Egg Stuffing: An Easter Story
Egg Stuffing: An Easter Story
“Could you pass me the jellybeans?” Wilson asked, reaching a hand toward House.
House stared back at Wilson blankly, mouth full, his cheeks puffed out.
“House! Those are for the Oncology Ward's Easter Egg Hunt!”
“oo oo eally ink a unch o ald ids r oona are f I eat a foo?”
“What?”
House swallowed the jellybeans, earning himself a glare from Wilson.
“I said, do you really think a bunch of bald kids are going to care if I eat a few?”
Wilson rolled his eyes, continuing to stuff colorful, plastic Easter eggs with various assorted candies that decorated his desk. House leaned back in his chair, propping his legs up.
“You're supposed to be helping me with these,” Wilson sighed, eyebrows knitting together.
“Why do you need my help? Didn't you say they were for the Oncology Ward?”
“Cuddy gave you the option of clinic duty or stuffing eggs. You--”
“Cuddy's just mad because I wouldn't stuff her eggs.”
“House--”
House ignored any further lecturing by pulling out his PSP. Wilson quickly confiscated it, stuffing it into his top drawer. House gazed down at him, a smirk spreading across his lips.
“Oh, what is it now?” Wilson asked irritatedly.
“You're not going to leave that in there.”
“What?”
“I said, you're not going to leave it in there. You've organized that drawer in order from left to right by frequency of use.”
“That's not-”
“Pens, prescription pads, paper clips, sticky notes, stapler, staples, tape, tape dispenser,” House rattled off, smirk growing wider across his face.
Wilson's cheeks reddened a little.
“So...I keep the top drawer of my desk organized.”
“So organized that right now it's driving you crazy that my PSP is resting on top, without its own little compartment to sit in. You've used up all the compartments in that drawer so there's no room for you to make a new one.”
Wilson glared at him, placing his hand on the drawer on the upper left of his desk.
“Printer paper on the left, envelopes in the middle, stamps on the right.”
“You've memorized the contents of my desk drawers? You do know that they attribute this sort of detailed attention to murderers.”
“You alphabetize your cleaning products and you're pointing out my attention to detail? You'd be the OCD killer, organizing dismembered body parts in order of length.”
“You're sick, you know that?”
House ignored his comment, grabbing two foil-wrapped chocolates off of Wilson's desk, juggling them idly in his hand.
“House, I need those for this egg.”
“It's already filled with jellybeans.”
“Each egg gets six jellybeans and two chocolates.”
“They already have cancer. You want to give them cavities too?”
“Yes, because you care so much about dental hygiene.”
“Someone has to. I've seen the way you eat ice cream into month four of your marriages. The only person who would eat an ice cream called “Karamel Sutra” is obviously someone who isn't getting any.”
“House, just give me the chocolates.”
“No.”
“If you're not going to help me stuff eggs, you could at least leave the candy alone.”
“I would. Except you took my PSP. Now I have nothing to do.”
“Don't you have your team to annoy?”
“Patient.”
“General Hospital?”
“Reruns.”
“You Tivo the reruns! Don't you have a...a patient you need to mock? Someone's self-esteem you need to destroy? Someone's day you need to ruin?”
“You mean other than yours?”
“House--”
“You said it yourself. I'm sacrificing the valuable time I could be spending annoying others, annoying you.”
“Really, you spoil me. Now give me those chocolates.”
House pulled his hand away, holding the chocolates high above his head and out of Wilson's reach.
“What are you, five? Give me those!”
“Doctor Wilson I'm ashamed! What sort of manners are those?”
“House, I need to finish stuffing these eggs in time for us to hide them around the hospital.”
“You're really going to make a cripple hide eggs in a multi-story building?”
“Okay. Fine. I need to finish stuffing these eggs in time for me to hide them around the hospital. Now hand them over.”
House merely held his hand above his head. Wilson's eyebrows narrowed as he folded his arms across his chest.
“Just let me finish these and then you can have the leftovers,” he sighed.
“But I'm hungry now.”
“We ate lunch not even half an hour ago! You ate yours, and half of mine!”
“They don't have chocolates in the cafeteria.”
“Here,” Wilson said, pulling out his wallet. “The bags are two dollars a piece.”
“Don't want 'em.”
“If you don't want them, then why won't you give them back to me? House--”
Wilson reached across the desk, frowning as House raised his hand higher. Wilson rounded his desk, gripping House's wrist in an attempt to retrieve the candies.
“Just...give me the damn chocolates!”
“No.”
Wilson pressed a hand against House's chest to brace himself, knee sliding between House's legs onto the chair as he feebly attempted to reach the chocolates.
The two were so focused on their battle for the foil-wrapped sweets that they didn't hear the knock at the door, nor the turning of the knob when the intruder received no response. Someone gasped audibly and the two turned around to face the noise.
“I'll just...come back later,” a blushing Chase mumbled, slowly beginning to back out of the room.
Wilson blinked a few times before briefly glancing at House and realizing just how compromising their position appeared. His cheeks turned bright red as he practically leaped off of House.
“Next time you want to join in, tell us ahead of time,” House said with an exaggerated sigh.
“Chase,” Wilson protested, “It...This isn't what it looks like.”
“Hey, far be it from me to judge how the Jews celebrate Easter,” he replied with a bit of a wink toward House.
House barely concealed his smirk as Chase left the room, closing the door behind him.
“So...what does this look like Doctor Wilson?” House inquired with a quirk of his eyebrow.
Wilson flushed, using the opportunity of House distracted by his embarrassment to retrieve the chocolates.
“Hey!” House protested.
“Don't you have clinic duty?” Wilson inquired irritatedly, sitting down in his chair again and continuing to stuff eggs.
House noticed Wilson's averted gaze, the blush still on his cheeks. He chuckled softly as he began to fill the eggs with candy.
“You still didn't answer the question.”
“I'm stuffing.”
“You're evading.”
“You're annoying.”
“I know.”