I need answer to my questions... so bad!
I feel inspired right now... i'm done with all the chores and even clean my comp desk... weird! Just to warn you this happend last year but was thinking about it since i saw him today... anb made me mad... but here it's is for yall that didn't know it!
I saw Aaron (alwayscrunk) at wal-mart yesterday, i think he's taller, or maybe is me! lol... I was searching for my parents and I was with Rosa ( a friend of the family) and we were walking toward them two ( I don't know the other guy) and i though it was him but i'm like well maybe... so yeah it was him. He waved and i say 'Hey', so yeah... then We found my parents but went back to the clothes secion, and Rosa bought a pretty short shirt that i like and it fits both of us.. lol
So yeah... Since i saw him i remember all he was going thruw... all he was feeling, and i realized that i was kinda going thruw the same thing as he was... I really dodn't know what excactly happen... but when i got home i went and read his lj and i also read what i posted...
" Well... everyone cares, way deep inside they do. No matter how much they tell you they 'don't and that they hate you and don't want to see you never in their whole life' And eventhough you want to change it, they have their reason why, and only they will ever know why they did it. Well, what i'm trying to say is that maybe she cares but doesn't want to adimit it, maybe she's scared and confuse about everything... and maybe she does need you to call up and talk to her like friends... and tell her that you will always be there for her no matter what... and that you have forgiven her for what ever happend between you two, and you want to be at least friends... and i think if she really deserves you... and really loves you, she will came back to you... and if not, then she wasn't for you...
That's what i think... tell me how it goes...
Byebyes Love Yall Always... Perla
(Sorry About Spelling) "
I started to think and ask my self... Why don't i do that? What am i so afraid of? That he tells me what i'm so afraid of? What should i do?? Then it hit me, "I'm so stupid! "
Last night i was talking to Monica, and i told her how i felt but it didn't help me that much i still felt like crazying and screaming to everyone what he did to me! But then i had to hang up cuz my mom demanded me to hang up!
I was laying on my bed about to start crying, tears where comming down my cheks when my cell rang... it was Jonathan ARA Mushroom (it's a long story, it has to be with his hair shape.. lol) So i was talking with him about stupid things we usually talk about. I was kinda not talking that much so he ask what was wrong, so i broke down, After he told me that he was sad and depress cuz all the problems he had... and i'm glad he told me everything, eventhough i kinda already knew, So i told him what happend... ( I didn't say any names or anything, eventhough i know i can trush him better than other ppl) So after he told me what he though and that i should kick the *hit about of the guy, that i will get over it and that i just should give it time... Then we were playing this game where he ask me a question and i answer with the truth and then is my turn to ask the question... it was kinda fun... lol then i hang up at 3am cuz he was out of it and i was falling asleep... then this morning i had 3 missed calls and 3 voice messeges... I'll check them later. ^_^
So now that i think about it, everyone is right i'm always wrong, why can i just do something right for once in my life? It's ok i'll keep looking for the answer.. if there's one?
Well there's no way i can explain how i feel, I want to find out so bad what is goin on, why did he do this to me? what was he thinking? what reason he had to hurt me like this? And who else knows about it?
The thing is i'm here blank, with my feeling broke, and I can't forget about! No matter how hard i try no to think about it, it's always here in my mind! Eventhough i cant like nothings wrong, I'm falling, breaking, crying inside, You can't really see how sad i feel and i am... cuz i don't show it but i can't hind it for long... i'm exploding by the minute. I can't... i just can't. I hope eveynight that the cell rings and is him, but i wake up every morning and there's no sign he called. I hate to adimitt but Monica was right, he was just playing with me. I want to ask him why? I want to call so bad and hear it with my own ears, see him saying it with my own eyes... the reason i'm so afraind of, those words that are killing me way deep inside my heart! I can't take it anymore... I hate being like this!
So that's about it! I just want to tell ppl that are wondering... No I didn't to 'it'! What kinda girl you think i am?????
You should lisent to the song i lisening right now... i can't belive it i'm crying... It's so bad!
Love Yall Always...