding the lot onto the counter. "Help yourself. Sit there, I'll do this," he said, taking the kettle and motioning her toward a chair in front of all the food. He had wondered at the no-meat request, but remembering their experience in Harfang with the Stag, he thought perhaps she was just being safe rather than sorry.
--
It was less that, then she had a feeling that meat-things would look vaugly similar to what she'd seen today. Well. Yesterday, maybe? She hadn't slept, so she supposed it was all today. "Not hungry, Scrubb. Not now, anyway." She sat, waiting for the tea to heat. "... How're you?" Stupid question, likely would have a stupid answer - but it'd be better then just sitting and staring at each other like idiots. She didn't know if she should tell him, or not tell him, or... "You being there wasn't odd. It was after the railway car jolted, Aslan brought the two of us to Narnia." She picked up bread without even thinking, and started to gnaw on it.
--
"Railway car?" he queried, picking at a scone. "What railway car? D'you mean-- we were going to go visit everyone at the hols, is that what you mean?" He sensed he was on the edge of a difficult topic, and didn't want to push her -- especially since he wasn't entirely certain he wanted to know his own future himself. He might sleep easier in ignorance... but it would be churlish to leave Jill to carry the burden all herself, and so he told himself to see it through.
--
She looked down at the bread. "... I... Are you sure you want to know this?" She scratched the back of her neck, honestly feeling a bit odd about the whole thing. She was still trying to key down from the battle, and she certainly didn't want to sleep because she was scared as all dickens that she'd wake back up in that cave, or worse - a different one. She stared at the bread, and swallowed. "... When're you from? Are you before or after we got all together with your cousins and Professor Kirke, and Aunt Polly?" That would change things. Maybe-
.... Edmund'd told him. "What did he tell you?" She wished she hadn't told anyone anything. All these people here, and now they knew, but they didn't - they only knew the little bits they'd guessed, and that wasn't good for anyone.
--
"I want to know," he said, though he didn't sound entirely sure. But he pressed on, "I'm from before you-- last I remember was our first month of school. So tell me everything." He could see in her eyes that she wasn't looking forward to telling him, but that only served to bolster his resolve to hear it out. She couldn't sit with whatever was troubling her so all alone.
--
She shrugged, and explained that they'd all gotten together - Him, and Peter and Edmund and Lucy, Professor Kirke and Polly- Aunt Polly, as it were. ... And what happened with Susan. She told him about Tirian appearing like a ghost in the dinner table, and swallowed before continuing. She was looking down at her food most of the time, seeming very unlike herself. "Then when we were all on the train, there was this frightful jerk-" She paused, and then continued. "You and I were in Narnia. Tirian - he was the last Narnian king, you see. Seven generations after Rilian."
She didn't know if she wanted to continue. She -had- to, but she didn't know if she wanted to.
--
Eustace's eyes widened at that. "Seven?" By Aslan, that was a bloody long time. And for them it had only been three years...... It was strange, and not in the best of ways, to think that between his first and second trip to Narnia it had been three years in his world, and fifty or so Narnian years had passed; and then to find in the next three, over two hundred years had passed...
"Well obviously we were called there for a purpose, especially if not everyone else went with us...." He saw something, some expression cross her face, and leaned forward, resting his chin on his folded hands. "What about the rest? What happened after that?"
--
She struggled with the words. "There was a false Aslan - something that..." She paused. "... The Calormene were working with some of the Animals." The light had left her eyes, and the color was slowly leeching from her skin. "And they were getting the other animals to believe them, that Aslan and Tash were the same and that Aslan told them to-" Her voice was rising, and then broke. She stared resolutely at the mangled bread in her hands. "The Calormene invaded. Were invading. Some of the Animals-" She cleared her throat again. "And... And t-The Dwarves-" And then she started to cry.
"They killed all the Horses, Eustace. All of them. The Dwarves shot them." Tears dribbled down her pale cheeks, and she tried to rub them away. "We were losing. I.. I ki-Killed-" She felt like she was going to throw up. She hadn't even eaten anything, and she just-
"'Scuse me." She stood, her mouth covered with a hand, and then the wave of nausea passed. She closed her eyes, and shook her head slightly, sitting back down.
--
Eustace was appalled, and even felt a little sick himself. Treachery and betrayal, a false idol with the name of Aslan, and the Lion himself declining even to step in and rout the usurper and its Calormene cohorts..... he understood, now, why she was so broken up about it, and why it was so hard for her to calm down. He'd be in a right state too, and didn't mind admitting it. "Hey, Pole, it's alright," he said softly, going round the counter to lay a hand on her shoulder. "You're here and safe, and Narnia.... Aslan wouldn't have let you leave if he didn't have things well in hand." It felt right to say, but after seeing Edmund in so much despair, he was no longer entirely sure it was true.
--
She felt like she was going to throw up, her breath hitching as she tried to stop crying. "I- There was no way we could have won, Eustace. When- When they shot- The Drum started. Calling Calormene reinforcements." Her shoulders hitched, and she wrapped her arms around her middle like that would somehow stop the hurting. She'd killed people. Killed Animals, killed people, and even so, even with all that they'd been losing- And the Horses. Somehow, the Horses mattered more then that, because they were shot by thier own-
Dwarves are for the Dwarves.
Not their own.
She just mumbled some sort of apology, her voice breaking as she rubbed futiley at her eyes.
--
"Don't apologize, Pole, you loon," Eustace said awkwardly, feeling strangely torn between wanting to hug her and being afraid he was going to get shoved away if he did. So he settled for a halfway point, sliding his arm round her shoulders and half-hugging her to his side. "You've every right to be upset, and I'll be the last person to say you ought to pretend to be alright when you're not." He did want her to feel better, of course, but to genuinely feel it, not just put it on like a costume for his sake.
--
She turned, and hugged him as tight as she could. When she stood the chair slid backwards, but she didn't care, her eyes closed as her shoulders shook. She was trying to breathe, trying not to cry - but it wasn't working that well. "I killed people, Eustace." It was muffled, against his shirt as she didn't let go of him. Not yet, not until he pulled away. "And Animals. I had to, but-"
She'd killed them. They would have no future, because of her.
To say she wasn't dealing well was an understatement.
--
He let out a soft sound of surprise as she hugged him, thinking Well that settles that, then, and wrapping his other arm around her. "It was a war, Jill," he said quietly, not even sure if she wanted him to talk, but not thinking he could bear to stay quiet when he might make this all easier for her by finding the right thing to say. "You couldn't help it-- would you rather have let them kill you? I hope you wouldn't, because if you would then I might have to thump you one for being even worse of a loon." He was babbling, which he was fairly certain couldn't possibly be making her feel better. "You were fighting for Aslan," he blurted, "for what he stands for. Whatever you did, Pole, you did for Aslan."
--
She felt stupid. She knew there was a good reason, she knew that she did what she had too - but she still could see it, and knew that they had families - and here she was, hanging all over Eustace like... like some... something that hung. She pulled back, and wrapped her arms around her waist even though she'd give everything she had to just stay where she was. Her eyes were red and swollen, and she looked a mess. "I know." She didn't know what else to say than that, didn't really know how to express the horror and guilt and-
And everything. She just didn't know how, and she looked down at her chair. "How is it here? Do you like it?" Her eyes were still dark with pain, but she felt like she was burdening him. He didn't know, and her dumping it on him-
She knew it made her a nit to even think it, but she would rather he be happy then both of them be miserable.
--
"Jill," he said softly, looking at her with a pained expression as she pulled away from him. She did look a mess, and he understood some part of the grief and helplessness she was feeling. How could he not, when he'd felt it himself watching the aged King Caspian's ship sail away to Aslan's country? And in making that connection, he then also understood how she might need to think about something else for a time, as he had, and so relented and let the subject be changed.
"I like it well. Caspian is here, and Edmund and Lucy and Susan, as I'm sure you know. Everyone else seems to be very friendly, really quite lovely. They're from all sorts of worlds and times, and it's quite fascinating to hear about the places they're all from." He hoped she'd find the humor to poke fun at him, always with half a mind to what he could learn from a situation.
--
She swallowed, and nodded. "Edmund told me Susan was here." Her brow knit. "It... it's a bit odd, isn't it? With the way she-" She paused. "You weren't there for that, either." Her fingers wound in the thin cotton of her t-shirt, and she exhaled slowly. "... This is a bit... difficult to get used to. I'm sorry, Eustace." She looked down at the worn toes of her shoes, her voice quiet. "I'm grateful that you're here."
She'd been so very worried over him originally - at least he was safe, even if he didn't remember - or hadn't lived it, as the case may be.
--
"Don't apologize, or do I have to call you something worse than loon?" he chided her gently. "I'm glad you're here, Jill, no matter what strangeness comes up because of it. I doubt anything can be a worse shock than getting sucked through a portrait and ending up in the sea," he added with a bit of a chuckle. "Truly... if you're here, you'll be alright. We'll make it work, somehow."
--
She nodded, and looked up at him. "It'll be alright. Just.. getting used to it all, and if you'll remember it's been a very long day." She finally started eating. "... You're right thrilled about Caspian, aren't you." She smiled at him over her cup of tea.
--
Eustace smiled and rolled one shoulder in a shrug, sitting back down again. "Yes," he admitted. "I never thought I'd have another chance to see him-- you know," he said with a sheepish grin. "It's just nice-- and now you're here, I've got both my closest friends-- it's quite a nice feeling, actually." It was equally nice that she knew him well enough to know how much it would mean to him to have his friend back.
--
She nodded, and hesitated. "I... I think I'd quite like another hug. If you don't mind?" She swallowed, and tried to avoid becoming a blubbering mess again. "... He seems very nice - very Narnian." She grinned at that. "Bit like you, actually." She sighed. "... Do you know where I can sleep? I mean. Not.. now. Just- in general? I'd rather not end up being like when we were past the River Shribble."
--
Eustace tried not to smile, afraid she'd take it for making fun, and stood back up to get close and hug her gently again. "I'm glad you're here," he repeated. "And it will be alright, I promise. Things will settle and after a while you'll feel right at home." When he pulled away he gave her a bracing smile. "There's a room in this building where new arrivals can stay. Tomorrow I'll get Susan and Lucy to help find you a place to stay for good."
--
She nodded, and smiled tiredly. "I'm very happy you're here, too. I'd be ever so lost if I didn't know anyone." She squeezed his hand, and then yawned so hard her jaw ached. ".... I think I may actually go find that room where I can sleep." She blinked twice. "Thanks, Scrubb."
--
"Don't mention it," he said with a return smile. "Sleep well, Pole. Jill. I'll.. I'll see you in the morning." And she was gone, and Eustace found that in spite of all the troubling things she'd told him of the state of Narnia as she'd left it, the smile lingered on his face for quite some time.