"I wish that all human kind had one neck...so that I could choke it"

[perfecterror]

Well, that straight A streak was lovely while it lasted. I've begun the falling behind process... didnt take me long. I cant figure it out for the life of me.. why cant I just do... good? It's not hard... but I dont do it... why? Why the flying fuck is there such a mental block when it comes to simple shit like getting good grades in school? Why

Comments

[thefireinme]

See when I read things like that, I understand where your coming from. I live that life wondering those same thing each passing day. And I wonder to what more is there for me to do? And in the end I am only left to continue to wonder. We'll never recieve an answer nor will we find a solution. Your a gifted child by choice, those things dont come natural. Keep your mind focused like I know you can. I've seen you do it before and I'll watch you do it again.

[perfecterror]

Thanks Pete. Yeah I know you're right... I'll never find answers.... but that shouldnt stop me from living my life like I should. It's just so hard to get past how crooked this world is.

[thefireinme]

It is hard to get past all that shit, but in the end you'll stand stronger than most people for overcoming it. You know I'm only a phone call away if you need something.

[sleepdrunken]

Oh...my...GOD... You're me! It really is all quite terrible, isn't it? You have every right to bitch, it does no good to hold it in. Just don't lose the motivation... you can still do quite well. As for the blockage, I wish I had answers for you but I suffer likewise. We'll just have to throw in our optimism sticks and trade them in for spiked clubs...
"...there are plenty of people who've done worse... and they're happy today..."
The only thing those people have over you is time, my darling. They've had a bigger time frame for things to flow smoother, and maybe for some luck to kick in. And if that isn't the case, you're simply seeing an illusion...
X's & O's

[perfecterror]

Well, its good to know that there's someone smarter than I am that goes through the same termoil. I'm not sure if I can hold on to this motivation Bambi. What am I working for? College? So I can go to ANOTHER school and have MORE work and MORE aggrivation because I'm just barely getting by or maybe even failing and then all that stress from 9th grade on was in vein? How do I know I'm meant for college? I dont know why I'm thinking so negatively. Maybe I should'nt be so concerned about wasting my time... then again, maybe I should. You're right about that whole time thing... Ihavnt had enough time to see results yet.. I'm just a very impatient person when it comes to things like this. OK Im done... thanks Bambi. <3 -> You

[sleepdrunken]

I have gone through these very same thoughts also... still harbor them even. The only thing that keeps my faith in college anymore is the fact that a person goes to college for something they're interested in. Therefore, whatever work there is may be tedious but at least it will hold interest, even if just a little. It won't all be about something you couldn't give a damn about. No one is meant for college... higher education is something that's for the person. But it really all depends on what it is you want to do. I'm thinking doing good now is one of those better-safe-than-sorry things. It would be better to be able to go to college and end up not going than to want to and not be able to, methinks. Either way, you're fighting more than one battle here. There's the whole figuring out every issue and sub-issue about school and college and all that junk, but there's a more important one present: The mental blockage deal. You need to do well, not for anyone else, not for further school... but to show yourself that you really can. We

[perfecterror]

Like always, you're absolutely right. The fact that I'm doing this for myself is what makes it so frustrating though... I really... am... trying... and I still cant reach my goals. I know I just have to do it... I know that more than most people... but I dont... and I dont know why. I have the laziness disease and if I dont conquer it now... it will haunt me for the entirety of my life... and THAT I cannot let happen. I hope to god this is something that I can blame on age and not genes. Age is much more likely to change...... I'll figure it out I guess. I love you Bambi.

[n3v3risapromis3]

Everything happens for a reason and sometimes life kicks you while your down just to test you, you HAVE to believe that there is a light at the end of this shitty tunnel that you seem to be stuck in. You're going through a rough time, like always and it will make you stronger. Your such a good person and you will get what you rightly deserve.

[perfecterror]

Thanks B... it really helps that you believe that. You're right... everything does happen for a reason... its just so aggrivating when you dont know what that reason is. I wish life worked like those citco commercials on late night television. "Fast, easy and you see immediate results!" That would be swell....
Well, Im done bitching... thanks for your comment B... Love you

[n3v3risapromis3]

I'm glad that I could help and the only thing that works like 'citco' commericals are hookers and hookers arent swell, your swell! Good gosh.. I love you too lol

[efexzero]

you know, it almost sounds like your devoloping some kind of brain damage from all that beating you do to your head. you sure those are optimism sticks and not just regular sticks? anyways, all us people who fuck over people to get where we are... we arent happy. look at me. i'm in no way happy. all the layers of bull shit i put up for everyone, its all bullshit, i'm very unhappy. except when i'm drunk, high, or talking to liz. those are the only times i'm really happy. and i live a life that not many people could ever handle. by the way its been 2 months since i gave up getting high and i'm going fucking insane. hope you have a little consolation in knowing this.

[perfecterror]

Thanks Bob... that was consolation... in a very ... wierd way. I'm VERY happy that you've given up the drugs... very happy. I hope you can stick with it.
I'm sorry you're unhappy Bobby. I'm sorry you think that drugs, alcohol and Liz are the only thing that can give you happiness. I wish I could change the world for the both of us... but in reality thats sort of hard... I guess we have to do what we can to accomidate to the bullshit we swim in on a daily basis.
You'll get there some day.. and so will I.
Love ya Bob.

I LOVE you guys....

[perfecterror]

I was upset... I posted a comment... the next day all of you responded with great words of consolation... I would be no where without you guys. You're the best friends a psychopath could have... and I love you all. Thank you for everything.

Re: I LOVE you guys....

[n3v3risapromis3]

We know, we know. That's just what friends are for.

..[Maybe I should write for Hallmark these days?]..hmm..