Real LJ Idol : Week Eight : "Yes, and"

[pennywhistle]

     "Mommy." The little girl tugged hard on her mother's pants, distracting her from peeling the vegetables for dinner. The mother sighed, wiped her hands on her apron, and looked down at her four-year-old daughter

Comments

[eska818]

Nice and creepy, just the way I like 'em.

[pennywhistle]

Me too!

[smiittenz]

That was incredible! I absolutely was not expecting that. The horror is done so well, I absolutely LOVED it! :D

[pennywhistle]

I'm so glad! Thank you :-)

[kajel]

Come on Mom, break down the door, find a hatchet, something! Nicely done.

[pennywhistle]

Thanks! I definitely should have added more about that. I think she'd been trying and was finally exhausted, because she'd nothing had worked. But it was my fault for leaving the assignment till the night before! ;-)

[violaconspiracy]

This is really creepy. The buildup through the third paragraph was really smooth and wonderful. I feel like I wanted one more paragraph in between the third and fourth to make the escalation a little more steady.
Overall, a great horror story, and a good example why you shouldn't ignore it when kids start talking about an invisible "friend."

[pennywhistle]

Thank you! Yes, I definitely agree with you. I would have liked another scene, but I had left the assignment to the last minute, despite the generous week we were given ;-)

[octavialuna]

Well done!

[pennywhistle]

Thank you! :-)