In Search of a Little Death verse
In Search of a Little Death parts
1. Rodney in bed with Keller. Phone call from hospital saying John was injured.
2. Keller explaining him injuries. Rodney finding out John works for air force. ‘He completed his (suicide) mission.’ Rodney sees him. John high on painkillers. Confesses his love for Rodney.
3. Rodney talks with Keller. Keller confesses John told her of his feelings long before. Rodney doesn’t understand why Jennifer never told him and they fall out.
4. Rodney freaks out when Caldwell visits. Rodney explains his ‘hypothetical’ situation which Caldwell knows is real.
5. John keeps flitting in and out of consciousness, trying to tell Rodney how he feels but thankfully he never stays conscious long enough. After a few days he regains consciousness fully, telling Rodney that he looks terrible. Caldwell agrees to run Rodney back to his and Jennifer’s house.
6. Rodney finds his stuff left out in the lawn in bin bags. When he tries to get in the doors are locked. She comes out saying he made his choice, and if not, she’s making it for him. Rodney runs away before Caldwell can catch him.
7. Caldwell and John wait, wait and wait until McKay FINALLY comes back having realised he’s got nowhere else to go. Caldwell is so relieved he almost hugs the man but he makes his exit. McKay is shattered, lying down on the bed after John’s invitation. McKay is rambling about how he was a useless boyfriend, he deserved what Keller (literally) threw at him, he doesn’t let John get a word in until he asks rhetorically: seriously, what kind of boyfriend am I? John answers: Mine, my boyfriend. I mean, if you want to be. McKay is actually tired enough to just go: yeah, ok.
8. In the morning Rodney freaks out, John calms his down with a kiss and even with all the cuts and bruises McKay is more than fine touching John and John comes just from Rodney’s hand on his stomach. John hasn’t had sex in 6 years and he really wants to touch Rodney but Rodney freaks out, runs away again.
9. Conversation with Caldwell. Rodney’s not good with being touched (different with Doctor’s though). He was a virgin before Keller, John recalls the email that broke his heart. It appears, despite being stuck in hospital John considers having a boyfriend who doesn’t like to be touched his most pressing issue. Caldwell smiles at that, knowing Rodney will get there.
10. Caldwell bumps into Rodney who is waiting outside John’s room. Rodney has a plan but he’s scared to implement it. The more John gets better the more he’s allowed to touch Rodney. Caldwell thinks its genius but Rodney is still scared. Caldwell puts his mind at ease with a hug. John is ecstatic at Rodney’s proposal but has one amendment. He gets to call Rodney beautiful at least once a day.
11. Rodney has become John’s personal carer. The nurse letting him. Rodney shaves him, bathes him but. He still has the wires coming out of him but his stomach and intestines are better. Rodney bathing John ends up in a hand job and a kiss. He’s okay with kissing.
12. Caldwell has brought them clothes. Both of them, since Rodney’s clothes kind of got... Rodney realises he’s been neglecting the real world so he goes to speak to his sister, maybe see her if that’s okay with John. Rodney’s a bit shell-shocked when he comes back. Apparently, Jeannie and the gang are going to come over on the weekend, since John doesn’t have any other visitors. Jeannie yelled at him for trying to abandon John. Rodney gets a hug from John and Caldwell wishes him good luck.
13. Pestering the nurse to take the tubes out of John and let him get dressed before the Millers arrive. John is very eager because as soon as he gets to pee for himself he gets to see Rodney naked. They bicker and Rodney accuses John of flirting with the nurse. Rodney is serious though because he doesn’t want Madison to see John like that, because when he was four he saw his mom, wired up and it scared him. The nurse agrees to see what she can do. John still insists he wants to see Rodney naked.
14. When the Miller arrives John is dressed and everything but he insists on speaking to Jeannie alone. Rodney is left with Kaleb and Madison. Rodney babbles everything and Kaleb just goes: busy week? Kaleb says it’s obvious how John feels about him. They go take Madison to the gift shop.
15. Rodney is left feeling the worst boyfriend ever as Madison gives her gift to John. John insists Rodney is already a gift. Jeannie apologises and Rodney’s surprised but they actually do end up a kind of family. Madison giving John a ‘get well soon’ card and Rodney, with a smile on his face says to John, well, she certainly got your hair right. They promise to keep in touch.
16. John’s first attempt at physio doesn’t go well and John refuses to try. Rodney promises, if he tries, Rodney might sleep without his jumper and sweatpants tonight and John can touch where he wants. Rodney trusts John. John tries again.
17. Rodney has a nightmare but he refuses to be comforted. When John tries to wake him Rodney runs into a corner where John can’t follow. John is helpless but he begs Rodney to stay, not to leave him. Rodney is embarrassed and stays in the corner as he tells him a story about his childhood. Shortly after the death of his mother, trying to crawl into his dad’s bed, and how his father locked him in the wardrobe because of it. John is openly crying. John reveals his worst nightmare is losing Rodney. Rodney can comfort John.
18. Caldwell says his goodbyes. Rodney says they might be joining him on the Daedalus in a few months. John has made remarkable progress. He’s highly motivated. John’s not going to be going on any more suicide missions. Caldwell tells them to ‘take care of him’. They both respond: ‘I will’ and he knows they will.