Labour of love
Old, old, old
Prompt: The night the condom broke. Left at the meme (part two) by jlz1
Original post date: 16-09-2010
Warning: Never beta'ed.Character: Rachel, Puck
Word Count: 1 799
Disclaimer: Don't own
“Shit! Oh Fuck Rachel, sorry. Fuck!”
She is sprawled on their living room floor, her mind and body lost in orgasmic bliss and at first she thinks he’s apologizing for coming too soon, before he got to make up a few more times for his month-and-a-half absence. She’s just about to tell him that it’s not a problem, she’s happy to start all over in ten minutes or so, when she registers the look on his face as he’s looking between them. She follows his line of sight and her breath catch. The condom is... well for all practical purposes, it seems there wasn’t one.
“Oh my God! Oh my God!” She’s pushing him off her and scrambling to her feet, as if putting distance between them now is going to help anything. “You opened it with your teeth didn’t you? I told you not to do that, Noah! Why would you?”
Yes, yes he did. He was in a rush, too, so he might not have pinched the tip carefully. And he remembers that he fought with the stupid thing that didn’t want to roll down so now he wonders if it’s was inside out from the start and, ok, yes, it’s his fault, he fucked up, but does it really matter now? She panicking and flailing about the living room, but he’s just sitting there, stunned, looking at himself as if he can will the damn thing to be unbroken.
“Baby I’m... is it a really bad timing?”
She’s not on the pill. She was when they were teenagers, but she never liked having to put chemicals into her body 21 days out of 28 when she’s all about organic and vegan and natural about everything else. Plus, the first time he went away on tour and she stopped taking them - because she figured there was really no point if he wasn’t even around - she realised she was one of the few woman on whom it affects libido. He wasn’t around and she wanted him all. the. time (he was happily surprised at the amount of phone sex and skype sex and sexting that she initiated during that time. He had been fully prepared to have to beg for it.), then she started them again the week before he was coming back, and she felt the difference - it was still there (she could never not want sex with him) but definately not as intense.
Needless to say, he chucked the things out of the window of their 8th floor apartment when she told him that. They had been using condoms anyway (something about sharing the responsibility) so he was used to them and they had never had an accident.
Until now, apparently.
“I... I don’t know. It was... a bit more than a week ago I think? I really don’t... I’ve been busy and I really don’t remember, Noah.” She’s still pacing, but she’s breathing now, trying to calm herself down so they can talk about it. “Does it matter? It’s not like we can take a chance on this.”
“No, of course not. We should think about this now, be prepared.” He reaches for her hand and she lets herself be pulled down to sit on the floor in between his legs. Her back to him, he wraps her arms around her, takes a deep breath and plunges.
“It’s not so bad. Really. There’s a little bit more than a month left to the tour and then I’ll be home. It’s not ideal but it would be ok, right? The first month is not that bad? I mean, most people don’t even know they’re pregnant the first month, right? Then I can stay home, there’s plenty of material to stay local for a while and I can tell the agency I’m working on the next album so they’ll be good.”
“Noah...” He has his chin on her shoulder and he nuzzle her neck a little.
“I know. I know, but you’ve been Wendla for five years, Rachel. You said yourself the whole thing is becoming less of a thrill and you’re ready for other challenge. Motherhood would be...”
“Motherhood is not a role Noah. It’s not something I’ll be able to walk out on in two years’ time because I don’t like it or I miss the stage.”
“You think you won’t like it? You don’t want children?”
“No, I do. I just, I don’t want to rush it and then resent the baby because my career is not where I wanted it to be by the time I’m 30.”
“No, I know that. I’m just saying, you won’t have to stop acting permanently, you know? You can keep going until you get... big, then you stay at home with me until the baby is old enough and you go back. Just like everyone else. And you’ll still be great, and they don’t write your age on Tony’s so even if you’re 31 when you get it, who cares?”
She has to smile. He is so confident all the time that she’s eventually get her awards no matter what, it’s amazing.
Then she notices that when he said big his hands moved to cover her stomach and they are still there. And she’s wondering when is the last time if she’s heard him talk so much about anything. His voice is strong now, steady. There is no doubt there and no panic.
She twists in his arms to be able to look at his face.
“You really want this.” It’s a statement, not a question, but he answers her anyway.
“I don’t want to get rid of another one of my kid, Rachel. I promised myself I would never do that.”
Beth. She turns back, cuddles in his arms again. It’s easier to disagree with him on this if she can’t see the longing in his eyes, the yearning for the now 10 year old little girl he’s never known.
“I understand that Noah. And you are right, maybe it’s not such a bad timing and we should think about it seriously. We’re old enough, and settled, and money’s not an issue, but... I don’t want it to be like this. I don’t want to have to tell my first born that he or she was an accident, an unplanned pregnancy that we decided to make the best out of.”
“What are you suggesting? We get an abortion this time, and you’ll want to start again in a month so it can be planned? That’s fucking ridiculous.”
She flinches at the ugliness of the word. Abortion. He’s using it on purpose, to make her cringe. Because he’s angry at her but he won’t yell. He doesn’t want a big fight that solves nothing and ends up miles away from the point. He just wants her to get it. He doesn’t want to fight with her on his first day back, not when he has to leave again in two days and she’ll be left on her own to do what she pleases.
“No! Well... the morning after pill is not the same, is it? I mean, we don’t have to wait to see if there is something there or not, it’s just...”
“No, I’m sorry, it’s the same. You wouldn’t be doing it on the chance that there’s nothing, you’d be doing it on the chance that there is something. That makes it the same. What’s even the point Rachel, if you want kids and you think you’re ready?”
“It’s important to me.” He voice is barely above a whisper. “When I was a young... Noah, when everyone hated me and I was such an outcast, I always took so much strength from the knowledge that my dads had wanted me from the very start, that they had planned me, fought to have me, that I was the answer to all their prayer. They have never doubted that I belonged with them, ever, and that made me unable to doubt myself. I want my kids to have that too, in case... in case they need it.”
He’s silent behind her. They’ve been through so much shit together, inflicting so much of it on each other as they grew up. Logic says they shouldn’t have ended up together, not when they each are responsible for some of the other’s most significant scars. Yet he’s sure that it’s what makes them so strong. It would never cross his mind to dismiss her issues as irrelevant, because he was there, he knows.
“It doesn’t have to be today, does it?”
“What?”
“The pill. You don’t have to take it today do you? It can wait a little? Like the morning after?”
She looks at him and he’s completely calm. He doesn’t really want to talk about it anymore, it’s becoming too heavy a conversation for his first day back and even if the mood has definitely been broken for sex, they still have dinner reservation and a romantic evening planned before them. Besides, they both have at lot to think about and the situation deserves that they take the time to do so.
She closes her eyes and touches her forehead to his. “Yeah. We have a couple of days I think.”
*
She doesn’t order a drink at dinner. It’s not uncommon, she’s not a big fan of alcohol. Still, she did it on purpose this time (fair chances) and he has trouble hiding a smile.
*
She wakes up alone the next morning. She can hear him banging around in the kitchen as she stretches and huddles back under the covers, deciding she’ll see if she can get him to bring her breakfast in bed.
He does just that (he’s wonderful).
“I figured it out.” He has this huge grin on his face as he sets the tray in front of her, obviously proud of himself. “I pushed the tour dates by three weeks and I called-in some vacation time for you.”
“While I welcome the time off together, how does that help?” she asks, nose in her orange juice.
“I’m keeping you home so I can sex you up, non-stop, no protection.”
“The answer to unprotected sex is more unprotected sex?”
“Absolutely. This baby will be the result of ...” he adds up quickly in his head, “more than 500 hours of work to get him here; nobody will ever be able to tell him he wasn’t wanted.”
He’s crazy. And somehow his thought process is still the same as when he was 16. But he might just be making a lot of sense right now.
“You’re ready, right?”
She smiles at him with shiny stars in her eyes.
“I am.”
“Well, let’s get on with it then.”
And they do just that.
Prompt: The night the condom broke. Left at the meme (part two) by jlz1
Original post date: 16-09-2010
Warning: Never beta'ed.Character: Rachel, Puck
Word Count: 1 799
Disclaimer: Don't own
“Shit! Oh Fuck Rachel, sorry. Fuck!”
She is sprawled on their living room floor, her mind and body lost in orgasmic bliss and at first she thinks he’s apologizing for coming too soon, before he got to make up a few more times for his month-and-a-half absence. She’s just about to tell him that it’s not a problem, she’s happy to start all over in ten minutes or so, when she registers the look on his face as he’s looking between them. She follows his line of sight and her breath catch. The condom is... well for all practical purposes, it seems there wasn’t one.
“Oh my God! Oh my God!” She’s pushing him off her and scrambling to her feet, as if putting distance between them now is going to help anything. “You opened it with your teeth didn’t you? I told you not to do that, Noah! Why would you?”
Yes, yes he did. He was in a rush, too, so he might not have pinched the tip carefully. And he remembers that he fought with the stupid thing that didn’t want to roll down so now he wonders if it’s was inside out from the start and, ok, yes, it’s his fault, he fucked up, but does it really matter now? She panicking and flailing about the living room, but he’s just sitting there, stunned, looking at himself as if he can will the damn thing to be unbroken.
“Baby I’m... is it a really bad timing?”
She’s not on the pill. She was when they were teenagers, but she never liked having to put chemicals into her body 21 days out of 28 when she’s all about organic and vegan and natural about everything else. Plus, the first time he went away on tour and she stopped taking them - because she figured there was really no point if he wasn’t even around - she realised she was one of the few woman on whom it affects libido. He wasn’t around and she wanted him all. the. time (he was happily surprised at the amount of phone sex and skype sex and sexting that she initiated during that time. He had been fully prepared to have to beg for it.), then she started them again the week before he was coming back, and she felt the difference - it was still there (she could never not want sex with him) but definately not as intense.
Needless to say, he chucked the things out of the window of their 8th floor apartment when she told him that. They had been using condoms anyway (something about sharing the responsibility) so he was used to them and they had never had an accident.
Until now, apparently.
“I... I don’t know. It was... a bit more than a week ago I think? I really don’t... I’ve been busy and I really don’t remember, Noah.” She’s still pacing, but she’s breathing now, trying to calm herself down so they can talk about it. “Does it matter? It’s not like we can take a chance on this.”
“No, of course not. We should think about this now, be prepared.” He reaches for her hand and she lets herself be pulled down to sit on the floor in between his legs. Her back to him, he wraps her arms around her, takes a deep breath and plunges.
“It’s not so bad. Really. There’s a little bit more than a month left to the tour and then I’ll be home. It’s not ideal but it would be ok, right? The first month is not that bad? I mean, most people don’t even know they’re pregnant the first month, right? Then I can stay home, there’s plenty of material to stay local for a while and I can tell the agency I’m working on the next album so they’ll be good.”
“Noah...” He has his chin on her shoulder and he nuzzle her neck a little.
“I know. I know, but you’ve been Wendla for five years, Rachel. You said yourself the whole thing is becoming less of a thrill and you’re ready for other challenge. Motherhood would be...”
“Motherhood is not a role Noah. It’s not something I’ll be able to walk out on in two years’ time because I don’t like it or I miss the stage.”
“You think you won’t like it? You don’t want children?”
“No, I do. I just, I don’t want to rush it and then resent the baby because my career is not where I wanted it to be by the time I’m 30.”
“No, I know that. I’m just saying, you won’t have to stop acting permanently, you know? You can keep going until you get... big, then you stay at home with me until the baby is old enough and you go back. Just like everyone else. And you’ll still be great, and they don’t write your age on Tony’s so even if you’re 31 when you get it, who cares?”
She has to smile. He is so confident all the time that she’s eventually get her awards no matter what, it’s amazing.
Then she notices that when he said big his hands moved to cover her stomach and they are still there. And she’s wondering when is the last time if she’s heard him talk so much about anything. His voice is strong now, steady. There is no doubt there and no panic.
She twists in his arms to be able to look at his face.
“You really want this.” It’s a statement, not a question, but he answers her anyway.
“I don’t want to get rid of another one of my kid, Rachel. I promised myself I would never do that.”
Beth. She turns back, cuddles in his arms again. It’s easier to disagree with him on this if she can’t see the longing in his eyes, the yearning for the now 10 year old little girl he’s never known.
“I understand that Noah. And you are right, maybe it’s not such a bad timing and we should think about it seriously. We’re old enough, and settled, and money’s not an issue, but... I don’t want it to be like this. I don’t want to have to tell my first born that he or she was an accident, an unplanned pregnancy that we decided to make the best out of.”
“What are you suggesting? We get an abortion this time, and you’ll want to start again in a month so it can be planned? That’s fucking ridiculous.”
She flinches at the ugliness of the word. Abortion. He’s using it on purpose, to make her cringe. Because he’s angry at her but he won’t yell. He doesn’t want a big fight that solves nothing and ends up miles away from the point. He just wants her to get it. He doesn’t want to fight with her on his first day back, not when he has to leave again in two days and she’ll be left on her own to do what she pleases.
“No! Well... the morning after pill is not the same, is it? I mean, we don’t have to wait to see if there is something there or not, it’s just...”
“No, I’m sorry, it’s the same. You wouldn’t be doing it on the chance that there’s nothing, you’d be doing it on the chance that there is something. That makes it the same. What’s even the point Rachel, if you want kids and you think you’re ready?”
“It’s important to me.” He voice is barely above a whisper. “When I was a young... Noah, when everyone hated me and I was such an outcast, I always took so much strength from the knowledge that my dads had wanted me from the very start, that they had planned me, fought to have me, that I was the answer to all their prayer. They have never doubted that I belonged with them, ever, and that made me unable to doubt myself. I want my kids to have that too, in case... in case they need it.”
He’s silent behind her. They’ve been through so much shit together, inflicting so much of it on each other as they grew up. Logic says they shouldn’t have ended up together, not when they each are responsible for some of the other’s most significant scars. Yet he’s sure that it’s what makes them so strong. It would never cross his mind to dismiss her issues as irrelevant, because he was there, he knows.
“It doesn’t have to be today, does it?”
“What?”
“The pill. You don’t have to take it today do you? It can wait a little? Like the morning after?”
She looks at him and he’s completely calm. He doesn’t really want to talk about it anymore, it’s becoming too heavy a conversation for his first day back and even if the mood has definitely been broken for sex, they still have dinner reservation and a romantic evening planned before them. Besides, they both have at lot to think about and the situation deserves that they take the time to do so.
She closes her eyes and touches her forehead to his. “Yeah. We have a couple of days I think.”
*
She doesn’t order a drink at dinner. It’s not uncommon, she’s not a big fan of alcohol. Still, she did it on purpose this time (fair chances) and he has trouble hiding a smile.
*
She wakes up alone the next morning. She can hear him banging around in the kitchen as she stretches and huddles back under the covers, deciding she’ll see if she can get him to bring her breakfast in bed.
He does just that (he’s wonderful).
“I figured it out.” He has this huge grin on his face as he sets the tray in front of her, obviously proud of himself. “I pushed the tour dates by three weeks and I called-in some vacation time for you.”
“While I welcome the time off together, how does that help?” she asks, nose in her orange juice.
“I’m keeping you home so I can sex you up, non-stop, no protection.”
“The answer to unprotected sex is more unprotected sex?”
“Absolutely. This baby will be the result of ...” he adds up quickly in his head, “more than 500 hours of work to get him here; nobody will ever be able to tell him he wasn’t wanted.”
He’s crazy. And somehow his thought process is still the same as when he was 16. But he might just be making a lot of sense right now.
“You’re ready, right?”
She smiles at him with shiny stars in her eyes.
“I am.”
“Well, let’s get on with it then.”
And they do just that.