If I Let You Go
Pairing: TeukMin
Prompt: 007 - Dark
Length: Oneshot
Additional characters: Kangin, Kyuhyun
Summary: Sungmin's biggest crush is his best friend but what happens if your best friend is already in love with another?
A/N: My first lyric fic (Is that what you call them? O_O) using Westlife's If I Let You Go, which I've been putting on repeat every time I hear it for a few years now. Finally it has a practical use! =D
Also, I think I shall dedicate this to Jishu as a late birthday fic? :) (Sorry, I still don't know how to link LJ users with the blue character next to their names ~_~')
If I Let You Go - Westlife
Sungmin shut down the laptop and closed it. Rubbing the bridge of his nose, he sighed. He felt tired from working all morning and afternoon. He squeezed his eyes shut and attempted to block out all sound. It must have worked because the next thing he knew, Sungmin was being shaken gently awake. He didn’t even remember falling asleep.
Bleary-eyed, Sungmin looked up to Leeteuk’s smiling face. He groaned. “What time is it?” he asked, voice still hoarse from sleep.
“It’s 9.30 p.m.,” Leeteuk replied, placing a mug of Horlicks onto the table next to Sungmin’s elbow.
“Why didn’t you wake me up earlier, hyung?” Sungmin asked again, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
“You looked so peaceful in your sleep, Minnie,” Leeteuk said, patting the top of Sungmin’s head. “I didn’t want to bother you.”
Sungmin moved to pick up his laptop and his elbow hit the mug of Horlicks. Only Leeteuk’s hand quickly shooting out stopped the mug from falling off the edge of the table.
“Oops! Sorry, hyung!” Sungmin gasped, covering his mouth with his hands in surprise. “I didn’t see that there!”
“That’s because you’re still half-dead asleep, Minnie,” Leeteuk handed the mug to Sungmin, who nearly burnt his tongue drinking it. “Not so fast,” Leeteuk scolded. “It’s still hot.”
Sungmin nodded and sipped his Horlicks more slowly. “Thanks, hyung,” he grinned.
“You’re welcome. Drink up. I’m going out,” Leeteuk informed him, getting up and putting on his coat. “Don’t wait up, okay?”
“Are you going to see Kangin?” Sungmin asked, his smile suddenly gone.
“Yep,” Leeteuk replied, smiling happily.
Sungmin watched as the biggest crush of his life walked out of their shared apartment.
Day after day
Time pass away
And I just can’t get you off my mind
Nobody knows ... I hide it inside
I keep on searching but I can’t find
The courage to show ...
To letting you know ...
I’ve never felt so much love before
And once again I’m thinking about
Taking the easy way out ...
The next morning, Sungmin woke up to a cheerful whistling. After wuickly washing his face, he went to the kitchen to find Leeteuk making breakfast. He raised his eyebrows in alarm. Leeteuk in the kitchen usually equalled to disaster.
Leeteuk finally noticed Sungmin standing in the doorway, a terrified expression on his face. “Nightmare?” he asked, setting the table.
“What are you doing?” Sungmin asked, not wanting to go in for fear of getting poisoned.
“Making breakfast. What does it look like I’m doing?” Leeteuk poured orange juice into two glasses and put them on the table.
“No offence, hyung. You’re great with drinks and stuff but… making a whole meal? Without supervision??”
“Are you saying I can’t cook?” Leeteuk asked annoyedly, turning to look Sungmin full in the face, one hand on his hip.
“Yes,” Sungmin said without hesitation.
“But,” Leeteuk said, pouting and fingering the edge of the table, “I just wanted to try…”
“Hyung, why don’t you go inside and leave the cooking to me, alright?” Sungmin said, finally going inside to guide Leeteuk to the living room.
“But the meal’s fine this time! I swear! It’s not burnt or anything!” Leeteuk protested, as he was gently but firmly pushed away from the kitchen.
“Hyung-“
“Please, Minnie?” Leeteuk pleaded, turning around and showing Sungmin his dimpled smile and bright eyes.
Sungmin bit his lip. He knew he was gonna regret this but who could resist that look? “Alright,” he sighed.
“Yay!” Leeteuk clapped his hands happily and dragged Sungmin to the kitchen and pushed him into the chair.
“You won’t regret it!” Leeteuk said over his shoulder as he took out the dishes and proceeded to place something from a pan onto them.
“Okay, hyung. If you say so,” Sungmin said, not being able to keep a smile off of his face.
With a flourish, Leeteuk placed a plate of something that vaguely resembled an omelette in front of the younger man. “Here you go,” Leeteuk sang. He went to sit across from Sungmin and looked at the latter expectantly, not touching his own food.
Sungmin slowly picked up a fork and took a small bit of omelette into his mouth. He chewed slowly before swallowing. Keeping his face straight, he took another forkful, and another.
“Well?” Leeteuk asked, eagerly awaiting the verdict, which Sungmin didn’t seem to want to say.
“Um, it’s edible,” Sungmin said, forcing a smile.
Furrowing his eyebrows, Leeteuk took a bite of his creation. His eyes went wide and he fought to keep the food down. “This is disgusting!” And he pushed his plate away.
Sungmin giggled. “It’s not that bad.”
Leeteuk glared at him. “How could you eat that stuff??”
“Easy. Like this,” Sungmin demonstrated by eating another forkful of Leeteuk-made omelette.
“What did I do wrong??” Leeteuk asked worriedly. He’d seen Sungmin make omelettes all the time. He didn’t see what he did differently.
“I think you may have added a bit too much salt,” Sungmin said between mouthfuls.
“Why are you still eating??” Leeteuk cried out.
“Because I’m hungry and you made them. It’s the effort that counts, right?” Sungmin said, grinning and forcing down his food.
Leeteuk sighed. “You don’t have to, Minnie. It’s okay. I can’t eat mine either.”
Sungmin finished his omelette and pulled Leeteuk’s plate to him. “If you’re not gonna eat, then I will.”
Leeteuk giggled. “You’re crazy, you know that?”
For you. “I just don’t wanna waste food, hyung.”
“Can you teach me to cook properly, Minnie?”
“Sure, hyung. But why? You already do the cleaning. You don’t need to cook.”
“I want to be able to cook for Kangin. He likes home-cooked meals but he’s always too busy to cook himself.” Leeteuk had that faraway look in his eyes that he got whenever he thought about Kangin.
“Oh…” Sungmin didn’t know what to say. He suddenly seemed to have lost his appetite.
“He really misses his mother’s cooking. I want to be able to fill in for her. That way, when we get married…” Leeteuk trailed off, smiling happily at the thought.
Sungmin finished his breakfast.
But if I let you go
I will never know
What my life would be
Holding you close to me
Will I ever see
You smiling back at me
How will I know?
If I let you go ...
Sungmin shut his eyes. He really needed to sleep because he had an early appointment the next morning and plenty to do the rest of the day. Yet, he didn’t seem to be able to sleep a wink.
Biting his lip, Sungmin turned his head to look at a framed photo on his bedside table. It was a picture of him and Leeteuk a few years before they came to live together. It was during his birthday and they were at the amusement park, Sungmin holding a collage of pictures of the two of them together, a birthday gift from Leeteuk.
It had been raining that day. Sungmin had been crestfallen because he’d looked forward to the trip for weeks. Leeteuk decided that they were going anyway and Sungmin was glad he let himself be dragged off. Because of the rain, not many people were there and they had the whole park to themselves. The photo was taken when the rain had stopped, but they were still obviously drenched. But they were also obviously very happy. Sungmin smiled at the memory.
Suddenly, Sungmin heard the door slam. Leeteuk never slammed the door. He quickly got out of bed and went to see who it was. In the living room, he saw Leeteuk crying on the couch.
“Hyung?” he asked tentatively.
Leeteuk looked up with red eyes. “Oh, hi, Minnie,” he said, hiccupping and trying to hide it.
“What’s wrong, hyung?” Sungmin went to the couch to sit next to Leeteuk.
“N-nothing,” Leeteuk said, wiping his tears with his hands. He sniffed.
“Is it Kangin? What did he do?” Sungmin asked, his voice soft. He started to rub gentle circles on Leeteuk’s back to calm him.
Leeteuk smiled slightly. Sungmin always knew. “H-he was d-dancing with another guy…”
Sungmin frowned slightly. Leeteuk never minded that before. “And-?”
“And… they were… touching… and rubbing…” Leeteuk whispered, not wanting to hear himself speak.
“Oh, hyung,” Sungmin said, whispering as well. He put his arms around Leeteuk and hugged him close.
Leeteuk started to cry again. “Why would he do that??”
“I don’t know, hyung. Did you ask him?”
“N-no. I just left.”
“You should talk to him.”
“I don’t wanna see him.”
“Then give it a few days and then talk to him.”
“You think I sh-should?”
“Yes, hyung,” Sungmin said firmly. “I think you should.”
“Okay,” Leeteuk whispered, pulling at Sungmin’s shirt so that he wouldn’t let go.
They fell asleep.
======The following night======
For the second night in a row, Sungmin heard the door slam. This time, he had already been asleep. Squinting his eyes, he looked at the clock. It was 1.00 a.m.
Opening his eyes as wide as possible to get rid of the sleepiness, Sungmin walked out of his bedroom. The scene before him got rid of the sleepiness even faster. Kangin and Leeteuk. On the couch. Moaning each other’s names.
Feeling sick to his stomach, Sungmin went back to his room and lay in the dark.
Night after night
I hear myself sayin’
Why can’t this feeling just fade away?
There’s no one like you ...
You speak to my heart...
It’s such a shame, we’re worlds apart ...
I’m too shy to ask ...
I’m too proud to lose
But sooner or later I gotta choose
And once again I’m thinking about
Taking the easy way out ...
They were painting eggs at a cafe, Sungmin and Leeteuk, in preparation for Easter. Year after year, they volunteered to help the local Easter community (yes, they had one) get ready for the Easter egg hunt that was held at the park not far from Sungmin and Leeteuk’s apartment.
“I’m painting this one all pink,” Sungmin said happily.
Leeteuk chuckled. “You need to put patterns on them. Otherwise, the kids will think it’s some pink animal’s egg.”
“Oh man… Fine,” Sungmin said grumpily.
“Why don’t you use a darker shade of pink for stripes? That way it’ll still be all pink,” Leeteuk suggested.
“Okay!” Sungmin said happily.
“Excuse me,” a strange voice said from behind Sungmin. Sungmin looked up and saw Leeteuk’s eyes widen in surprise. He seemed to be saying something with his eyes but Sungmin didn’t get it.
Sungmin turned around and “Wow.” He immediately covered his mouth and giggled. A man, a very hot man, was standing right behind him.
“O-kay,” the stranger said, raising an eyebrow. His voice was quite deep.
“Can we help you?” Leeteuk asked in a friendly voice, seeing his friend unable to get over his fit of giggles.
“Um yeah. I just moved here. I heard there was gonna be an Easter hunt for the kids, I figured,” he gestured at the eggs, “that you two were part of the committee?”
“Yeah, we are,” Leeteuk smiled. “Would you like to help out?”
“Yes, if there’s anything left to do,” the stranger said.
“Well, we’re almost done here. You can help us hide the eggs,” Leeteuk suggested.
“That would be great,” the stranger smiled. Both Leeteuk and Sungmin swooned on the inside.
“I’m Kyuhyun, by the way,” he added, holding out a hand.
“Oh! I’m sorry. How rude of us. I’m Leeteuk,” Leeteuk said, shaking Kyuhyun’s hand. “This is Sungmin.” Sungmin raised a hand as greeting, not trusting his voice to speak without giggling.
“Nice to meet you both,” Kyuhyun said, still smiling.
“So, about the egg hunt, how bout we meet tomorrow at the park? After lunch?” Leeteuk asked.
“That would be great,” Kyuhyun replied, then slapped his head lightly. “Oh, I’ll have to be a little late. I have an appointment at noon.”
“Sure, no problem,” Leeteuk said, smiling.
After Kyuhyun left, Leeteuk and Sungmin collapsed into giggles.
“Wow, he was hot,” Leeteuk exclaimed.
“Don’t let Kangin hear you say that,” Sungmin replied, giggling some more.
“You should ask him out,” Leeteuk said, grinning.
“What?? You must be crazy or something,” Sungmin replied, shocked at the idea but still grinning himself.
“Oh, come on. You and I both know that you think he’s hot too. Give it a try!” Leeteuk said, cajoling him.
“No way. For all you know, he’s straight and would be completely disgusted by the idea of going out with another guy,” Sungmin said, trying to put the idea out of Leeteuk’s head.
“Oh, come on. You won’t know until you try,” Leeteuk said, waggling his eyebrows.
Sungmin smiled.
But if I let you go
I will never know
What my life would be
Holding you close to me
Will I ever see
You smiling back at me
How will I know?
If I let you go ...
Sungmin and Leeteuk became good friends with Kyuhyun. It turned out that Kyuhyun was, in fact, gay. He had also expressed interest in Sungmin more than once but Sungmin never went for it. He’d told Kyuhyun that they were only friends and that Sungmin was still waiting for someone else. Kyuhyun replied that he understood but he’d be around if Sungmin ever gave up waiting. Sungmin nodded at that.
It was close to Valentine’s day. Leeteuk had decorated their living room with hanging pink hearts and a lot of sticky hearts on the walls.
Sungmin jumped around happily around their apartment. It was his favourite holiday because he was allowed to display his pink rabbit collection around the apartment as part of the decorations. He would skip everywhere, singing, “Pink! Pink! Pink!” happily.
On Valentine’s day itself, Sungmin and Leeteuk woke up early and ate breakfast together. Following tradition, they spent the morning fooling around at home, watching films together and crying over the sad parts with popcorn in their mouths. They exchanged chocolates and munched them happily.
At lunch, they separated, Leeteuk most likely off to see Kangin and Sungmin to a lunch invitation with his other friends.
That afternoon, Sungmin decided to take a walk in the park. He loved to see all the couples being close together, eating chocolate and not fighting. It never failed to put him in a good mood, despite being single himself.
Halfway across the park, he met Kyuhyun.
“Sungmin!”
“Kyuhyun!”
They hugged and jumped around together like a pair of kids celebrating the first snow of winter.
“What are you doing here?” Sungmin asked, smiling.
“I just finished a date with Siwon. How about you?” Kyuhyun replied, smiling as well. He knew Sungmin didn’t mind. Sungmin knew that Kyuhyun still kept a special place in his life for Sungmin.
“Nothing. I’m just taking a walk. I love watching the couples.”
“Sungminnie,” Kyuhyun said teasingly. “I hope you haven’t been stalking.”
Sungmin laughed at that. “Of course not. I’m not like you,” Sungmin grinned, poking him.
Kyuhyun smiled wider. “Can I join you?”
Sungmin nodded happily and they set off together. After walking the whole length of the park and back, they sat down at a bench with ice-cream.
“Teukie.” They suddenly heard a deep, manly voice not far from behind them.
“What is it, Kangin?” a voice, unmistakably Leeteuk’s, answered.
“I need to ask you something.” Sungmin and Kyuhyun turned around just long enough to see that Kangin had got onto his knees.
“Will you marry me?”
Sungmin felt the shock course through him. His eyes were wide, his hand tight around his half-finished ice-cream cone. He felt himself shake all over. Unable to suppress his tears, they fell down his cheeks, big drops, one at a time, onto his lap.
“Sungmin?” Kyuhyun whispered.
Sungmin turned to him with a sad smile.
Once again I’m thinking about ....
Taking the easy way out ....
=====More A/N notes=====
I know I promised the continuation of the KiSung fic but I'm so stuck with that one DX I'm sorry!