RPS: Mean Boys: Long Live the Queen
Mean Boys: Long Live the Queen
being a High School on Crack AU
Fandom: CWRPS
Rating: Adult
Pairings: Jensen/Chris, Jensen/football players, Jensen/Jared
Warnings: Christ, I don't even know what to say about this fic. It's on crack. I don't think *I* get it, and I wrote it. If you make it all the way through the fic, I will give a prize, because seriously, it's crazy.
Summary: Boys who are girls who like boys who like boys who are girls.
The Premise:
So I'm writing a fic for a secret santa exchange, and babyofthegroup is all, "We need to discuss your love affair with the word 'like.'" Because apparently, I, like, use it too much and stuff. And I'm all, "I know, I make everyone sound like a valley girl. Oh hey, wouldn't THAT be a funny AU? The CW boys as valley girls, or plastics ala Mean Girls?" And he was all, "NO, do not write it, that is INSANITY!" but then I wrote it anyway. So really, this is all babyofthegroup's fault, and a hefty part of the blame can be attributed to wendy, madame_d, and notthequiettype, who actually encouraged this craziness. I, of course, am completely innocent in the matter. And now, on to the fic.
Normally, Jensen really likes painting the banners for things. It's relaxing or something, all the back and forth brush strokes, just filling in the outlines so he doesn't even have to think about what he's doing. He can just let his mind wander, which usually involves day dreaming about Chris, wondering if Chris will ever notice him, hoping that maybe today's the day Chris will offer him a ride home. Chris has a motorcycle. It's red and pretty and it has black flames that Jensen thinks are totally killer. So the painting is good and relaxing, and if he breathes in really deep, sometimes he can get a little buzz off the smell, which Jared claims is impossible because, "Lord, Jenny, it's not like markers or glue or something. It's PAINT. For kids! That the school provided, and if you want to get high, let's just find that loser kid that's always trying to scam on Tommy and buy some pot."
Whatever. Jensen tries not to listen to Jared very much, or at all, really, because he can be kind of mean sometimes. It's probably from hanging out with Chad so much. Jensen swears, ever since Chad got voted head cheerleader, he's turned into, like, the biggest bitch ever. A mega-bitch. He's all, like, looking down on everyone else like someone crowned him homecoming queen already or something, like he rules the school, which he so does not. Except that everyone's sort of afraid of him, so he kind of actually does. Jensen often fears a Heathers moment when Chad's around. He sort of hopes that one of Chad's minions will accidentally feed him liquid drano. Then maybe Jensen could be queen.
Queen, ugh. Really, Jensen doesn't even want to think about homecoming, but it's kind of the reason they're all trapped in the gym after school when they should be at the mall, like, trying to find the perfect dress and maybe checking out the sale at the Gap. Who decided that it should be a rule that the homecoming court had to also be, like, the homecoming committee? Because it's totally not fair to vote someone on the court and then make them plan the whole dance thing. It's more like a punishment, really, and that sort of ruins the whole coolness factor of being nominated for Queen, when you have to plan stuff and try to argue Chad out of having an 80s theme. He's really adamant about the whole 80s thing though, and of course Jared is just going along with it like he always does, even though Jensen has written him at least five notes on the subject, pointing out that 80s fashions suck and Chad only wants it so he can get away with wearing a bra on the outside of his clothes at a school function.
Jensen figures he'll get his revenge when he convinces Jared to wear socks with his high heels.
But yeah, so. Normally, the whole painting banners thing is pretty cool, except for today, when Chad is standing over Jensen with his hands on his hips, sneering at Jensen's work and pointing out all the places Jensen has missed.
"Why don't you try doing some work instead of just standing there?" Jensen mumbles, glaring down at the giant 'C' he's been painting pink. He mumbles it really quietly, though, because Chad is especially scary today, and if Jensen pisses him off too much, Chad will make sure that Jensen's banned from the lunch table, which would really suck. Not that any of them actually eat at lunchtime, but it's face time for sure, and he'd have to go sit with, like, the losers or the geeks or something, which would be murder on his street cred and totally kill his reputation, and then Chris would never notice him and possibly, the world would end.
Yeah, okay, so maybe Chad does rule the school. It really. It sucks, he thinks as he pours glitter in a careful line around the edge of the 'C'. It's maybe time for a new Queen. The bitch needs to be dethroned, for sure.
*
Being a cheerleader totally rocks. Jensen loves pretty much everything about being on Spirit Squad-half time shows, getting the crowd pumped, blowing the football players beneath the stands-but most of all, he loves the uniform. He loves game days when he gets to wear his uniform to school, and he loves the half-pissed off, half-lustful glares that Principal Morgan gives him if Jensen happens to bend over the water fountain as he's passing by. Technically, the skirts are way shorter than the dress code allows, but since they're uniforms or whatever, they totally get away with it and there's nothing Morgan can do. Not that he would, because the entire squad knows that secretly, Morgan wants to fuck them all. He's sort of a pervert, but then again, he is a high school principal.
It's a game day. Not homecoming, because that's not until next week, which-thank god, because Jensen hasn't even started trying to decide which dress of the three he bought that he's actually going to wear-but just a normal game, that they'll probably lose because, let's face it, their team sucks. Still, game days are always exciting, and Jensen gets to wear his uniform.
He checks himself in the mirror before he heads downstairs to not eat breakfast. Their uniforms are awesome, actually, which is a relief after being on the Junior Varsity squad his freshman and sophomore years and having to wear the ugly lime green sweater things circa 1987 that they force JV to wear. These are much nicer ones, bought with car wash money the year before, all green (normal green, despite school colors, because looking pretty is much more important than actual school spirit) and white with silver piping and CWHS stitched across the chest in white and silver. He even has matching panty things to go underneath-briefs, Chad insists on calling them-that are super cute.
The mirror doesn't lie. Jensen looks hot. His legs look fabulous. And he thinks maybe he's growing, because his skirt looks even shorter than normal. Principal Morgan is going to have a heart attack. Jensen giggles to himself, blows a kiss at his reflection, because seriously, he IS hot and it's always good to acknowledge that to yourself for, like, self-esteem and stuff, and heads downstairs.
Each cheerleader has a football player assigned to them. Technically, they're supposed to, like, bake the football players brownies and make spirit packages and decorate their lockers and shit, but they all know what it's really about. Jensen's just glad his football player is hot, and not one of the fat guys they use to knock the other players down. No, he's, like, a catcher or something, whatever that's called, and he's totally adorable. Jensen doesn't mind blowing him at all. Sometimes they even do it just for fun.
"Hey baby," Jensen's mom says as he hurries into the kitchen, sneakers squeaking on the linoleum floor.
"Hey mama. Are the cookies ready? You made peanut butter, right? You know David likes the peanut butter ones."
"They're on the counter, don't worry." She looks at him, frowns. "I think you're growing again, Jenny. That skirt is getting ridiculous."
Jensen shrugs. "You know I can't help it, mama. And I can't get a new uniform, either. Chad's being a total bitch about it. He doesn't care if the entire world sees my panties." Jensen pretends to pout at this while he examines the cookies then starts putting them in the spirit box he made last night. They get some glitter on them because Jensen maybe went a little overboard with the silver, but really, more glitter is always better, he thinks. It's not toxic. Probably.
"Sit down and have some breakfast before school," his mom says, shoving a plate of eggs at him. Jensen wrinkles his nose and shakes his head.
"Sorry mama, no time. I have to be at school early to decorate David's locker. I'll just grab a power bar there." Please, Jensen thinks, like he's actually going to eat breakfast. That's just ridiculous.
*
Chad's a total hor at lunch, like he's decided it's his personal mission to make everyone else as completely miserable as possible, just for the fun of it. Jensen really hates him.
Jensen knows it's going to be a bad lunch the second he sits down, because Chad starts in immediately. Tommy and Mike are there, but since they're not on the Spirit Squad, Chad hardly ever pays any attention to them. Mike is too cool to notice or care-he's maybe the one person in school not terrified of Chad's wrath-but Tommy is earnestly pathetic about it. He'll ramble on about how important it is just to be a supporter for a seriously long time if you let him. He's the kind of guy who always wears green on game days and paints his face up like a tiger for the actual event, although Jensen's not really sure that Tommy does it to show support so much as he really likes looking like a tiger. A green one. He's sort of a weird guy. And maybe mildly retarded, too, but no one says anything about it, not even Chad, because there's, like, a line, and making fun of retarded people is sort of it.
"Hey Jenny," Chad says, smirking at Jensen. Jensen sets his lunch tray on the table and slides into his chair, avoiding looking at Chad because this is a game day, it's supposed to be a good day, and the last thing he needs is Chad on his case.
"Hey," Jensen says, pokes at his Jell-O. He maybe will eat it. Jell-O has practically no calories, plus it's the red kind that he really likes.
"Did you, like, grow overnight or something?" Chad asks, but it's not really a question. It's a set up, so that Chad can say something really nasty. Jensen really hates him. "Because you look bigger. Better be careful, Jen. You won't be able to fit into your uniform soon."
"Come on, Chad," Jared says, sliding into the seat next to Jensen. "Lighten up, man! It's game day. Don't you know we're supposed to be peppy?"
"Fuck you, Padalecki," Chad says, but he's smiling. Mike rolls his eyes and Jensen has to concentrate really hard on not laughing, because seriously, Chad and Jared are, like, totally so in love it's disgusting. It would almost be cute if it didn't involve Chad, who is still a hor no matter how much he likes Jared.
Jensen sort of hates Jared sometimes. He's like, this annoying kiss ass sophomore, but he's all tall and thin and model-looking, which just isn't fair, because Jensen is way prettier. But Jared can just smile at someone and have them charmed, plus he wears these stupid little clips in his hair that drive Jensen insane, they're so ridiculously cute. They're green and sparkly today, and maybe shaped like little tigers. Jensen wouldn't be surprised if Jared had them specially made for game days. He's such a kiss ass.
Still, it's impossible to really hate Jared, especially when he's squeezing Jensen's bare knee under the table, all comforting and stuff. Jensen's still going to get Jared to wear something totally ugly to homecoming, though. That's the price he has to pay for actually, genuinely liking Chad the Hormonster.
*
They lose the game, but there's a party on the beach afterward, and Chris shows up. Chris graduated last year and Chad says he's a loser for still hanging out with high schoolers, but Jensen thinks he's maybe the hottest, coolest guy Jensen's ever met. He's just. It's unexplainable, that level of cool. Once, he even smiled at Jensen, or at least Jensen thinks Chris was smiling at him, but he could've been smiling at the old lady standing behind him, but still. Once he maybe smiled at Jensen, and Jensen kind of thinks that's a start. Plus, after all the blowjob practicing he's done with David, Jensen knows he's pretty good, and if he could only get up the courage to get Chris somewhere private, that would be. Awesome. Totally, and completely.
So Chris shows up, and Jensen tries to play it cool, except that Jared bought pot off one of the skater kids who never actually go to class and so instead of cool, Jensen is high, which really is just fine. It's easier this way.
So Jensen is high, and Chris maybe smiled at him that one time, which is how Jensen ends up puking all over Chris's shoes. Okay, so, that's not really the whole story, because first, Jensen drags Chris off down the beach (and man, Chris is kind of short, which Jensen never realized before because Chris was always on his motorcycle looking styling, but that's okay, short guys are cool), shoves him into a dune, and kisses him.
The kiss is pretty good for about ten seconds. And then, the inevitable happens. See, because like, for normal people? Pot actually helps with nausea. But Jensen is some sort of nauseas freak or something, because pot makes him puke. Or maybe pot plus whatever Chad slipped into Jensen's beer makes him puke, but in any case, there is puking involved, which is never good.
Luckily, Jensen gave up food for Lent two years ago, so there aren't any embarrassing chunks or whatever.
Chris is super nice about it, too. He even offers to drive Jensen home, on the back of his bike and everything, but Jared, that oblivious bitch, is all logical with his, "I don't think Jenny could stay on the back, man," so he gets driven home by Jared instead.
Still, it's a good night. He kissed Chris, sort of. And Jared's being really sweet, and helping him into bed and everything, and he only cops a feel a couple times, because Jared's like, a gentleman or whatever. Or maybe a lady. He's polite though, and he kisses Jensen on the cheek and tells him not to suffocate on his own vomit in the night. Jared's a good friend. Jensen maybe won't convince him about the lacy socks and high heels combo, after all.
*
Homecoming is fast approaching, and it's time to make some decisions. Jensen's on the court, he's up for Queen and everything even though Chad's totally going to win because he's been paying the whole school off since practically freshman year just waiting for this, but still, Jensen needs to look good. Preferably hot, but classy. Chad can get away with looking like a total ho because he's Chad, but Jensen's trying to impress older guys, namely Chris, so he can't go around looking like some jail bait teenaged slut. He needs to look more like a grown-up, college aged slut who will definitely put out, but not be stupid enough to have VD. It's a very important distinction.
The 80s theme isn't helping. "Come on, Jared. This is serious, stop fucking around." Jensen holds up two dresses on hangers, while the third one dangles from its hanger around his neck. "Okay, this one," he shakes the right-hand dress, "would be awesome, except that it is in no way related to the 80s. This one," he shakes the left-hand dress, "is purple, so, yeah. I don't know what I was thinking."
"I like purple," Jared says blandly, kicking his legs up and down. He's lying on his stomach on Jensen's bed, chin propped in the palms of his hands, and he looks ridiculously cute. His clips are red today. It's not fair how cute he is. Jensen glares.
"You can't like purple, it's hideous. Moving on. This dress is awesome, and lacey, and has a poofy skirt, which makes it perfect for the 80s. But it's just sort of, you know, blah. It's black. It borders on boring."
"We could go at it with my bedazzler," Jared says.
"Dude, who actually owns a bedazzler?"
"I do, and it's awesome, so shut up. Do you want rhinestones or not? They'd look totally fab if we scattered them around the skirt."
"I'd be very sparkly."
"That's the point. And we could make, like, a totally adorable headband to match."
"Jared! I, like, totally love you right now!"
"I know," says Jared. "It's because I'm awesome. And a fashion genius."
*
It takes them two and a half movies worth of bedazzling to sparkle up the skirt of Jensen's dress. They watch The Cutting Edge first, because Jared has this huge, freakish crush on D.B. Sweeney, which Jensen doesn't get at all because he's not even cute, but whatever.
"Dude, he's totally cute. Plus, he's a hockey player. Hockey players are hot."
"Just because you don't understand a game doesn't make it hot."
"Hockey has sticks, and sometimes they fight each other, and there's all the slamming each other into the walls and stuff."
"Okay, that is pretty hot," Jensen admits. "But it's not like that guy was really a hockey player in real life."
"Shut up. Don't ruin my fantasy, bitch. I don't point out all the flaws in Gone with the Wind just because I know you haven't read the book. Also, I don't make fun of you for being illiterate, which I think shows great restraint."
They watch Carrie next, because it's the only movie they haven't seen at Jensen's house, plus it's about homecoming, so that makes it extra cool. Ten seconds in, and the main chick is being pelted with tampons.
"This is the best movie ever!" Jensen says. "We should totally do that to what's her name, the fat chick with braces!"
"No, no! The other girl, um, Mary something. She's, like, a Mormon or something. That's way better than being fat."
"Sometimes," Jensen says, "I wish I could be fat. I mean, wouldn't that be, like, so much easier? I miss eating."
"But then you might get tampons thrown at you in the locker room."
"Yeah, that would suck. But I could take it. I'm, like, tough and stuff. Emotionally."
The end of the movie catches them both off guard.
"Whoa," says Jared. "She just. She went totally psycho!"
"I know! She just killed all those people! What a crazy bitch!"
"I mean, it's just blood. It's probably symbolic. For like, becoming a woman and stuff. She didn't have to go all O.J. on their asses."
"Oh my god, Jared. We should totally do that to Chad! How awesome would that be? I mean, not blood. Because Chad would probably go just as psycho, and his dress is gorgeous and cost like, five hundred dollars or something. Ruining it completely would be a total tragedy. But you know, like, glitter or something? It'd be totally 80s, too!"
*
Now that they have a plan about the whole homecoming thing, Jensen's in a fantastic mood the entire week, just waiting for Saturday and the dance and everything. He and Jared spend the whole week planning, and Jared even lets Jensen borrow some of his green clips for the game on Friday, which is super sweet. They're getting, like, totally close, and Jensen thinks it's adorable how much they're bonding over their mutual desire to see Chad get glittered. Because Jared's totally in love with Chad, but apparently, Chad is all in denial about it, so.
They actually win the game on Friday, which is pretty exciting, and Chris shows up to the after party again. This time, Jensen doesn't smoke up and he doesn't take any drinks from Chad, so when Chris pulls him behind a dune to make out, Jensen is totally and completely sober.
Jensen is totally and completely sober, which turns out to kind of suck, because Chris turns out to be not that great of a kisser, like, at all. He's all rubbery lips and sloppy tongue and he does this weird sucking thing that Jensen really, really doesn't like. To get rid of him, Jensen gives him a really fast blowjob and leaves him sprawled in the sand with his pants still open to recover.
So that part's pretty disappointing, another girlhood illusion shattered, but whatever, it's fine. The party is still raging and they won, and tomorrow is going to be the best dance ever. Chad might be elected Queen, but he's not going to be happy about it.
*
They spend the morning of the dance finishing up the banners and hanging shit up and sparklifying the gym for the night. Jensen and Jared leave at noon to get their hair and nails done, which gives them just enough time to go back to school before they have to change for the dance so they can get the glitter dump set up.
Jensen's dress turned out totally perfect and fab. He can't help it, he HAS to spin around in front of the mirror and watch the rhinestones glitter. Jared is a genius, Jensen decides, and he will never make fun of Jared's hair clips again.
David picks him up and they meet everyone over at Red Lobster for dinner. Jensen thinks shellfish is probably not the best idea, but whatever, it's not like he's going to eat anything anyway. He fills up on cosmos instead, and in between times, takes sips from the flask Jared sneaks in, attached to a garter around his thigh. Jared really is a genius, for serious.
Chad is in his element, ordering everyone around and demanding things and wanting everyone to pay attention to him at all times, like he's already Queen. He does look good though, Jensen has to admit, even if he is wearing those fucked up Madonna cone boobs. Still, he looks hot. He'll look even better covered in glitter, Jensen thinks with a smirk.
The dance is awesome. David and James refuse to dance, so Jensen and Jared end up dancing with each other, which is just fine with Jensen. Jared's actually a really good dancer for being so ridiculously tall, and Jensen finds himself thinking that Jared's sort of… cute. He has a nice body and pretty hair, and when he presses up against Jensen from behind, Jensen thinks he can maybe feel Jared's dick hard against his ass. It's kind of hard to tell through the layered lace of his skirt, but if Jensen knows anything, it's what a dick feels like.
The thing is, Jensen's never really thought of himself as gay. Like, he's never really considered it before. But now, he maybe wants to kiss Jared. Jared has a nice mouth, and Jensen bets he's a good kisser, too, and would never do that weird sucking thing that Chris tried. Jared's looking at Jensen, too, all flushed from dancing, like maybe he wants Jensen to kiss him. Which is weird, but sort of perfect, except that Jensen's not gay. Or well, he doesn't think so. Still, it would be pretty hot. Jensen can name at least twelve people off the top of his head who would pay a lot of money to see that.
"Ladies and gentleman! It's time to announce the results for the homecoming queen election!" Principal Morgan looks positively disgusted as he says this, tapping at his microphone and frowning to himself. Jensen thinks that Morgan was probably a total loser in high school. But now he's a pervert, so sympathy for the man isn't really an option, even though really, Jensen highly approves of perverts. After all, without perverts, who would make the rest of them look normal?
"Ahem," Morgan says. He's fingering the results envelope nervously. "Now, before I announce the results, I think we should take this opportunity to thank the entire homecoming court and committee for putting this dance together." A loud round of applause, during which Jared grins wide at Jensen, and Jensen still wants to kiss him. "And now for the results. I must say, this was an extremely close election, but by a margin of ten votes, Jensen Ackles is your new homecoming queen!"
Jensen just stands there for a full minute in total shock. He won. He won homecoming queen. He beat Chad, and he's the queen, and when he goes up on stage, he's going to get glitter dumped all over him and ruin his dress that he and Jared spent two and a half movies making sparkly. It's going to be really sparkly now. Fuck.
But Jared is whooping and grinning, and then he leans down and kisses Jensen on the mouth. And okay, so it's not a great kiss, but mostly because it's a really fast kiss, and Jared is probably just excited and not really meaning it as a kiss kiss, but still. Jared kissed him. And Jensen won. He's the queen, and Jared kissed him. Jensen takes a deep breath, smiles, and heads up to the stage. Getting glittered is totally worth it just to see the expression on Chad's face.
Chad looks like he wants to kill something. No, he looks like he wants to kill Jensen. Not even the pile of glitter falling onto Jensen's head and totally messing up his hair and ruining his dress makes Chad look less like he wants to kill things.
This? Is the best dance ever.
*
It gets better, because Jared spends the night at Jensen's house. They spend an hour trying to get the glitter out of Jensen's hair before giving up and admiring his tiara instead. Jared's wearing these adorable pajamas that are, like, little shorts and a tank top thing, but they have sushi all over. They're pink. Jensen sort of wants them, but mainly just wants Jared to take them off. He's probably a little gay, he thinks. Or at the very least, gay for Jared.
"I can't believe you won, Jenny," Jared says, smiling. He has a really pretty smile. They're lying on Jensen's bed on their backs while Jensen holds the tiara above them for optimum admiration. "I mean, Chad's been buying off votes for, like, ever!"
"I know! I didn't even campaign. It was totally worth the glitter, too. It was so much better this way."
"Long live the queen," Jared says with a laugh, and then they're kissing again, just like that. Jensen drops the tiara on the floor, but he doesn't even care because he was totally right about Jared being good. Jared is better than good, actually, he's a fabulous kisser, plus he's got these super gigantic hands that he cups Jensen's ass with and pulls him close. They're hard and panting into each other's mouths and Jared shoves his hand down the back of Jensen's sleep pants, and yeah, Jensen's pretty sure he's gay. And so he'll never get married and have a house in the suburbs and be a soccer mom, but he totally doesn't care, as long as Jared keeps kissing him, and eventually, blowjobs are involved.
being a High School on Crack AU
Fandom: CWRPS
Rating: Adult
Pairings: Jensen/Chris, Jensen/football players, Jensen/Jared
Warnings: Christ, I don't even know what to say about this fic. It's on crack. I don't think *I* get it, and I wrote it. If you make it all the way through the fic, I will give a prize, because seriously, it's crazy.
Summary: Boys who are girls who like boys who like boys who are girls.
The Premise:
So I'm writing a fic for a secret santa exchange, and babyofthegroup is all, "We need to discuss your love affair with the word 'like.'" Because apparently, I, like, use it too much and stuff. And I'm all, "I know, I make everyone sound like a valley girl. Oh hey, wouldn't THAT be a funny AU? The CW boys as valley girls, or plastics ala Mean Girls?" And he was all, "NO, do not write it, that is INSANITY!" but then I wrote it anyway. So really, this is all babyofthegroup's fault, and a hefty part of the blame can be attributed to wendy, madame_d, and notthequiettype, who actually encouraged this craziness. I, of course, am completely innocent in the matter. And now, on to the fic.
Normally, Jensen really likes painting the banners for things. It's relaxing or something, all the back and forth brush strokes, just filling in the outlines so he doesn't even have to think about what he's doing. He can just let his mind wander, which usually involves day dreaming about Chris, wondering if Chris will ever notice him, hoping that maybe today's the day Chris will offer him a ride home. Chris has a motorcycle. It's red and pretty and it has black flames that Jensen thinks are totally killer. So the painting is good and relaxing, and if he breathes in really deep, sometimes he can get a little buzz off the smell, which Jared claims is impossible because, "Lord, Jenny, it's not like markers or glue or something. It's PAINT. For kids! That the school provided, and if you want to get high, let's just find that loser kid that's always trying to scam on Tommy and buy some pot."
Whatever. Jensen tries not to listen to Jared very much, or at all, really, because he can be kind of mean sometimes. It's probably from hanging out with Chad so much. Jensen swears, ever since Chad got voted head cheerleader, he's turned into, like, the biggest bitch ever. A mega-bitch. He's all, like, looking down on everyone else like someone crowned him homecoming queen already or something, like he rules the school, which he so does not. Except that everyone's sort of afraid of him, so he kind of actually does. Jensen often fears a Heathers moment when Chad's around. He sort of hopes that one of Chad's minions will accidentally feed him liquid drano. Then maybe Jensen could be queen.
Queen, ugh. Really, Jensen doesn't even want to think about homecoming, but it's kind of the reason they're all trapped in the gym after school when they should be at the mall, like, trying to find the perfect dress and maybe checking out the sale at the Gap. Who decided that it should be a rule that the homecoming court had to also be, like, the homecoming committee? Because it's totally not fair to vote someone on the court and then make them plan the whole dance thing. It's more like a punishment, really, and that sort of ruins the whole coolness factor of being nominated for Queen, when you have to plan stuff and try to argue Chad out of having an 80s theme. He's really adamant about the whole 80s thing though, and of course Jared is just going along with it like he always does, even though Jensen has written him at least five notes on the subject, pointing out that 80s fashions suck and Chad only wants it so he can get away with wearing a bra on the outside of his clothes at a school function.
Jensen figures he'll get his revenge when he convinces Jared to wear socks with his high heels.
But yeah, so. Normally, the whole painting banners thing is pretty cool, except for today, when Chad is standing over Jensen with his hands on his hips, sneering at Jensen's work and pointing out all the places Jensen has missed.
"Why don't you try doing some work instead of just standing there?" Jensen mumbles, glaring down at the giant 'C' he's been painting pink. He mumbles it really quietly, though, because Chad is especially scary today, and if Jensen pisses him off too much, Chad will make sure that Jensen's banned from the lunch table, which would really suck. Not that any of them actually eat at lunchtime, but it's face time for sure, and he'd have to go sit with, like, the losers or the geeks or something, which would be murder on his street cred and totally kill his reputation, and then Chris would never notice him and possibly, the world would end.
Yeah, okay, so maybe Chad does rule the school. It really. It sucks, he thinks as he pours glitter in a careful line around the edge of the 'C'. It's maybe time for a new Queen. The bitch needs to be dethroned, for sure.
*
Being a cheerleader totally rocks. Jensen loves pretty much everything about being on Spirit Squad-half time shows, getting the crowd pumped, blowing the football players beneath the stands-but most of all, he loves the uniform. He loves game days when he gets to wear his uniform to school, and he loves the half-pissed off, half-lustful glares that Principal Morgan gives him if Jensen happens to bend over the water fountain as he's passing by. Technically, the skirts are way shorter than the dress code allows, but since they're uniforms or whatever, they totally get away with it and there's nothing Morgan can do. Not that he would, because the entire squad knows that secretly, Morgan wants to fuck them all. He's sort of a pervert, but then again, he is a high school principal.
It's a game day. Not homecoming, because that's not until next week, which-thank god, because Jensen hasn't even started trying to decide which dress of the three he bought that he's actually going to wear-but just a normal game, that they'll probably lose because, let's face it, their team sucks. Still, game days are always exciting, and Jensen gets to wear his uniform.
He checks himself in the mirror before he heads downstairs to not eat breakfast. Their uniforms are awesome, actually, which is a relief after being on the Junior Varsity squad his freshman and sophomore years and having to wear the ugly lime green sweater things circa 1987 that they force JV to wear. These are much nicer ones, bought with car wash money the year before, all green (normal green, despite school colors, because looking pretty is much more important than actual school spirit) and white with silver piping and CWHS stitched across the chest in white and silver. He even has matching panty things to go underneath-briefs, Chad insists on calling them-that are super cute.
The mirror doesn't lie. Jensen looks hot. His legs look fabulous. And he thinks maybe he's growing, because his skirt looks even shorter than normal. Principal Morgan is going to have a heart attack. Jensen giggles to himself, blows a kiss at his reflection, because seriously, he IS hot and it's always good to acknowledge that to yourself for, like, self-esteem and stuff, and heads downstairs.
Each cheerleader has a football player assigned to them. Technically, they're supposed to, like, bake the football players brownies and make spirit packages and decorate their lockers and shit, but they all know what it's really about. Jensen's just glad his football player is hot, and not one of the fat guys they use to knock the other players down. No, he's, like, a catcher or something, whatever that's called, and he's totally adorable. Jensen doesn't mind blowing him at all. Sometimes they even do it just for fun.
"Hey baby," Jensen's mom says as he hurries into the kitchen, sneakers squeaking on the linoleum floor.
"Hey mama. Are the cookies ready? You made peanut butter, right? You know David likes the peanut butter ones."
"They're on the counter, don't worry." She looks at him, frowns. "I think you're growing again, Jenny. That skirt is getting ridiculous."
Jensen shrugs. "You know I can't help it, mama. And I can't get a new uniform, either. Chad's being a total bitch about it. He doesn't care if the entire world sees my panties." Jensen pretends to pout at this while he examines the cookies then starts putting them in the spirit box he made last night. They get some glitter on them because Jensen maybe went a little overboard with the silver, but really, more glitter is always better, he thinks. It's not toxic. Probably.
"Sit down and have some breakfast before school," his mom says, shoving a plate of eggs at him. Jensen wrinkles his nose and shakes his head.
"Sorry mama, no time. I have to be at school early to decorate David's locker. I'll just grab a power bar there." Please, Jensen thinks, like he's actually going to eat breakfast. That's just ridiculous.
*
Chad's a total hor at lunch, like he's decided it's his personal mission to make everyone else as completely miserable as possible, just for the fun of it. Jensen really hates him.
Jensen knows it's going to be a bad lunch the second he sits down, because Chad starts in immediately. Tommy and Mike are there, but since they're not on the Spirit Squad, Chad hardly ever pays any attention to them. Mike is too cool to notice or care-he's maybe the one person in school not terrified of Chad's wrath-but Tommy is earnestly pathetic about it. He'll ramble on about how important it is just to be a supporter for a seriously long time if you let him. He's the kind of guy who always wears green on game days and paints his face up like a tiger for the actual event, although Jensen's not really sure that Tommy does it to show support so much as he really likes looking like a tiger. A green one. He's sort of a weird guy. And maybe mildly retarded, too, but no one says anything about it, not even Chad, because there's, like, a line, and making fun of retarded people is sort of it.
"Hey Jenny," Chad says, smirking at Jensen. Jensen sets his lunch tray on the table and slides into his chair, avoiding looking at Chad because this is a game day, it's supposed to be a good day, and the last thing he needs is Chad on his case.
"Hey," Jensen says, pokes at his Jell-O. He maybe will eat it. Jell-O has practically no calories, plus it's the red kind that he really likes.
"Did you, like, grow overnight or something?" Chad asks, but it's not really a question. It's a set up, so that Chad can say something really nasty. Jensen really hates him. "Because you look bigger. Better be careful, Jen. You won't be able to fit into your uniform soon."
"Come on, Chad," Jared says, sliding into the seat next to Jensen. "Lighten up, man! It's game day. Don't you know we're supposed to be peppy?"
"Fuck you, Padalecki," Chad says, but he's smiling. Mike rolls his eyes and Jensen has to concentrate really hard on not laughing, because seriously, Chad and Jared are, like, totally so in love it's disgusting. It would almost be cute if it didn't involve Chad, who is still a hor no matter how much he likes Jared.
Jensen sort of hates Jared sometimes. He's like, this annoying kiss ass sophomore, but he's all tall and thin and model-looking, which just isn't fair, because Jensen is way prettier. But Jared can just smile at someone and have them charmed, plus he wears these stupid little clips in his hair that drive Jensen insane, they're so ridiculously cute. They're green and sparkly today, and maybe shaped like little tigers. Jensen wouldn't be surprised if Jared had them specially made for game days. He's such a kiss ass.
Still, it's impossible to really hate Jared, especially when he's squeezing Jensen's bare knee under the table, all comforting and stuff. Jensen's still going to get Jared to wear something totally ugly to homecoming, though. That's the price he has to pay for actually, genuinely liking Chad the Hormonster.
*
They lose the game, but there's a party on the beach afterward, and Chris shows up. Chris graduated last year and Chad says he's a loser for still hanging out with high schoolers, but Jensen thinks he's maybe the hottest, coolest guy Jensen's ever met. He's just. It's unexplainable, that level of cool. Once, he even smiled at Jensen, or at least Jensen thinks Chris was smiling at him, but he could've been smiling at the old lady standing behind him, but still. Once he maybe smiled at Jensen, and Jensen kind of thinks that's a start. Plus, after all the blowjob practicing he's done with David, Jensen knows he's pretty good, and if he could only get up the courage to get Chris somewhere private, that would be. Awesome. Totally, and completely.
So Chris shows up, and Jensen tries to play it cool, except that Jared bought pot off one of the skater kids who never actually go to class and so instead of cool, Jensen is high, which really is just fine. It's easier this way.
So Jensen is high, and Chris maybe smiled at him that one time, which is how Jensen ends up puking all over Chris's shoes. Okay, so, that's not really the whole story, because first, Jensen drags Chris off down the beach (and man, Chris is kind of short, which Jensen never realized before because Chris was always on his motorcycle looking styling, but that's okay, short guys are cool), shoves him into a dune, and kisses him.
The kiss is pretty good for about ten seconds. And then, the inevitable happens. See, because like, for normal people? Pot actually helps with nausea. But Jensen is some sort of nauseas freak or something, because pot makes him puke. Or maybe pot plus whatever Chad slipped into Jensen's beer makes him puke, but in any case, there is puking involved, which is never good.
Luckily, Jensen gave up food for Lent two years ago, so there aren't any embarrassing chunks or whatever.
Chris is super nice about it, too. He even offers to drive Jensen home, on the back of his bike and everything, but Jared, that oblivious bitch, is all logical with his, "I don't think Jenny could stay on the back, man," so he gets driven home by Jared instead.
Still, it's a good night. He kissed Chris, sort of. And Jared's being really sweet, and helping him into bed and everything, and he only cops a feel a couple times, because Jared's like, a gentleman or whatever. Or maybe a lady. He's polite though, and he kisses Jensen on the cheek and tells him not to suffocate on his own vomit in the night. Jared's a good friend. Jensen maybe won't convince him about the lacy socks and high heels combo, after all.
*
Homecoming is fast approaching, and it's time to make some decisions. Jensen's on the court, he's up for Queen and everything even though Chad's totally going to win because he's been paying the whole school off since practically freshman year just waiting for this, but still, Jensen needs to look good. Preferably hot, but classy. Chad can get away with looking like a total ho because he's Chad, but Jensen's trying to impress older guys, namely Chris, so he can't go around looking like some jail bait teenaged slut. He needs to look more like a grown-up, college aged slut who will definitely put out, but not be stupid enough to have VD. It's a very important distinction.
The 80s theme isn't helping. "Come on, Jared. This is serious, stop fucking around." Jensen holds up two dresses on hangers, while the third one dangles from its hanger around his neck. "Okay, this one," he shakes the right-hand dress, "would be awesome, except that it is in no way related to the 80s. This one," he shakes the left-hand dress, "is purple, so, yeah. I don't know what I was thinking."
"I like purple," Jared says blandly, kicking his legs up and down. He's lying on his stomach on Jensen's bed, chin propped in the palms of his hands, and he looks ridiculously cute. His clips are red today. It's not fair how cute he is. Jensen glares.
"You can't like purple, it's hideous. Moving on. This dress is awesome, and lacey, and has a poofy skirt, which makes it perfect for the 80s. But it's just sort of, you know, blah. It's black. It borders on boring."
"We could go at it with my bedazzler," Jared says.
"Dude, who actually owns a bedazzler?"
"I do, and it's awesome, so shut up. Do you want rhinestones or not? They'd look totally fab if we scattered them around the skirt."
"I'd be very sparkly."
"That's the point. And we could make, like, a totally adorable headband to match."
"Jared! I, like, totally love you right now!"
"I know," says Jared. "It's because I'm awesome. And a fashion genius."
*
It takes them two and a half movies worth of bedazzling to sparkle up the skirt of Jensen's dress. They watch The Cutting Edge first, because Jared has this huge, freakish crush on D.B. Sweeney, which Jensen doesn't get at all because he's not even cute, but whatever.
"Dude, he's totally cute. Plus, he's a hockey player. Hockey players are hot."
"Just because you don't understand a game doesn't make it hot."
"Hockey has sticks, and sometimes they fight each other, and there's all the slamming each other into the walls and stuff."
"Okay, that is pretty hot," Jensen admits. "But it's not like that guy was really a hockey player in real life."
"Shut up. Don't ruin my fantasy, bitch. I don't point out all the flaws in Gone with the Wind just because I know you haven't read the book. Also, I don't make fun of you for being illiterate, which I think shows great restraint."
They watch Carrie next, because it's the only movie they haven't seen at Jensen's house, plus it's about homecoming, so that makes it extra cool. Ten seconds in, and the main chick is being pelted with tampons.
"This is the best movie ever!" Jensen says. "We should totally do that to what's her name, the fat chick with braces!"
"No, no! The other girl, um, Mary something. She's, like, a Mormon or something. That's way better than being fat."
"Sometimes," Jensen says, "I wish I could be fat. I mean, wouldn't that be, like, so much easier? I miss eating."
"But then you might get tampons thrown at you in the locker room."
"Yeah, that would suck. But I could take it. I'm, like, tough and stuff. Emotionally."
The end of the movie catches them both off guard.
"Whoa," says Jared. "She just. She went totally psycho!"
"I know! She just killed all those people! What a crazy bitch!"
"I mean, it's just blood. It's probably symbolic. For like, becoming a woman and stuff. She didn't have to go all O.J. on their asses."
"Oh my god, Jared. We should totally do that to Chad! How awesome would that be? I mean, not blood. Because Chad would probably go just as psycho, and his dress is gorgeous and cost like, five hundred dollars or something. Ruining it completely would be a total tragedy. But you know, like, glitter or something? It'd be totally 80s, too!"
*
Now that they have a plan about the whole homecoming thing, Jensen's in a fantastic mood the entire week, just waiting for Saturday and the dance and everything. He and Jared spend the whole week planning, and Jared even lets Jensen borrow some of his green clips for the game on Friday, which is super sweet. They're getting, like, totally close, and Jensen thinks it's adorable how much they're bonding over their mutual desire to see Chad get glittered. Because Jared's totally in love with Chad, but apparently, Chad is all in denial about it, so.
They actually win the game on Friday, which is pretty exciting, and Chris shows up to the after party again. This time, Jensen doesn't smoke up and he doesn't take any drinks from Chad, so when Chris pulls him behind a dune to make out, Jensen is totally and completely sober.
Jensen is totally and completely sober, which turns out to kind of suck, because Chris turns out to be not that great of a kisser, like, at all. He's all rubbery lips and sloppy tongue and he does this weird sucking thing that Jensen really, really doesn't like. To get rid of him, Jensen gives him a really fast blowjob and leaves him sprawled in the sand with his pants still open to recover.
So that part's pretty disappointing, another girlhood illusion shattered, but whatever, it's fine. The party is still raging and they won, and tomorrow is going to be the best dance ever. Chad might be elected Queen, but he's not going to be happy about it.
*
They spend the morning of the dance finishing up the banners and hanging shit up and sparklifying the gym for the night. Jensen and Jared leave at noon to get their hair and nails done, which gives them just enough time to go back to school before they have to change for the dance so they can get the glitter dump set up.
Jensen's dress turned out totally perfect and fab. He can't help it, he HAS to spin around in front of the mirror and watch the rhinestones glitter. Jared is a genius, Jensen decides, and he will never make fun of Jared's hair clips again.
David picks him up and they meet everyone over at Red Lobster for dinner. Jensen thinks shellfish is probably not the best idea, but whatever, it's not like he's going to eat anything anyway. He fills up on cosmos instead, and in between times, takes sips from the flask Jared sneaks in, attached to a garter around his thigh. Jared really is a genius, for serious.
Chad is in his element, ordering everyone around and demanding things and wanting everyone to pay attention to him at all times, like he's already Queen. He does look good though, Jensen has to admit, even if he is wearing those fucked up Madonna cone boobs. Still, he looks hot. He'll look even better covered in glitter, Jensen thinks with a smirk.
The dance is awesome. David and James refuse to dance, so Jensen and Jared end up dancing with each other, which is just fine with Jensen. Jared's actually a really good dancer for being so ridiculously tall, and Jensen finds himself thinking that Jared's sort of… cute. He has a nice body and pretty hair, and when he presses up against Jensen from behind, Jensen thinks he can maybe feel Jared's dick hard against his ass. It's kind of hard to tell through the layered lace of his skirt, but if Jensen knows anything, it's what a dick feels like.
The thing is, Jensen's never really thought of himself as gay. Like, he's never really considered it before. But now, he maybe wants to kiss Jared. Jared has a nice mouth, and Jensen bets he's a good kisser, too, and would never do that weird sucking thing that Chris tried. Jared's looking at Jensen, too, all flushed from dancing, like maybe he wants Jensen to kiss him. Which is weird, but sort of perfect, except that Jensen's not gay. Or well, he doesn't think so. Still, it would be pretty hot. Jensen can name at least twelve people off the top of his head who would pay a lot of money to see that.
"Ladies and gentleman! It's time to announce the results for the homecoming queen election!" Principal Morgan looks positively disgusted as he says this, tapping at his microphone and frowning to himself. Jensen thinks that Morgan was probably a total loser in high school. But now he's a pervert, so sympathy for the man isn't really an option, even though really, Jensen highly approves of perverts. After all, without perverts, who would make the rest of them look normal?
"Ahem," Morgan says. He's fingering the results envelope nervously. "Now, before I announce the results, I think we should take this opportunity to thank the entire homecoming court and committee for putting this dance together." A loud round of applause, during which Jared grins wide at Jensen, and Jensen still wants to kiss him. "And now for the results. I must say, this was an extremely close election, but by a margin of ten votes, Jensen Ackles is your new homecoming queen!"
Jensen just stands there for a full minute in total shock. He won. He won homecoming queen. He beat Chad, and he's the queen, and when he goes up on stage, he's going to get glitter dumped all over him and ruin his dress that he and Jared spent two and a half movies making sparkly. It's going to be really sparkly now. Fuck.
But Jared is whooping and grinning, and then he leans down and kisses Jensen on the mouth. And okay, so it's not a great kiss, but mostly because it's a really fast kiss, and Jared is probably just excited and not really meaning it as a kiss kiss, but still. Jared kissed him. And Jensen won. He's the queen, and Jared kissed him. Jensen takes a deep breath, smiles, and heads up to the stage. Getting glittered is totally worth it just to see the expression on Chad's face.
Chad looks like he wants to kill something. No, he looks like he wants to kill Jensen. Not even the pile of glitter falling onto Jensen's head and totally messing up his hair and ruining his dress makes Chad look less like he wants to kill things.
This? Is the best dance ever.
*
It gets better, because Jared spends the night at Jensen's house. They spend an hour trying to get the glitter out of Jensen's hair before giving up and admiring his tiara instead. Jared's wearing these adorable pajamas that are, like, little shorts and a tank top thing, but they have sushi all over. They're pink. Jensen sort of wants them, but mainly just wants Jared to take them off. He's probably a little gay, he thinks. Or at the very least, gay for Jared.
"I can't believe you won, Jenny," Jared says, smiling. He has a really pretty smile. They're lying on Jensen's bed on their backs while Jensen holds the tiara above them for optimum admiration. "I mean, Chad's been buying off votes for, like, ever!"
"I know! I didn't even campaign. It was totally worth the glitter, too. It was so much better this way."
"Long live the queen," Jared says with a laugh, and then they're kissing again, just like that. Jensen drops the tiara on the floor, but he doesn't even care because he was totally right about Jared being good. Jared is better than good, actually, he's a fabulous kisser, plus he's got these super gigantic hands that he cups Jensen's ass with and pulls him close. They're hard and panting into each other's mouths and Jared shoves his hand down the back of Jensen's sleep pants, and yeah, Jensen's pretty sure he's gay. And so he'll never get married and have a house in the suburbs and be a soccer mom, but he totally doesn't care, as long as Jared keeps kissing him, and eventually, blowjobs are involved.