i want to go back to sleep
fuck.
woke up at four am
threw up for about.. 40 minutes
layed down in a cold sweat
woke again around 5:15. threw up.
drank water in the hopes that it would sooth my stomache or at least make the vomiting more tolerable
it went in my mouth
it came out of my mouth
wash rinse repeat until about 8 am
watched lucas with mj
did laundry
everything came out smelling like puke
awesome.
uhhh then i went upstairs and did this kind of thing
made chef boyardee and drank lots of fluids
threw up
drank more fluids
took a shower+got dressed
alex texted me earlier, offering to stop by and give me back my water bottle/t shirt
so my plan was to be so cute that he would regret dumping me
or whatever
buuuut when he arrived my hair was still wet and mullety
my cute clothes were in the dryer
he handed my water bottle
i invited him in, saying i had something of his
he akwardly accepted
i rifled through the dryer, trying to find the t shirt i had of his
i finally found it, folded it, handed it to him
he asked if i was sure
i said yes
he asked if i wanted mine back, he didnt have it with him
i told him to keep it
c: look.. i uh.. i wrote you a message. did you get it?
a: no i dont have internet
c: oh. okay. well i basically just said i'm really sorry
a: don't be
c: i mean, i'm not sorry shit went down but i fee like i was a cunt and it was uncalled for
a: it's okay
c: and.. (this was the harderst part) if you still want to, i'd like to try being friends
***NOTE I HAVE NEVER NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE***
a: yeah. definitely. cool.
i walked him to the door
c: well uh, have a good day
a: you too. i'll text you about hanging out. or going to noahs or something.
c: cool. bye!
i wanted to hug him so bad.
but i didnt
since then ive been craigslisting looking for a new place to live
its draining.
my mom called
i asked if i could come over for dinner
she said yes
(blank)
later i was on myspace and found some ridiculous pictures of my brother on some guys myspace
so i called the house to talk to him and tell him about them
mom: hello?
c: hey can i talk to billy?
mom: sure. what time are you coming over?
c: i dunno can i talk to billy?
*billy and i talk*
mom: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU MAD AT ME FOR?
c: what? i'm not mad... i just wanted to talk to billy..
mom: well it seemed like you were mad!
c: whatever im coming over
blah blah blah
i went over there and my brother had just left
my mom was being a looney tune as usual
i was/am really emotionally worn out
so i was being kind of bitchy
i told her smething about me getting sick last night
and she started talking about getting my blood levels drawn
i told her i didnt want to talk about it, i had bigger problems
and she was like:
"oh. really chelsea? what problems could you have?"
"oh i dont know, maybe the fact that i have to move out and i have nowhere to go"
"well i said you can move back in"
"i'm NOT moving back in."
"i dont know what to tell you then"
"MOM WHAT THE FUCK. why whenever i mention any sort of problem that has nothing to do with you... why do you feel like you have to solve it? it pisses me off. all i want is someone to listen."
"blah blah im a bitch"
x20
"you know what? i'm leaving. i cant deal with this"
"you always want to come over and pick a fight just so you have a reason to get mad"
"yeah mom. thats it."