Comments | pen_strokes: Dead Lucky

pen_strokes

Dead Lucky

May 22, 2009 19:13

Title: Dead Lucky
Fandom: Original
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: gambling
Summary: The thing about winning is that eventually, you lose.
Notes: Written for the May week 3 challenge at brigits_flame, theme “nothing to lose.” Early post is early because I’ll be at Anime Boston all weekend--this is being posted from the Iron Cosplay line! :)

…
( they call you lady luck, but there is room for doubt--at times you have a very unladylike way of running out )

original fiction, brigits_flame

Comments 10

desert_rose May 24 2009, 05:57:22 UTC

Hi there, I'm one of your editors for this entry ( ... )

kuhori_rei May 28 2009, 18:56:28 UTC

I'm glad you liked this entry! :) I, for one, hated it. -_-;; Can't win them all, right? :P

Thanks for a great edit, though! :)

Yeah... okay esteebee May 25 2009, 23:49:29 UTC

So about this weeks entry...

The story didn't really flow as well as most of your other stories. It took me a little while to even identify with your character- not usually a problem for me. I didn't feel the emotional connection with your story, and the writing style is a little off as well.
This weeks entry is pretty different from your other pieces, and I look forward to reading your next one :)

Re: Yeah... okay kuhori_rei May 28 2009, 18:57:01 UTC

Love your honesty, lovey.

Also, this entry was shite. :P I make no apologies. It's nice to have a week off, though, not going to lie. Woohoo! :P

katden May 26 2009, 04:53:22 UTC

Darker than usual, but very interesting.
Poor Lucky.

kuhori_rei May 28 2009, 18:57:25 UTC

It's been awhile since I've written something dark. I kind of missed it.

Thanks for reading!

chaotic_vanity May 26 2009, 14:21:42 UTC

I very much enjoyed this piece. I like the way you broke the story up, and I was taken totally by surprise by the ending. It's dark, but I like the style. Nice job!

kuhori_rei May 28 2009, 18:58:00 UTC

Thank you! This entry was intended to be funny, I'm not sure when it got so dark.

(also, I love your icon. RIP George.

Edit harlotbug3 May 28 2009, 18:05:29 UTC

[Morning. I think my [red pen method] of editing needs to relax for a while. I’ll just chew it as I reflect on the work as a whole. You’ve made it easier, thank you, by not having many glaring errors. The piece works well as a sum of its parts, but while the ending isn’t an exception, it also isn’t exceptional. Short stories will only take you with a good intro and only keep you with a good ending. The lucky man’s luck running out isn’t a bad ending, but it also isn’t good. Try it without the last sentence as it is a bit cliché from my perspective, which is a shame because the line before it is very good. Typically I ask for more detail, but this works so well as a quick, straightforward piece that I’d recommend shaving down some of the more dramatic exchanges. In particular, the sections detailing the dissolution of his family interrupt the pace. It's good work and doesn't need much to make it great.]

Re: Edit kuhori_rei May 28 2009, 18:58:33 UTC

This was definitely not my best work, I'll say that much. :P Thanks for a great edit!