My Stardust Melody, Chapter 13
Henry Coleman was a man of many talents if he did say so himself. A brilliant gambler, a smooth Casanova, and an alcoholic-beverage savant, he prided himself on one thing most of all: scheming. He was slippery and cunning, and if some of his better ideas didn't pan out, it was generally because someone else lost their nerve, usually his best friend, Katie. Maddie, unfortunately, never had the stomach for deceit that Henry had, which was very strange for a Coleman by Henry's estimation. Their mother was a maven of schemes and trickery. Henry was very disappointed to see this streak of morality running through his sister's veins; it could be very inopportune as it was at the moment.
He could have used Maddie's help in running Reid Oliver out of town.
As it was, he had to plan his attack on his own. The battleground would be the hospital, and he would launch his assault on two fronts: He would try to get Reid fired, and he would try to make Reid want to leave. Either result would make Henry perfectly giddy.
***
It had been five days since Reid saw Luke at the hospital and the hotel. It was nearly blissful but for the lack of brain tissue. That dearth was about to be remedied, however, as he started his job at Memorial this day. He had been looking forward to work all week--the opportunity to find problems and cure illnesses with the cut of a knife, the thrill of the operating room, and the comfortable rhythm of a routine he found stimulating. Just the prospect of yelling at a few new imbecilic nurses was enough to brighten his spirits. He could almost forget the haunting Mr. Snyder in his anticipation.
It took Reid less than three minutes at Memorial to realize things were not going to go as well as planned. After taking a quick look around his office, throwing his keys on the wood desk, and heading out toward the nurses' station, the idiotic Henry Coleman smacked into him just outside his door.
"Do you have eyes, Mr. Coleman?" Reid inquired irritably. A sighting of Luke's new bankroll was not how he wanted to start his day.
"Ouch!" Henry yelped, rubbing his shoulder where it had hit Reid's arm. "Sorry," he mumbled.
"It's fine," Reid said crossly and started to walk away. Henry's bright orange shirt was too blinding to stand near.
"Hey," Henry asked, "Is this your office?"
Debating whether he should just keep moving, Reid decided against his better judgment to answer, "Yes. See that sign on the door with my name? There's a reason for that."
"Of course, sorry, I didn't see that," he said, and paused just long enough for Reid to think he could start walking again. Hesitantly, Henry added, "I'm just surprised, that's all."
Rolling his eyes, Reid replied, "Surprised by what? Your ability to stand upright? I know it surprises me."
Henry glowered at him, although it was difficult to see it over the glare coming from the neon shirt. Wagging his finger in Reid's face, Henry advised, "Be nice, Dr. Oliver. I did fund the wing you're planning to run. I don't think Bob would like you insulting me."
"Oh, I'm sure you don't know when you're being insulted," Reid said with a straight face.
Confused, Henry replied, "Errr, whatever. Anyway, as I was saying, I was surprised they gave you this office."
Reid heaved a sigh and tugged at his collar. "And why's that, exactly?"
Henry responded in a gossipy tone, "Well, and I don't buy into this at all mind you, but a woman died in there and it's supposed to be haunted."
"You're joking." Reid really wasn't interested in hearing whatever garbage Henry was about to spew. He got the distinct impression Henry was trying to scare him intentionally, which was ridiculous. Reid was about the last person who would buy into the idea of dead women lurking in hospital offices.
Henry seemed to miss Reid's disinterest. "No, I'm not! Blonde girl, young, really sweet. She was stabbed by her lover about a year ago in there." He lowered his head and said quietly, "I wouldn't ask Bob about it, though. She was like a daughter to him, and I'm sure it would be upsetting."
"I can't believe you're wasting my time with this." He couldn't fathom why he was still standing there, for that matter.
Henry shrugged. "Well, like I said, I don't believe it either. I mean the cold air, the sounds coming from the room; I'm sure there's a logical explanation for all that."
Reid rolled his eyes. "I'll wear a sweater."
"Maybe you should ask for a new office just in case," Henry advised.
"Yeah, I'll just go tell Bob right now that I don't want to share my office with ghosts and goblins," Reid said derisively.
"Well, if you're not scared, I'm sure it's nothing anyway."
Reid looked at Henry and realized that Henry wanted to make him nervous. With a haunted office? How stupid is he? "Mr. Coleman, you can't scare me. Now, if that's all, I'd like to go do something productive with my day. Or do I need to explain to you what that is?"
"Fine, fine. I won't hold you up anymore. See you around, doc." Henry smiled brightly, as if he hadn't called Reid all sorts of names the last time he'd seen him. He was a really pathetic liar.
"I seriously hope not," he replied with sickly cheer. That was three minutes of his life he'd never get back. A child of three could have seen through Henry's game.
Reid checked in at the nurses' station, grabbed a stack of files, and then headed over to Bob's office to see if Bob had anything he needed Reid to do. He knocked on the older man's door and found him sitting behind his desk staring at a card in his hands. Bob looked up and frowned in obvious displeasure.
"Dr. Oliver," Bob said without any warmth, "Would you like to explain the meaning of this?"
Taken off guard, Reid asked, "Meaning of what? I don't know what you're talking about."
"Of this," Bob replied, handing Reid a photograph--a well photo-edited picture--of himself. Naked. Laying on his side. Naked. The only other thing in the picture was a red rose not-quite-successfully covering his (or whoever's) privates.
As Reid stared in shock, Bob barked, "It came with a card that said, 'Dreaming of you.' My wife received it this morning along with a dozen red roses."
Reid was torn between laughing and screaming in horror. "Bob, I don't know who sent those, but it wasn't me."
Bob scoffed, "This isn't you? Do you have a twin by chance?"
"No. It is me. Well, the face is anyway. But that's someone else's body."
Bob deflated a little, seemingly relieved. "Really? You can't tell from the photo."
Reid really didn't want to think about Bob staring so hard at that photograph to know it didn't look edited. "Yeah, I have a birthmark on my hip and this guy doesn't," Reid said, glancing at the well-endowed guy in the picture. At least whoever sent this thought well of my physique.
Bob started to chuckle. "Thank god. Kim was appalled, as you can imagine. This isn't the sort of thing she's used to."
"Oh, you don't send her pictures of yourself in your birthday suit for Valentine's Day?" Fantastic, I've just given myself an even worse image to think about than Bob staring at my picture. He sat down in the chair opposite Bob and tried to stare at Bob's desk.
Bob started to grin, but stopped himself. "Dr. Oliver, let's try to be professional. Do you know who might have sent this?"
That was easy. "Luke Snyder comes to mind," Reid replied.
Bob frowned. "I've known Luke Snyder for years; this is not the sort of thing he would do."
Not liking the scolded feeling he was experiencing, Reid said with spite, "Fine, then his special little friend, Henry Coleman."
Bob seemed to think about it for a moment and leaned back in his chair. "Well, that's a possibility."
"Dr. Stivers in Boston is no friend of mine either. This doesn't exactly seem his style, but then again, he's always been able to prevent me from getting a directorship until now."
"Just so long as it's not you," Bob said meaningfully.
"Wanna see the birthmark?" Reid asked.
"Mmm, I'll pass today. Dr. Oliver, Mr. Coleman is a major donor to the hospital as you already know. Let me handle him."
"What?! That's supposedly a picture of me." Henry was not going to get away with this.
Bob nodded. "And it was sent to my wife. We don't have any proof it was Henry, so let me talk to him."
"Fine," Reid groused, not wanting to start his job with an argument with his boss.
After leaving Bob's office in a bad mood, the rest of the morning went smoothly and Reid's spirits improved. He grabbed a sandwich in the cafeteria to go back to his office to start some paperwork during lunch. As he walked down the hall, he noticed a couple of nurses run past his office looking nervously at it. He thought that was a bit strange since usually that was the reaction when he was actually in it, but he didn't dwell too long on the occurrence.
The first thing he noticed when he entered his office were his keys. They were off his key ring and stacked up neatly on top of each other on the corner of his desk. That was weird on its own, but they were stacked next to a black-and-white photo of some blonde woman smiling into the camera. Her face was smudged so that he couldn't see her features. Great, Henry Coleman really is crazy. I wonder if I should be more concerned?
If Henry Coleman, and he was sure it was Henry Coleman or his greedy partner in crime Luke Snyder, thought that moving some keys and leaving an eerie picture were going to freak Reid out, then the man really was a moron. It was a nuisance, but one that he'd ignore so long as it didn't go any further. They'd had their little fun, and now he could get back to work.
Reid, however, should have known that the day's events were more than a first day on the job practical joke. He also should have realized Bob couldn't scare off a flea. On the second day, Reid was sitting in his chair at lunch when the room started to become extremely cold. Then he heard some female voice moaning--which was clearing coming from a vent. Reid shut the vent. At least no photos were sent to Kim that day.
Day three required some action as it became clear that Henry (or Luke) was not giving up. This time, he found his books moved and rearranged by height. As Reid had had his books organized alphabetically by author, this prank really pissed him off. The cold air started to flow in just as Bob walked in the door holding a pair of red men's briefs and a picture of a near-naked Reid in the briefs holding a sign saying "You. Me. Bed." Bob just stood there, waiting.
"Not mine," Reid said.
Bob warned, "Okay, Dr. Oliver. You can try dealing with Henry this time. I give up, and it's not funny. Kim wasn't acting herself this morning after this was delivered."
Reid silently snorted. I bet she wasn't. "Will do, Dr. Hughes. Gladly," he replied. In fact, Reid was relishing the prospect of lighting into Mr. Coleman.
He managed to find a nurse who seemed to know who Henry Coleman was. "Oh, I used to love him when he was Geneva Swift on Oakdale Now! I was so sad when his ex-wife ripped off his wig, and we found out it was Henry," she declared.
Ex-wife? How on earth had a woman been so deluded to think that man was straight? "Do I look like I want to watch some gossipy morning show with a bad cross-dresser as host?" He couldn't imagine that Henry would ever make a convincing woman.
The nurse clasped her hands together and smiled dreamily. "Geneva was wonderful. She used to say the most insightful things and stood for morality and decency in this modern world," she said loyally.
"Give me a break," he gritted out. If this nurse couldn't see how ridiculous that statement was, he wasn't going to waste time explaining it. "Where do I find him?"
She gave him directions to Al's Diner and to Metro--apparently Henry was on his way to becoming the town real estate mogul with his funding of the neuro-wing included. Unfortunately, Henry wasn't at either place.
He called Nathan to help the next day, but should have known better. "What do you want me to do?" his friend asked indignantly. "Stand guard outside your office all day so that your window doesn't start rattling? I've got plans to visit Chicago, anyway." Reid hadn't told him about the pictures being sent to Kim; he knew that somehow Nathan would get his hands on them. So, he gave up and decided to see what happened the next day.
That was a mistake. Day four was one of the worst days since childhood Reid ever remembered having. It ranked far short of the evening Damian Grimaldi spent enlightening him on the Maltese man's son, but was well above the 8th grade party in which he had to kiss Missy Kline (who had braces and bad breath on top of being a girl) during a game of Spin-the-Bottle that Nathan had dragged him into.
The morning went calmly enough, and Reid returned to his office for lunch optimistic that Henry might be giving up. He sat down in his chair and started munching on his hoagie. He pulled out a pen from his desk to make some notes on a chart with his right hand when he first heard a drip. He looked around and didn't see anything, so he went back to looking at the chart.
He felt a drop this time, on top of his head. It was cool and oddly light. He looked up and in a flash realized that was the worst thing he could do. Green slime poured onto his head from the vent above. His entire face, shoulders, and hands--pretty much everything from his knees up--were covered in pale green goo.
"Arghhhh. Damn you, Henry Coleman! Damn you, Luke Snyder!"
Not that anyone would have understood that. It came out as "Blarb. Drub ya, Hory Oldma! Drab ya, Loo Nida!" Slime was covering his entire mouth. He could barely breathe.
Reid marched down the hall to the restroom. He ignored the frightened screams of a couple nurses and barged into the bathroom. He dunked his entire head under a shower head. The slime was sticky and didn't come off easily. When he looked in the mirror, he could see bits of it still in his hair, but without a thorough washing at home, it was as good as he could do. His face, however, had been dyed pale green. He looked like the red-headed brother of the Jolly Green Giant. Someone is going to pay for this.
Pointedly glaring straight ahead and not acknowledging the stares from the nurses and doctors, he walked back to his office. The sudden roar of gossipy voices that assaulted him when he shut his door made him want to kill something. Or someone.
He went to his bottom desk drawer and discovered that the fresh scrubs he was planning to put on were missing. "I'm going to find him and kill him," Reid muttered. Whether he meant Henry or Luke, he didn't know. Killing them both might be the better idea. He started thinking of medieval torture devices he might like to use beforehand.
He did his best to wipe the green slime off his shirt, eschewed his coat, and headed out the door. Unfortunately, Bob was standing outside, one hand in a fist about to knock, the other clutching a photograph. Reid didn't say a word, but grabbed the picture from Bob's hand. This time, "Reid" was straddling a log in the woods, a freaking squirrel covering his privates, and he was holding a sign that said, "Bob Can Watch."
Reid was so angry he couldn't even say anything. He crumpled the photograph, shoved it in his wet pocket, and immediately strode out to the parking lot. For once, he was glad he was still driving his rental car because at least that heap couldn't be ruined by a bit of goo. Still, that was pathetic solace. As he stared at his green hands on the steering wheel, he squeezed, pretending it was Henry's throat.
It was a really quick drive to Al's Diner since Reid broke every traffic law known to man. "Why does a guy named Henry own a diner named Al's anyway?" he thought irritably as he stomped through the doors. Henry was nowhere in sight. There were a few customers eating at booths, but no sign of even a waiter. When a few patrons stared at him, he sneered, "What? Like you haven't seen a green man in this toxic dump of a town before."
Reid looked toward the kitchen and without hesitation headed in that direction. He burst through the doors and found Henry sitting at a table filling several large bottles with what was obviously fake blood. Incapable of words, he let out a feral growl at the sight. Henry looked up startled and tried to move the bottles quickly to the floor.
Henry wasn't fast enough. Reid reached over and grabbed an open bottle before Henry could snatch it away.
"Did you really think I would believe my office was haunted, you imbecile?" Reid yelled. He could still feel green slime running down his back and moving toward his underwear.
"What are you talking about?" Henry asked. "Why are you covered in that green mess? You look like Swamp Thing."
Reid felt like throwing the bottle at Henry's head. "Don't even pretend you don't know what I'm talking about. If you're not behind this, then your little boyfriend is."
"I'm pretty sure having you in here is a health code violation," Henry commented.
Henry's disinterested attitude made Reid even angrier. "Fine, you don't want to talk? I'd like a chance to talk to Mr. Snyder, anyway." Killing Luke was something he'd fantasized about for two years. Going to jail would be so worth it.
Suddenly, Henry's demeanor changed. His eyes became alert and he frowned worriedly. "You stay away from him. He doesn't know anything about this. This was all me." He stood up and faced Reid.
Reid let out a huff. "Okay, then talk. Did you really think I'd believe my office was haunted?"
"It was worth a shot," Henry replied, returning to his former nonchalance.
Reid couldn't believe Henry was being flippant. "What the hell are you hoping to accomplish?" He and Henry slowly circled the small table while facing each other.
"You leaving," Henry said slowly as if Reid were the one who was mentally impaired.
"Are you really that insecure in your relationship with Mr. Snyder that you'd resort to this?" Seriously, what jealous boyfriend had ever resorted to slime outside of a teen movie? This was beyond preposterous.
Henry snorted and stopped moving. "Who's the imbecile now?"
"What the hell does that mean?" Reid asked heatedly, likewise stopping.
Henry's gaze narrowed, and he said quietly, "Nothing of importance to you. Now, why don't you get going?"
It was Reid who snorted now. "You think I'm leaving you with fake blood? Just what do you have planned?"
Henry made a mockery of looking innocent. "This isn't fake blood. I'm making a red velvet cake."
"And that requires putting red syrup in a bunch of gallon-size bottles?" How dumb was this guy? Maybe Henry failed out of Clown College, receiving an F in something like confetti-tossing.
"It's an old recipe! You know how they were back in the day--nothing easy, nothing simple," Henry said shiftily. He stepped to his side so that the table was no longer between them.
Reid sliced his hand vertically through the air. "You're not going to mess with me again. I will call the cops." He pulled the now soggy picture of himself out of his pocket and tossed it at Henry's chest. "And if Kim Hughes gets one more picture of me, so help me god, I am going to use you for a dissection experiment."
"You probably would, you psycho!" Henry made a grab for the red-filled bottle in Reid's hand, and they started to struggle over it.
"Give that back to me, Hank!"
"Over my dead body, Dr. Doom!" Henry yelled.
"If that's what it takes!" Reid boomed menacingly.
A calm male voice intruded, "Henry, do you need help in here?"
Henry was so startled that he let go of the bottle they were fighting over. Reid's hand slipped due to the sudden change, and the bottle went flying in the air, somehow showering Reid and Henry with fake blood before shattering on the table and splattering everyone with the red liquid.
Reid turned around to see a tall, probably handsome but it was hard to tell with the blood on his face, man standing in front of him.
All three of them looked like losers in a chainsaw fight.
"Uhhh, Jack, how nice to see you," Henry said nervously. "Can I get you a towel?"
Jack wiped some fake blood from his eyes. "Henry, what the hell is going on?" His voice was not nearly so pleasant as it was when he entered the room.
"He did it!" Henry screeched, pointing at Reid.
"Me? Just what did I do?" Reid asked furiously.
"Jack, this is that doctor Luke was involved with two years ago," Henry said as if he were a tattling four-year-old.
"Oh, really," Jack said, his outrage turning into a simmer aimed at Reid.
This can't be good, Reid thought. Aloud, he said, "Look, I don't know what sort of lies Mr. Snyder has been spreading recently, but I can tell you that the fake blood is Henry's. He's been trying to haunt me out of my office at Memorial." He realized he'd made a mistake when Jack's eyes narrowed at the word "lies."
Henry pronounced, "I admit to nothing. This man is clearly a lunatic."
Fed up, Reid said, "The only thing crazy about me is that I didn't shoot you when I first walked in here."
Henry pounced. "Is that a threat? You heard him, Jack, he threatened me. And he threatened me when you came in here."
Jack leaned over and picked up what Reid realized was the photograph that had somehow gotten lobbed near the policeman's feet. "Care to explain this?" Jack asked.
"That isn't me," Reid replied.
Jack raised his eyebrow.
"Well, it is me, but--"
"He's been sending those to Kim Hughes!" Henry interrupted.
Reid made a lunge for Henry who dived to the other side of the table. "You sent those! I had nothing to do with it," Reid shouted.
Jack finally sighed. "Why don't we straighten this out at the station? I think both you boys could use a time out."
Reid was equally astounded and livid. "What? You're a cop, and you're arresting me? Listen gum-shoe, I've got more important things to do than sit in a cell. I have patients waiting!"
Jack scoffed, "So you decided to come down here and get in some sort of blood-fight with Henry? I've seen a lot of things as a cop, but this is weird." He paused to look at Reid's shirt, "And why do you also seem to be covered in some sort of green goo? You look like Christmas gone terribly wrong."
Reid bit his lip in frustration. "The 'goo' is brought to you by this idiot. I was trying to put a stop to this menace when you came in here!"
Jack motioned for him to stop with his hand. "Just be quiet. Henry, head for my car out front. You know which one it is. You," he said pointing at Reid, "follow me." As they trudged through the diner, Jack announced, "And no one is sitting on my seats without a few copies of The Intruder underneath them."
"Best use for that rag I ever heard," Henry sniped. "The diner is closed, folks!" he declared to the few remaining customers as he turned over the sign to "closed" on the front door.
***
"No-body knows the trouble I've seen. No-BODY knows my sorrow," Henry sang woefully from their jail cell.
"Shut up. For the love of all that's holy, couldn't they have put me in a cell with someone other than you?" Reid was sitting slouched against the wall looking balefully at Henry's back. They'd spent the past two hours getting booked, fingerprinted, and then thrown together in this cell with only one cot to sit on. The charge had been "disorderly conduct." It was too ridiculous to dignify with a comment, although Reid had definitely "dignified" it to that idiot cop a few times over.
"Oh, quit your complaining. There's a lot worse around here that you could have been stuck with. You, for instance," Henry retorted.
Reid closed his eyes and counted to three. "One more word and I swear my rap sheet is going to include murder."
"Big words from a man who looks like Dr. Frankenstein's gooey monster. You smell like the swamp, too."
Reid glared. "Just stop singing."
Henry paused for a moment. Then he belted, "Seventy-six trombones led the big parade, with a hundred and ten cornets close at hand. La-la-la-la…"
Reid stuck his fingers in his ears and tried to kick at Henry without leaving his place against the wall. Depressingly, he missed.
At that precise moment, Luke, notably clean-looking and handsome as ever, came around the corner. An officer followed closely behind him.
"Thank god!" both inmates declared. Luke seemed a little surprised by Reid's reaction, but seriously, if Luke's presence meant Henry would shut up or leave, Reid would jump for joy.
"Okay, guys, I talked to Jack and I think he's going to let you go," Luke announced.
"You're an angel, Luke!" Henry proclaimed.
As the officer opened the cell door, Luke warned, "Uh-huh, Henry, you may not be saying that when we get you back home. I thought I was clear about no schemes involving Reid."
"The psycho doc deserved it," Henry grumbled. Reid rolled his eyes in response.
Luke looked at Henry for a moment, and some unspoken communication seemed to pass between them. "Thanks Henry. I know you meant well, but let's just leave Reid alone from now on." Reid was taken aback by the apparent moment of tenderness between Luke and Henry. He hadn't expected for them to have any real connection, but evidently he was wrong.
The blonde turned to Reid, "I'm sorry for Henry. If he gives you any more trouble, just let me know."
"If I see him again, I'm calling animal control to come get him."
"Well, he isn't going to harass you anymore, right Henry?" Luke asked with venom.
Henry protested, "Oh, come on, Luke! I hadn't even gotten to my best stuff yet. Tomorrow I was going to have blood blast out of his desk drawer when he opened it. In two days, I was going to lower Bubbles from a pulley outside his window."
"Henry," Luke said in warning.
Henry huffed. "Fine. No blood, no Katie screaming from the window dressed like a ghost." Reid was surprised by the fact that Luke seemed to be calling the shots here.
"No more gifts to Kim, either," Reid interjected.
Henry laughed. "Oh, I think she liked those." Luke nudged him with his elbow. "Fine, spoil sports."
"Okay, let's get you home and cleaned up. Reid, are you coming?"
Reid was still in his position on the floor. "What? You're bailing me out, too?"
"No, all the charges have been dropped. I spoke to Jack."
Reid stood up, a little shaken by the unexpected generosity. "You know this doesn't make up for anything. Nathan would have bailed me out eventually." Whenever he gets back from Chicago.
"Oh, I would have been happy to let you rot in here. But, it was either drop them against both of you or nothing. I need Henry."
"I bet you do. I imagine you can't go too long without a deposit into your bank accounts," Reid said snidely.
Something sparked behind Luke's brown eyes. The blonde said in a low voice, "I have no idea where you get off talking to me about money, you absolute ass. And honestly, those insults would be a lot more effective if you didn't look like an asparagus dipped in ketchup."
"You can play innocent as much as you want in front of your boyfriend, but we both know the truth," Reid replied, unimpressed.
Luke's mouth fell slightly open. "Reid, I've done nothing to you."
Reid snorted, not taken in by Luke's show of innocent outrage. "Can I get the brand name of those inflammable pants?"
"You know what? You're not worth it. I'm not going to spend one more second of time thinking about you," Luke said. He turned to Henry and said, "Let's go."
Ridiculously, Reid was almost disappointed that Luke had given up the argument. He shook his head at himself, figuring he'd been spoiling for a fight all afternoon. Certainly, there was nothing special about it being Luke. Every time he had moved for the past hour, the dried slime crunched and pulled at his skin, reminding him of the fact that he was freaking green. He wanted to yell at someone each time he felt the sensation. That was probably all there was to it.
Jack walked into the hall and beckoned, "Come on, Mr. Grinch. Time to get you back to your cave in Who-ville."
Reid closed his eyes for a moment and grumbled, "In Oakhell. I live in freaking Oakhell."
A/N Okay, I think I got the silliness out of my system, and we will return to normal in the next chapter.