A few more stanzas

[penguinpunk]

F is for fatidic.
From god's lips to your ear.
Perched like a gargoyle against the
evening's alenglow, reading Neruda
in Spanish to the twilight and to
me Si me dejaras muriendo oh

Comments

[justosric]

Criticism of your poem

[penguinpunk]

much grass, love. I always appreciate your crit. For the first stanza it was between Neruda and Rimbaud. I went with Neruda because I'm more familiar with him and the scene seemed to fit him better. Rimbaud seems more like a nighttime/ parisian streets kind of poet... who loved the cock.... The last two lines were a bit forced. i knew what i wanted to say, but couldn't find the right words for it. Shall have to work on it.
Interesting way of looking at G. I admit, the light/dark contrast was not my orginal intention, but maybe I'll play with it now that you've brought it up.

It may be early in the poem still, but my main worry now is that I'm just saying things without having it go anywhere if you catch my drift.

[jenny_the_great]

I love this poem.

And I'm coming to GT on Wednesday for orientation or whatever. Yay . . .

[penguinpunk]

thanks. i try.

If you're coming wednesday, I'll be there to teach you ( which will maybe a consist of a five minute instructional and then an introduction to all the crazy GT denizens). should be fun.

[justosric]

Keep working on it, girl- - I like what you are doing with it. Don't worry about it having no obvious path, as I'm sure the path will become more apparent once you see an end in sight.

And thanks for the comments on my poems- - I'm kind of indifferent about my latest poem I posted. Your suggestions definitely make sense. I'll hopefully post one soon. Am I seeing you on friday?

[justosric]

I love your new "H" stanza... post it here soon, darling!

PS: Little Miss Sunshine was a killer movie. Loved it!

[justosric]

Yes, the girl is on facebook. I miss you like whoa. Classes are fine so far- - no surprises really. You are amazing, I hope? Je t'adore <3