Somtimes I just want to quit the human race.
Over the last few months, I've watched two internet firestorms erupt in circles I frequent.
The first is a story called "Elevatorgate" (because any scandal since 1974 must have the word "gate" added to it or it isn't a scandal).
You can find a lot of information on this situation at Skepchick and on PZ Meyer's Blog and I'm not going to rehash the whole damn thing.
Here's a really quick summation. Rebecca Watson, who runs Skepchick.org was at a skeptic convention and she was talking about women involved in the skeptical movement and the way they can feel objectified by men in the community. There are a lot more men than women and some (not all) of those guys seem mostly interested in getting laid.
If you are at a convention/conference/meeting to talk about things like why you don't believe in god and why bigfoot doesn't exist, you can start to feel uncomfortable if all the guys around you seem to be interested in is what your outfit would look like on the floor of their hotel room in the morning.
So she was talking this situation over with a group of people late one night and eventually headed off to bed at around something like 2:00 in the morning.
At this point, a guy followed her from the group to the elevator and propositioned her.
A while later, she mentioned the incident (and didn't name the guy) and said, fairly matter of factly, "guys, don't do that."
Her point - which was a completely valid one was that being propositioned by a guy you don't know in an elevator at 2:00 in the morning is actually pretty creepy. You are alone in a confined space and you don't know this guy at all. He's probably OK but you don't know that for sure.
I've read it elsewhere that the worst thing that can happen to a guy in this sort of situation is that he could be embarassed. The worst think that can happen to a girl in this situation is that she could be raped or killed. The odds aren't high that it'll happen but there are very few women who would not think about the possibility if they were in the same situation because the odds are considerably higher than zero.
OK, so that is situation number one.
Situation number two took place in the gaming community. A writer on Gizmodo posted a very mean spirited story about going out a date with a guy and discovering he was a world champion Magic: The Gathering player.
The reason I put both of these situations together is because while I think Rebecca was completely justified and I think the Gizmodo writer was judgemental and cruel, the end result of both situations was the same.
A bunch of assholes on the internet began calling them names. And saying they were ugly. And saying they deserved to be raped.
Yes. Rebecca deserves to be raped because a late night proposition in an elevator made her justifiably uncomfortable.
What is worse, two months later, people are writing blogs about how horrible she is entirely because she had the audacity to give guys really good dating advice. What was she saying, really?
She was saying "guys, if you want to get laid, you need to try a different tactic." Thanks, Rebecca. While I'm happily married and get laid on a regular basis, if I was not, your advice is very much appreciated. I'd like to think that I'd know better than to proposition someone I don't know on an elevator at 2:00 AM, but I fully appreciate that a lot of guys don't know that.
Instead of saying "thanks," though, what is happening is a lot of guys in the skeptical community - a community that prides itself on being rational thinkers - are calling her a cunt and saying she deserves to get raped.
News flash guys - nobody deserves to get raped. The moment you state otherwise, no matter what you believe of Rebecca's extremely justifiable statement, is the moment you just invalidated your point of view. I don't care how many pornos you watch where some chick actually enjoys being raped, that isn't the way things are in the real world. Women don't like being raped and they don't fucking deserve it.
Now back to the Gizmodo article (written by Alyssa Bereznak) for a moment.
What she wrote was messed up for a lot of reasons. One was the simple fact that when you mention you went on a date with a "Magic: The Gathering" champ, folks are going to figure out who the guy is. You didn't write a column embarassing some random dude, you wrote a column embarassing someone specific in a very direct way. That is pretty crappy.
Her article was mean and judgemental and while I've read some compelling arguments for her point of view, I still think she wrote it for the shock value. She succeeded, of course, because the number or words that have been written about her article far exceeds the number of words in her article.
In the wake of that article, however, instead of a useful dialogue, we have a bunch of people calling her ugly and a slut and a cunt and saying - yes - that she deserves to be raped.
What the fuck, guys?
Any time a guy has a problem with what a woman says, they always use sexual terms as a means of attack. The intellectual argument goes right out the window and is replaced with name calling and - worse - threats.
Threats of physical violence.
Again I say, what they fuck?
Alyssa wrote somthing pretty bad but does it justify people going out and finding her picture and turning it into a LOLcat style meme where they say horrible things about her and, yes, suggest that what she really needs is a good fucking? Go look for it if you want. I'm not going to link.
Thing is, we are incabable of separating what was written from the fact that it was written by a girl. If a guy had written something similar, it would have been equally unacceptable but all sorts of guys would be high fiving each other and laughing because that "bitch" got just what she deserved.
Women (and a lot of guys who think like me) would be rightfully pointing out that what he wrote was completely messed up and cruel and you know what would happen?
The dudes who were high fiving each other would turn on those women and call them cunts and imply that they just needed a good fucking.
I'll tell you what, guys, what you really need is a good grounding. Because if you keep behaving like that, I have to assume you aren't yet properly equipped to function in a world populated by adults.
But I have to thank the assholes out there who are still, months later, saying horrible things about (and to) Rebecca.
You see, I have two little boys and I love them a lot. As far as I know, they are both straight and will, one day, want to have sex with a girl.
It is my responsibility as their father to point to the bullshit that is happening to Rebecca and Alyssa and say "boys, don't do that."
Women can be wrong (I think Alyssa was) and they can be right (I think Rebecca was) but what has happened to both of these women is an embarassment. No guy with even an ounce of self respect should be proud of it.