Context: Discussing UAB Guy’s lent decision to give up sex for Lent ( Read more... )

Him: Tonight?
Me: Well yeah, if you don't get off work too late.
Him: Well, I should let you know for lent I'm taking on celibacy.
Me: I'm sorry, what?

Setting: Late showing at the dollar theater. UAB Guy and I enter an empty theater and sit in the middle-middle.
Him: Maybe it will stay empty and we can have sex.
Me: Then we should sit in the back.
Him: *Stares at me* I love that you just said that with out any hesitation.

FYI: People entered the theater, and all we did was make out here and

UAB Guy: So... I think I should tell you something ( Read more... )

Context: Popular local pancake house, sitting with my friend at a table next to a table next to UAB Guy's exgirlfriend and the guy she left him for. I had gone to the bathroom. My friend knew her, so they chatted for a bit ( Read more... )

Setting: Movie theater, sex scene in The Duchess
Friend: Ooo lala, I want sex like that.
Me: I’ve had sex like that.

Setting: Movie theater, climactic emotional scene in The Duchess
Patron: *hurling, repeatedly - sounds quite chucnky*
Me: Yay Vomit!
Friend: I'm picking my feet up now.

Context: My place, me cooking soup, UAB guy playing Wii. UAB Guy answers phone.

Him: Yeah, I am at Mandy's place. I am playing wii and she's cooking - it's just a magical experience.

Him: I wish you missed me, as much as I missed you ( Read more... )

He Who Must Not Be Named: You better fuck my brains out. We’re [Alabama] 11 and 0.

Me to UAB Guy: Can I interest you in a night of laundry with a side of sex? :P [He called and said that it definitely sounded interesting. lol]

Me: *digging in my purse to find my keys*

UAB Guy: That’s a cute bag.

Me: *stops and looks at him* Thanks?

UAB Guy: Sorry… I dated a fashionista long enough to know that metal accessories on a bag…

Me: I’m gonna need you to stop.