Eggcorns challenge
I think I had bums on the brain for this one.
Title: Unexpected Results
Author: mehitabelcat
Rating/Warning: G
Prompt: flaw in the ointment
Summary/Description: Arthur brings something home from work.
Type: Fic
‘Arthur! Arthur, get in here, NOW!’
Arthur entered the room, only to come face to fa-er, tube with the ointment his angry wife was brandishing.
‘What is it, dear?’
‘Where did you get this ointment, Arthur?’ Molly hissed, as she waved it back and forth in front of him.
Arthur shied back sheepishly, out of both embarrassment and a desire to avoid being whapped in the nose. ‘Um…’
‘You brought it home from work, didn’t you?’
‘…Yes?’
‘I should have known,’ she huffed. ‘I’ve never heard of this brand in any self respecting Wizarding store.’
‘But Molly, dear, Muggles couldn’t really go wrong with this type of ointment, could they?’
Molly seemed to swell. ‘Arthur, where do you work? In the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts department! Muggles probably didn’t go wrong, Arthur! It’s been tampered with, just like the other Muggle paraphernalia you’ve brought home. There is a flaw in this ointment! A flaw someone put there deliberately.’
Arthur tried to get a look around Molly’s shoulder. ‘Did it- did it not work?’
‘Oh yes, Arthur it worked. It cleaned up the diaper rash just fine. But look at your daughter! Notice anything different?’
Molly moved aside so Arthur could get a good look at his infant daughter. Ginny lay gurgling happily on her changing table, feet clutched in both tiny hands, proudly displaying her bum to the world. A bum that was bright, electric blue.
Title: Dinner
Author: mehitabelcat
Rating/Warnings: PG-13
Prompt: make ends meat
Summary/Description: Cooking with magic is harder than it seems.
Type: Fic
One week into the Horcrux hunt, and Harry and Hermione had already demanded that I take over all culinary duties. Harry was a decent enough chef when cooking the Muggle way, but it isn’t like he’d had any chance to learn how to cook the Wizarding way. Unfortunately, given our frequent moves, the Muggle way was out of the question. And Hermione, well, Hermione- she can burn water. Amazing a girl that brilliant can’t conjure up a tea bag that doesn’t taste like bark. Urgh.
It didn’t take long before they started bombarding me with requests for favorites. Ok, so steak and kidney pie, not that hard. But they need to realize that there are limits to what you can do, especially when that you is me. I mean, Hermione wants me to make a roast cause she misses her mum’s Sunday dinner. I can’t make a rump roast!
‘S‘not like I can tell her that either. Yeah, that’ll go over well.
‘Honestly, Ron, you should be able to do this. You just need to focus more. You aren’t putting in enough effort.’
This, from the girl who burned water.
So I’ve been trying to make a rump roast. Trying right now, actually. And…oh shite, here she comes.
‘What are you making tonight, Ron?’
‘Er..trying to make you a rump roast. Like your mum.’
‘Oh Ron, that is so swee- wait did you say trying?’
‘Well, yes, because it isn’t really that simple and I’m having a bit of trouble.’
‘Honestly, Ron, you just need to focus more.’
Did I call it or what?
‘Fine, you think it’s so easy, you try it!’
She huffs, turns away from me, waves her wand and conjures…something I really should have seen coming. Because, you see, Hermione understands the theory, and with these spells, when you only understand the theory, you tend to be a bit literal. She had not conjured a rump roast at all. There, on our makeshift table, is, er, a bum.
‘Hermione, we’re not literally trying to make end’s meat.’
I also illustrated this because I couldn't get the image out of my head. Link
Title: Drag
Author: mehitabelcat
Rating/Warning: I honestly have no idea
Prompt: girdle one's loins
Summary/Description: Crossdressing fun.
Type: Art (kinda)
Link
I apologize for any errors in formatting. I'm unable to do many fancy LJ things unless I use iJournal, which removes my ability to preview to make sure it all works.
Title: Unexpected Results
Author: mehitabelcat
Rating/Warning: G
Prompt: flaw in the ointment
Summary/Description: Arthur brings something home from work.
Type: Fic
‘Arthur! Arthur, get in here, NOW!’
Arthur entered the room, only to come face to fa-er, tube with the ointment his angry wife was brandishing.
‘What is it, dear?’
‘Where did you get this ointment, Arthur?’ Molly hissed, as she waved it back and forth in front of him.
Arthur shied back sheepishly, out of both embarrassment and a desire to avoid being whapped in the nose. ‘Um…’
‘You brought it home from work, didn’t you?’
‘…Yes?’
‘I should have known,’ she huffed. ‘I’ve never heard of this brand in any self respecting Wizarding store.’
‘But Molly, dear, Muggles couldn’t really go wrong with this type of ointment, could they?’
Molly seemed to swell. ‘Arthur, where do you work? In the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts department! Muggles probably didn’t go wrong, Arthur! It’s been tampered with, just like the other Muggle paraphernalia you’ve brought home. There is a flaw in this ointment! A flaw someone put there deliberately.’
Arthur tried to get a look around Molly’s shoulder. ‘Did it- did it not work?’
‘Oh yes, Arthur it worked. It cleaned up the diaper rash just fine. But look at your daughter! Notice anything different?’
Molly moved aside so Arthur could get a good look at his infant daughter. Ginny lay gurgling happily on her changing table, feet clutched in both tiny hands, proudly displaying her bum to the world. A bum that was bright, electric blue.
Title: Dinner
Author: mehitabelcat
Rating/Warnings: PG-13
Prompt: make ends meat
Summary/Description: Cooking with magic is harder than it seems.
Type: Fic
One week into the Horcrux hunt, and Harry and Hermione had already demanded that I take over all culinary duties. Harry was a decent enough chef when cooking the Muggle way, but it isn’t like he’d had any chance to learn how to cook the Wizarding way. Unfortunately, given our frequent moves, the Muggle way was out of the question. And Hermione, well, Hermione- she can burn water. Amazing a girl that brilliant can’t conjure up a tea bag that doesn’t taste like bark. Urgh.
It didn’t take long before they started bombarding me with requests for favorites. Ok, so steak and kidney pie, not that hard. But they need to realize that there are limits to what you can do, especially when that you is me. I mean, Hermione wants me to make a roast cause she misses her mum’s Sunday dinner. I can’t make a rump roast!
‘S‘not like I can tell her that either. Yeah, that’ll go over well.
‘Honestly, Ron, you should be able to do this. You just need to focus more. You aren’t putting in enough effort.’
This, from the girl who burned water.
So I’ve been trying to make a rump roast. Trying right now, actually. And…oh shite, here she comes.
‘What are you making tonight, Ron?’
‘Er..trying to make you a rump roast. Like your mum.’
‘Oh Ron, that is so swee- wait did you say trying?’
‘Well, yes, because it isn’t really that simple and I’m having a bit of trouble.’
‘Honestly, Ron, you just need to focus more.’
Did I call it or what?
‘Fine, you think it’s so easy, you try it!’
She huffs, turns away from me, waves her wand and conjures…something I really should have seen coming. Because, you see, Hermione understands the theory, and with these spells, when you only understand the theory, you tend to be a bit literal. She had not conjured a rump roast at all. There, on our makeshift table, is, er, a bum.
‘Hermione, we’re not literally trying to make end’s meat.’
I also illustrated this because I couldn't get the image out of my head. Link
Title: Drag
Author: mehitabelcat
Rating/Warning: I honestly have no idea
Prompt: girdle one's loins
Summary/Description: Crossdressing fun.
Type: Art (kinda)
Link
I apologize for any errors in formatting. I'm unable to do many fancy LJ things unless I use iJournal, which removes my ability to preview to make sure it all works.