Guilty
Yesterday I woke up and went to school immediately, because I had woken up late, but it wasn't my fault, I swear!!! It was because the sun decided to hide behind some rainy clouds, and usually I woke up with the sun, so you’ll guess.
I went out with my very best and warmly clothes, and proceed to go to college… While I was arriving running, I realize that my raincoat, the clothes, and my cup of tea, make me feel like just so English, leaving aside I was running and that’s so un-English.
Anyway one thing leads me to another, that leaves me thinking about hetalia, and UsxUk in the end, so when I had a time I opened the LJ community and began to procrastinate, and when I found an impressive fic by slashy_lady that was just so hot, I couldn’t endure it… I went look in the “M” section of The land of fanfics, indeed I found some, but for the urge of the moment I put another filter “Complete”.
I was fighting with myself because I had promised that I wouldn’t look at anything that could be called in some way porn, and that was exactly was I was looking for. I was asking to myself if I would like to throw away a year or more of abstinence, only for a little, amazing and well done fanfic.
So I mentally punch myself and began to read, the things that I read were hot/lack of story/hot/dumb as hell/hot as the gender would suggest, but in its moment was ok, because I had a lot of homework and because I wouldn’t have classes in the afternoon, I saved some pages with fics, and read until I arrived home, I made a quick breakfast and that stuff, took it to the table and had brunch.
While brunching and reading I remembered that my puppies would still be freezing because of the weather and the place where I left them the previous night, so I went out to rain and they began to run all happy and playful towards me (the best feeling ever) but only two of them, so I called my third puppy, my only female, by her name.
“Boss, baby, come out I’ve arrive home sweetie, where are you?” I kneeled in the floor in order to see inside the dog’s house, in which they lived with their dad, even though I had had a bad feeling she was all right, hide between the blankets that were inside the puppy bed, that was inside the cardboard box, and that one inside the dog’s house, she was all warmly and sleepily, but I wanted to be sure, so I took her out her safe place, covered with my clothes and checked her, she was ok, but skinny, so I remembered that the day before she only drank the chicken stock and leave the croquettes, when I asked if she was ok, she smelled me and lick my hand. As I see her ok, I left her in the same place because I realized they didn’t were cold at all, so I took a corner of my skirt and dried the other puppies so I could leave them in the same place with Boss.
I asked them not to leave the house, and to their dad, to take care of them, so I entered my house again, and returned to read. As the day passed by I read all the fanfictions that I could, but the longer I did that the lack of plot I was suffering and that weird feeling, the one that a year before had made me quit all kind of mature stuff, but I kept going, my puppies went out two times, and cried at the glass door, I thought it was because of their dad that had left the house and was sitting in the floor of the entrance. In part I wanted to believe that because they had made it before and because I wanted to read.
When I felt somehow satisfied, I prepared their food and went out to let them in, then only one puppy went out , so I kneeled again, and see the other two puppies sleeping so close to each other even thought only the male one was looking at me, he cried so I called him “Hey Toby, honey come here” He refused. So I took him by force.
When I leave him in the floor, I called the other puppy “Boss, baby now it’s your turn, please come out” She didn’t make a move so I took her as her brother, but when I take her out, I realize her head was hard and in an uncomfortable position, I hugged her, and scream my brother’s name. I knew she was dead, but I wanted to believe she just fainted. My brother took her from me, and was in that moment when I realize that she was full of something black coming from her and my clothes and hands were full of it, and then I see the other puppies.
I didn’t realize of their dirty body until now. I took them in my arms; my clothes were dirty as well so it didn’t matter. I knew that they were trying to tell me that their little sister was ill, but they didn’t understood she was dying, they were trying to keep her warm, they were trying to capture my attention, they were trying to save her, and I was a jerk, and I was more interested in some “M” rating fics with a deficient plot.
I felt sick, It was raining and everything smelt like dead, and I felt like shit, they were my responsibility I should have take a better care of them. But I didn’t, it was one of those moments in which you know you’ll always feel guilty.
The smell made me want to vomit, so I took the puppies to give them a warm bath. My brother placed Boss into a shoe’s box. She fitted, she was so small. I washed my puppies over and over again, their eyes were sad, and they licked me as if I were some kind of Hero. And I cried because I wasn’t, but they kept doing it.
My hair drier is dead so I changed my clothes quickly and went to my neighbor’s house to ask for one, she borrowed me one and I return home so I can dry the puppies, I dried them and let them eat while I made a quick funeral for Boss.
In the night I couldn’t sleep so I was checking my old mail, and an old friend had sent me a mail long ago saying, “Hey pettit, you should read this, it’s so beautiful and a not “M” fanfic, it’s usuk of course, it’s in progress in spanish, but it’s a translation so you should check it in English if you want the full story”. The link leads me to a “M” fanfiction that I had already open, one that I hadn’t read because of the length, One that restore my hopes in usuk and mad me not to desert usuk agai for a year or more, one that I’ll share with you other day.