Mirage book 15, er, translation >_>
Traditionally on Victoria Day I go to the Botanical Garden, rain or shine, with friends or family. Monday it was rainy and hideously cold - 10 degrees Celsius, more March than May - but I went with Tania and Lorraine anyway, bundled up in coats and hats and umbrellas. The apple blossoms were delayed this year, so we took the latest hanami pictures ever. I'll post them tonight if I have the energy. ^^v
Afterward we went to Tania's place, aired our wet socks, drank hot mint tea with lemon, ate fried potatoes and watched Mirage of Blaze TV, which Lorraine hadn't seen. The experience was oddly sobering (for me, I mean), and only partially alleviated by the worst HK subbing in the history of bootlegged anime. From my current perspective I can only bow down to Naoe and Nagahide's inhuman patience at the beginning of the series, not to mention I kept reading angst into lines that weren't even supposed to be read into. Thus when I got home I ended up translating a large chunk of Mirage book 15 chapter 5, namely the big Naoe/Takaya scene (there's on average one per book) that between Chiaki's chalk-throwing and Kagetora's kidnapping by bird people I managed to elide entirely, because I suck like that. It's awesomely romance-novel-tastic and cheered me up immensely.
Then I tried to read 16 the next morning in the metro and Kousaka harshed my buzz, like, totally, thanks to which I was in a temper and didn't want to read anymore for the rest of the day. Restarted again this morning and was SO CONFUSED DAMMIT. The shifting clan alliances have finally reached the stage where I can't keep it all in my head and must resort to diagrams, possibly in the form of colour-coded spheres of influence overlaying a geo-political map of Japan: it took me fifteen minutes to sort whether Kotarou and Motoharu were enemies or not, because even though the Fuuma have a secret agreement with the Pure Land Sect are allied with the Takeda are in talks with the Shimazu have taken the remnants of the Mouri under their banner, half of these people not-so-secretly hate each other's guts and would have sold each other out at the earliest opportunity if it weren't for the fact that they're scared shitless of the Uesugi, who have aligned themselves with the Ootomo for all (except Kagetora) to see even though it's really all a SECRET UNDERCOVER OPERATION, and the Oda who are just sort of... there, being even ghei-er and more on crack than the Uesugi. Except for Katou Kiyomasa who is, like, not ghei and not mad and not spectacularly evil and not a bishounen(!), so I don't know what he's doing. He's cool, though. He and Takaya would've gotten along like houses on fire, if fate hadn't placed them in opposing camps. High school gangstas unite!
Plus, yanno, contact telepath. And the fact that he thinks he's cooler than everybody else because THE PEOPLE OF HIS CITY BUILT HIM A SHRINE.
Also, the whole Take-iwa-tatsu no mikoto and Kihachi thing freaks my shit out. What is that? How old is that? Isn't that, like, Shinto? Of course, here we also have Kyuushuu Christians from the first Sengoku-era converts down to Amakusa Shirou, who AFAICT have confused Christ's Earthly Realm with the Buddhist Pure Land or something. Maria-Kanzeon! Ah, syncretism, how you hurt my brain.
***
It occurs to me that some of you may have no idea what this Kaizaki guy looks like (unlike Sarah I am way too lazy to scan illos out of my book XD). This is easily remedied. Allowing for art style, he looks sort of like Tatsumi out of YamiEi with darker hair. Glasses, although Naoe doesn't seem to really need them, and somewhere along the line he picked up a penchant for leather gloves. At any rate in Mirage it's the soul that makes the body; you get to meet the real, non-Naoe-controlled Kaizaki Makoto in book 16, and he's a dorky neurotic spazz, though frankly you can't blame him. I don't think I've ever felt as sorry for a character in my entire life as when that poor dude woke up in a strange hospital bed and immediately thought, OH NO NOT AGAIN.
Naoe also uses the same (expensive and unavailable in Japan) cologne even when remote-controlling, because he's a fashion fascist. When he came to inspect the Kojou digs with the Ootomo kanshousha, Chiaki brushed past him in front of the gymnasium and was like, "*sniff* ......Naoe?" He dismissed the idea, of course, until the next morning when he and Takaya were hanging out the window of his office watching the Ootomo mill around in the courtyard.
Chiaki: Those are the possessors I was telling you about. The one in the grey flannel suit there, and the one just getting out of the car over there, and... um, Kagetora, are you okay?
Takaya: .......What is he doing here.
Chiaki: Well, like I said, they're the--
Takaya: No, never mind THEM, HIM, KAIZAKI MAKOTO, WHAT IS HE DOING HERE.
Chiaki: Who - him? You mean that guy's--
Upon which Takaya cuts and runs downstairs, leaving Chiaki to ponder worriedly whether the aftershave makes the man. Of course Kaizaki/Naoe couldn't exactly say hi, but he slipped him a card with an appointment written on the back (and saints alone know when he had time to write it, unless he came prepared which he probably did), so that afternoon Takaya faked a stomachache to get out of class and went to meet him at the touristy castle-place. ...I find this profoundly funny, but only because the reader was told the ebil student council's regulations not a chapter ago: to wit, being late in the morning gets you docked 3 points (out of 30 total), skipping class gets you docked 5 points, and faking illness to get out of class gets you docked 10 points plus automatic suspension if you're found out. It's just as well Takaya's not really a student there, or they'd have to make up a special punishment for faking illness in order to get out of class so you can go snog with your much older lover in a tourist attraction, albeit in a somewhat out-of-the-way corner. That asshole teacher in 5.5.2 was right, he's unsalvageably delinquent.
***
EDIT -- Updated 05/06/05. Just a few more pages! x_x
(page 159)
Takaya descended a gentle slope. Someone stood in front of the gate; he was alone.
It was Kaizaki Makoto.
"..."
Takaya felt himself tense. He and Kaizaki had not spoken to each other since that night.
He'd thought about it continually, since then. But now that he was standing before him, what was he supposed to say?
Kaizaki, sensing a presence, turned. There was no excess in his movement. Takaya shivered bodily, without reason, upon seeing the black cashmere that enveloped the man's gentle-seeming form. It had been wrapped around Takaya, once. The trembling did not derive from fear. Takaya faltered, knowing it for aroused instinct.
"So you did come."
Kaizaki spoke, unhurried.
"I'm glad we could meet again, Ougi Takaya."
"You-"
Takaya braced himself, glaring at Kaizaki as if facing down an enemy. He was afraid of being swept along by his emotions.
"Why are you here, Kaizaki?"
"..."
"Why in Kumamoto? Why come to that school? What are you trying to do? What are you plotting this time, after surviving the Satomi?"
"'Plotting' is an unflattering way to put it."
Kaizaki was smiling.
"I only came to Kumamoto for work purposes. Keibu Conglomerate is the construction firm in charge of Kojou High School's gymnasium renovation project. I still represent my company in a considerable amount of business."
"...So you're going to build a resort in Aso this time around?"
"..."
"The Satomi clan were linked with the Oda. Are you approaching Mikuriya's allies as an Oda spy?"
"I've cut my ties to the Satomi. I know nothing about the Oda; as of the moment I'm a simple private citizen."
"Don't tell lies people can see through!"
"The Satomi no longer exist in this world. Isn't that so?"
Kaizaki replied quietly.
"It's thanks to you that I was able to cut my ties to the Satomi. You destroyed them for me. I was threatened, forced to assist Satomi Yoshitaka's machinations. Now I can relax. I have you to thank for my freedom."
"You mean you... betrayed the Satomi?"
"..."
"It was you who let me escape that time, wasn't it? Kaizaki!"
Kaizaki's obsidian-dark eyes narrowed. He inclined his head slightly.
"...You noticed, I see."
"You-"
"I believed you would be able to put a stop to the Satomi intrigue. Your command of the Enojima situation was admirable. Thanks to your side's hard work, the Satomi were eliminated, and I was free."
"And now you're an agent for the Oda?"
Kaizaki was silent. Takaya bared his teeth.
"Stop making poor excuses. You wouldn't be here without a good reason. What's your goal this time?"
"What about you, then, Ougi Takaya? Why are you here?"
Takaya was brought up short, his question thrown back at his face.
"I should be the surprised one. I had no expectation of seeing you in Kumamoto whatsoever. Isn't your school in Matsumoto?"
"Enough with the playacting!"
Takaya's gaze grew fierce, as if to say 'I won't be fooled'. "Those people from before were possessors, tied to Mikuriya. How much do you know about them? What the hell are they plotting?"
"...Takaya-san."
A shiver ran down Takaya's body.
He hadn't heard those words for a long time. To have them fall on his ears unawares - he thought his heart had stopped.
"Wh-"
"I haven't seen you since that night, have I?"
"...What..."
Takaya was shaken. Kaizaki smiled suddenly.
"I remember how you were back then, you know."
Takaya stiffened, sensing that his guarded place was being violated. Kaizaki dropped his gaze and stepped toward him deliberately.
"How you were, that night... yes. You were so fragile, I thought you would break apart at a touch. You trembled under me like a child."
"I... don't know what... you're..."
"I think you do know."
Kaizaki backed him up, slowly but surely, advancing as he retreated. Takaya's back hit stone; Kaizaki placed his left hand on the wall next to his face, blocking his escape. Takaya's eyes widened, and he swallowed hard.
"You remember."
With his other hand, Kaizaki reached for Takaya's throat.
Leather-clad fingers brushed Takaya's skin. Takaya shivered convulsively and lifted his face. Kaizaki smiled down at him.
"You see? You haven't forgotten."
"What... are..."
"That's right. I marked you here too. And here-"
"..."
The leather was cold. Goose pimples rose on his flesh. Kaizaki's hand descended haphazardly along Takaya's clothing, taking advantage of his immobility. He undid the buttons of Takaya's uniform.
"And here as well..."
"You..."
"And here."
The large hand invaded the opening in his blazer. Takaya went rigid, words of protest caught in his throat. One by one, the man's leather-gloved fingers ascertained the places he had marked with his lips.
"Here... Yes, and here too."
Takaya gritted his teeth. Touch after touch sent shocks of sensation running through his frame. Kaizaki saw him struggling to restrain himself and lowered his lips so that his breath brushed warmly against Takaya's ear.
"You see. You remember it as well as I do."
"Nn..."
Takaya shook his head wildly, as if to disperse the tiny sound he'd let escape unawares.
"Why...! Why did you do that?"
"...'Why'?"
"You've got it all wrong! I'm not starved for contact. I'm not sad, I'm not weak enough yet to be pitied by someone like you! I don't need your comfort. If you think you understand me just by what I said back then, you can think again. I won't give someone who has sex with people out of pity the right to touch me a second time!"
"But you were the one who accepted me."
"..."
"You wanted me, in your heart. So you didn't resist. You allowed me to touch you."
"Those are rapists' excuses."
"Do you really think my actions were comfort? Pity?"
Takaya was silent. Kaizaki's expression was frankness itself.
"True... I might have had those feelings. I did want to comfort you. One might say these were marks of condescension... but is there a human being alive who could see someone weakened to the point of death and do nothing?"
"Kaizaki..."
"Think of it as comfort or pity, and despise me if you wish. Anything is fine. I have no intention of excusing myself for what I did, no matter what road you take."
"Then what was it...?"
Takaya latched onto the thought.
"If it wasn't comfort, what was it? Was it just for the sake of spending the night with someone!"
"You're unfair."
Takaya's eyes widened at the sudden pang in his chest.
"You're so clever... You know all the answers but you demand them regardless. And yet you understand everything."
"Ah-"
"The answer lies within you."
Takaya shook his head. Kaizaki said again, putting force into the word,
"Remember."
"..."
Takaya bit his lip until it bled. He gazed up at Kaizaki fiercely; tears would start if he let the strength drain away.
Kaizaki...
Takaya closed his eyes.
It was just like he said.
Takaya was lying. Covering his tracks. He could remember everything that happened, that night.
He knew, too, that what occurred was nothing so facile as comfort.
It had only been gentle for a little while, at the beginning. The rest was like being assaulted by a storm.
In the face of that passion he'd been afraid, had felt himself endangered. Through the heartrending kisses that fell on his back, he'd heard the other man calling his name. Fingers caressing his heated core from deep within, nails cutting into his skin - until consciousness slipped from his grasp.
If it were only comfort, the memory would not be engraved so deeply in his body. It was otherwise, and Takaya knew it. A gesture made for its own sake could not carry such force.
You wanted me...
Takaya left the words unvoiced.
You wanted me, Kaizaki.
Takaya opened his eyes, meeting the other man's gaze head-on.
Kaizaki, too, was watching Takaya with intense focus.
At length - quietly, as if to hide the force of that gaze behind lowered lids - Kaizaki moved toward Takaya.
Takaya lifted his face as well, eyes sliding closed.
Their lips pressed gently against each other.
Mouth to mouth, things could be said.
Their lips overlapped, closely, so as not to let words escape into air; without space from which they could fall.
Takaya pressed nearer, close to obtaining, greedy for the transmitted emotion. Kaizaki's eyes widened in surprise. Takaya was like a starving baby bird, straining with all its might to take. And then to be suffused: blood, flesh and bone. No place left untouched.
Not enough...
Kaizaki responded, deepening the kiss in answer. Passion begot passion, unthought-of.
"..."
Gradually the long kiss ended. They broke apart in silence, as if to seal welling ardor away inside.
Takaya was reflected in Kaizaki's dark eyes.
"You... won't ask who I am?"
"I won't ask."
Takaya answered, watching him. His eyes were lit with a strong will.
"I won't seek a solution from anyone else. I'll find the answer myself."
"...Nor what I mean when I say 'he's the false one'?"
Takaya was silent for a moment. Then he said, "The solution is within me, isn't it?
"Who you are. What you mean by 'false one'. What the truth is, how you know what you know… If the answers to all these questions are within me, I'm not going to depend on anyone else to draw them out. All this talk of nightmares just sounds like running away - but on the off-chance that that's the case, I'll wake up under my own power."
"..."
"I can believe what you say, a little."
"...Aren't you frightened?"
"It doesn't matter if I'm mistaken..."
Ah, that's it, Kaizaki thought, savouring the feeling.
That shard of strength. Surely nothing grand or impressive - but no matter how fragile he became, how his armour was stripped away, at the end, that tiny strength. Kaizaki knew it well. It was an unfamiliar understanding: that fragment of strength was beautiful, beloved by him. It was this side of Kagetora that had provoked him, he remembered.
The change in Takaya was minute. Perhaps one couldn't even call it a first step. But at the very least, Takaya was looking his way. He was facing him.
"..."
Kaizaki took hold of Takaya's shoulders, wordlessly pulling that body against his own chest.
Takaya's eyes widened.
"Ka...i..."
Arms wrapped around him.
They stayed some time, not letting go.
Kaizaki spoke into Takaya's ear.
"Your closest ally is yourself."
"..."
"To escape the maze in which you've been left behind, listen to your inner voice. Don’t force yourself to deny when you sense something is wrong. Accept that feeling."
"..."
"You have the strength to see clear."
Takaya was silent, wide-eyed.
"If you wish it, I can be your ally as well."
Huh...?
Takaya pushed away from Kaizaki, surprised. Kaizaki looked serious.
"What did you just say?"
"I'll work for your ends. I won't do anything to your disadvantage. I'll shoulder everything. In return, will you pull out from Kumamoto?"
"What..."
"I'll take care of the situation in your place. So please, pull out from Kumamoto - no, from Kyuushuu entirely. Insofar as possible, don't engage in battle."
"!"
Takaya tensed, coming back to himself. He glared.
"What did you plan on... Did you think that's possible?"
"..."
"Did you think you could take advantage of me! All of this, up to now, just to distance the Uesugi-!"
"This is not a strategem," Kaizaki said, cutting him off. "You still won't trust me?"
"..."
Takaya's eyes narrowed with hurt. He turned his face away.
"You're talking about two different things. I can't accept you as an ally, can I?"
Kaizaki lowered his eyes. He well understood what Takaya's answer would be.
"Let's call it a beginning then."
"..."
"Understood. I'll be returning to my people."
"To Mikuriya?"
"Provincial representative Umehara and the government employee who were with me earlier. You've already noticed they're possessors."
Kaizaki spoke tranquilly.
"It may have come to your attention that they're onshou subordinates. Their real names are Kai Sou'un and Takahashi Jou'un; comrades of Tachibana Dousetsu."
"Kai Sou'un and Takahashi Jou'un..."
Kaizaki nodded. "You should have an idea of who they are."
"You mean - you mean Mikuriya's true identity is Ootomo...! She's Sourin's!"
Kaizaki turned around abruptly, and Takaya closed his mouth.
"It seems like we've been found out."
"Ah..."
A dark human shape dashed out from the shadow of the columns, running for the slope. Kaizaki's reaction time was quicker; he sprang in pursuit.
(tbc)
Afterward we went to Tania's place, aired our wet socks, drank hot mint tea with lemon, ate fried potatoes and watched Mirage of Blaze TV, which Lorraine hadn't seen. The experience was oddly sobering (for me, I mean), and only partially alleviated by the worst HK subbing in the history of bootlegged anime. From my current perspective I can only bow down to Naoe and Nagahide's inhuman patience at the beginning of the series, not to mention I kept reading angst into lines that weren't even supposed to be read into. Thus when I got home I ended up translating a large chunk of Mirage book 15 chapter 5, namely the big Naoe/Takaya scene (there's on average one per book) that between Chiaki's chalk-throwing and Kagetora's kidnapping by bird people I managed to elide entirely, because I suck like that. It's awesomely romance-novel-tastic and cheered me up immensely.
Then I tried to read 16 the next morning in the metro and Kousaka harshed my buzz, like, totally, thanks to which I was in a temper and didn't want to read anymore for the rest of the day. Restarted again this morning and was SO CONFUSED DAMMIT. The shifting clan alliances have finally reached the stage where I can't keep it all in my head and must resort to diagrams, possibly in the form of colour-coded spheres of influence overlaying a geo-political map of Japan: it took me fifteen minutes to sort whether Kotarou and Motoharu were enemies or not, because even though the Fuuma have a secret agreement with the Pure Land Sect are allied with the Takeda are in talks with the Shimazu have taken the remnants of the Mouri under their banner, half of these people not-so-secretly hate each other's guts and would have sold each other out at the earliest opportunity if it weren't for the fact that they're scared shitless of the Uesugi, who have aligned themselves with the Ootomo for all (except Kagetora) to see even though it's really all a SECRET UNDERCOVER OPERATION, and the Oda who are just sort of... there, being even ghei-er and more on crack than the Uesugi. Except for Katou Kiyomasa who is, like, not ghei and not mad and not spectacularly evil and not a bishounen(!), so I don't know what he's doing. He's cool, though. He and Takaya would've gotten along like houses on fire, if fate hadn't placed them in opposing camps. High school gangstas unite!
Plus, yanno, contact telepath. And the fact that he thinks he's cooler than everybody else because THE PEOPLE OF HIS CITY BUILT HIM A SHRINE.
Also, the whole Take-iwa-tatsu no mikoto and Kihachi thing freaks my shit out. What is that? How old is that? Isn't that, like, Shinto? Of course, here we also have Kyuushuu Christians from the first Sengoku-era converts down to Amakusa Shirou, who AFAICT have confused Christ's Earthly Realm with the Buddhist Pure Land or something. Maria-Kanzeon! Ah, syncretism, how you hurt my brain.
***
It occurs to me that some of you may have no idea what this Kaizaki guy looks like (unlike Sarah I am way too lazy to scan illos out of my book XD). This is easily remedied. Allowing for art style, he looks sort of like Tatsumi out of YamiEi with darker hair. Glasses, although Naoe doesn't seem to really need them, and somewhere along the line he picked up a penchant for leather gloves. At any rate in Mirage it's the soul that makes the body; you get to meet the real, non-Naoe-controlled Kaizaki Makoto in book 16, and he's a dorky neurotic spazz, though frankly you can't blame him. I don't think I've ever felt as sorry for a character in my entire life as when that poor dude woke up in a strange hospital bed and immediately thought, OH NO NOT AGAIN.
Naoe also uses the same (expensive and unavailable in Japan) cologne even when remote-controlling, because he's a fashion fascist. When he came to inspect the Kojou digs with the Ootomo kanshousha, Chiaki brushed past him in front of the gymnasium and was like, "*sniff* ......Naoe?" He dismissed the idea, of course, until the next morning when he and Takaya were hanging out the window of his office watching the Ootomo mill around in the courtyard.
Chiaki: Those are the possessors I was telling you about. The one in the grey flannel suit there, and the one just getting out of the car over there, and... um, Kagetora, are you okay?
Takaya: .......What is he doing here.
Chiaki: Well, like I said, they're the--
Takaya: No, never mind THEM, HIM, KAIZAKI MAKOTO, WHAT IS HE DOING HERE.
Chiaki: Who - him? You mean that guy's--
Upon which Takaya cuts and runs downstairs, leaving Chiaki to ponder worriedly whether the aftershave makes the man. Of course Kaizaki/Naoe couldn't exactly say hi, but he slipped him a card with an appointment written on the back (and saints alone know when he had time to write it, unless he came prepared which he probably did), so that afternoon Takaya faked a stomachache to get out of class and went to meet him at the touristy castle-place. ...I find this profoundly funny, but only because the reader was told the ebil student council's regulations not a chapter ago: to wit, being late in the morning gets you docked 3 points (out of 30 total), skipping class gets you docked 5 points, and faking illness to get out of class gets you docked 10 points plus automatic suspension if you're found out. It's just as well Takaya's not really a student there, or they'd have to make up a special punishment for faking illness in order to get out of class so you can go snog with your much older lover in a tourist attraction, albeit in a somewhat out-of-the-way corner. That asshole teacher in 5.5.2 was right, he's unsalvageably delinquent.
***
EDIT -- Updated 05/06/05. Just a few more pages! x_x
(page 159)
Takaya descended a gentle slope. Someone stood in front of the gate; he was alone.
It was Kaizaki Makoto.
"..."
Takaya felt himself tense. He and Kaizaki had not spoken to each other since that night.
He'd thought about it continually, since then. But now that he was standing before him, what was he supposed to say?
Kaizaki, sensing a presence, turned. There was no excess in his movement. Takaya shivered bodily, without reason, upon seeing the black cashmere that enveloped the man's gentle-seeming form. It had been wrapped around Takaya, once. The trembling did not derive from fear. Takaya faltered, knowing it for aroused instinct.
"So you did come."
Kaizaki spoke, unhurried.
"I'm glad we could meet again, Ougi Takaya."
"You-"
Takaya braced himself, glaring at Kaizaki as if facing down an enemy. He was afraid of being swept along by his emotions.
"Why are you here, Kaizaki?"
"..."
"Why in Kumamoto? Why come to that school? What are you trying to do? What are you plotting this time, after surviving the Satomi?"
"'Plotting' is an unflattering way to put it."
Kaizaki was smiling.
"I only came to Kumamoto for work purposes. Keibu Conglomerate is the construction firm in charge of Kojou High School's gymnasium renovation project. I still represent my company in a considerable amount of business."
"...So you're going to build a resort in Aso this time around?"
"..."
"The Satomi clan were linked with the Oda. Are you approaching Mikuriya's allies as an Oda spy?"
"I've cut my ties to the Satomi. I know nothing about the Oda; as of the moment I'm a simple private citizen."
"Don't tell lies people can see through!"
"The Satomi no longer exist in this world. Isn't that so?"
Kaizaki replied quietly.
"It's thanks to you that I was able to cut my ties to the Satomi. You destroyed them for me. I was threatened, forced to assist Satomi Yoshitaka's machinations. Now I can relax. I have you to thank for my freedom."
"You mean you... betrayed the Satomi?"
"..."
"It was you who let me escape that time, wasn't it? Kaizaki!"
Kaizaki's obsidian-dark eyes narrowed. He inclined his head slightly.
"...You noticed, I see."
"You-"
"I believed you would be able to put a stop to the Satomi intrigue. Your command of the Enojima situation was admirable. Thanks to your side's hard work, the Satomi were eliminated, and I was free."
"And now you're an agent for the Oda?"
Kaizaki was silent. Takaya bared his teeth.
"Stop making poor excuses. You wouldn't be here without a good reason. What's your goal this time?"
"What about you, then, Ougi Takaya? Why are you here?"
Takaya was brought up short, his question thrown back at his face.
"I should be the surprised one. I had no expectation of seeing you in Kumamoto whatsoever. Isn't your school in Matsumoto?"
"Enough with the playacting!"
Takaya's gaze grew fierce, as if to say 'I won't be fooled'. "Those people from before were possessors, tied to Mikuriya. How much do you know about them? What the hell are they plotting?"
"...Takaya-san."
A shiver ran down Takaya's body.
He hadn't heard those words for a long time. To have them fall on his ears unawares - he thought his heart had stopped.
"Wh-"
"I haven't seen you since that night, have I?"
"...What..."
Takaya was shaken. Kaizaki smiled suddenly.
"I remember how you were back then, you know."
Takaya stiffened, sensing that his guarded place was being violated. Kaizaki dropped his gaze and stepped toward him deliberately.
"How you were, that night... yes. You were so fragile, I thought you would break apart at a touch. You trembled under me like a child."
"I... don't know what... you're..."
"I think you do know."
Kaizaki backed him up, slowly but surely, advancing as he retreated. Takaya's back hit stone; Kaizaki placed his left hand on the wall next to his face, blocking his escape. Takaya's eyes widened, and he swallowed hard.
"You remember."
With his other hand, Kaizaki reached for Takaya's throat.
Leather-clad fingers brushed Takaya's skin. Takaya shivered convulsively and lifted his face. Kaizaki smiled down at him.
"You see? You haven't forgotten."
"What... are..."
"That's right. I marked you here too. And here-"
"..."
The leather was cold. Goose pimples rose on his flesh. Kaizaki's hand descended haphazardly along Takaya's clothing, taking advantage of his immobility. He undid the buttons of Takaya's uniform.
"And here as well..."
"You..."
"And here."
The large hand invaded the opening in his blazer. Takaya went rigid, words of protest caught in his throat. One by one, the man's leather-gloved fingers ascertained the places he had marked with his lips.
"Here... Yes, and here too."
Takaya gritted his teeth. Touch after touch sent shocks of sensation running through his frame. Kaizaki saw him struggling to restrain himself and lowered his lips so that his breath brushed warmly against Takaya's ear.
"You see. You remember it as well as I do."
"Nn..."
Takaya shook his head wildly, as if to disperse the tiny sound he'd let escape unawares.
"Why...! Why did you do that?"
"...'Why'?"
"You've got it all wrong! I'm not starved for contact. I'm not sad, I'm not weak enough yet to be pitied by someone like you! I don't need your comfort. If you think you understand me just by what I said back then, you can think again. I won't give someone who has sex with people out of pity the right to touch me a second time!"
"But you were the one who accepted me."
"..."
"You wanted me, in your heart. So you didn't resist. You allowed me to touch you."
"Those are rapists' excuses."
"Do you really think my actions were comfort? Pity?"
Takaya was silent. Kaizaki's expression was frankness itself.
"True... I might have had those feelings. I did want to comfort you. One might say these were marks of condescension... but is there a human being alive who could see someone weakened to the point of death and do nothing?"
"Kaizaki..."
"Think of it as comfort or pity, and despise me if you wish. Anything is fine. I have no intention of excusing myself for what I did, no matter what road you take."
"Then what was it...?"
Takaya latched onto the thought.
"If it wasn't comfort, what was it? Was it just for the sake of spending the night with someone!"
"You're unfair."
Takaya's eyes widened at the sudden pang in his chest.
"You're so clever... You know all the answers but you demand them regardless. And yet you understand everything."
"Ah-"
"The answer lies within you."
Takaya shook his head. Kaizaki said again, putting force into the word,
"Remember."
"..."
Takaya bit his lip until it bled. He gazed up at Kaizaki fiercely; tears would start if he let the strength drain away.
Kaizaki...
Takaya closed his eyes.
It was just like he said.
Takaya was lying. Covering his tracks. He could remember everything that happened, that night.
He knew, too, that what occurred was nothing so facile as comfort.
It had only been gentle for a little while, at the beginning. The rest was like being assaulted by a storm.
In the face of that passion he'd been afraid, had felt himself endangered. Through the heartrending kisses that fell on his back, he'd heard the other man calling his name. Fingers caressing his heated core from deep within, nails cutting into his skin - until consciousness slipped from his grasp.
If it were only comfort, the memory would not be engraved so deeply in his body. It was otherwise, and Takaya knew it. A gesture made for its own sake could not carry such force.
You wanted me...
Takaya left the words unvoiced.
You wanted me, Kaizaki.
Takaya opened his eyes, meeting the other man's gaze head-on.
Kaizaki, too, was watching Takaya with intense focus.
At length - quietly, as if to hide the force of that gaze behind lowered lids - Kaizaki moved toward Takaya.
Takaya lifted his face as well, eyes sliding closed.
Their lips pressed gently against each other.
Mouth to mouth, things could be said.
Their lips overlapped, closely, so as not to let words escape into air; without space from which they could fall.
Takaya pressed nearer, close to obtaining, greedy for the transmitted emotion. Kaizaki's eyes widened in surprise. Takaya was like a starving baby bird, straining with all its might to take. And then to be suffused: blood, flesh and bone. No place left untouched.
Not enough...
Kaizaki responded, deepening the kiss in answer. Passion begot passion, unthought-of.
"..."
Gradually the long kiss ended. They broke apart in silence, as if to seal welling ardor away inside.
Takaya was reflected in Kaizaki's dark eyes.
"You... won't ask who I am?"
"I won't ask."
Takaya answered, watching him. His eyes were lit with a strong will.
"I won't seek a solution from anyone else. I'll find the answer myself."
"...Nor what I mean when I say 'he's the false one'?"
Takaya was silent for a moment. Then he said, "The solution is within me, isn't it?
"Who you are. What you mean by 'false one'. What the truth is, how you know what you know… If the answers to all these questions are within me, I'm not going to depend on anyone else to draw them out. All this talk of nightmares just sounds like running away - but on the off-chance that that's the case, I'll wake up under my own power."
"..."
"I can believe what you say, a little."
"...Aren't you frightened?"
"It doesn't matter if I'm mistaken..."
Ah, that's it, Kaizaki thought, savouring the feeling.
That shard of strength. Surely nothing grand or impressive - but no matter how fragile he became, how his armour was stripped away, at the end, that tiny strength. Kaizaki knew it well. It was an unfamiliar understanding: that fragment of strength was beautiful, beloved by him. It was this side of Kagetora that had provoked him, he remembered.
The change in Takaya was minute. Perhaps one couldn't even call it a first step. But at the very least, Takaya was looking his way. He was facing him.
"..."
Kaizaki took hold of Takaya's shoulders, wordlessly pulling that body against his own chest.
Takaya's eyes widened.
"Ka...i..."
Arms wrapped around him.
They stayed some time, not letting go.
Kaizaki spoke into Takaya's ear.
"Your closest ally is yourself."
"..."
"To escape the maze in which you've been left behind, listen to your inner voice. Don’t force yourself to deny when you sense something is wrong. Accept that feeling."
"..."
"You have the strength to see clear."
Takaya was silent, wide-eyed.
"If you wish it, I can be your ally as well."
Huh...?
Takaya pushed away from Kaizaki, surprised. Kaizaki looked serious.
"What did you just say?"
"I'll work for your ends. I won't do anything to your disadvantage. I'll shoulder everything. In return, will you pull out from Kumamoto?"
"What..."
"I'll take care of the situation in your place. So please, pull out from Kumamoto - no, from Kyuushuu entirely. Insofar as possible, don't engage in battle."
"!"
Takaya tensed, coming back to himself. He glared.
"What did you plan on... Did you think that's possible?"
"..."
"Did you think you could take advantage of me! All of this, up to now, just to distance the Uesugi-!"
"This is not a strategem," Kaizaki said, cutting him off. "You still won't trust me?"
"..."
Takaya's eyes narrowed with hurt. He turned his face away.
"You're talking about two different things. I can't accept you as an ally, can I?"
Kaizaki lowered his eyes. He well understood what Takaya's answer would be.
"Let's call it a beginning then."
"..."
"Understood. I'll be returning to my people."
"To Mikuriya?"
"Provincial representative Umehara and the government employee who were with me earlier. You've already noticed they're possessors."
Kaizaki spoke tranquilly.
"It may have come to your attention that they're onshou subordinates. Their real names are Kai Sou'un and Takahashi Jou'un; comrades of Tachibana Dousetsu."
"Kai Sou'un and Takahashi Jou'un..."
Kaizaki nodded. "You should have an idea of who they are."
"You mean - you mean Mikuriya's true identity is Ootomo...! She's Sourin's!"
Kaizaki turned around abruptly, and Takaya closed his mouth.
"It seems like we've been found out."
"Ah..."
A dark human shape dashed out from the shadow of the columns, running for the slope. Kaizaki's reaction time was quicker; he sprang in pursuit.
(tbc)