Where does this come from? I like it.
Any good?
~
Can you smell the sex?
I can. It’s a tainted smell that is currently radiating from your messed up sheets.
“I came home and had a nap”, you say in explanation, shrugging off the truth. I know you think this covers your tracks. You must think I’m an idiot.
I close in to make a move, to tell you that I saw her leaving your house as I was pulling up. Her blouse was half undone and her skirt was still unzipped. I expect it was a perfect accident; she walked in to bring you your assignments and fell just so into your bed, allowing garments to fall apart as they chose. Quite a coincidence that would be.
But as this anger begins to creep up my throat, you sidle up and lay such a kiss on me as I’ve never felt before in my life. Then you pull away, just slightly, and stare deep into my eyes.
It was this move that made me fall in love with you in the first place. I hate you for it now.
Your gaze drops down to my lips momentarily and then jumps back up to my eyes.
“I love you. Did you know that? I don’t think I’ll ever be able to let you go”, you murmur as your mouth leaps forth and captures mine once more. My eyes stay open in protest, attempting to pierce your closed lids with daggers of malice, but my knees go weak. The rest of my body quickly follows suit.
Suddenly we’re on your bed, making a new nest in the bundle of bedclothes. Your hands are stroking up and down my sides in a way that makes me want to purr, and your lips are flush against mine. There is no breathing. There is no thinking. All I can do is wrap my arms around you and bury my fingers in your hair.
~
“This was amazing. But I’ve got homework and I’ll bet you do too, hmm? So I’ll see you tomorrow?”
The frenzied make-out session stops as soon as it starts. You lie there beside me, one hand still busy tickling my hip, staring down at me with such tenderness in your eyes. I sit up hurriedly, intending to leave as quickly as possible. This wasn’t what I’d come here for.
Well, actually, it had been until I saw her skipping down the front walk.
But in the heat of the moment, my mind had twisted itself around the possibility that maybe it was a coincidence after all. Perhaps you hadn’t been unfaithful.
As I begin to stand, you pull me into your lap and attack my lips again, ending on a softer note. You stroke my cheek with one finger and lean your forehead on mine.
“I really wish we didn’t have school tomorrow though. Then we could put off homework, you know?”
I nod a little and grant you a chaste parting kiss. You smile at me gratefully and let me up.
~
On my way out, I use your bathroom. You elected to not walk me out in order to prevent further kissing flurries, and so remain ensconced in your room. It’s okay, though. It’s not like I haven’t been here a million times before.
It’s when I’ve finished that I accidentally look in the wastebasket and see the treacherous evidence you’ve discarded.
I feel sick.
~
At school, you greet me as you have every day since we started going out, which means a quick kiss on the cheek at my locker as you run by to class.
Actually, in the beginning, you were more attentive. The kisses landed on my lips and lasted for more than two milliseconds.
I guess it’s understandable why you can’t take more time out for me these days. I mean, it certainly is difficult to kiss two different girlfriends properly before last bell. But I’m not supposed to know about that.
As I make my way to my first class, I catch up with Mike, a mutual best friend of ours. He was the one who brought us together, so to speak. You two were buddies from middle school, but he was the one who knew how to chat up the chicks. It’s the only reason we met. If he hadn’t tried for days on end to get my number (even if it was meant for you the whole time), I never would have talked to you, I don’t think.
He’s really a nice guy. A little on the goofy side, but the best ones always are. He’s the sort of person that just lights up a room when he walks in. He’s too much to contain in one just place. He has no weaknesses beyond the obvious character flaws. He doesn’t care that I call him Michael most of the time.
Everybody knows him, all the girls secretly want to date him, and he knows just how to act in any given situation. Teachers can’t stand him in that affectionate way. He’s a natural at interaction, I guess you could say. Nothing really frazzles him, except for pop quizzes. And tests. And homework.
Nothing meaningful, though.
As he greets me with his usual squint-eyed grin, I am suddenly struck by the realization that he might know about your infidelity. I want to interrogate him.
But… no. I’m positive Mike would have told me if something was going on. He would certainly know, and he’s the sort of guy that feels indebted to tell people things like that, especially those he cares about. So maybe I’m just overreacting. I do tend to be paranoid, and it’s not like I’m the most trusting person in the world.
“What’s wrong?”
Gack! I was lost in thought for too long, and now he’s curious about the blank look in my eyes. He’s going to try and make me tell him what’s wrong using one of his many patented techniques. And I can’t let that happen. It’s bad enough that I suspect my boyfriend of cheating on me; it’s even worse that his best friend is also my best friend, and consequently the one I’d talk to about those sorts of things. It’s a lose-lose situation, kind of.
Trying my damnedest to sparkle happily, I spout a tried and true reply.
“I’m fine. Just tired. I mean, I was up half the night studying for that physics test today.”
“Liar.” His hand latches onto my shoulder and pulls me from the herd of students. I find myself leaning against a locker with Mike standing over me. His eyes catch mine and refuse to let go. This is how he operates, you see. I shake my head in a sleepy way, successfully breaking eye contact.
“Honest! If I don’t get a 100 on that test, I’m going to murder Mr. Bellefield. It’s ridiculous, but I bet I cou-“
“No, that’s not what I meant. I’m sure you stayed up half the night studying. But how did you spend the other half of the evening?” I would hate him if he weren’t such a good guy. He’s too good at reading people. I just stare blankly at him, trying feebly to disconnect my eyes from my brain. If I don’t break the pathway, he’ll be able to read my mind and then he’ll know everything.
It’s times like this that I hate being so transparent with my emotions. I’ve always worn my heart on my sleeve, and it’s never been a problem before. In fact, I think it’s one of the reasons you wanted to go out with me in the first place.
But did it get to be too much for you?...
Ack! My train of thought lunges harshly back onto its track. Startled, my eyes snap back up to Mike’s and… oh god, I’ve done it.
I see the light of comprehension dawning in his green irises and decide to jump ship.
“We’ll be late!” I squeal as I slip under his arm and down the hall. It was a pointless maneuver, as we’re in the same first period class, but we don’t sit together. Maybe it’ll be okay. Maybe he doesn’t know.
~
As I look instinctively his way during class, I see that I am terribly wrong. He sits behind me a few rows over, and I have a feeling that his eyes have been on me all through class. His notebook is open but completely empty. His pen is still capped. And his eyes… why did I have to look?
As I turn back to the board, I continue to feel them burning into the back of my head. Well, more like burning into my left ear, if you want to get technical.
I have never been so unenthusiastic at the end of class.
~
“It’s Cam, isn’t it?”
“What are you talking about? Use full sentences.” I scoff and avoid Mike’s searching eyes by staying two steps ahead of him, occasionally ducking to the side if he happens to get ahead of me. I really would rather not have this conversation at all, but if it’s going to happen (extremely likely at this point), I’d much rather it not happen at school.
I break through the doors, headed for my usual lunching spot on the steps. Two strides outside and I notice you seated there. This isn’t unusual, since we try to eat lunch together whenever possible, but given the circumstances, I think I would rather avoid any sort of spontaneous crying fit. So, as logic tells me, I turn 180 degrees and proceed back to the building.
Logic conveniently forgets to remind me that Mike is hot on my tail. Right before we collide, I open my mouth to say something, but whatever I had wanted to tell him dissipates because his eyes find mine again and I know that he knows and I don’t know how to handle this at all.
You were my first boyfriend.
~