FIC: Handcuffs and Stethoscopes (part 2)
THE MORNING OF THE PARTY
Meredith opened the front door. “Mrs. Shepherd, so good to see you again,” She greeted with a tight smile. “Did I get the time wrong? I thought I wasn’t supposed to pick you up at the airport for another couple of hours.”
Caroline Shepherd breezed past the stunned resident. “You’re right, my dear. I arrived early. Contrary to my son’s beliefs, I am perfectly capable of taking an airport shuttle or hailing my own taxi.” She pulled Meredith into a hug. “You look like you’ve lost weight.” She moved away to hold her daughter-in-law at arms’ length. “Have you been ill?”
“No. I’m fine. Everything’s fine.” She looked down at the luggage on the ground. “Can I help you with your bags?”
Mrs. Shepherd shook her head as she looked around the room. “Festive decorations.”
Meredith placed both hands in her jean pockets and swayed nervously. “Ummm… yeah. We’re having a themed costume party for our friends tonight.”
“Oh?”
“Handcuffs and stethoscopes. Come as your favorite television character who was in medicine or law enforcement,” she said nodding her head.
“That’s a wonderful idea,” Caroline exclaimed. “I wish Derek had told me about this. I don’t have the items necessary to come as Mary Beth Lacey. The fashion from the eighties is hard to replicate.”
“Try finding clothes to match the 1870’s frontier.”
Caroline thought a moment. “Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman?” she guessed.
Meredith nodded. “Derek’s supposed to be Sully.”
“Sully wasn’t in medicine or law enforcement.”
“He used to be in the military and he worked for Indian Affairs.”
“That’s stretching your theme a bit,” Caroline said with a wink.
“Why don’t you come as your second favorite character?” Meredith suggested.
“She was a missionary. Although my third favorite was a retired social worker whose daughter was a judge.”
“There ya go!” Meredith shifted awkwardly. “By any chance do you have any idea how to go about putting on a hoop skirt with a bustle?”
“I think I could probably figure it out.”
Meredith gestured towards the kitchen. “I’ve got to finish getting stuff together for this evening.”
“What can I do to help?” Caroline asked. She paused just inside the kitchen door. "All I see is liquor, Meredith. Four bottles of tequila?" the older woman asked incredulously. "Don't you think you need some food?"
"Derek and Cristina said they'd pick up some chips and dip on their way here."
"All that alcohol requires more substantive food," the former nurse stated authoritatively. "Let me make something for you today. I've got plenty of time before the party."
"I couldn’t ask you to do that, Mrs. Shepherd.”
"It's no bother, Meredith. Now, how many people did you say were going to be here?" she inquired, rolling up her sleeves.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
THE NIGHT OF THE PARTY
The doorbell rang announcing the first guest. Meredith opened the door to see Cristina in olive green fatigues, a platinum blonde wig and padding to accentuate her breasts. “I’m so glad you’re here.” She yanked Cristina inside. “Derek’s mom is here and seems to love this TV theme party idea.”
“I thought that was the point.”
“It is but she’s all in-character and everything. It’s weird.”
Before Cristina could respond the doorbell rang again. “I’ll take care of the door. You… go… find an Amish-man or something.”
“I’m one of the first women doctors, thankyouverymuch!”
“Whatever.” Cristina opened the door. In front of her was Izzie Stevens dressed exactly the same, though her bust didn’t need padding. “Oh hell no!”
Izzie’s eyes widened. “You’ve got to be kidding me! I was hoping that just once we could not be in competition with each other but you go and ruin it.”
“My boyfriend is ex-Army. Of course we would be here as Hot Lips Houlihan and Hawkeye Pierce.”
“I’m a natural busty blonde. Plus I figured being a nurse would be beneath you.”
As the two stood in the doorway arguing, they were passed by a flood of arrivals. Derek “Magnum PI”, Mark “Dr. Joe Gannon”, Callie “Mary Beth Lacey” and Chief Webber brushed past the pair.
Meredith crossed the room to greet her husband. “What the…Derek, you were supposed to be Sully.”
“I thought you said Selleck, as in Tom Selleck. Who’s Sully?” Derek removed the Detroit Tigers baseball cap from his head.
“Dr. Quinn’s love interest!” She gestured to her own costume. “He was a rugged mountain man who ran around with the local Indians. He did not wear Hawaiian shirts and baseball hats!”
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Alex Karev walked up to Meredith’s front porch and stood next to Lexie. “Why aren’t you inside already?”
“I just got here and my wig shifted.” She looked him up and down. “Who are you supposed to be? I mean, obviously you’re a cop, right?”
“Dirty Harry. Who the hell are you?”
“Dorothy from the Golden Girls.”
“Wasn’t she a schoolteacher?”
“Yeah. So?”
“Dude, the theme is handcuffs and stethoscopes. You’ve committed a party foul without even walking through the door,” he said with a loud laugh.
She stomped her foot angrily. “Nobody told me that. I was just told to dress as my favorite tv character.”
“If you were going to come as a Golden Girl, I think Blanche would have been a better fit.” He pushed open the door. “If it makes you feel better, Izzie thinks I’m coming here as Frank Burns from MASH.”
“Frank Burns was a pansy.” Lexie scoffed.
“Exactly. I’m no pussy. I’m badass. Dirty Harry. Now, he’s badass.”
“What the hell, Alex?” Izzie ran over to greet her husband. “You were supposed to be Frank!” she said shoving him with the hand not holding her jello shot.
“Frank Burns was a pussy,” Alex and Lexie chimed in unison.
“Oooo jello shots!” Lexie moved away from the quarreling couple.
“Your costume has no imagination. Bell bottoms and a white dress shirt. Big freaking deal,” Izzie scoffed.
Alex held up his oversized cap gun. “I’ve got the gun and shoulder holster to go with it.”
Izzie glared at him. Then, in a flash the glare turned into an evil glint. She smashed her cherry red jello shot against his chest and walked away from him.
“Dude! You just freakin’ shot me!” he yelled after her.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Owen Hunt dragged both of his hands through his Derek Shepherd length hair. As soon as this party was over, he was making a visit to Supercuts. He ran one of his hands over his cheeks. It felt strange to be completely clean shaven. He opened the door to see Mrs. Shepherd at the base of the stairs.
“Why hello, Dr. Hunt, or should I say, Dr. MacNeil. How are you this fine evening?”
“I’m fine. Have you seen Dr. Yang?”
Mrs. Shepherd grinned when he spoke in a thick Scottish brogue. “Impressive brogue. I believe Cristina was dancing with Meredith in the living room.”
He looked over her turtleneck sweater and jeans. “Who are you supposed to be, Mrs. Shepherd?”
“I’m Maxine Gray from Judging Amy. The hair’s a bit shorter but I believe I got the look right.” She compared her costume to his. “Not many men can pull off the suspenders and shaggy hair look. Your hair’s not quite dark enough to pass for Neil MacNeil but I think the brogue makes up for it.”
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Callie sat beside her roommate, matching her shot for shot. Her mood had turned somewhat foul as the party had been going on for almost two hours and Arizona still hadn’t arrived.
“Stupid Owen,” Cristina muttered, pouring them both another shot of tequila. “No, he couldn’t come as Hawkeye Pierce. He had to come as some doctor from the past who wasn’t really even a surgeon.”
“At least he came to the party,” Callie complained.
“And that stupid accent…” Cristina continued as if she hadn’t heard Callie.
“His accent’s not that bad, Cristina. It actually sounds Scottish.” Callie tossed back the shot. “I mean, Meredith’s accent? I can’t tell if she’s supposed to be British or from New England. “
“Yeah, who knew Meredith would be a fan of 19th century clothing,” Cristina said, disappointment in her voice. “Hope Meredith’s not planning on doing the McNasty tonight,” she said, a grin starting to cross her face. “Derek could get a nun out of her habit faster than he could get Meredith out of all those layers.”
Callie guffawed at Cristina’s comment. Who knew that an on-her-way-to-being drunk Cristina Yang could help her get out of her bad mood? She reached for the bottle and this time, she poured the shots of tequila. When she slid the glass over to her friend, she couldn’t help but notice that Cristina seemed a bit lopsided. Callie didn’t think she was so drunk that she was seeing things, but her friend’s breasts seemed to be moving.
“What?” Cristina asked, noticing Callie’s stare.
“Um, your, uh, your boobs are moving.”
Cristina looked down at her chest. Realizing that the falsies she wore had shifted, she reached into her shirt and adjusted her bra.
Callie watched her, a mouth agape. “Cristina -“
“Stop staring, Cal.”
“I’m not.”
“Go stare at your girlfriend’s boobs, not mine.”
“I would, but my girlfriend isn’t even here. She’s off saving the tiny humans,” she said waving her empty shot glass.
“Not my problem,” Cristina replied.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Arizona paused at the door, checking herself one last time in the reflection of the glass door. She smoothed out the non-existent wrinkles in her navy blue skirt, straightened out the lapels of the matching jacket and fixed the collar of her powder blue blouse. She pushed the dark framed non-prescription glasses back up, then reached up, trying to decide if she should knock or ring the doorbell.
Before she could knock once, Mark opened the door. Arizona quickly looked over the Plastic surgeon. His now-longer hair was smoothed down and parted to the side. Large sideburns graced his face his beardless face. She almost laughed when she saw the wide navy blue tie he wore, along with the blue and white striped shirt under a lab coat.
Mark slowly took in Arizona’s outfit. “Damn, Blondie,” he said after a short whistle. “You look hot. I never was one for girls who wore glasses but…”
“Alex Cabot,” Arizona said, thrusting her hand out. “And you are?”
“Huh?” Mark stuttered. Recovering quickly, Mark fell into his role as well. “Oh, I’m Dr. Joe…”
“Gannon,” Arizona finished for him. “Medical Center. My mom loved that show,” the blonde said, momentarily stepping out of character.
“Perhaps I could schedule you for a personal exam, Ms. Cabot,” Mark replied, wagging his eyebrows up and down.
“Not on your life, Dr. Gannon,” she replied, removing her hand from Mark’s grasp. “In fact, what you’re suggesting is in clear violation of Penal Code 19.68.10.”
“Oh, I didn’t know you were into penile law, counselor.”
“Penal law, NOT penile law! Jackass,” she huffed. “I need a drink. Have you seen Detective Benson?”
“Nope. She’s not here.”
“What? She’s not here yet?”
“Not Detective Benson, no. I did see a police officer, however,” he said with a chuckle.
“Where?”
“At the bar, of course,” he answered.
Pushing her way past Mark, Arizona bumped into Chief Webber. It only took a glance at the colorful sweater he wore under a white lab coat for her to identify his character.
“Alex Cabot, Assistant District Attorney,” she said shaking his hand. “So glad you could make it to the party, Dr. Huxtable.”
“Ms. Cabot,” he greeted her, a wide smile gracing his face as he returned the handshake. He pulled her in a little closer. “I knew you’d get it, Dr. Robbins,” the older man said with a semi-whisper. “You and Derek’s mother are the only ones who got it right.”
Spotting a somewhat tipsy Miranda Bailey, Arizona excused herself from the chief and approached the smaller woman.
“Lieutenant Van Buren," she greeted her. "I'm looking for -"
"'Bout time one of you got my costume right," Bailey said. "You're the first one. How hard could it be? It's not like I had a whole lotta options."
"I'm sorry," Arizona said, not sure why she was apologizing.
"What did you want...ummm?" Bailey stopped, trying to guess Arizona's character.
"Assistant District Attorney Alexandra Cabot," Arizona offered. "I'm looking for one of your detectives."
"My detectives? Briscoe and Green aren’t here."
“My apologies. You run the Homicide Division and the detective I’m looking for is from Special Victims.”
“The panty police? Oh you mean Benson. She’s not here.”
"She's not?" Arizona was crestfallen. "Detective Benson isn't here? Are you sure?"
"Of course I'm sure. Detective Benson is not here." Bailey finished her drink. "Try the bar. I saw a cop in there earlier."
"The bar?" Arizona realized that she'd never been inside Meredith Grey's house before. "And where is that?"
"The kitchen. Through that door," Bailey gestured with her hand. "And get me another drink while you're in there, wouldya?"
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Meredith and Cristina watched Arizona as she made her way through the crowded living room.
“Y’know,” Cristina commented as she set her shot glass down, “it’s a bit… unsettling.”
“What?”
“Rollergirl has guessed every character so far. That’s kinda freakish, if you ask me. She must’ve watched a lot of TV.” She re-filled her shot glass. “Never would’ve pegged her for that.”
“Did she guess Lexie’s costume?”
Cristina laughed snarkily at Lexie’s misguided choice for a costume. “Don’t know, but we’re about to find out,” she said, looking over at Arizona as she approached Lexie.
Arizona cocked one eyebrow, baffled at Lexie’s costume. She racked her brain, quickly reviewing every crime or medical show she knew. Lexie looked familiar enough, but there was no show the blonde could recall that matched the younger woman’s costume.
“Alex Cabot,” she said, introducing herself to Lexie. “And you?”
“Dorothy Zbornak,” Lexie said with a sigh. “Golden Girls.”
“And how is Golden Girls a medical or crime show?”
“It’s not. Nobody told me the theme. I just heard ‘come as a TV character’,” she explained for the umpteenth time.
“You should have come as…”
“Blanche Deveraux. Yes, yes. I know. I’ve been told that repeatedly,” Lexie said with an exasperated sigh. “How do you know so much about all these TV characters? I mean, when do you have the time to watch that much television?”
“The televisions are always turned on in the peds wing. If the little kids aren’t watching cartoons, then the teenagers are watching comedies or the worried parents are immersed in primetime dramas.” After some thought, Arizona continued. “You could’ve come as Clair Wyatt from The Practice. You look enough like her.”
“Why didn’t you come as Jamie Springer?” Lexie countered. “You look a lot more like her than Alex Cabot.”
“Wasn’t she a bit of a slut?” Arizona looked over the top of her glasses at Lexie, fixing her with a piercing stare. “Are you saying I’m a slut?”
“N-n-no,” Lexie replied, more than a little flustered by the glare the older doctor was currently giving her. “Not-not at all, Dr. Robbins.”
“Because, clearly the evidence contradicts that belief,” Arizona said.
“Well, that’s not what I heard,” Lexie blurted.
“What?”
“One of the other residents was doing her rotation in derm, and she told me -“
“Stop talking, Grey,” Arizona said, cutting her off. “This place has ears,” she hissed.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Callie approached where Mark stood trying to blend in with some plants in the corner of Meredith’s living room. “Why are you over here trying to mate with the fichus?”
“I’m hiding.” He grasped her shoulders to move her to stand directly in front of him, shielding him from the room at large.
“Once again…why?” She drank deeply from her tumbler of Scotch.
“Mrs. Shepherd found out who my character is and she didn’t like him so she’s taking her frustration on the TV guy out on me.”
“Oooohhhh kay. This is a whole new level of crazy for you, Mark. You realize that, right?”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever. You don’t know her.” He jabbed his index finger against her chest as he made his point.
“Don’t poke me.” She snorted to herself. “Shouldn’t you be off ‘poking’ Lexie in a corner somewhere?”
Mark shuddered visibly as though the thought of being intimate with his girlfriend disgusted him. “Have you seen her tonight? She looks like my grandmother. I can’t be breaking out little Sloan for grannies.”
“Yeah, well at least she came. Arizona didn’t want to come because these are all my friends, even though she works with every person here. Well… not Mrs. Shepherd, but everyone else.”
Mark drew his eyebrows together deep in thought. “Huh.”
“What ‘huh’? Why are you ‘huh’-ing, Mark?”
“Calm down, Torres. I was just going to tell you that for someone so ambivalent towards coming to a party with your friends, Blondie seems to be having a good time and looking mighty fine while doing it.”
“I would know if she were here. We were supposed to be Cagney and Lacey. I am the only person in a police uniform at this thing.” A persistent tap on her shoulder blade caused Callie to turn around.
Callie’s gaze started at the top of Arizona’s head and quickly dropped to the ground. On the return trip up to her lover’s face, she took notice of the costume. Navy blue stiletto pumps matched the deep blue skirt and suit jacket. A robin’s egg blue scoop necked blouse peeked at the top of the jacket buttons. Arizona’s cornsilk hair was pulled harshly into a French twist. Her bright blue eyes seemed cold and distant behind the black rectangular frames of her eyeglasses. Callie’s jaw dropped as all the moisture from her mouth ventured south.
Arizona held out her right hand. “Officer Lacey, I presume.”
Callie stammered as she grasped Arizona’s hand. “Uhhh..right. Mary Beth Lacey. You…must be Alex Cabot.” She dropped the hand and her voice grew stronger. “You’re definitely not Christine Cagney.”
Mark edged past the women whose disagreement was threatening to escalate . “That’s my cue to leave.”
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx