All that I have are my fantasies founded in fragments of films
I felt like making an entire entry of poetry, just to post some of the old stuff that I never got around to. They're mostly really old, since I've only written one poem since August. Sad.
Fistful of Razor Blades
My mind understands
the directions on this bottle,
but chooses to ignore them.
The thing it doesn't comprehend
is that "painkiller"
is meaningless for a
hurting heart
or a head full of crushed emotion.
So slowly tangible pain
is formed
in a shallow red line on
the tender skin of my arm.
Adrenaline takes over
The natural high carries me
from the sink to my bed.
The clock is flashing midnight digits.
No change.
Just the same numbers blinking to their own
weak pulse.
The irony is not lost on me.
- written July 24, 2004; revised August 26, 2004
Circumspection: A Pointless Rant at 7:49 PM
That feeling that life is rushing by
far too quickly hits again.
And even with time (precious, rapid moments)
flying by me,
[ the wind it creates rocks me on the balls of my feet ]
I still sit and think;
suppose life really was speeding by...
at 16 it seems like I'd die incomplete.
Alone.
But why?
Because I have wonderful friends
but a miserable family
and no relationship?
Yes, all of the above.
Everything that serves me even a shred of
unhappiness
contributes to my despondent
views on life.
Friends can't fill the entire void
in my heart
left by occassional ignorance and
the lack of something more.
If existence was in anyway worthwhile,
the puka shells on my wrist
and the espresso beans in my stomach
would slow down time long enough
for me to live.
- written August 21, 2004
Sans Mon Amour
Le soleil est monté
et je me suis levé sans mon amour.
... un nouveau jour ...
... une plaque blanche ...
La pluie a fait les flaques
et j'ai dansé de dans sans mon amour.
... un nouveau jour ...
... une plaque blanche ...
Le soleil est descendu
et j'ai dormi sans mon amour.
... un nouveau nuit ...
... une plaque pleine ...
J'ai été aimé
mais j'ai été perdu.
- written September 20, 2004
Translation:
The sun came up
and I awoke without my love.
... a new day ...
... a blank slate ...
The rain fell in puddles
and I danced in them without my love.
... a new day ...
... a blank slate ...
The sun went down
and I slept without my love.
... a new night ...
... a full slate ...
I was loved
but I was lost.
Beautiful Obscurity
High heels and a staccato shuffle.
Blonde wig and some pocketed hairspray.
Perfect makeup and an inward smirk.
Shortcut dress and shaven legs.
......
Bruised body and a broken heart.
Bleeding face and the cold tile.
Hardened resolve and the projection of consciousness.
-written on October 13, 2004
P.S. - Lindsay, Carly, Dan, and I went to the JV soccer game today and I broke a bench at Vet's Park. Fun times.
Fistful of Razor Blades
My mind understands
the directions on this bottle,
but chooses to ignore them.
The thing it doesn't comprehend
is that "painkiller"
is meaningless for a
hurting heart
or a head full of crushed emotion.
So slowly tangible pain
is formed
in a shallow red line on
the tender skin of my arm.
Adrenaline takes over
The natural high carries me
from the sink to my bed.
The clock is flashing midnight digits.
No change.
Just the same numbers blinking to their own
weak pulse.
The irony is not lost on me.
- written July 24, 2004; revised August 26, 2004
Circumspection: A Pointless Rant at 7:49 PM
That feeling that life is rushing by
far too quickly hits again.
And even with time (precious, rapid moments)
flying by me,
[ the wind it creates rocks me on the balls of my feet ]
I still sit and think;
suppose life really was speeding by...
at 16 it seems like I'd die incomplete.
Alone.
But why?
Because I have wonderful friends
but a miserable family
and no relationship?
Yes, all of the above.
Everything that serves me even a shred of
unhappiness
contributes to my despondent
views on life.
Friends can't fill the entire void
in my heart
left by occassional ignorance and
the lack of something more.
If existence was in anyway worthwhile,
the puka shells on my wrist
and the espresso beans in my stomach
would slow down time long enough
for me to live.
- written August 21, 2004
Sans Mon Amour
Le soleil est monté
et je me suis levé sans mon amour.
... un nouveau jour ...
... une plaque blanche ...
La pluie a fait les flaques
et j'ai dansé de dans sans mon amour.
... un nouveau jour ...
... une plaque blanche ...
Le soleil est descendu
et j'ai dormi sans mon amour.
... un nouveau nuit ...
... une plaque pleine ...
J'ai été aimé
mais j'ai été perdu.
- written September 20, 2004
Translation:
The sun came up
and I awoke without my love.
... a new day ...
... a blank slate ...
The rain fell in puddles
and I danced in them without my love.
... a new day ...
... a blank slate ...
The sun went down
and I slept without my love.
... a new night ...
... a full slate ...
I was loved
but I was lost.
Beautiful Obscurity
High heels and a staccato shuffle.
Blonde wig and some pocketed hairspray.
Perfect makeup and an inward smirk.
Shortcut dress and shaven legs.
......
Bruised body and a broken heart.
Bleeding face and the cold tile.
Hardened resolve and the projection of consciousness.
-written on October 13, 2004
P.S. - Lindsay, Carly, Dan, and I went to the JV soccer game today and I broke a bench at Vet's Park. Fun times.