New Fic: It's Closet Time
Title: It's Closet Time
Author: Pepper
Rating: PG
Season: Seven
Pairing(s): Jack/Sam, Janet/Jonas, Janet/Daniel. (And no, there's not an orgy going on in that closet.)
Summary: "You know, sir, this is getting to be a bad habit."
A/N: This, the newly-named Storage Closet Series, is surreallis 's fault. *points righteous finger of blame*
1: Out Go The Lights
2: Actions Speak Louder
3: It's Closet Time
4: Stage Management
5: Don't Think Twice, It's Alright
---
Sam sighed rather loudly as a hand grabbed the back of her shirt and dragged her into a darkened closet just down the hall from her lab.
"You know, sir, this is getting to be a bad habit."
There was a pause, just long and puzzled enough for all the hairs on the back of Sam's neck to rise, and her stomach to sink, as she slowly became aware that the section of closet where the other person was standing didn't have the tall, solid, and inexplicably attractive air that she associated with the Colonel. Oh, no. No, no, no...
"'Sir'?" asked Janet's voice.
Oh, crap.
"Is there something you're not telling me, Sam?"
Crappity crap. "Is there something you're not telling me?" Sam countered, desperately trying to divert the conversation. "Why have you dragged me into this closet?"
"Why do you normally get dragged into closets?" responded Janet, promptly.
Sam's brain had a minor seizure. "You want to make out with me?" she squeaked.
There was a pause from Janet's corner of the darkened closet, and then Janet's triumphant voice. "I knew it!"
Oh, for god's sake... "Janet," she said, as warningly as she could manage whilst being totally pink all over from embarrassment. So very grateful for the complete darkness of the SGC closets.
And, come to think of it... was someone stealing all the lightbulbs? Perhaps - and this thought really shouldn't send a warm shiver through her like it did - the Colonel had stolen them. After all, he did like to be prepared.
"Why are we in here?" asked Sam, determinedly putting the conversation back to what she felt was the relevant track.
"I wanted to ask your advice. And don't think I'm forgetting about your 'sir' and his 'bad habits'."
Sam ignored that last bit. "In a darkened closet? Couldn't you have asked my advice somewhere a little less... weird? Like my lab, the commissary, the infirmary, your office..."
"I didn't know it was going to be dark in here - the lightbulb's gone missing. And I didn't want to be overheard."
"Okay." Well, it made sense, in a twisted way. And so very relieved that Janet didn't want to make out. Because, although she loved Janet dearly... Sam just didn't want to be the tallest one in a relationship. It gave her a crick in the neck. "Shoot."
"Jonas," said Janet. "And Daniel."
Sam waited, but no more was forthcoming. "What about Jonas and Daniel?" she asked, eventually.
"I..." said Janet.
There was a long silence. Sam narrowed her eyes. It didn't have any effect, as Janet couldn't see in the dark, so Sam also tried to send out some 'what the hell are you trying to say?' vibes.
"I'm feeling a little conflicted," Janet admitted, finally.
"About...?"
"Now that Daniel's back..." said Janet, "and Jonas has gone..." She trailed off again. This was more than a little frustrating to Sam. She made a sudden leap in logic.
"Janet - have you been making out in closets with Jonas?"
"No!" exclaimed Janet - much, much too quickly.
"You have! And now he's gone, and Daniel's back... you'd like to be making out in closets with Daniel!"
"No!"
"Admit it!"
"No!"
Sam put her hands on her hips, and sent out 'I'm right, admit it, admit it' vibes.
Janet sighed defeatedly. "Okay, maybe," she admitted, grudgingly.
Her vibes kicked ass. "I know how you feel, Janet," said Sam, appeased by Janet's concession. "I feel the same."
Sam was getting good at interpreting Janet's silences. This one had a decidedly dangerous edge.
"Not that I want to make out in closets with Daniel," she explained quickly - before Janet decided to play Murder In The Dark. "I don't. Not at all. But I'm feeling guilty that I'm so glad to have Daniel back. And I do miss Jonas. I was just getting to know him. So I feel guilty because I wish I had Jonas back, too. I've got a whole big guilt fest going on." She shrugged. "I'm trying to get past it." She smirked. "Although if I'd been making out with one or both of them, I think I'd be feeling a lot worse."
"'Sir'," said Janet, menacingly. Sam stopped smirking. "And it's not that I want to make out in closets with Daniel, either. Not exactly. I mean, never say never... but it's more just that I feel bad for having, you know, madeoutwithJonas-"
"Aha!"
"-because he's gone, and we didn't really end it properly. Not that there was something to end, exactly - but I still feel like I should have said something. 'Goodbye', maybe. And 'You're a really good kisser'." There was a pause, full of thoughts. "And if you ever tell Daniel about that, I'll start stocking up on veterinarian needles."
Sam nodded, forgetting that neither of them could see anything. "Would it help if you could speak to Jonas?" she asked.
Janet was silent a moment, considering. "Is that possible? I mean, I don't want to - this cannot go through General Hammond-"
"There's a diplomatic party going to Kelowna in a couple of weeks," interrupted Sam. "I'm sure we could weasel you onto it somehow without creating an intergalactic incident."
"Sam, you're a genius," Janet declared, and wrapped her in a quick hug.
Sam shrugged, patting her friend on the shoulder. She knew that already. The Colonel reminded her, constantly. "And as for Daniel - maybe you should go talk to him, too. Maybe we both should. He's pretty understanding - I'm sure between us we can explain that, although we miss Jonas now, we also missed Daniel like crazy, and are super glad to have him back."
"He'll think we're both nuts," said Janet.
"Yeah, probably. But nice nuts. Caring nuts. We're women - we're supposed to be on top of this whole sharing-our-feelings thing."
"Yeah." Janet sighed. There was a papery noise that sounded suspiciously like a label being peeled off a shelf in a moment of abstraction. "I'm really not, you know. Good at sharing my feelings, I mean."
"Me either. You've met my dad, I don't think I need to explain further."
"Yeah. So. This is going well, then."
"Mm-hmm."
"You wanna tell me about 'sir' and the closets, now?"
Sam gave that 0.0003 seconds' consideration. "No."
"Well, I guess I'll let it go, for the moment. Seeing as you've given me good advice and all."
"And am holding possible means of blackmail over your head," added Sam, lightly.
"That too."
"Are we done?"
"I guess so."
General Hammond's expression, when they stepped blinking out into the light of the corridor and saw him coming towards them, was almost worth the embarrassment. Of course the General would be there, thought Sam, gloomily. It was just her luck. She turned to Janet, and pulled a small, empty sample bag from her pocket, holding it up with great aplomb. "As you can see, doctor, the effects of darkness on the organism are quite extraordinary."
"Indeed," agreed Janet, catching on with admirable speed. "Oh, hi, sir. Major Carter and I were just discussing some of the findings from SG-12's last mission."
Hammond looked from one to the other. His eyes narrowed suspiciously. He opened his mouth.
"Carter!" But that was Jack's voice. The Colonel sauntered cheerfully in from the other direction, and glanced at the pair standing incriminatingly in front of the open closet. His eyes, when they met Sam's, were twinkling with mischief, and she knew - she just knew - that he was going to say something to embarrass her. "Let me guess... the game for today is Hide and Seek? General, good afternoon. I find that if you close your eyes and count to 100, everyone just..." he waggled his fingers, "disappears. Like magic." Jack leaned closer, as if imparting some great secret. "And if you don't go looking, sometimes they stay disappeared for hours."
General Hammond gave up in the face of hopeless odds. "Colonel, I thought I asked for that report?"
"It's in the post, sir." At General Hammond's glare, Jack spun sharply on his heel, and headed back from whence he'd come. "Doing it now, sir."
Satisfied that he'd imposed discipline on one person at least, General Hammond nodded. "Major, Doctor. Carry on with... whatever it was you were doing."
"Sir."
"Yes, sir."
Sam and Janet exchanged glances, once they were alone in the hallway.
"Think of it this way, Sam," said Janet, resignedly. "It'll take the heat off any rumors about your closet time with 'sir'."
---
END.
(FOR NOW.)