To Wed Or Not To Wed?

[petite_lambda]

                                                                          Him that I love, I wish to be free -- even from me.
                                                                                                               -- Anne Morrow Lindbergh

So, Danny and I have been thinking about getting married. No, it does not mean we are

Comments

[emanix]

Hi! So I checked out your journal a little bit - it looks like you have some really interesting views, and I plan to read more at some point

[petite_lambda]

The way I emphasise the level of comittment in my relationships is to use the word 'partner', rather than boyfriend or girlfriend (which I do still tend to use, but for newer relationships).

It's a great way, and I'm definitely going to adopt it!

I don't know what the community you live in is like, but in a poly community, I'd also be wary of getting married because of the couple privilege problem...

Wow, that is something that I completely failed to realize, and I thank you for informing me! You see, where I live the poly community is virtually non-existent yet. (Yeah, I know that it is mostly because people like myself could and should be more active, and I'm sorry... but, damn, I have so much to do now and besides we plan to emigrate in a few months anyway...) So, everything I know about poly communities I know from the internet. Thank you for your insights!

[vicariance]

The way I emphasise the level of comittment in my relationships is to use the word 'partner', rather than boyfriend or girlfriend (which I do still tend to use, but for newer relationships).

I tend to use "lover". Because I don't mind making prudish people feel uncomfortable for the sake of accuracy.

[petite_lambda]

I use "lover" only in situations when it's not a partner, a boyfriend or a close friend. These terms take precedence for me :-)

[vicariance]

This is a beautiful post, and highlights the exact issue I have dealt with regarding my lover of the past three years. She and I worry about the same things and have basically come to the same conclusion, save the timeframe. We are simply engaged indefinitely. We plan to change that whenever our careers pan out enough for us to begin having children.

Which, by the way, is not the "ultimate commitment". You were mistaken. The ultimate commitment is becoming an assassin. Obviously :P

[petite_lambda]

Good luck in all your plans!

D. and I finally decided not to do it -- the negative reasons outweighed the positive. I'm mostly happy with this choice...

How many partners do you have right now?

[vicariance]

Yes it seems that my fiancée, Llewellyn, and I will be engaged indefinitely. Marriage may never happen. But it probably will. The legal advantages are significant when children are born.

I have two. Llewellyn for three years, and Emily for less than one. Llewellyn and Emily used to be together, but they drifted apart, particularly when Llewellyn found Kayo, her other boyfriend (her third half, haha). She's been dating him for less than a year, but it's very serious. She spends about as much time with him as she does with me (and she lives with me!). Emily I began dating just after her boyfriend-at-the-time moved out of being roommates with me, to live with his mother. He was always trying to convince her to hook up with me, but when she finally did, he lost his shit and completely gave up on polyamory. (kinda went crazy in general, actually).

Here's a lovely quote from a message he sent me over facebook:
So fuck what you think, you ignorant, arrogant, anti-experimental, bias fuck. You run from your body. That is the only way

[petite_lambda]

I suspect this guy has mental health problems, and needs help. I hope he has friends and family who can push him to get it.

I loved the "her third half" line! I'm so stealing it! :-)

Llewellyn is such a lovely and unusual name. Did her parents choose it, or she herself did?