And then I swallowed the whole world

[pendrops]

OK, so I think that my three things were pretty universal when it comes to relationships.  None of them hinge on any one specific person, though arguably number three could.

This is why I don’t believe in soulmates (I would like to take this opportunity to point out that Microsoft Word does not recognize “soulmate” as a word).  The things that are

Comments

[bikiniline]

I'm sure there's a logical reason why your word of the day (which, for all you lazy bastards who won't check, is "pooh-pooh") is in Wingdings, but nothing's coming to me.

You're right, it's not the popular view, because it's not all squishy and romantic, but I mostly agree with your assessment of relationships, especially the stuff about how any number of people could fit one's basic requirements.

There's an additional factor, though, that arises when you've been in your chosen relationship for a while. You change. (X) changes you. Not in a bad way, not like "I don't remember who I am when I'm with you," but that person invariably contributes to molding who you become as you grow with them. That's my reason for believing any number of things, chief among them the idea that your chosen partner, if tolerably well-suited to you to begin with, eventually becomes your soulmate through the simple process of ruining you for anybody else

[pendrops]

I do wholeheartedly agree with that statement, and that is what blows my mind when I think about the people who go through relationships that last for two to twenty years and then break up and have to find someone else after all that time with one person. I think that's when people develop their relational scar tissue, something that I have miniscule amounts of, thankfully

[bikiniline]

That viewpoint probably is a little naive for the reason you mentioned -- in general, I think people are going to be really and lastingly messed up emotionally by a breakup only when they're really in love with the other person, have invested themselves entirely in the relationship, and see a future for it. Which is not to say that we don't get messed up by crap relationships we don't expect to last, but the scar tissue you're talking about only grows if we really choose to let it

P.S.

[bikiniline]

For some people, the "pool" narrows in the opposite direction; i.e., the people who arouse you sexually are the larger group you start with, then you extract the ones who make you feel good. (Yes, I know I only think this because I'm a dirty slut.) The point, and where many go wrong in their search for love, is that it is vitally important that the pool be narrowed in some direction, because one without the other is always ultimately insufficient.