before it explodes {1/3}; taemin/kai | luhan/kai; nc-17
Chapter One.
he walks in, solemn with eyes looking like they've sunken into their sockets, lodging himself against the wall. i'm not supposed to be here, he realizes, but he couldn't care less about moving now. must've mistaken m for the k somehow.
"kai?" he hears his own name getting called.
"kai?"
over and over again.
"hey buddy, you feeling fine?" someone shakes him.
he feels so tired of suppressing his anger and disappointment. sliding down the beige colored wall, he couldn't help but tear up and quake as the air condition continuously hits him. kai has his phone out, the harsh fact slapping him in the face.
taemin: youre debuting... lets end this... better this way...
received at 03:59pm 18/03/12
fairer arms wrap themselves around his shoulders, warm breath lingering on the nape of his neck. he sobs, crying and breathing into his hands, one cupped over the other on his mouth. no.
"kai, kai, kaikaikai." luhan is trembling with fear -- he doesn't know what was going to happen.
what more can he do when kai is hurting? he doesn't want him to cry. he doesn't want kai to hurt.
because it hurts him too.
"what did i do wrong...?" luhan hears kai whimpering and repeating to himself.
everything went wrong when you started loving him, kai luhan has it on the tip of his tongue.
"just where the fuck did i go wrong?!"
kai has his hands fisted with luhan's shirt, shouting into his face. luhan sees the anger in his eyes, rimmed red with tears and hair wet with sweat. must've ran a distance
kai just keeps screaming and luhan doesn't know what to do, he feels the hands on his shirt are loosening, but he doesn't want them to. this is the closest proximity they'll get ever, and if kai lets go, he'll be gone forever.
"he said he can't be there for me anymore," kai whispers, "he can't be there for me anymore because he's too busy that motherfucking bastard!" and he collapses onto the floor.
luhan is afraid, so afraid that kai would get up and look for taemin. he can't. he can't do that because luhan loves him. he is four years kai's elder, but he loves him so much. so much that just the thought of losing kai hurts him. they'd met three years back, back when luhan was nineteen and kai just fifteen years young. there was something so electrifying with kai's stare that makes luhan cold to his bones.
he had first noticed something was going on between kai and taemin on the latter's seventeenth birthday. taemin had his hand clung onto kai's jacket, chin resting onto his shoulder. and kai smiled. he genuinely smiled as though taemin being there with him was the best present to him.
it killed him thoroughly, inside out.
"what got you so excited?"
"luhan-hyung, taemin-hyung and i are together now!"
all luhan remembered was going back and crying himself to sleep that night.
i told you. i told you he didn't mean it. luhan wants to say.
"what difference would it make, debut or not?" kai utters, curling up on his side, "i'm still the same kai, and he's still the same fucking shinee maknae!"
it is. you're going to be busy and your schedules would clash. luhan bites his lips.
"kai-"
"he doesn't understand how much i love him!" kai shouts, slamming his cellphone against the parquet floor.
"ka-"
"i love him so much i think i'm about to die" he screams into his own biceps, sleeves stained with heartbroken tears.
"kai, stop it!"
"leave me alone!"
kai froze. leave him alone? ...leave...? no. no.. kai was his motivation, his life. kai was the reason why he lived through that bloody 3 years of hell.
no.
luhan gathers the last bit of confidence from within, pushing himself against kai on the practice room floor. soft lips met chapped, wet ones. luhan has his hands on kai's chest, slowly fisting and uncurling them. everything was so warm and tongues were gliding everywhere.
luhan had his eyes tightly shut as kai pushed himself into him, claimed dry by kai. that was all matters. kai. four years younger kai, fucking him into oblivion in the exo-m's practice room.
it was oh-so-good when kai fucks him while he was on fours; the unadulterated lust flowing through both naked bodies. luhan almost fell apart when kai grabs onto his hair roughly and softly muttered 'taemin' into his ear.
kai pulls out and flips luhan over hard, luhan's legs held up high with kai in between. there was no hesitation as he sets his pace fast, eyes closed and hands holding luhan's calves.
all luhan felt was the burning sensation below as kai fucked him. he didn't know how long has it been since they started, but luhan sure as hell knew he didn't want kai to stop. he didn't feel good, but if this was the closest he can get kai to, then he wouldn't waste it.
"shit." kai utters, stopping and pulling luhan up by his neck.
luhan whimpers a little as kai's dick slides out of his ass and immediately stuck down his mouth. the head of kai's penis wouldn't stop poking the back of his throat; it felt as though kai was literally going to fuck his brains out. he gags but kai wouldn't take any of it, and he tears up.
he was left sobbing on the floor as kai finished in his mouth.
it wasn't that it hurt him. it wasn't that kai had called out taemin's name instead of his at the end. kai left without saying anything. that's what hurts the most. he feels dirty and used. like a fucking whore. the kind of prostitute that you fuck just to get a kick out of.
he avoided kai for the next two weeks. neither of them made the effort to contact the other. exo m and k had their own practice schedules, and by the time they returned to the dorm, the other would be out. it was almost impossible for them to meet.
the next thing luhan knew was taemin and kai had reconciled.
he cried himself to sleep for the next three days.
he was dirty. he was so dirty. this was his third shower of the day, tao had been shouting at him to get out of the bathroom. he would scrub his skin till it was bright red, and he didn't know if those were his tears or just the hot water streaming down his cheeks. he felt so numb.
numb to the world.
vulnerable to kai.
and he hated every single second of it.
he hated having to see kai being happy with taemin. he wanted to be taemin so badly. he wanted taemin out of the picture so badly.
--
hello, i hope you liked this so far. the further chapters will be longer, i just wanted to post this here. comments and critics are very much appreciated, but not a necessity, like always. although it would be great if you'd comment, telling me what you'd like (the entire story isn't planned out in complete), and i just might take a couple of advice on the road. thank you so much for reading.
chapter two has been posted. here.