Chapter Fifteen

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Uncle,

I thought about what you said on the phone last night. You're right, about what I need to do. I just hope I can figure out how to do it.

Looks like I'll be moving before the end of the month, after all. If you can make it to the city to help out, that would be great. I'd like to see you. Maybe we could get dinner with Jet and Chad.

Oh, and I forgot to tell you. Azula called the other day. I guess I'm even more disowned that before? Whatever.

Miss you. Drink some tea for me.

-Zuko



Zuko wasn't entirely comfortable in Hahn's apartment. He had spent much of his childhood in homes like this, less aggressively modern but with the same casual affluence. But the boy who had known that life was so far from where he was now. As an adult, it put him on edge. Zuko had done what he could to distance himself from his past -- from the father who had thrown him out at the age of fifteen, and the sister who had watched impassively while it happened. Like his Uncle before him, Zuko wanted to leave that world behind him for good.

Sitting here in an extravagant penthouse, watching the city through curved glass walls as he perched on the edge of a white leather couch, it felt unnervingly close. Like he was a teenager again, pretending to care about corporate politics at the home of one of his father's associates. Quiet and polite, studious and predictable. He'd tried so hard to be the perfect heir, worthy of the responsibilities that lay ahead.

That wasn't what he wanted anymore; hadn't been for a very long time. Zuko turned his face toward the bed, white cotton against white marble and white walls. Jet was buried under the rumpled duvet, one foot sticking out past the bottom edge. His eyes were open, and Zuko drew a sharp breath. He was so beautiful.

"Morning," Jet said, his voice soft.

Zuko smiled. "Good morning, Jet."

Zuko had forced himself to get out of bed when he woke. There were emails he needed to answer, plans to solidify, apartment listings to sort through. He'd been gone for four days, and the business of getting his life put back together was even more pressing than before. His eyes met Jet's across the room, and he felt his resolve begin to crumble. He ached to crawl back under the covers with the other boy, to lie with Jet's warm body curled up against his own.

Jet had broken up with Long. He hadn't said why. Zuko knew what he hoped the reason was, and felt terrible for thinking that way. But he couldn't help it. He'd told Jet that he loved him, and Jet had broken up with Long that same night. Had called Zuko immediately afterwards, made plans to see him the very next day, kissed him, asked to stay over. They'd held each other for hours, sometimes speaking and sometimes not. He'd fallen asleep with his head pillowed on Jet's shoulder. It was hard not to think of these as good things; hard not to let himself imagine this meant Jet wanted to be with him again.

Jet yawned and stretched his arms up above his head. He'd seemed a little intimidated by the huge bed at first, but now he sprawled diagonally across it, as if to take up as much space as possible. His exposed foot flexed, the toes wiggling. "I can see why you wanted to stay here," he said.

"Oh?"

Jet rolled over onto his stomach, crossed his arms and rested his chin on them. "This bed. It's ridiculous. It's like...the king of beds. Maybe the emperor."

"It's too big for just me," said Zuko.

It took a moment for Jet to answer, but when he did he was smiling. "Good thing I stayed over, then."

"I'm glad you did," said Zuko, and Jet's smile widened. He pushed the covers aside and swung his legs around. When his feet met the cold, stone floor he winced, then half-jogged across the room and hopped over the back of the couch. He shivered as he leaned against Zuko's side with his legs drawn up underneath him.

"Cold?"

"A little."

Zuko slid an arm around Jet's shoulders, then reached down with his free hand and gently closed his fingers around Jet's icy toes. "Better?"

"Yeah." Jet relaxed and rested his head against Zuko's cheek. "I should go before too long. After breakfast."

"Hahn left a note before he went out," said Zuko. "His chef made us waffles, if you want them."

Jet laughed, wiggling his toes again inside Zuko's hand. "I wonder what Hahn waffles will look like. Probably tiny."

"And stacked in a tower. With truffle-infused syrup."

More laughter. "A waffle tower would be pretty great."

"I'll make sure you get one, then." Zuko turned his head slightly, so that his lips were against Jet's hair. He smelled so good. Zuko didn't want to say anything that would make him leave more quickly. But there was something else he had to tell him, however much he knew Jet wouldn't enjoy hearing it.

"Mai emailed me," Zuko murmured. "She's flying in from Paris today."

He felt Jet tense at her name. "Yeah?"

"Her connecting flight to Gaoling was cancelled. So she's coming into the city to get the train." Zuko paused. "She wants me to meet her for lunch."

"Okay." Zuko couldn't see Jet's face, but his voice was carefully neutral. "Are you going to?"

"I kind of feel like I should," Zuko admitted. He sighed. "I haven't seen her since she and Hahn came to visit me in Tokyo. And...I mean, I should probably talk to her. About us." He knew it was silly, but his heart beat a little faster, saying that aloud. "Who knows what Hahn's been telling her."

Jet laughed weakly. "I guess his version must be pretty out there."

"Yeah." Zuko released Jet's toes, then; wrapped both arms around him. "Can I meet you? Afterwards? I mean, if you aren't busy..."

Jet didn't pull away, but Zuko could feel how tight his muscles were. "Sure. If that's what you want."

"It is," said Zuko. He kissed Jet's forehead. "I'll call you when I'm done, okay? It won't be too late."

"Sure."

"Jet." Zuko pulled away, just far enough to look Jet in the eye. "This isn't...you don't need to worry, all right?"

Jet shrugged and turned away. "Whatever. I'm sure she'll be glad to see you."

Zuko cupped Jet's chin in his hand and gently pulled his face back around. "It's not going to be like that." Jet bit his lip, his brow furrowing. He didn't say anything, and Zuko leaned in to kiss him softly on the mouth. Jet kissed him back. When they parted his frown had softened, if only a little. "It's not like that anymore," Zuko murmured.

"Yeah, I know that," said Jet. He closed his eyes. "I know."

"I hate apartment hunting," Zuko said decisively.

Chad grinned and gave him a friendly slap on the back. "Come on, man, it's not so bad! At least you're not looking in September, right? Besides, we still have a bunch more places to see."

They descended into the 86th Avenue subway station, skirting around a couple of hipsters who were making out performatively in the stairway. Zuko had had no particular opinion of hipsters before that morning, but had since decided that he hated them. It was their fault that this crappy neighborhood was suddenly out of his price range. He scowled as dug out his fare card. "How can they charge eight hundred a month for that place? There was a dead pigeon in the window box! And there wasn't even a separate bathroom -- the sink would've been right next to the bed! If I could even fit a bed in there." He shoved past the turnstile with more force than was strictly necessary. "I'm twenty-one, I'm never sleeping on a twin mattress again."

Chad laughed as he swiped himself through. "Dude, I told you. If the ad says 'cozy and quiet,' that just means it's a shoe box ten blocks from the subway."

Zuko snorted. "That's a pretty defeatist attitude, coming from you."

Chad held up a hand, his face serious. "Dude. I do not make light of real estate."

"Which is why I'm glad you had time to come along," said Zuko, smiling a little. "I'd have given up and signed a shoe box lease by now, otherwise."

"Glad to help, man," said Chad. They jogged down to the train platform. A slight breeze from the tunnel suggested they wouldn't be waiting long. "Though dude, I gotta say, I was kinda surprised when you called. I thought Hahn Fan was your shopping buddy." He didn't mention Jet. Zuko had told him that their friend had things to do at home that day, and Chad hadn't asked any questions. Zuko was grateful for that. He knew he needed to tell Chad what had happened, but he wasn't ready.

"This isn't shopping," he said.

"Dude, it totally is! And Hahn Fan seems like he'd be all into this kind of thing."

Zuko sighed. "Oh, he would be. I wanted to look at all these places this morning because he had a hair appointment and couldn't come."

Chad pursed his lips. "Yeah?"

"He's not allowed to see my new place until I've signed the lease and paid the deposit."

"Dude, seriously?"

"He looked over my shoulder, earlier, when I was going through the listings. He doesn't think I should be living in a seventh-floor walkup in the outer ring."

"So tell him not to say anything, dude," said Chad reasonably. "You just gotta program him ahead of time, right?"

Zuko rolled his eyes, but he was grinning. "Chad, he's not actually a robot. He wouldn't be able to help himself. He'd grill the realtors and complain about pre-war construction, and we'd end up touring condos in the upper ring by the end of the day."

Chad's laughter was drowned out by the train as it rumbled into the station. It wasn't crowded, but he and Zuko leaned against the opposite doors instead of finding seats. Zuko felt too antsy to sit for very long, and Chad seemed happy to go along with whatever he wanted.

"It's one thing to let him buy me clothes and take me out to lunch," Zuko began again, once the conductor's garbled announcement had finished.

"And the spa," Chad interjected, grinning.

"Yes. And the spa. But I don't want him trying to buy me a condo, too."

"Dude. You really think he would? That seems pretty out there, even for Hahn Fan."

Zuko looked at him over his glasses, one eyebrow raised.

"Yeah, I guess he would, wouldn't he?" Chad shook his head, making the loose dreadlocks around his face swing back and forth. "So where next?"

Zuko glanced down at the little piece of paper he'd been keeping in his shirt pocket. He'd made a half-dozen appointments on the phone that morning, calling from the bathroom so as not to wake Jet up. His schedule was neatly written out, with three items already crossed off. He scribbled out the fourth with relish. "Middle ring, in Chinatown," he said. "It's supposedly a one-bedroom with high ceilings and lots of light."

"Can you afford a one-bedroom?"

Zuko shrugged and tucked the paper away again. "Not really. But it's worth a look. At least I'll get a sense of the neighborhood."

As they climbed out of the subway station, emerging onto the main artery that cut through the neighborhood, Zuko had to take a moment to get his bearings. He had never spent much time in Ba Sing Se's chinatown. He'd been to dim sum with Jet and his friends a few times, but not recently. Mai hadn't cared for the dingy, hole-in-the-wall noodle shops that Chad was always recommending, and Zuko had never quite managed to go on his own.

"It's this way, man," said Chad, jerking a thumb over his shoulder. "Outbound, just a couple blocks." The sidewalk was jammed with tourists, so dense that it was easier to walk in the street, behind the numerous food stalls and vegetable stands. Chad was taller and walked very fast, and Zuko was grateful for his distinctive hairstyle as he wove through pedestrians. They turned right, heading away from the city center, and the crowd thinned a little.

"Dude, this place'll be right next the park," said Chad. He raised his voice so that Zuko could hear him amid the cries of street vendors and the irregular rumble of traffic. "Pretty choice, if the building's okay."

"If it's above a restaurant I'm not going in," Zuko muttered.

"What if it's a good restaurant?"

"That's even worse. Then it'll be crowded, too."

It wasn't above a restaurant. The first floor was occupied by an innocuous little souvenir shop, not as tacky as some but filled with the usual assortment of plastic buddhas and jade bracelets. There was a small fountain in the front window, with a marbleized ball revolving peacefully on top of a bubbling steam of water. It was lit bright orange from the inside. Zuko smiled, imagining what Jet might say about it.

Next to the shop was a large metal door, so heavily graffitied that it was hard to tell what color it had originally been. The realtor had told him to ring when he got there, so he pressed the button for apartment ten. The door buzzed immediately, and Chad pulled it open.

"Dude, it'll be awesome," he said as they climbed the dim stairway.

Zuko took note of the patchy walls and peeling linoleum floors. It wasn't dirty so much as well-worn. "Maybe," he said.

They reached the door, and Zuko knocked hesitantly. Someone shouted "Just a second!" from the other side. It sounded like the woman he'd talked to on the phone. There were hurried footsteps, and then the door opened.

"You must be Zuko!" She was young, probably in her mid-twenties and probably also Chinese. She stuck out a hand and Zuko shook it dutifully. "I'm so glad you made it! We've had a few no-shows this morning. I keep telling grandma she should do something about that door, it's so uninviting, but she thinks it keeps the burglars away." She laughed a little. "Anyway, I suppose you're rather see the place for yourself than listen to me talk about it!" She stood aside so that Zuko and Chad could enter.

The apartment had obviously been remodeled, but not in the same cookie-cutter manner as all the other places they'd seen that day. It looked like a real home that a real person had designed, if not precisely in the style that Zuko himself would have chosen. He crossed the small room and examined the parquet floors, the tin ceiling, the bedroom that was really more of a closet.

"It's nice," he admitted. "I'm still not sure I can manage a thousand a month, though."

The realtor's face fell a bit. "I might be able to get her down to nine fifty if your credit is good, but that's about all I can manage."

Zuko sighed, one hand on the frame of the bathroom door. The bathtub had clawed feet. Jet would have loved that. "I'm sorry. I don't want to waste your time, but--"

"No, I understand! You told me on the phone that it was probably out of your price range." She studied him for a moment, frowning a bit. "You know...there is one other available apartment in this building. Grandma doesn't want to list it because there's roof access from the inside, and the last tenant kept leaving trash up there."

"Zuko is a very responsible young man," said Chad, thumping him on the back. "And clean. Very very clean."

The realtor smiled. "I guess it couldn't hurt just to show you."

The apartment was two flights up, on the fifth and top floor. "It's pretty tiny," the realtor said. She pulled a large key ring out of her purse and flipped through it.

"I lived in Tokyo for six months," said Zuko, and she laughed as she unlocked the door.

It was a studio, similar in design to the place downstairs. The first thing Zuko noticed was the skylight, which lit the room so brightly that he had to shade his eyes until they adjusted. The second thing he noticed was the loft. It stretched half the length of the apartment, but the ceiling was high enough that there was plenty of headroom above and below. A steep, wooden staircase was bolted to the floor and to the loft itself.

The room was tiny, as she'd said. But as Zuko walked around, turning in small circles, he could already see where he'd put all his things. His collection of plastic dinosaurs could be lined up on the shoulder-high molding. His books would all fit on the shelves that had been built into a small niche in the wall. His computer desk and narrow couch could go underneath the loft. He didn't have much stuff, really. He'd gotten rid of most of it when he'd moved to Japan.

He reached the stairs, and glanced back at the realtor over his shoulder. "May I?"

She smiled. "Of course."

The staircase felt solid beneath him as he climbed, as did the loft itself. It was cozy without being cramped. One of the tall windows extended past the floor, about a foot high. Sunlight streamed in across the worn wooden planks. There was room for a bed, maybe a small shelf.

Chad's head appeared over the edge of the loft. "So? Whaddya think, dude?"

Zuko squatted down to look out the window. He could see the busy street below; the top of the She Jing Bridge, just visible above the other buildings. "Jet would love this place," he said quietly.

"Yeah, he would," Chad agreed. He climbed the rest of the way up and joined Zuko by the window. "Do you love it?"

"I think I do," said Zuko.

The rent was $700, with no realtor's fee if he moved in immediately and paid a half-month's rent instead of waiting until November. The realtor stressed that she couldn't promise anything, that he would have to meet her grandmother and pass muster, but he wasn't worried. As good as he was with parents, he was even better with grandparents. He tried not to seem too excited about the apartment, but it was hard. He could see so clearly how it would look, once he'd moved in; could imagine lazy mornings up in that loft, making breakfast in the tiny kitchen, watching the crowds from those massive windows.

An hour later, he'd filled out all the forms, made his $200 deposit and paid the $25 credit check fee. He was unemployed, so he reluctantly wrote out the details of his trust fund, to prove he was capable of managing his rent regardless.

It was still a couple of hours before he was supposed to meet Mai at the train station, and Chad suggested they go for bubble tea. He promised there were at least a few items that didn't have sugar or tapioca balls in them, which was enough to win Zuko over. As they walked, Zuko took in the details of the neighborhood that he'd overlooked before: DVD stores advertising the latest kung fu movies from Hong Kong, tiny dumpling shops that sold them five for a dollar, a bakery specializing in egg custard tarts, old men playing Go and Chinese Chess in the park at stone tables.

Tea & Tea wasn't crowded this early in the day, and they found a table near the front windows. Chad ordered condensed milk toast and taro black tea, cold, with milk and tapioca. Zuko decided that a pot of oolong was probably his safest bet. He glanced at the paper standup on their table, advertising a collection of "matcha" drinks. They were all bright green, with chunks of darker green jelly at the bottom of several. "Jet must love this place," he said.

"He always gets the mung bean shake," said Chad. "Even though he totally hates it."

Zuko laughed. "He just likes to say the word 'mung,' probably."

"Definitely, dude." Chad twisted the end of a dreadlock, grinning at him. "So you think he'll be out here a lot? You know, if you get the place."

"Hopefully, yeah."

Chad leaned forward. "Dude."

"Yeah?" Zuko didn't like the sound of that 'dude.'

"Are you gonna tell me what's going on with you two, or am I gonna have to guess?"

Zuko flushed. "Is it...it's really that obvious?"

"Dude."

Zuko sighed. "I can tell you if you really want me to, but...won't it be weird? I mean, we're both your friends."

Chad grinned, his chin resting on his hand. "I think I can handle it."

Chad listened quietly as Zuko explained, nodding occasionally. He'd known Zuko a long time, and he understood how hard it was for him to talk about himself like this. He also understood the significance of what Zuko didn't say; correctly read his pauses.

"I don't know what he's going to do," said Zuko honestly. "He said he wanted to spend some time with Bee today." He bit his lip. "And Long."

"He's not going to get back together with Long, Zuko. He's not like that."

Zuko laughed a little. "I know."

Chad reached across the table and gave his shoulder a squeeze. "Dude. It's okay to be happy about this."

Zuko frowned down at the glass tabletop. "But he just broke up with his boyfriend! I mean...I feel like an asshole, being happy about something like that."

"Come on, man, don't be so hard on yourself! Of course you're happy! He's obviously into you, I mean, he's been in love with you like the whole time I've known you guys."

Their drinks and food came, then. The waiter set a white teapot and mug in front of Zuko and a tall glass of purple liquid and brown globs of tapioca in front of Chad. Chad immediately sucked several of the globs up through an oversized pink straw.

Zuko held his pot in both hands, still frowning. "Was I the only person who didn't know?"

"I don't think Ben figured it out."

"That asshole."

Chad sucked more tea and tapioca into his mouth, then chewed it thoughtfully. "He really would love that apartment, man."

Zuko sighed and poured his tea. "Yeah. He really would."

"Things'll work themselves out, you know? You guys are crazy about each other. It'll just be rough for a while."

"I don't know, Chad. I just..." Zuko shook his head. "I've made things so hard for him. Do I really deserve to be with him, after all that?"

Chad waved this off. "Zuko, you gotta stop."

"But--"

"No, really. Beating yourself up about this isn't gonna help anything, man. Look, sure, you were a jerk. But dude, we all knew you weren't doing it on purpose, and Jet isn't a little kid. It's not your fault he didn't tell you he was upset. He should know better than to think you can figure this shit out on your own."

"Thanks, Chad."

"No, I'm serious! We all know you're clueless, dude. Jet knows better than anyone. But he wouldn't tell you to knock shit off when it got to him, and he wouldn't let any of us say anything. I know he was trying to make things easier for you, but man."

"I wish he hadn't," said Zuko softly. "But it wasn't his job to explain things to me. I shouldn't be clueless, Chad. It isn't fair."

Chad nodded slowly. "But...you're learning, right? You'll figure things out."

"I wish I'd figured them out sooner." Zuko closed his eyes, pinched the bridge of his nose. "I hate that I did this to him."

Chad's voice was relentlessly cheerful. "Guess you'll just have to be a totally awesome boyfriend, then, huh?"

Zuko's chest tightened, hearing him say that. "If he lets me."

"Dude, he will!"

Zuko sighed. "We'll see."

Mai had asked him to meet her at the bar of the Central Hotel, across the street from the train station. He'd stayed there with his Uncle, once, when they'd come to the city to look at schools. It was a grand building, all brass and polished marble. Zuko felt underdressed in his pea coat, jeans and sweater as he walked across the lobby, past women in fur coats and men in perfectly tailored suits. He didn't often go to places like this anymore.

He was ten minutes early, having given himself plenty of time to accommodate any subway troubles. The bar was at the rear of the lobby, behind a low wall of etched glass panels. Mai was sitting in one of the studded leather armchairs, her legs crossed and her hands folded on her knee. A drink sat on the low table beside her, untouched. She looked up as Zuko approached. Her face, always controlled, was today completely unreadable.

"Zuko," she said quietly. She didn't stand.

"Hello, Mai." There was another chair beside her, but for the moment he remained on his feet. "I hope you weren't waiting long."

"I was early," she said.

Zuko nodded. "Do you want to eat here, or...?"

Mai sighed, so subtly that most people wouldn't have noticed. She gestured to the other chair, the movement graceful and precise, like everything she did. "The food here is tolerable. And I'm not hungry."

Zuko draped his coat over the back of the chair and sat obediently. "I'm not really hungry, either," he admitted. "Chad and I had bubble tea."

Mai picked up her drink and sipped it, watching him over the rim of the glass. "And how is Chad?"

"He's fine," said Zuko. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "I, um...I wasn't expecting to see you so soon. I thought you were staying through the end of the semester."

"The program wasn't what I'd hoped it would be," said Mai. She returned her drink to the table. "I'll go back to university after the holidays. Then I'll refocus my studies into something more practical."

"Like what?"

"Anything would be more practical than another three months in Paris."

Zuko frowned. "But you were so excited to go."

"I was excited to get out of Ba Sing Se," said Mai crisply. "The destination was less important."

"Oh. I see. Well...you must be glad to be home, then."

"Not really."

Zuko chewed his bottom lip. He wasn't sure how to handle this. The first time they'd broken up, he and Mai had barely spoken to each other, but aside from those short weeks he'd never been uncomfortable in her company. Mai had always put him at ease. Now, it was as if they were strangers. He scrambled for something else to say. "It's nice to be able to speak English all the time, though, isn't it? When I got home from Tokyo--"

"I'm perfectly fine with French. And it's not as if anyone here has anything worthwhile to say."

"I guess." Another awkward pause, which Mai showed no sign of rescuing him from. "So, um...what will you do? Until you go back to school."

"Nothing you'd be interested in."

"I'm interested."

Mai barked out a laugh and took another sip of her drink. "Of course you are."

Zuko sighed and rubbed his temples. "Mai."

"Yes?" She arched one perfectly-shaped eyebrow.

"Why did you ask me to have lunch with you?"

Mai looked down at her glass. "I was going to be in town. I hadn't seen you in almost four months."

"You don't have to see me if you don't want to."

"I know that."

"Then talk to me." He tried for a reassuring smile.

Mai pressed her lips together. "Don't."

"Don't what?"

"Don't..." She shook her head, very slightly. "It doesn't help, when you look at me like that."

"Like what?"

"Like nothing's wrong."

Zuko laughed a little. "Mai, nothing is wrong."

"You really think that." She closed her eyes for a moment, her jaw tight. "When were you going to tell me about him?"

"Who? Jet?" She didn't answer. "Well, that's...it's kind of a mess right now. I didn't want to talk to anyone about it until I'd worked things out."

"You talked to Hahn."

"I needed advice."

The glass shook in her hand. She put it down again, not meeting his eyes. "That wasn't how I wanted to find out."

"I just...I'd thought you wouldn't want to hear about it at all. I know you don't like Jet very much."

Another laugh, even harsher than the first. "What gives you that idea?"

Zuko leaned forward into her line of sight. He hadn't seen her this upset in years. Even when they'd parted ways, before he'd left for Japan, she'd been outwardly composed. "Mai...if there's something you want to say to me, I'd rather you just say it."

"I don't see the point."

"Of course there's a point. You're really important to me." He meant it. He had so few friends, and Mai had known him the longest. He didn't want for things to be strained between them.

Mai leaned back in her chair. She signaled to the waiter, and Zuko sat quietly as she ordered him a gin and tonic. Neither spoke again until Zuko held the drink in his hands. He tilted it, and the ice clinked softly together. "I should have expected this," Mai finally said.

"What?"

"All of it. It's stupid that I'm letting it get to me, it's not like I'm surprised."

He had no idea what she meant. He couldn't understand why she was acting this way. "Mai. If I'm doing something to upset you..."

Zuko watched as she stirred her drink, her eyes unfocused. He knew she wasn't seeing the bar, just then. When she continued, her tone was grim. "You wrote him every single day. You talked about him all the time. Zuko, I would have killed to have you pay that much attention to me, or to care that much about what I thought. He was obviously still in love with you, but what was I going to say? I'd won, hadn't I? And poor, heartbroken Jet was just trying to spend some time with you." She rolled her eyes. "Well, now he has you."

"Mai...it wasn't like that..."

"Why did you even bother getting back together with me at all? You broke up with him, spent our entire relationship worshiping the ground he walked on, and now you've decided he's your fucking....soul mate or something? Was dating me just a colossal waste of your time?"

"Of course it wasn't."

Mai leaned forward, her forehead resting on her fingertips. Her sleek, black hair hung in a curtain around her face. "Well, Zuko, it's really looking that way right now."

"I was with you because I wanted to be, but...I mean, we got older. Things changed. I went to Japan, and we decided not to do the long distance thing--"

"We decided. Of course." Mai's shoulders rose and fell as she took a deep breath. "I would have gone with you, if you'd asked," she said.

"What?"

"To Japan. If you'd asked me to go with you, I would have. But you never did. So I went to France. And I tried very hard to forget about you."

"You never said--"

"If you didn't care enough to ask, I wasn't going to volunteer. I have some self-respect." She laughed, soft and mirthless. "Do you know why Hahn and I came to visit you? Because I needed to know if you were really over me. I had to be sure. And I wanted Hahn there to stop me from throwing myself at you if you were." She met his eyes. "You spent the entire time talking about him."

Zuko watched her silently. He didn't know what to say.

"I thought you were the one. Did you know that? I panicked about it for years. I'd finally accepted that I'd met my future husband when I was five years old--that my life was actually that banal. And then..." She made a vague gesture, long fingers splayed. "Gone."

Zuko stared at her. She'd been his first in every sense, and he had loved her. He knew that he had. But now that feeling was so distant that it hardly felt real anymore; like something he'd been told about, or read. "I didn't know," he said.

"You didn't ask."

Zuko frowned and pressed his palm against his eye. "I'm sorry. I should have..." He didn't know what he should have done, really. He wasn't sure it mattered anymore. "I'm sorry," he said again.

Mai finished her drink, tilting the glass just so, so that the liquid ran into her mouth but the ice barely shifted. When she lowered the glass, her features had smoothed. "I suppose that's something," she said.

Jet picked up after the first ring. "Hey!" He sounded cheerful and a little breathless, as if he'd been laughing. There were voices in the background all talking at once. "Can you hold on a sec? Toph's throwing peanuts at me."

"Sure." Zuko waited as Jet excused himself, with Bee's "Is that Princess?" the loudest of the responses. He could hear a door open and close, and the voices dropped away.

"Sorry," said Jet. Zuko guessed he was in his room, now, sitting on the bed. "Toph's got pretty good aim, considering."

"Never underestimate her blind girl superpowers," said Zuko seriously.

"I know, right? Especially when Bee's egging her on. She's a bad influence on that girl."

Zuko chuckled. He was standing near the entrance to the subway inside Central Station. He'd lose reception once he went down the stairs, so he leaned against the granite wall between a flower shop and a newsstand, out of the way of the commuters. "I think Toph would take offense at that. She works so hard at being an instigator."

"Yeah, well she's been instigating all afternoon. I think she's still mad at me for cockblocking her the other day."

Zuko laughed, hard enough to startle a knot of businessmen nearby. "Can you cockblock a girl? I mean...technically speaking."

Jet laughed. "Oh, believe me, between the two of them, those girls have got more cocks than we do."

"I believe you." Zuko smiled. It was so nice, just having a normal conversation like this.

"So do you still want to meet up later? We're just hanging out, I can go whenever."

"Yes!" Zuko laughed at his own naked enthusiasm. "I mean...seriously, the only way I got through the last hour was because I knew I'd be seeing you afterward."

It took a moment for Jet to answer. "Well, I guess I can't say no to that. Where did you want to meet?"

"In front of the student center. Give me forty-five minutes?"

"Okay, sure."

"Have you eaten?"

"I can always eat."

"Great." Zuko cupped his phone in both hands, grinning. "I'll see you soon, then."

The trains were less cooperative than they'd been earlier that day. Jet was standing near the entrance to the student center when Zuko rounded the last corner. He was talking to two boys Zuko didn't know, one tall and muscular and the other small and lean, who stood with their hands in each other's back pockets. Jet looked amused by whatever they were saying, and when he saw Zuko his mouth curved into a genuine smile. It made Zuko feel warm all over, having Jet smile that way at him. "Hey!" Jet said, waving at him. The boys followed his line of sight, their eyes narrowing suspiciously.

Zuko shifted the paper bags he carried into one hand, and as he came up beside them he pulled Jet into a one-armed hug and kissed him on the cheek. Jet's skin was cool against his lips. "Hey," he said. He left his hand on Jet's back, and Jet didn't pull away. "Sorry I'm late."

"It's fine, we were just talking about Kuruk." The smaller boy flushed bright red at this, and Jet's grin widened. "So what's the plan?"

"I'm kidnapping you," said Zuko.

Jet laughed, increasing the alarm of both strangers. "Oh? Where to?"

"Can't say." Zuko tried to keep his face deadpan, but he doubted he was having much luck. "I'll need the keys to the roof, though."

"My kind of kidnapping." Jet stepped away from Zuko's touch, then, and turned back to wave at the other boys. "I'll tell Kuruk you were looking for him," he said airily. The boys bent their heads together in a furious bout of whispering as Jet and Zuko walked inside.

"Who were they?" Zuko asked once they were out of earshot.

"Just some guys from the GSU." Jet smiled and hit the button for the elevator. "Don't mind them, they're harmless."

"Kuruk harmless or actual harmless?"

More laughter. "Aww, Kuruk's not so bad. Just relentless." Jet reached over to ruffle his hair. "Kind of like you."

Zuko groaned, but in a good-natured way. "I guess I should start going to meetings. It's silly that I haven't been already."

"Kuruk would love that."

"Oh?"

"One more thing to give me shit about. Also, one more guy to hit on. Well, when he decides to show up."

Zuko's eyes widened as they stepped into the elevator. "He'd hit on me?"

"He hits on all the hot guys."

Jet said this casually, but it made Zuko's heart beat faster all the same. He's not your boyfriend, Zuko told himself. This isn't a date. You're just having lunch. But it was hard to remember any of that when Jet was smiling at him, standing so close in the elevator car. Zuko gripped the bags more tightly, grateful for something to do with his hands. He wanted to touch Jet so badly, to kiss him; but he'd felt the tension in Jet's shoulders a few minutes before, and there was worry beneath that smile.

It was still early afternoon, and the roof was awash in crisp autumn sunlight. The black tar sheeting radiated a day's worth of collected heat, and Jet stripped off his jacket as Zuko unpacked their meal. He'd stopped by his favorite sushi place on the way to campus. Jet spread his jacket out on the long, low ledge that served as bench and table, and sat watching as Zuko arranged the plastic takeout containers.

"I got you a Godzilla roll, a monster roll, a dragon roll and a rainbow roll," Zuko said as he took off the lids.

Jet grinned. "So you went with a sort of gay bestiary theme."

"Pretty much." Zuko pointed to the monster roll, each piece of which was nearly two inches across. "That one's deep fried and covered in mayonnaise."

"Awesome." Jet split a pair of chopsticks into perfect halves. "Ahh, my chi is good today."

Zuko split another pair, less successfully, then picked up a lid and started filling it with rolls. He avoided the mayonnaise in favor of his own, more traditional selections. "I'm not sure what chi has to do with chopstick splitting."

"It has everything to do with chopstick splitting." Jet stuffed one of the monster rolls into his mouth and chewed slowly. "Oh man. That...wow. Tastes like a delicious heart attack."

"You've got mayonanaise on your face," said Zuko, pointing to the same spot on his own. Jet licked it away, and the sight of his pink tongue running along his lips made Zuko's stomach clench. Jet glanced at him curiously, and Zuko realized with a start that he'd been staring. He flushed, but didn't look away. Jet knew how he felt. There wasn't any point in pretending. "So, um...how was your day? It sounded like you guys were having fun."

"It was pretty great, actually," said Jet. He grinned as he covered a dragon roll with wasabi. "Toph came over, and we had a Guitar Hero tournament. She likes to show off, you know? She's memorized half the songs, it's crazy."

"Who won?"

"Bee. But only because she cheats."

"How do you cheat at Guitar Hero?"

"Heckling. And shoving." Jet laughed. "Ungrateful wench. After I went through all the trouble of getting her a present, too."

"Oh? What'd you get her?"

"A halloween poncho."

Zuko nodded soberly. "Well, that's practical."

"I thought so! It had cats on it. Very fetching." Jet picked up another roll with his chopsticks. "I think she was just mad that Long got the one with a skeleton on it."

"I'm sure that's it." Zuko rearranged the rolls on his lid, moving them into a rectangle. "How was Long?"

Jet shrugged unconvincingly. "He's fine."

"Jet..."

Jet sighed and scowled down at his food. "Do you actually want to know?"

"Yes," Zuko said, and he meant it.

Jet set aside his makeshift plate and leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees. "He's trying to act like everything's okay. But...I mean, obviously he's upset." Jet ran a hand back through his hair. "We'll be fine. We've been friends a long time. It'll just be awkward."

"I'm sorry."

Jet waved this off. "Don't apologize."

"But If I hadn't--"

"Don't," Jet said again, cutting him off. "I haven't done anything I didn't want to. It's just..." He sighed again. "God, I'm a mess. I hate this."

"You're not a mess, Jet."

"Whatever."

"No, really." Zuko reached out and touched his shoulder, lightly. "I think you're handling all of this a lot better than most people would."

"You mean better than you would?"

Zuko flinched, but only for a moment. It wasn't like Jet was wrong. "A lot better than I would."

Jet laughed softly. "Well, yeah. I mean, you're the worst."

"I am." Zuko put down his lid, too, and balanced his chopsticks on its edge. "Jet. Is it...would it be all right if I talked about what happened with Mai this afternoon?"

Jet's words were clipped, stiff with obvious reluctance. "If you want."

Zuko sucked in a breath, held it for a long time while he considered what he was going to say. He knew Jet didn't want to hear about his ex, but it didn't seem right to pretend it hadn't happened at all. He let the breath out, slowly, and said, "It was pretty awkward. There were some things she wanted to talk about that I didn't really want to hear. I guess it was worth it, I mean...she's still my friend. But I think it'll be a while before we can have a normal conversation again."

Jet nodded, once. "All right."

In truth, "awkward" wasn't the right word for it at all. It had been terrible, listening to what Mai had had to say. He hadn't wanted to know those things--that she'd thought they were going to get married, that she hadn't wanted to break up, that even now she still wasn't entirely over him. Their conversation had rattled him badly. But he could deal with that later, talk it out with Chad or his uncle. It wasn't something Jet needed to hear about; wasn't what was important, besides. "I'm really glad you were free tonight," said Zuko, "It made me feel a million times better, just seeing you again. I missed you."

Jet turned his head slightly, his lips curved into a faint smile. "I missed you, too."

Zuko watched him for several seconds, considering. Then he carefully packed up what was left of their food, consolidating the leftovers and stacking the extra containers together. When the ledge between them was clear, he slid toward the other boy, close enough that their legs just touched. It wasn't subtle, and he half-expected Jet to be annoyed with him, but Jet didn't protest. They sat in silence for some time; watched as a flock of pigeons took flight nearby and circled overhead.

"So." Jet leaned back on his hands, his eyes still following the birds. "How'd the apartment hunting go? Did you find anything you liked?"

Zuko grinned. "I did."

"Okay. Tell me about it."

Zuko pulled out his phone and opened it. "I took pictures," he said as he navigated the menus. He could feel the warmth of Jet's thigh through his jeans as they bowed their heads together, Zuko holding the phone so they could both see the screen. "Okay, so...this is the outside..."

"Chinatown?"

"Yeah. And this is the room. That ladder goes to the loft."

"There's a loft?"

Zuko nodded, the giddiness of that morning starting to return. "I'll put the bed up there, it has a window and everything." He moved to the next photo. "This is the view. See, there's the bridge." He pointed. "You live over here, right? And I think that's Hahn's apartment building."

Jet leaned in farther. When he spoke, his breath was warm against Zuko's ear. "It's pretty great."

"I put it the application today. I just have to talk to the landlady and convince her I'm not a delinquent."

"Well, you'll be fine, then. She'll love you."

"Hopefully." He snapped the phone closed again and looked over at Jet. "You really like it?"

Jet was smiling at him, wide and honest. "Yeah, I really like it," he said, and it was all Zuko could do not to kiss him. It was hard to remember why he shouldn't.

He had tried not to be presumptuous, or to take Jet for granted in any way. He had tried not to assume anything about what would happen between them, about how Jet felt or what he might want. He'd tried to give Jet the space to decide on his own what course their relationship would take. He had lain in bed, Jet's arms around him, and told himself that nothing was certain. But sitting here next to Jet on the rooftop, talking about his new home, he couldn't find the strength to pretend anymore. His chest was tight with longing, so strong it made it hard to breathe. He loved Jet. He knew that Jet loved him, too. How could things be more certain than that? He couldn't imagine his life without Jet in it; couldn't imagine this new apartment without Jet's bare feet padding across the wooden floor, Jet's arm dangling over the edge of the loft as he watched whatever Zuko was doing downstairs, Jet sitting on the window sill with his legs drawn up against his chest.

Zuko slid his arm around Jet's waist and pulled him close. "It's near the subway," he said quietly. "On the orange line, so you could get to campus really quickly. And it's right next to the park. And Chad said the dim sum place you like is only a few blocks away. There isn't much parking, though..."

Jet leaned into him, rested his head on Zuko's shoulder. "Guess I'll just have to deal with the train."

"There's even a real kitchen, with a decent stove and everything, so I'll actually be able to cook." Zuko kissed Jet's forehead. "Just wait. I'll blow those Hahn waffles away."

He felt Jet's hand on his back, between his shoulder blades. "So you're saying you'll make me breakfast in your fabulous new apartment?"

"Yes." It was oddly thrilling, to speak of these small things. "You can luxuriate in bed, and I'll bring it up to you on a tray."

"With coffee?"

"Of course."

"What about juice?"

"Fresh-squeezed."

"You're gonna spoil me."

Zuko lay a hand on Jet's cheek, whispered into his hair. "You deserve it."

Jet laughed softly against Zuko's neck, more a puff of air than an actual sound. Slowly he turned his head, his lips feather-soft as he kissed Zuko's palm, his fingers. Zuko shivered, and Jet looked up at him. His brown eyes were half-lidded, his lips parted. Zuko leaned in and kissed him, the kiss deepening as Jet returned it, his mouth tasting of horseradish and salt.

"Jet." It was difficult to pull away long enough to speak. "Come back with me. Please."

Jet licked at Zuko's lips, his hands sliding up Zuko's sides. "Hahn won't mind?"

"No," Zuko rasped, though in that moment he wouldn't have cared either way.

Jet nipped gently at his lower lip, ran his thumb along the waist of Zuko's jeans. "That bed's too big for one person," he murmured.

Hahn and Zhao weren't home. A note fixed to the exact center of the guest room door explained that they were at the theater. Still, Zuko locked the door as he closed it behind him.

Someone had drawn curtains over the wall of windows and turned on the stainless steel lamp beside the bed. Zuko reached out for Jet's hand, and held it as they crossed the huge room, their footsteps echoing slightly. They kicked off their shoes, shed their jackets and sweaters, and lay down together on the bed, facing each other, only their fingers touching. Jet's eyes shone in the soft light, wide and slightly worried.

Zuko brushed the hair from Jet's forehead, ran his knuckles along Jet's cheek. He barely remembered the subway ride, walking to the apartment building, signing Jet in. They'd kissed in the elevator, Jet's hand against his chest. He was so hard. His heartbeat was deafening, his breath shallow and too fast. His body screamed its need at him, but he tried to push that aside; tried not to think about what Jet had said last night, about what they'd done on the road trip, how good it had felt, how badly he wanted Jet now.

"We don't have to do anything," he whispered. "Just having you here with me is enough."

Jet caught Zuko's hand, trailed soft kisses down his wrist and along his forearm. "It's not," he murmured. He shifted closer, and Zuko inhaled sharply as Jet's erection pressed against his own. They kissed again, hungrily. Jet snaked an arm around Zuko's waist and up the back of his shirt, fingers still cold from being outside. Zuko arched his back as the muscles twitched under his skin. He ran his hands along Jet's chest, thumbs brushing his nipples through the thin fabric of his shirt. Jet moaned into Zuko's mouth.

Zuko lifted his head, kissed the corner of Jet's eyelid. "What do you want?"

Jet's grip on him tightened. "I want you to fuck me," he whispered, lips moving against Zuko's throat.

Zuko rolled on top of him and straddled his hips. "You're sure?"

"Yes."

Zuko couldn't wait any longer. He pulled Jet up so that they were both sitting, tugged off Jet's shirt and then his own. Jet's chest was warm and soft against his bare skin. Jet dipped his head down to lick and bite Zuko's nipples, and Zuko gasped toward the ceiling, his breath ragged. He clung to Jet's shoulders as his hips jerked forward. His cock strained against his jeans.

Jet's fingers tugged at Zuko's belt. "You're so sexy," he said between kisses, his mouth warm and wet as he followed the curve of Zuko's collar bone. "So good."

Zuko loved when Jet talked to him like this, loved that he made Jet feel this way, made him want to say these things. He pushed Jet down onto his back, his own belt still half-undone. He hadn't seen Jet naked in three years. He wanted to now, more than anything. He ran his tongue along the taut lines of Jet's stomach as he unbuttoned the other boy's fly. Jet lifted his ass off the bed and Zuko pulled jeans and underwear down together. For a moment he paused, looking down at Jet, at his body against the white comforter, his cock dark and quivering, his cheeks flushed. Beautiful. Slowly Zuko reached out and lay his hand flat against Jet's chest. He could feel Jet's heartbeat, so fast. Jet smiled and covered Zuko's hand with one of his own, reached up and pulled Zuko down for another kiss. Zuko felt Jet's cock brush his stomach as their mouths met. He reached down between them, curled his fingers around the shaft and squeezed. Jet moaned wordlessly as Zuko stroked him, his hands in Zuko's hair.

It had only been nine days since he'd arrived in Ba Sing Se. Eight since he'd put his arm around Jet on the ferry. A week since Jet had kissed him on the sidewalk. How could so much have changed in so short a time? Though it was less that things had changed, really, and more that he had finally seen them as they were, had been for a long time. Jet felt right in his arms, smelled right, like this was the most natural thing in the world. He wasn't nervous anymore. He had no reason to be. He was where he belonged. Everything else would fall into place.

Zuko pushed himself up onto his knees again, ran his thumb along Jet's lower lip before he turned away to rummage through the drawer of the bedside table. Hahn had left him a note about its contents. He'd been horrified at the time, but now he was grateful for his friend's nosiness. Jet unfastened his jeans the rest of the way as he pulled out a condom and a small bottle of lube. He held up the condom, and when Jet shook his head, he dropped it back into the drawer. He gasped as Jet dragged his tongue along the underside of his cock.

Jet tugged at his jeans, and he stood up on the bed so that the other boy could pull them off entirely. "You're so sexy," Jet said as Zuko sunk to his knees again. His hands were on Zuko's ass, his lips inches from Zuko's cock. "Fuck, you're so amazing."

Zuko slid down Jet's body, kissing the swells and hollows of his torso, until he'd settled between Jet's legs. He nuzzled Jet's cock as he slicked the first few fingers of his right hand. He'd never done this before, but he knew how it worked; remembered how it had been with Jet, all those years ago. He ran his fingers down the seam of Jet's balls, followed the faint line to the pucker of his asshole. He licked drops of precome from the head of Jet's cock, gently pushed at the tight knot of muscle with his fingertips. Jet's legs trembled.

"Zuko, please." Jet wasn't whispering anymore. "Please, Zuko, I can't wait."

Zuko made a low noise in his throat as he took the length of Jet's cock into his mouth and slid a finger inside him.

Jet knew what he wanted, how he wanted it, and Zuko was eager to give it to him. His head bobbed up and down as another finger joined the first, spreading Jet wider, getting him ready. Then Jet's fists closed in his hair, and he was pulled upwards, his mouth kissed with bruising force.

"Now," Jet rasped, their foreheads pressed together. He pulled back his knees, hooked them over Zuko's arms. He hissed as Zuko withdrew his hand and guided his cock into place.

Hahn had told him, once, that it was different with men. As Zuko pushed his hips forward that first time, past the impossibly tight ring of Jet's asshole to the soft warmth beyond, Jet's cock pressed against his stomach, he finally understood. Jet's hands were on his ass, pulling him until his waist was flush with the backs of Jet's thighs. For a long moment they stayed that way, neither of them moving, their breath slipping into sync.

Jet opened his eyes. "Please," he whispered.

Zuko started to move. Slowly at first, afraid of hurting him, of doing something wrong. But Jet urged him on with his hands and his words, and soon he'd abandoned caution. He held Jet's gaze as he reached between them and took Jet's cock in his hand, pumping him in time with his own thrusts. Jet cried out, asking for more, begging for it, his body rocking against the bed. He screamed Zuko's name as he came, every muscle taut with the force of it, and Zuko was overcome. He buried his face against Jet's chest, his hands fisted in the sheets as a formless cry tore from his throat.

His arms shook, then gave out entirely. Jet grunted softly at the sudden weight, lowered his legs and slid his arms across Zuko's back. Zuko pressed his face into the hollow of Jet's neck, curled his arm around under the pillow. Jet's pulse thrummed against his lips. He remembered how he'd given this up, once--willingly left this boy behind him. He snuggled closer, held on tight.

"I love you," he said.

Jet rubbed his back in small, slow circles. "I can't," he whispered. "Not yet."

"It's okay." Zuko kissed the soft skin under his jaw. "I just wanted to make sure you knew."

Jet's body arched in a long, luxurious stretch, then he rolled onto his side. Zuko scooted up behind him, draped an arm around his ribs and molded himself to the curve of his back and legs. He didn't know what time it was--maybe seven? The sky was dark behind the curtains. Hours ago, they'd taken turns cleaning up in the immaculate bathroom, then collapsed back into bed. It felt so good to lie there, exhausted, their limbs tangled together. He couldn't remember ever having felt so completely comfortable around another person, or so content. He kissed the ridges of Jet's spine, one by one. There was so much he wanted to say, but he wasn't sure how. The words wouldn't come.

They'd ended up near the edge of the bed, facing the rest of the room. It seemed less antiseptic in the soft lamplight. Zuko's possessions had trickled their way out of his suitcase--a jacket draped over the back of a chair, a pile of books on the white coffee table, his guitar case open on the couch. It made the room seem lived in, as did the clothes strewn around the bed. Jet pulled Zuko's arm a little closer, their fingers woven together.

"Does Hahn play Go?" he asked.

Zuko chuckled. Neither of them had spoken in hours, and these first words weren't at all what he'd expected. "No. Why?"

"Looks like you were playing someone."

"Oh." Zuko flushed, feeling a little embarrassed. This was one of his nerdier habits. "No, that's just me. I was going through some old Shusaku games."

"What, like just...recreating a game someone already played?"

"Yeah."

"Sounds lonely."

Zuko shrugged. He'd played out hundreds of games this way over the years -- it had been a largely solitary pastime ever since he'd left Gaoling. No one he knew would play someone as good as he was for fun, and internet Go wasn't the same. "Well, Hahn and Zhao don't play," he said. He kissed the nape of Jet's neck, the soft hairs tickling his nose. "And I had to try out my beautiful new Go board."

"Do you know anyone who plays?"

"You do."

"Barely."

"You play just fine." Zuko propped himself up on his elbow. "I miss playing with you."

Jet turned his head to look up at him. "But...I mean, I'm terrible."

"You're not." Zuko smiled. "And it wouldn't matter if you were."

Jet rolled the rest of the way onto his back. "We could play, I guess. If you want."

"Really?"

"Sure. Why not, right? I miss playing with you, too."

Zuko grinned as he kissed Jet's mouth, lingering only a moment before jumping out of bed and jogging across the cold floor. He realized, belatedly, that he was still naked, then decided he didn't care. The Go board was in the far corner of the room, one of Shusaku's matches against Ota Yuzo half-played on its surface. He pulled the board away from the wall and crouched down beside it, balancing on the balls of his feet.

"Bring some pillows to sit on when you come over," he said. He set the wooden bowls of stones on the floor, opened their lids and started to clear off the board. It was so nice, just to hold Go stones in his hands again. Even before his flight back home, he hadn't played on a real board in weeks, too caught up in the stress and bother of the trip to make time for it.

Fabric rustled as Jet settled down on the floor behind him. He'd brought the comforter, and he tucked the edge under Zuko's heels before pulling the rest of it up around them. Zuko sat down gratefully, leaned back against Jet's chest and smiled at him over one shoulder.

"You're supposed to sit on the other side," he teased.

Jet kissed him on the end of his nose. "It's the same game from over here." He grinned. "Why, you want me to move?"

"No," said Zuko, a little too quickly. They both laughed, and he kissed Jet's smile before turning back to the board. "I'll be black." He reached down into the pot of slate stones, lifted one between his first and middle fingers, and set it down on the upper-right star. It made a satisfying clack as it hit the board.

"What, no handicap?"

Zuko felt that the distraction of Jet's nude body behind him was handicap enough, but decided not to say as much. "I haven't played you in a long time. I want to see what your game is like."

"Really terrible," said Jet, but he leaned forward to take a white stone from its pot and place it on the board, directly to the left of Zuko's.

They played quietly for a while, the silence broken periodically by the rattle of stones in their bowls and the confident tok of a move. Jet was better than he thought he was--his technique was erratic, but he had good instincts, seemed to understand how to push back against Zuko's advances into his territory. Zuko nudged him a little with each stone, coaxed life into Jet's forms as he revealed their weaknesses. He wasn't trying to win, or to throw the game entirely. The goal was balance; symmetry. He wondered if he could manage to end the game as a perfect tie.

Jet formed a second eye in his territory. Zuko paused, stone in hand, as he considered how to test the group in the upper right corner. He jumped a little as Jet spoke. "You never get tired of this, do you?"

"Not really." Zuko chose his move, leaving Jet in atari--he could get out of it and save his stones from being captured, but only if he was careful.

Jet rested his chin on Zuko's shoulder as he considered the board. "But why, though? What makes you love Go so much that you'd want to play it all the time? I mean...I really like miniature golf, but I wouldn't want to be a pro minigolfer."

"It just makes sense to me. It works the way I do."

Jet placed his stone. Not the ideal response, but effective. "You're not a board game, Zuko."

Zuko moved again, pushing a little harder. "You've played poker with me."

"Yeah." Jet laughed. He ignored Zuko's advance, moved instead to connect two of his weaker groups together. "You suck. A lot."

"It's because I can't read the other players. I never know what they're thinking, how good their hand is, whether or not they're bluffing. But they can always tell with me."

"Your poker face is terrible."

Zuko elbowed him playfully in the ribs. "Yes, I know. But...well, Go isn't like that." He moved to cut Jet's stones apart again, gently, nothing he couldn't fight off if he payed attention. "I can explain, but it's sort of boring."

Jet nipped at his ear. "Just tell me, dork."

Zuko thought for some time. He picked up another stone, turned it over and over in his fingers. He'd only ever talked to Hahn about this, really. And conversations with Hahn weren't the same at all. "Do you know what 'perfect information' is? It's a game theory term."

"It sounds familiar."

"Perfect information is when all the players know everything about the game. It's not like cards, where you can't see anyone else's hand. In a perfect information game, you can see every move that's been made, every piece that's in play. It's all right there in front of you. Nothing's hidden." He watched as Jet placed his next stone. "That's how Go works. The stones tell you everything you need to know."

"All out in the open, huh?"

"Yeah."

"I can see why you'd like that."

Zuko stared down at the stone in his hand, stark against his pale skin. "It means a lot...that you've been talking to me. About everything. I know it isn't easy for you."

He felt Jet's lips on the back of his neck. "It's not," he said. He breathed slowly, in and out. "Zuko...I'm still really freaked out by all of this."

The stone clicked softly as Zuko dropped it back into its bowl, then turned inside the circle of Jet's arms. "I know." He cupped the back of Jet's head, his lips against his temple. "Take all the time you need, okay? Don't worry about me."

"Zuko, I..." Jet's voice caught, and he was quiet for a moment before he went on. "I want to be with you. I really do."

"I know."

"I just...I'm so fucked up right now. I feel like this can't last. Like I'll wake up tomorrow and you'll be gone."

Zuko combed his fingers through Jet's hair, kissed away the creases in his brow. "I'm not going anywhere." Jet didn't answer, and Zuko shifted so that he could look into his eyes. "Jet. I'm not going anywhere."

Jet smiled faintly. "We'll see, I guess."

It was warm inside the comforter, but Jet's skin was warmer still. Zuko ran his hands up and down his back. He was hard again, but he tried to ignore it. "I love you," he said gently. "I'll be around as long as you want me to."

Jet's grip on him tightened. "You keep saying that," he whispered. "It's...weird. To hear you say it."

"I can stop."

"No, it's okay. It's not bad. Just weird." He smiled. "You can say whatever you want."

"Okay." Zuko smiled back, kissed him softly. "I'll try not to say anything too terrible."

"Ha ha, yeah, that'd be good." He closed his eyes, let out a long, slow breath, then opened them again. "Okay. No more talking. Or thinking. If I think anymore, my head's gonna explode."

Zuko laughed. "All right. What do you want to do instead?"

"Oh, I dunno..." Jet pulled Zuko closer, and he felt Jet's erection press up against his leg. "Distract me."

Zuko dragged a finger along Jet's stomach. "We're in the middle of a game," he said quietly. Jet moaned a little as Zuko's hand curled around his cock.

"The game can wait," Jet murmured. He bit lightly at Zuko's neck. "We've got time."

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