I'm here because Jane Espenson said so
Okay, maybe not really.
But [cue: theme music] I've been meaning to get back here for a while. I'm afraid to even check to see when the last time I wrote was. It's funny how quickly days fly by even when you feel like you are accomplishing nothing.
I'm gonna go with my guess that school was still in school for the kids last time I posted. So since then my mom and sister (and neices) visited for 5 days, and I made the trip back to Ohio with my kids. I stayed for two weeks, and overall it really was a nice visit. Except that shortly into it I developed a ear/jaw/tooth pain that took over two weeks to finally go away. And with the exception of a mild ear infection on that side, nobody knew what the hell the problem was. Two visits to an urgent care and a night visit to obnoxious doctors in the ER all came up with no idea why I would be having so much pain. Pain that was clearly overkill in comparison to the ear ache. I thought it was a tooth problem -- heaven knows I need to see a dentist -- but in the end it seems much more likely that it was neuralgia sent with love from Cranial Nerve 5. Wonderful. These kinds of things aren't really something quick fix. From popping pain meds, to using moist hot heat, to the extreme of using botox to actually freeze the nerve... well, it's a hit and miss game. But man, did it hurt. An ache like you just wanted to rip the side of your face off. I knew it wasn't a tooth when the pain would run from my right in front of my ear to the middle of my chin. My teeth were sensitive, but they ALL were on the right side. Not just one.
The pain subsided shortly after returning home, so I didn't go see an Ear, Nose & Throat (ENT) specialist like it was suggested. I see so many doctors I avoid the new ones unless absolutely necessary. If it comes back, I'll see them then. I don't think there's much they could do or tell right now anyway.
Speaking of pain -- I have the worst luck. I had a few months of no sciatica pain, but it's now back. But back in different ways/places than the last time. I guess I could go back and see the spine center but I don't want more steriods right now. My bursitis on the right hurts again too. Right now I'm at the level where I actively avoid having to walk places unless absolutely necessary. I suppose I could survive the pain of it, but the summer heat makes it all 5x as miserable. I have no choice but walk to the bank tomorrow morning (about 4-5 blocks, roundtrip) and that's because I put off doing it today.
I'm looking at trying accupuncture or accupressure. I have no fear of needles, so I'm open to either. Unfortunately my insurance does not recognize either as covered treatments. Money is still so tight that I can't afford it out-of-pocket right now, so I guess it'll remain a unknown for another few months at least.
One thing I've finally gotten a handle on this week is controlling my food intake. I don't mean how much -- my appetite lately has been so much reduced that the spouse has commented on it. Instead I am focusing on WHAT I'm eating. Because nearly all my health issues can be traced to autoimmune issues, we've been looking at the possibility of certain foods causing inflammation. It's a pretty popular theory these days. Even if I'm not outright allergic to gluten or dairy or soy, it's possible reducing those things in my daily diet will still directly lower my daily pain and/or inflammation. It is certainly worth a try.
So since this past Saturday (July 30th) I've been following a fairly strict diet: no wheat/gluten, no dairy, no soy. Those are the things we are testing for. In addition, because I have so much weight to lose and I've been avoiding that whole issue for months now as well, I'm doing my best to limit simple sugars/carbs. So as you can guess, I've been eating mostly fruits, vegetables, and lean protein. Given the relative bounty of summer I've had blueberries and strawberries, fresh tomatoes and cucumbers. Protein is chicken and seafood. I've made sure to add fats and oils to help keep me satisfied, and I've found that adding vinegar or spice avoids issues of blandness. I can't deny I love the food I'm eating.
The downside is that the first two days I had a non-stop headache and felt restless and bored. In one way it was probaly good that I'm home alone this week -- no one to take my crabbiness out on. The downside is that I have no one to distract me. I truly feel I have had a taste of detox, what with nothing but very basic foods.
I have allowed myself black tea because the one thing I cannot/will not give up is caffeine. The Surgeon General could show up at my door telling me it's caffeine alone that's killing me and I'd be hard-pressed to give up then. I have cut back on so much else, I need ONE vice. It's either caffeine or crystal meth, and caffeine is so much easier for me to get. ;-)
So I really hope this helps. Between the three, I would guess that gluten intolerance is the mostly probably candidate out of any of them. I've never had issues with dairy in the past, and if I have to give up cheese... well, let's not go there, k?
I don't really eat much dairy besides cheeses and the occassional yoghurt, unless you throw eggs in with that. But I appreciate the variety it gives to cuisine much more than wheat.
Yes, cutting out wheat would make sandwiches and pizza more dificult. Especially when eating out. But in terms of home cooking, it would not be very difficult for me. Also, I'm really not much of a pasta fan. And when I think about all the processed foods I would have to cut out -- well, that's a good thing in and of itself.
The bottom line is that even if this elimination diet doesn't prove anything in terms of being allergic to these foods, I do need to change my eating habits. I've done it before, and I've done it successfully. My problem, as always, is consistency. I need to do and stick with it on a permanent basis. I had it down prior to having children, but since then I'm all over the map. And my ever-growing fat ass is proof of that.
I'm not being self-deprecating, or looking for pity. I'm miserable where I am (pretty much near my highest non-pregnant weight) and it shows in so many ways. The mirror is only the most glaring example. Even though it's not linked specifically to my fibromyalgia -- I hurt even when I'm at much lower weights -- there's no doubt being lighter would make it easier.
The eroding effect on my self-esteem and confidence is getting more obvious as well. These last few months I have found myself doing whatever I can so I don't have to leave the house. I don't want to go out. I don't want to have to deal with people face-to-face. I feel awkward and self-conscious. There have been times when I felt real stress at having to go out amongst the public. That's not healthy. I know that. And it won't get better unless something is done.
I know I need a new therapist. I haven't seen my old one since last year, since I didn't feel it was going anywhere helpful. I having seen my psychiatrist since March since it's hard to reach his office without a car and the being in public phobia makes bus riding difficult. I wanted to find a new one, anyway. I know I need to get on this before my meds run out.
Man, what a mess, right? But I want it to get better. It has to get better.
With the kids away for another week and half yet, I am hoping to get the basement in some sort of order so I can finally set up my studio and start making some stained glass! Doing something both creative and productive will do wonders for my mood, I am sure. I have wanted to start this studio for a year now, but being sick and feeling so down kept putting it off. I've made enough progress that the house looks more presentable, so I think we can put cleaning time toward the basement. I don't expect I'll make money on my work -- at least not for long time -- but I love working with glass. It's fun and soothing, and you have something colourful when you're done. Who could ask for more?
I am hoping that by taking more time to write about all of this, I can keep myself motived. Not only for the food/diet but with the studio. We are setting it up as a proper business so after I'm physically prepared to make pieces I also need to set up a way to sell it and keep track of all the costs. I guess I'll set up an Etsy account, plus a stand alone website. With any luck I'll have things ready to sell before Christmas is in full swing.
We'll see.
As for the boy -- that's a post all its own, I guess. Not that anything's happened. And it certainly is a facet of my long-standing moods. But I'm not in the right mindset to get started on that. Maybe tomorrow.
But [cue: theme music] I've been meaning to get back here for a while. I'm afraid to even check to see when the last time I wrote was. It's funny how quickly days fly by even when you feel like you are accomplishing nothing.
I'm gonna go with my guess that school was still in school for the kids last time I posted. So since then my mom and sister (and neices) visited for 5 days, and I made the trip back to Ohio with my kids. I stayed for two weeks, and overall it really was a nice visit. Except that shortly into it I developed a ear/jaw/tooth pain that took over two weeks to finally go away. And with the exception of a mild ear infection on that side, nobody knew what the hell the problem was. Two visits to an urgent care and a night visit to obnoxious doctors in the ER all came up with no idea why I would be having so much pain. Pain that was clearly overkill in comparison to the ear ache. I thought it was a tooth problem -- heaven knows I need to see a dentist -- but in the end it seems much more likely that it was neuralgia sent with love from Cranial Nerve 5. Wonderful. These kinds of things aren't really something quick fix. From popping pain meds, to using moist hot heat, to the extreme of using botox to actually freeze the nerve... well, it's a hit and miss game. But man, did it hurt. An ache like you just wanted to rip the side of your face off. I knew it wasn't a tooth when the pain would run from my right in front of my ear to the middle of my chin. My teeth were sensitive, but they ALL were on the right side. Not just one.
The pain subsided shortly after returning home, so I didn't go see an Ear, Nose & Throat (ENT) specialist like it was suggested. I see so many doctors I avoid the new ones unless absolutely necessary. If it comes back, I'll see them then. I don't think there's much they could do or tell right now anyway.
Speaking of pain -- I have the worst luck. I had a few months of no sciatica pain, but it's now back. But back in different ways/places than the last time. I guess I could go back and see the spine center but I don't want more steriods right now. My bursitis on the right hurts again too. Right now I'm at the level where I actively avoid having to walk places unless absolutely necessary. I suppose I could survive the pain of it, but the summer heat makes it all 5x as miserable. I have no choice but walk to the bank tomorrow morning (about 4-5 blocks, roundtrip) and that's because I put off doing it today.
I'm looking at trying accupuncture or accupressure. I have no fear of needles, so I'm open to either. Unfortunately my insurance does not recognize either as covered treatments. Money is still so tight that I can't afford it out-of-pocket right now, so I guess it'll remain a unknown for another few months at least.
One thing I've finally gotten a handle on this week is controlling my food intake. I don't mean how much -- my appetite lately has been so much reduced that the spouse has commented on it. Instead I am focusing on WHAT I'm eating. Because nearly all my health issues can be traced to autoimmune issues, we've been looking at the possibility of certain foods causing inflammation. It's a pretty popular theory these days. Even if I'm not outright allergic to gluten or dairy or soy, it's possible reducing those things in my daily diet will still directly lower my daily pain and/or inflammation. It is certainly worth a try.
So since this past Saturday (July 30th) I've been following a fairly strict diet: no wheat/gluten, no dairy, no soy. Those are the things we are testing for. In addition, because I have so much weight to lose and I've been avoiding that whole issue for months now as well, I'm doing my best to limit simple sugars/carbs. So as you can guess, I've been eating mostly fruits, vegetables, and lean protein. Given the relative bounty of summer I've had blueberries and strawberries, fresh tomatoes and cucumbers. Protein is chicken and seafood. I've made sure to add fats and oils to help keep me satisfied, and I've found that adding vinegar or spice avoids issues of blandness. I can't deny I love the food I'm eating.
The downside is that the first two days I had a non-stop headache and felt restless and bored. In one way it was probaly good that I'm home alone this week -- no one to take my crabbiness out on. The downside is that I have no one to distract me. I truly feel I have had a taste of detox, what with nothing but very basic foods.
I have allowed myself black tea because the one thing I cannot/will not give up is caffeine. The Surgeon General could show up at my door telling me it's caffeine alone that's killing me and I'd be hard-pressed to give up then. I have cut back on so much else, I need ONE vice. It's either caffeine or crystal meth, and caffeine is so much easier for me to get. ;-)
So I really hope this helps. Between the three, I would guess that gluten intolerance is the mostly probably candidate out of any of them. I've never had issues with dairy in the past, and if I have to give up cheese... well, let's not go there, k?
I don't really eat much dairy besides cheeses and the occassional yoghurt, unless you throw eggs in with that. But I appreciate the variety it gives to cuisine much more than wheat.
Yes, cutting out wheat would make sandwiches and pizza more dificult. Especially when eating out. But in terms of home cooking, it would not be very difficult for me. Also, I'm really not much of a pasta fan. And when I think about all the processed foods I would have to cut out -- well, that's a good thing in and of itself.
The bottom line is that even if this elimination diet doesn't prove anything in terms of being allergic to these foods, I do need to change my eating habits. I've done it before, and I've done it successfully. My problem, as always, is consistency. I need to do and stick with it on a permanent basis. I had it down prior to having children, but since then I'm all over the map. And my ever-growing fat ass is proof of that.
I'm not being self-deprecating, or looking for pity. I'm miserable where I am (pretty much near my highest non-pregnant weight) and it shows in so many ways. The mirror is only the most glaring example. Even though it's not linked specifically to my fibromyalgia -- I hurt even when I'm at much lower weights -- there's no doubt being lighter would make it easier.
The eroding effect on my self-esteem and confidence is getting more obvious as well. These last few months I have found myself doing whatever I can so I don't have to leave the house. I don't want to go out. I don't want to have to deal with people face-to-face. I feel awkward and self-conscious. There have been times when I felt real stress at having to go out amongst the public. That's not healthy. I know that. And it won't get better unless something is done.
I know I need a new therapist. I haven't seen my old one since last year, since I didn't feel it was going anywhere helpful. I having seen my psychiatrist since March since it's hard to reach his office without a car and the being in public phobia makes bus riding difficult. I wanted to find a new one, anyway. I know I need to get on this before my meds run out.
Man, what a mess, right? But I want it to get better. It has to get better.
With the kids away for another week and half yet, I am hoping to get the basement in some sort of order so I can finally set up my studio and start making some stained glass! Doing something both creative and productive will do wonders for my mood, I am sure. I have wanted to start this studio for a year now, but being sick and feeling so down kept putting it off. I've made enough progress that the house looks more presentable, so I think we can put cleaning time toward the basement. I don't expect I'll make money on my work -- at least not for long time -- but I love working with glass. It's fun and soothing, and you have something colourful when you're done. Who could ask for more?
I am hoping that by taking more time to write about all of this, I can keep myself motived. Not only for the food/diet but with the studio. We are setting it up as a proper business so after I'm physically prepared to make pieces I also need to set up a way to sell it and keep track of all the costs. I guess I'll set up an Etsy account, plus a stand alone website. With any luck I'll have things ready to sell before Christmas is in full swing.
We'll see.
As for the boy -- that's a post all its own, I guess. Not that anything's happened. And it certainly is a facet of my long-standing moods. But I'm not in the right mindset to get started on that. Maybe tomorrow.