Chrysalis Post 2
The next morning after breakfast, we resumed our journey. I wasn’t sure exactly where we were going or even where my own destination was but we were moving away from Phesbe and that was all that mattered to me.
After several days travel we came to a settlement called Midway. It wasn’t fancy but the hara there seemed friendly and welcoming. We went to stay at a sort of hotel and Cal paid the hara there for a room. It had two double beds and I supposed Cobweb and I would share one and Cal and Pellaz would have the other one.
I looked to him, not knowing what to think or say.
“I don’t have any money.” I said to him.
He shrugged. “Well, I can’t expect you to stay outside can I?”
“I can’t pay you back--”
He shook his head. “It’s just a night in a room. Don’t sweat it.”
“Thank you,” I said, my head down, my eyes lowered.
“It’s no big deal,” he responded. “We’re paying for the two beds anyway whether one har sleeps in it or two hara.”
Pell took my arm and said, “It’s okay. Come on.”
We went to our room and put our things down and got settled in for the night.
“I’m hungry,” Pellaz stated. “Let’s go find a place to eat.”
As Cal and Pell made ready to leave, I lay on the bed. Pellaz looked to me.
“Aren’t you hungry?”
I didn’t know what to say. I still had a few provisions but no money.
“I’m…I’m okay.”
“Bullshit!” Cal said, to my surprise. “Quit being a martyr. Get the fuck up and come with us.”
“Uh, okay!” I said happily. “But I don’t have any money.”
Cal sniffed and shook his head.
“Yeah, we know. Just come with us and shut up!”
Pell laughed, shaking his head and reached out to take my hand, then turning to Cobweb he asked, “What can we bring you?
“Anything as long as it’s accompanied with sheh.”
Pellaz smiled and nodded to him as we left.
As we walked through the settlement we passed several eating establishments. Finally, Cal said, “This one looks good. What do you think?”
Pellaz nodded and we went inside and found a table. It seemed to be a pleasant place, nothing fancy but I certainly didn’t expect fancy, coming from Phesbe.
We ordered ale and then studied the menu. I started to feel very awkward again because I didn’t have any means of paying. I’d brought things with me to share on the road but I’d never had any currency of any kind. I started to feel strange because of that and because I’d been nothing more than a whore. A whore that wasn’t even paid. I had no means of contributing in the real harish world. Suddenly, I couldn’t handle things and I excused myself, running outside to get some air and try to get myself together.
I went out behind the establishment and sat on the grass. I put my head in my hands and tried to think of what to do. I couldn’t handle it outside of Phesbe. Maybe I shouldn’t have left. Maybe I was just a kanene who belonged there because I couldn’t make it anywhere else. What was I going to do? I didn’t know how to make it on my own. I’d been told what to do all my life--in the orphanage and in Phesbe. I hated it but I didn’t know anything else. I broke down and started to cry. They were tears of fear and insecurity. A wave of uncertainty and self-loathing engulfed me and I was overwhelmed.
My tearful pity party was interrupted by Pellaz putting his hand on my back.
“Ambrosia, it’s alright really. We know you don’t have any money. Cal and I have both been in the same position. Please come back and eat. I know you have some things to work through but you still need to eat and sleep. We understand. Cal may not seem to but he does,” Pellaz said with a chuckle. “Please come and eat with us.”
I nodded and let Pell take me by the hand and lead me back inside. His kindness made me feel bad for taking aruna with Cal. Was I destined forever to feel guilty?
We went back inside and sat at the table with Cal. He looked up from his menu at Pellaz and me.
“Is the drama over? Can we order now?”
Pellaz nodded, smiling at Cal as I sat, feeling awkward. A slim, friendly-looking serving har approached our table.
“What can I get you, Tiahaara.?”
Cal answered first. “I’ll have the steak and potatoes.”
“I’ll have the chicken and rice,” Pellaz said.
The serving har looked to me.
“Just the soup,” I said.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” Cal exclaimed. “He’ll have the steak, too. And some sheh all around.”
The serving har bowed and left.
“Thank you,” I said.
Cal heaved a sigh. “You shared all your provisions with us so please stop being such a fucking martyr! You’re free now. You don’t have to answer to anyhar. Just--just stop being like that!”
“I’m sorry--”
“And stop being sorry. You’ve got nothing to be sorry for.”
I felt berated but on another level, also empowered.
I nodded to Cal and we sat making small talk waiting for our meal.
When it arrived, I enjoyed it with relish. I also especially enjoyed and indulged in the sheh, so I was feeling rather tipsy by the end of our meal. I guess I had needed to forget my troubles and also to fortify myself for the future; a future I had no idea about.
After our meal, Pellaz got a bag of food and a bottle to take to Cobweb and we went back to our room where I pretty much passed out on my bed next to Cobweb. Later on, Cal and Pellaz talking quietly woke me up and I couldn’t help but overhear what they said.
“I know, Cal but I thought you were a little hard on him at dinner and a little rude.”
“He’s never going to make it on his own if he doesn’t grow some balls, get some confidence. Hara who act like victims usually become one. It’s a cruel world and he needs to toughen up if he’s going to survive in it. We’re not doing him any favors by showing we feel sorry for him.”
“But you do, don’t you?”
Cal sighed. “Of course I do. He’s had a fucked up life so far. Deep down he’s got to be strong to have lived through it, but he doesn’t realize it or know how to tap into it or something but it’s got to be there. But as long as he sees himself as weak, he’ll be just that. And when some hara sense that, they take advantage.”
“But how can he do that?”
“He just has to try to draw on his inner strength and at least act like he’s confident when he deals with other hara, put on a front, if nothing else.”
“You’re good at acting, Cal. Not all of us are.”
“Shut up and go to sleep, Pell.”
I heard Pell snicker.
The following morning I awoke to find Pellaz performing yet another healing on Cobweb. I regarded them groggily, still sleepy and probably a bit hung over. I lay back down, wanting nothing more than additional time to sleep.
When I awoke again Cal and Pell were gone and Cobweb was lying with his back to me, I assumed asleep. I stretched, yawning and sat up. Cobweb turned over and looked up at me.
“Are you feeling any better?” I asked.
“A bit. I was able to sleep last night.”
Since Cobweb seemed to feel a little better, I ventured a question to him.
“Do you know where Pellaz learned healing?”
“No. He mentioned taking instruction under a Nahir-Nuri, but was very vague.”
I was almost afraid to pose my next query, not wanting my probably impossible dream to be destroyed.
“Can any har elevate his caste?”
“Yes, under a proper instructor.”
My mind reeled at the revelation. “Really?! Anyhar?!”
“Of course. The potential is in all of us. We just need to unlock it.”
I was astounded. It really was true. Even a whore like me had the potential.
“Where does one find a teacher?” I asked excitedly.
“I don’t know. I’m sure there are a lot of them out there in different towns and settlements. The larger ones probably have more but a lot of them like to keep to a more private setting where it’s more peaceful.” He sighed. “Unfortunately, Varrs don‘t put much stock in such things but I’m not originally Varr. I’m Sulh. I’ve always been deeply devoted to things of the mind and spirit.”
Cobweb gave me a searching look.
“Are you interested in finding an instructor, a hienama?”
My face grew hot. I was embarrassed to admit that I, Finnan’s whore, would dare to aspire to such a goal.
“Don’t be embarrassed,” Cobweb said with gentle reprisal. “There’s absolutely no reason you couldn’t--” he hesitated, turning my face to his with his long slender fingers, “or shouldn’t follow that path. I know what you’re thinking but you don’t belong to Finnan anymore, no more than I belong to Spinel. Phesbe is behind us now. We’re free to choose any kind of life we want. I want to go back to my family and my home. If you want to find a place to elevate your caste, that’s exactly what you should do. In fact, before we leave why don’t you ask around? I kind of doubt they have an hienama here but they probably have or know of a healer who would be the most likely har to know of one. They must have some har they call on if a har is injured.”
He studied me a moment and asked, “Do you know what caste level you are?”
I was totally confused. “Nothing. I don’t have a level.”
“Yes. You do,” Cobweb replied, an almost playful smile gracing his lips. “Your caste is Kaimana and your level is Ara. You’re an Aralid.”
I was completely bewildered. “But…I, I’ve never even seen a hienama. How--?”
Cobweb actually grinned, showing his perfect white teeth. “A har becomes an Aralid as soon as he’s been incepted,” he explained. “All hara have a caste and a level.”
I was incredulous. I had a caste level! And it sounded so refined.
“What does it mean exactly? And what were the terms again?”
“Any incepted har is caste Kaimana, level Ara and is called an Aralid. Ara means altar and is significant of a time of learning and preparation. You know, like you’re symbolically approaching the altar of knowledge. When you find a hienama, tell him your level and he’ll know that you’re ready to progress by becoming prepared and being instructed. Different tribes have slightly different attitudes and outlooks on caste but it’s possible to progress in any tribe or system.”
“Do I have to admit to the hienama that I’m Irakka? He’ll probably tell me to get lost.”
“Tell him you were incepted by the Irakka but that you had no choice and you’ve disowned them as your tribe. Most hara of high caste will understand, I would hope.”
As I tried to process all Cobweb had told me, I looked gratefully into his eyes but no words were coming to me.
“You’re welcome,” he said with a knowing smile.
I hurriedly dressed and went to find some food and ask around.
“I’ll be back soon. Can I bring you anything?”
“No. Cal and Pellaz are getting something for me.”
Before leaving, I turned back to Cobweb. I grinned excitedly and opened the door.
“Wait!” Cobweb called. “Won’t you be needing some money?”
“Oh…uh…”
Cobweb chuckled at me. “Cal said to tell you to take some from their stash. It’s in Cal’s knapsack.”
A bit embarrassed but very grateful, I took what I needed.
I went into the first eatery I came to, wanting to hurry. As I enjoyed some ham, eggs and biscuits I thought about Cobweb and all he’d said to me. I wondered how he was so extremely intuitive. I didn’t believe he’d invade my thoughts but I probably wouldn’t have known it if he had. I remembered hearing him talk to Pell about having a son. He must be an amazing hostling. I couldn’t believe I could really embark on elevating my caste and, thanks to Cobweb, I began to believe that it was really attainable to me. Possibilities began to swarm in my mind. I could be a healer, or a teacher, or--
“More coffee, tiahaar?”
“Uh, no. No thank you.” My reverie interrupted, I hurriedly finished and headed out.
I walked up the main road of Midway where there were some shops, eateries and bars. There were a few outdoor vendors, too. Near the end of the area was a shop that sold herbs. It seemed to me to be the most likely place to ask. As the bell tinkled above the door, a tall noble-looking har with long black hair stood behind the counter, motioning me in.
“Good day, tiahaar, what can I do for you?”
I felt bad that I couldn’t purchase anything, but decided to ask anyway.
“Well, um--I just need to ask a question. Is that okay?”
He smiled widely. “Of course. Go ahead.”
“I wondered if you know of a healer here or close by.”
“We have one here but he’s not super high caste or anything. He’s an adequate healer. Are you hurt?”
“No, no, nothing like that.” I sighed. “I’m really looking for a hienama and I was told that maybe if you had a healer he would know where to find one.”
“A hienama, eh?” he laughed.
Oh, gods! Even he could tell that my wanting to see a hienama was a joke!
I was just about to turn and run when he spoke.
“You don’t need a healer for that. My brother’s a hienama. He lives in Lindentown. It’s a fair-sized settlement a day northeast of here. You just follow the road out of town that way.” He pointed. “And at the fork in the road go left. It’s a good road and an easy trip. Keep following the road until you get to Lindentown. Ask around. Most hara there know him. His name is Okwahn.”
“Really? Just a day away? Thank you, tiahaar. Thank you!”
I approached him and shook his hand.
“Good luck,” he said.
As I opened the door he called, “Wait! I can’t guarantee he’ll be able to take you on as a student but tell him you met me and I directed you. It might help. My name is Seneca.”
“Thanks! Thanks a lot!!”
I was exhilarated and had so much hope in my heart for my future. I felt like I was about to be reborn, like I was in a chrysalis about to emerge.
I ran up the road and burst into the room, out of breath, where Cal, Pellaz and Cobweb stared at me in surprise.
“I found one!” I said, breathlessly. “There’s a hienama in a place called Lindentown, just a day northeast of here. I met his brother and he said to mention that he’d sent me and that it might help!”
Cobweb grinned at me. “Well, sounds like you’re on your way already. Are you sure you can make it there alone?”
“Don’t worry,” I quickly interjected. “It sounds simple. I can go alone. You’ve all done more than enough for me already.”
“How will you live?” Pell asked.
“I can work. I’m sure there are lots of jobs in a town like that. Really, I need to learn to make it on my own and I’d like to start now.”
They all looked at each other.
After a few moments, Cal said, “Let us give you a little money to start you off.”
“And take your provisions with you,” Pell added.
“You’d be a fool to turn down their offers,” Cobweb added.
I nodded. “Okay. Yes, I need all the help I can get and I greatly appreciate it and all you’ve done for me. Thank you.”
I stayed with them for the rest of the day and overnight and we parted ways the next morning.
As I was gathering my belongings and what was left of my provisions, Pellaz came over to me, gave me some money and a hug.
“Good luck,” he said.
Cal then came over to me. “Here,” he said handing me a bottle of sheh. “You’ll probably need it,” he added with a smile. “And…you really need to try to be confident. If you don’t toughen up and try to be or at least look strong--”
“Cal,” I interrupted him. “I overheard what you told Pellaz about me the other night.”
They both stared silently.
“I’m sorry. I woke up and couldn’t help it…Anyway you’re right and I’ll do my best.”
Cobweb beckoned me over to him and I sat next to him on the bed as he gave me a blessing of protection, “To the best of my ability in my weakened condition,” he said.
“Thank you.”
“I hope all goes well for you, Ambrosia,” Cobweb said.
I smiled at him then looked at the other two as well.
“Thank you all but I decided to change my name. I didn’t want to keep the one Finnan gave me. I’m Chrysalis now. My name is Chrysalis.”
All three regarded me and Cobweb spoke.
“A very appropriate name for you. You’ve found your wings, now fly.”
I smiled at them, left and closed the door behind me.
As I walked down the road - the road to my future - I pondered Cobweb’s last encouraging words to me. I really did feel as if I’d grown wings and that my whole stay with Cal, Pellaz and Cobweb had been like my time in a chrysalis; the time of my changing into a new har on my way to who I’d become.
THE END
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