(no subject)
This is everything I've been wanting to say to you for the last month or so, nobody comment this, I've just had this pent up for so long I need to rid myself of it. So here it goes...
I miss you, first and foremost. Really no other way I can put it, I miss you, I miss us, I miss everything that was. I'm sorry I haven't talked to you, I want to, but I can't. It's not because I'm mad at you, in fact it's the complete opposite, I still love you. But you're happy, you like where you are, there's no reason for me to bring you down with me. Yeah as you can see I'm still trying to do things for you because I care about you. But this sucks, it really does. I know I was supposed to find someone new, I know I'm good boyfriend and all that shit, but I have yet to find anyone I consider special. I think about when I met you, I think about the connection that you and I had. I kick myself for having my doubts, I kick myself for opening the door for him to come in. And who knows, you still might have gone for him even if I wasn't a complete asshole this summer, but I can't help but think that if I was the same guy you fell for that we would have lasted. But what does it matter, why do I waste my breath saying these things to you? Why do I waste my time thinking about you when I bet I rarely cross your mind. Maybe one day I'll figure out what you and I are supposed to be. Maybe one day we'll talk again and be close again, but I don't know how I can trust you again. You got rid of me pretty quickly this time and moved on, who's to say you wouldn't do it again. Who's to say you would even give me the chance again? You're over me, I know that, I just wish I could say the same about you. God damn, I hate this, I know I'm a bitch, I know I whine an obscene amount, but whatever that's just me. It's ridiculous, but it's because I need a change. Nothing has changed for me recently except that you're not there. I'm sick of this, my head hurts, I just wish that something different would come along. Namely someone new would come along. It'd be easier if I didn't care, sucks for me that I do. Hope everything is well with you, I wish I could say they were with me. Whatever.
That's all I want to say, I can't just keep it all in my head anymore, good to know it will go unheard, I'm fine with that, probably prefer it actually.