[One Shot] An Afternoon Sunset
“When you love someone, you say it…
you say it right then, out loud… otherwise the moment just…
passes you by”
-Cameron Diaz, My Best friend’s Wedding
Long shadows played on the ground, dancing to the silent tune of the orange sun. Soon, twilight will come and the dancing shadows will momentarily disappear. Perhaps, love works in the same way.
Standing at the veranda, I watched another afternoon sunset playing before my eyes. It was another lonely day. The shadows, they faded one by one, leaving no trace of their existence. From somewhere, the sound of children playing adds to the melancholy feel reverberating inside my heart. I felt something soft curling against my feet and found the Chu, my dog, comfortably nestled. He had grown up since that time…
With hushed footsteps, I entered the living room, the vase of violets catching my attention once again. Beside it stood a picture frame that I never had the courage to remove. It had been standing there for almost a year now. Perhaps, deep within me, I’m still waiting for the moment when this man will come back and bring sunshine back to my life.
Aiba Masaki.
How long had it been since he left? Yes, it’s almost a year.
A year ago, this place was filled with the smell of weird food, pitchy singing and countless moments of laughter. I have always treasured those days. Aiba would always lecture me about having fun, living for the moment and not taking everything for granted. But there are some lessons in life that you can never learn, no matter how many times you fall over the same mistakes. What had happened a year ago will always be one of the bitterest regrets in my life.
“he wanted me to marry some girl, Sho. What do you think?” Aiba asked me, his hands gently placed on my knees as we both watch the sunset together.
I have never thought of him marrying a girl and the sudden question surprised me and crushed something inside me yet I don’t know what it is. I have never really thought that some day, one of us will have to marry and start a family. I have always thought we would stay forever like this… more than friends but not really lovers.
“It’s your choice,” I said and little did I know that those words will forever haunt me. Sometimes, a man says things he would regret.
I saw the look on Aiba’s face, the purposely suppressed tears, and the disappointment. Aiba had never hidden the fact that he was in love with ne. Aiba had always been vocal about his feelings, I never was.
“Aiba…”
“You would let me go just like that? You don’t even care about me leaving you when I marry her? For all the times we were together, what have I been to you? What am I to you?”
These are questions that I couldn’t answer… no, the better statement is that I never wanted to answer them for I never wanted to admit to himself that I too had fallen for Aiba Masaki. I never wanted Aiba to know how much I loved the weird food, the silly games, the incessant laughter… I always thought that these things make a person look weak.
“How many people do you think would appreciate the thought of two men living together? It’s something that does not usually happen… at least for my family…”
“So… does this mean… all these time… I’ve been nothing but a friend to you? Are you telling me that, even if I marry her, you… won’t feel anything?”
I tried to hold him, tried to explain what I was feeling but I couldn’t. There are some things that words could not explain, some mistakes that love could never correct and some hearts that could never mend in just a matter of seconds.
“You don’t understand…I…I’m not ready for this kind of relationship now” I looked down, afraid that my eyes would reveal the lies that escaped my lips.
When Aiba said that he would leave, I never tried to hold him back. Looking back at it now, I wished I did. I wished I held his hand, pulled his shirt, did everything to stop him from leaving. But I didn’t. No, I didn’t.
I never heard anything from him since then. Not one letter, not a single call, for the past year, I’ve lived my life, wandering where he was, how he’d been, asking myself how the wedding went or if he already have any child. For the past year, I’ve been wishing to see him once again, touch him one last time and say goodbye… I never got to say goodbye to him. I never got the chance to tell him that I wish he’d be happy. I never got the chance to tell him that his feelings were not unrequited the whole time we were together. I wanted to hear him call my name one last time…
“Sho-chan…”
It was a familiar voice. I laughed a little at myself for thinking Aiba might be outside, calling my name, the way he would on afternoons like this.
“Get over it,” I mused.
“Sho-chan…” the same voice called and this time, Chu raised his ears, wagged his tails and barked at the door.
With my heart pounding, I rushed to the door, yanked it open with eyes closed, afraid that if I open them, this would all turn out to be a dream.
“Sho-chan…”
Slowly, I opened my right eye… left eye… sure enough, Aiba is standing there, holding a pack of beer, grinning the way he did a year ago.
“Aiba…”
He smiled. “I came back.” He said, as if he’d been in a long journey and finally came home. “I came back,” he repeated, this time, tears formed at the sides of his eyes as he proudly showed the pack of canned beers. “I came back and brought this for you…” childishly, he held up the canned beers.
“You idiot…” I muttered and pulled him to me, my arms automatically wrapping themselves around him, feeling his familiarity. How I long for this day to come. “Baka… baka… baka…” I whispered.
For a long moment we both stood there, like idiots hugging each other as if it’s the last thing we will do. I missed him and I can tell that he felt the same way.
“Aiba-chan… the wedding…” I wanted to ask but he laughed.
“I couldn’t marry her.” He said, “she told me… she wanted me to love her with all my heart… how am I supposed to do that when I gave my heart to someone else so long ago?” the sheer innocence in his voice almost brought me to tears.
“Aiba-chan…”
“Sho-chan, this time, no matter how much you tell me that you’re not ready for this kind of relationship, I won’t give up easily. I’ll follow you around, I’ll tell everyone we’re together, I’ll even sleep in your own bed… I’ll…”
“I love you, Aiba.” I cut his words with the words that had been lodged within me all these time.
I watched as his face lit up, eyes shining like they did a year ago. I watched as a little smile formed on his lips… I watched as his dreams came true.
“You idiot… do I have to marry someone else to get you to say that?” he laughed.
I laughed too. We laughed together and it feels good. The lonely afternoon sunset suddenly became a fleeting promise that in a few hours, dawn will break and another day to start anew would begin.
“Why do you have to bring beer anyway?”
“I know you love them and I love you,”
“That doesn’t make sense, idiot…”
Our voices resonate, creating echoes inside the house, creating fragments of memories.
Outside, the shadows, they disappeared when the sun settled behind the horizon, only to reappear again tomorrow… perhaps, love really works the same way. Sometimes, second chances are given to people who faithfully believe in them…