Fallen Angel - Chapters 7 & 8
Title: Fallen Angel
Pairing: Angel/Wesley
Rating: NC-17 (with the sex!)
Setting: Part way through season 3, alternate universe type of thing (wherein I would take a different road than Joss...because last I checked, I wasn't Joss....)
Disclaimer: If wishes came true, Angel and Wesley would live in my closet, and I would play with them mightily...but alas...they do not
Feedback: gladly accepted...greatly appreciated
Summary: Anna and Anan reveal their true identity and the mystery of the markings on Angel's skin is revealed (oh, yeah, and there's the Angel/Wes sex bit too)
*cross posted to AO3*
Click here for chapters 1 & 2
Click here for chapters 3 & 4
Click here for chapters 5 & 6
Chapter Seven
Wesley set down his pen and stretched his arms and back before standing. The apartment was still, quiet. Cordelia slept peacefully on the couch. Connor was down for a nap. He’d spent hours combing through his books developing a working theory and a rudimentary understanding of Kalvi, with the hope that it would help him decipher whatever was written on Angel.
Now, he needed to actually work with the markings, which meant convincing Angel to allow him to look and touch. Quietly, Wesley moved to the bedroom, slipping in without knocking and closing the door behind him. Somehow he didn’t want Cordelia to know, about his feelings, about the feeding, about the intimacy that had built between the two men. It was private, and she wouldn’t understand.
Wesley moved silently to the bed. Angel was asleep, though his face was contorted in an expression of pain. Wesley undressed down to his boxers and climbed in beside him. The cool of the sheets echoed the cool of Angel’s skin as Wesley moved close and let their legs touch.
He wanted the waking to be gentle for a change, wanted Angel to open his eyes to see him, not wait to be chased from his slumber by the nightmares. Wesley let his fingers wander up Angel’s arm, over his chest…down his flat stomach. He could feel Angel beginning to stir and shifted so that he was on his side, his body pressed against Angel’s. His hand moved to caress his face, one long finger sliding over dry lips. How often had Wesley thought about those lips?
Now he leaned in and ever so softly kissed them, barely touching his lips to Angel’s. His breath warmed Angel’s skin so that the second kiss seemed softer somehow. His lips closed over Angel’s and he deepened the kiss, feeling Angel respond. He pulled back to find Angel’s eyes open, watching him. He smiled and Angel leaned in to kiss him this time, raising his head from the pillow.
He felt Angel’s tongue slide over his lips and opened them, accepting him in, slipping his own tongue over Angel’s as Angel’s hands found their way to his hips. Wesley’s leg was between Angel’s now and he could feel the hardening of Angel’s cock. He wasn’t ready to go there yet…not with Cordelia in the next room.
Wesley rolled so that he was straddling Angel, one knee on either side of his legs. He held his uninjured wrist toward Angel’s mouth. “Want?” he asked in playful tones. He could see the desire in Angel’s face, even before his brow thickened and his teeth became fangs. Then there was the sharp pain, the dizzying draw. When Angel pulled back, Wesley pressed toward him, insisting he take more. “Good.” Wesley murmured. He could feel Angel’s cock hard against his ass, but chose to ignore it. “I need you here with me Angel. We have work to do,” he said as Angel pulled away a second time.
He brought his bleeding wrist to his own mouth, instinctively sucking at the wound. He could taste Angel on his skin. That made his own cock twitch.
“Want.” Angel said, pulling Wesley down to him so that he could kiss him again. Wesley melted into the urgent desire of Angel’s lips, losing himself in a moment he had once convinced himself would never happen. Then he remembered himself and pulled away.
“Not now, Angel,” he said, with great difficulty, moving off of him and to the side. Angel sat up, his hands touching Wesley’s bare skin.
“Want,” he said again, this time reaching for Wesley’s crotch. His eyes met Wesley’s, clear, determined. His hand stroked through Wesley’s boxer shorts, bringing him rapidly to a full erection. His kiss was gentler this time, capturing Wesley’s lips and lingering there before sliding off and kissing down to his neck. “Need you, Wesley,” he whispered in Wesley’s ear before he was nipping and sucking at the tender spot just between the neck and shoulder.
Angel’s hands fumbled a little as they withdrew Wesley’s hard cock from his boxers, but they knew what they were doing once it was free. Wesley closed his eyes as Angel fondled him, praying he could stay quiet and not wake Cordelia. “Want.” Angel pulled him down again, and Wesley required little prompting to take up a position between Angel’s spread legs.
Angel’s hands positioned Wesley so that the head of his cock was nestled in Angel’s ass cheeks. Wesley looked at him, his eyes filled with question. “Are you sure, Angel?”
Angel smiled, “Want.”
Wesley closed his eyes as he moved, slowly pushing himself inside, then just was slowly back out. He wanted to savor it, but his body had other notions. Already he was close to coming, just from the mere thought that this was happening. His thrusts became swifter, his left hand moving to stroke Angel’s hard cock in rhythm with his own movements. He watched Angel’s back arch and felt his toes curling.
Angel came, wetting Wesley’s hand and Wesley lost himself in his orgasm, collapsing onto Angel’s chest. He hadn’t meant for it to go so far, not now. He’d only wanted to wake Angel gently. Breathing heavily, Wesley pushed himself up and off of Angel, standing quickly and looking for something to change into.
“Wesley.”
“I’m sorry Angel. I shouldn’t have let that happen.” Wesley pulled on a pair of jeans and turned. Angel sat on the edge of the bed.
“Wesley, its okay.”
“No, it isn’t. I shouldn’t-“ Wesley shook his head. There were so many things he shouldn’t, but suddenly he could put words to none of them.
Angel pushed himself to standing, swayed a little with the effort, then took two steps to Wesley’s side. “When I’m with you, I know what is real,” he said softly, taking one of Wesley’s hands. “When I taste you, I know where I am, and that I am safe.”
Wesley closed his eyes. Angel’s nearness made him hot, weak. “I shouldn’t take advantage of you like this,” Wesley said after a long pause.
Angel only responded by kissing the hand that he held, then slowly sinking into the chair. “Big boy,” he said, and Wesley was fairly certain he saw a smirk before Angel’s face went slack again.
“Are you okay?” Wesley asked, moving closer.
Angel nodded slowly. “Feel…strange…like…” His face went even paler than normal and his body started to shake. “She’s near…I can feel her.” Angel slowly drew his legs up to his chest and clutched them, rocking his body like he had in his first days there. “She’s going to hurt me,…stop the hurt….” Suddenly his head popped up and Wesley could see the terror. “Don’t let her-Don’t let her touch me-“
“Who Angel?”
“Outside in….Outside In….Naan.”
“Shh…its okay, Angel. You’re safe here.”
“No…not safe…hurts….”
“Angel.” Wesley rubbed Angel’s exposed skin, drew his face up to look at him. “We will get through this. I think I know who she is. I need to read you so I can know what her plans are, so we can stop her.” Angel’s eyes closed. “Can you stay with me, Angel? I need you.”
It took a long moment, but those dark eyes eventually opened. There was still fear there, but he had some measure of control over it now. Tightly, he nodded. “We need to move out to the kitchen, where I can see, where there’s enough light to see.”
Angel nodded again, taking the shorts Wesley handed him and slowly pulling them on over his naked body. He stood even more slowly, as if each movement might bring the panic bobbing to the surface. When Wesley held out his hand to steady him, Angel clung to it, shuffling on weak legs out of the bedroom and into the light space beyond. He blinked in the light, holding to Wesley and moving a little at a time until Wesley turned him and settled him onto the stool. Angel’s eyes moved through the shadow and light of the space, dancing over the drawn curtains and Cordelia’s form on the couch.
“Where…” Angel’s eyes moved to the nursery door. “Sleeping?”
Wesley nodded. “Yes, he wore himself out playing with toys he hasn’t seen in a week. He’s been with Fred.”
“Fred.”
“You remember Fred, don’t you?”
Angel nodded. In his false memories she was one of the first casualties of his fall from grace. He’d cut her… a little at a time, and drank her blood from the finest crystal in the hotel kitchen. Wesley moved behind him, his fingers skimming the surface of his skin, looking for a place to begin.
Angel tried to ignore the touch, so much like hers. Instead he concentrated on the blood in his stomach, Wesley’s blood. It felt good. He wasn’t full by any means, but it was clean, strong. It didn’t taste of Styrofoam or drugs, just Wesley. He could feel it working in him, restoring his body, even if it did little to restore his mind.
His eyes went back to roaming the room. He started a little when he realized that Cordelia was awake and looking at him. He started even more as a quick staccato knock on the door brought Cordelia to her feet.. Wesley’s hand on his shoulder kept him from bolting as Cordelia opened the door carefully.
Gunn slipped inside, followed by two women. Angel could tell Gunn by his smell and profile, but the two women stayed in the dark, behind Gunn. Wesley turned to them.
“Sorry for interrupting.” Gunn said. “We think she’s in the area.”
“She is.” Angel said. His eyes were riveted to the two women. Slowly, almost as one, they stepped closer. He jumped, clinging to Wesley and closing his eyes for a moment. He opened them again, startled that they had come so close. They were so much alike, their faces, the smell.
“This must be Angel.” Anna said, her voice soothing. Angel could feel her voice inside him, gliding over the places that hurt and easing the pain. He nodded. “I’m Anna, Angel. This is Anan. We can help you, if you let us.”
His hand sought out Wesley’s, pulling him closer. Some part of him knew that Anna was not his tormentor, but his mind saw her face surrounded with dark, matted hair, saw her warm smile warped into a sneer. He swallowed as he watched her arm moving toward him and pulled away. It was Anan’s hand that touched him first though and he jolted as if the touch were fire, burning into his skin.
His eyes closed as more calm filled him and he could almost sense the two women in his mind, urging stillness. Anan, like a solid pillar of dark red and behind her, connected by glowing strings of light was Anna, a white-yellow ball of energy. Beside him he felt another presence, cool, protective. He didn’t have to look to know it would be Wesley.
“Let go, Angel.” Anan’s voice said. He swallowed his panic and felt her touch inside him, bringing the quiet and the dark, blessing him with a place where the nightmares and memories wouldn’t find him.
When Anan touched Angel’s face, her other hand clasped lightly in Anna’s, the room seemed to fill with light, Anna’s features disappearing in the swirl of energy. Wesley felt Angel’s hand go slack in his, felt his body relax. Then the light diminished, though Wesley was fairly certain Anna was still glowing.
For a long moment, nobody moved or spoke. Angel sat still, his eyes closed, his face peaceful. Wesley took his hand away from Angel’s and crossed his arms. “I hope you plan on explaining this,” he said. He sensed no malice in Anan, and Anna had been with them for nearly a year. He was beginning to suspect that she was much more than a simple witch.
“We’ve helped him go deep enough inside that Naan won’t be able to reach him.” Anan turned squarely to Wesley. “We need to figure out how she’s using him, before she gets here.”
Wesley looked at them both, pieces of the puzzle still falling into place. “Naan is the one who brings the external within.” His eyes moved from Anan’s to Anna’s. “You must be the one who brings the internal out.”
Anna met his eyes evenly. “That is a very loose translation, Wesley, but I think you’re beginning to understand.”
He nodded and turned back to Anan. “Then who are you?”
She sighed and stepped away. “I am the conscience, the mediator, the focus. Together we heal the wounds of humanity.”
“This don’t look like healing to me.” Gunn said, gesturing at Angel.
Anan sank to a seat on a chair near the table. “No, this is what comes when were are separated.” She picked up the mythology book that Wesley had found his first clue in. “This doesn’t tell the whole story. Not that I blame them. This will tell you of Anna and Naan, two children born to heal the world. Anna was given the gift to feel the joy and love of the world, and to radiate it outward. Naan was given the gift to feel the pain and suffering of the world, and take it within herself. Together, they were destined to do much good.”
She looked up at the expectant faces. “Of course, no one bargained on the fact that they were only children, that they had no idea how to use their gifts, how to control the powers that came with being the children of gods. Their mortal bodies were still those of children when Naan could no longer bear the pain and began to lash out at others. That is when I was created.”
“Created?” Cordelia had moved closer, and Gunn was now leaning on the kitchen counter.
Anan nodded. “Yes, magically. I don’t remember much about it. I was two pieces, one of Naan, one of Anna and then I was Anan, fully myself and yet a part of both. I formed something of a conduit between them, as well as between them and the world at large. Naan’s pain helped us to keep Anna connected to the world, while Anna’s joy and peace enabled us to keep Naan’s pain from overwhelming her.”
“It worked for a time.” Anna picked up the narrative and all eyes moved to her. “Until we were nine or ten. There was war and destruction, and a foreign king sought to bring healing and peace to his country by stealing me. The further away they took me, the weaker my connection to my sister’s became. Anan could no longer ease Naan. Our powers had grown, and Naan’s lashing out became a fury that threatened to consume the world. She sought to end her pain, but her pain was the world’s pain and in her mind it would only end with the world’s end.”
“Suicide by Apocalypse, not my first choice.” Wesley said, shaking his head. “So is it safe to assume that she is looking to do the same now?”
Anan nodded. “Yes, that would be my guess. I just don’t know how.”
“And you think Angel is the key?”
“She is using him. Gunn filled us in on Angel’s…ordeal. Chances are we can read the code and figure it out.” She stood and moved to stand behind Angel.
“I’ve tried to read it, but can’t find a translation guide.” Wesley said, moving with her.
“You wouldn’t. It’s a language we made up as children. Anna.”
Anna joined her sister, once again joining hands. The glow began again, but didn’t build to the same intensity. They moved in tandem around Angel’s still body, never touching, reading across his back, down his arms, up his legs and over his chest. For a long time they stood silent in front of him, staring at the circular pattern over his heart.
The light grew in intensity, then faded away. The sisters separated. Anan’s face had grown pale and it took her a moment to find her voice. “Our time away has seen Naan grow powerful, and creative,” she said at last.
“What does it say?” Wesley asked, glancing at the nursery door. Cordelia saw him look and moved to check on Connor.
It was Anna who responded, her voice small and weak. “She has turned him into a walking booby trap. If the entire text is read aloud, or if he is staked, he will cease to exist, all good and bad he has ever accomplished will disappear, all memory of him erased.”
“And any apocalypse he averted brings the world to an end.”
“It need not even be his actions that averted it.” Anan said, sounding weary. “A life he saved, an influence he made on another.”
“Just imagine any of your lives without ever knowing him.” Anna said, looking up at the sleepy Connor that Cordelia was bringing out of the nursery. “It would all end, and the world, as you know it, would be gone.”
Chapter 8
The room was silent for a long moment, until Conner squirmed about in Cordelia’s arms to be put down, asking to be fed. Numbly, Wesley moved through to the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle he’d made earlier in the day.
Without Angel, none of them would be where they were, least of all Connor, and Wesley couldn’t imagine what that would be like. Buffy would have died sooner, Kendra might not have died at Drusilla’s hands, Faith might never have been called. Without Faith, Wesley would never have gone to Sunnydale, he wouldn’t have suffered her torture. As much as he despised her for it, he knew that it had been a significant step in who he had become.
Wesley realized that he’d drifted off in his thoughts as Connor’s hands pulled on his pant legs and he squatted down to hand off the bottle. “Sorry, Dada’s a little distracted.”
He watched Connor sink onto the floor and stick the bottle in his mouth before he stood and faced the group. “So what happens now?”
“As long as Angel doesn’t get staked, and you can’t read the writing, the world continues pretty much as it has.” Anan said. “Provided we can get Naan and you can re-bind us.”
“You were bound together?” Wesley considered everything they’d learned so far.
“When we, Naan and I, were reunited with Anna, the wizards who had created me crafted a spell to bind us together as one within a talisman. Almost two years ago, we found ourselves in a vault in Vienna, freed. The talisman was destroyed and we were unbound.”
“What happened?” Cordy asked.
Anan shrugged. “We aren’t entirely sure. Naan took off before Anna and I were fully aware of what was going on. By the time we set out to find her, our connection to her was strained.”
“I suggested we understand the time and place we found ourselves in, so that our search might be easier. My gifts had grown, as our bodies obviously had, and we followed the visions.“ Anna’s natural color was returning after draining in response to what she had read etched in Angel’s skin. “I don’t see everything. Much like Cordelia I get flashes of sights, sounds, feelings. I didn’t know anything about Angel when I came to you. I knew that I was needed here, and that by being here, I would find Naan.”
“She’s getting closer.” Anan said, shifting on her feet. “She’ll be feeling us too by now. She’ll either come to us, or run the other way, depending on how far gone she is.”
“Pretty far.” Anna whispered. Wesley looked at her, and saw an echo of what he’d been seeing in Angel’s eyes for the last week.
“Did you-I mean, could you see what happened to him? What she did?” he asked, returning to his place at Angel’s side.
Together Anna and Anan nodded. Angel stirred as Wesley touched him, but didn’t open his eyes. “Can you…make him forget?”
Anna smiled softly, putting a hand over Wesley’s. He felt calm rush into him with her touch. “We could, but it would do little to help him. The work she has done is extensive, and if we take away the memory of it, it will bring him peace for a time, but the fear and the guilt will still be there, the behaviors learned because of them will still be there. Only through the memory can he find his way back to himself.”
Wesley nodded, a part of him wanting to push back the peace she was offering him. He had no right feeling happy, not when all of this came down to something he caused. He pulled his hand away.
“Gunn, its time to go to my father again. He has something we’re going to need if we’re going to join Anna and her sisters together again.”
“You think he’ll give it me?”
Wesley shook his head as he bent over the table and scribbled a note. “No. Your job is to make sure he understands that our accepting his offer of alliance depends on his getting it here as soon as quickly as humanly, or magically, possible.” He folded the note and handed it to him. “Make it very clear that if he wants our assistance with their little problem, he’ll see to this with the utmost urgency.”
“Are you sure that’s wise, Wes? Offering alliance with them?” Cordelia moved into the living room, reaching for the blanket she had dropped to the floor upon rising. “These are the people who did the spell thing that turned Angel all psycho.”
“There will be no alliance, Cordelia, we only need to make them think that there will be. There is very little that will make my father allow me anything I desire, one of them is the Watcher’s Council. I aim to use that to get us what we need, namely the original spell I crafted when I was 16, and the source material that goes with it.”
“Damn, that’s messed up.” Gunn said, pocketing the note.
Wesley smiled uncomfortably. “Yes, Charles. My father and I have a…difficult relationship.” He turned Gunn toward the door. “He’s probably very irritated at our lack of response so you should go now and prevent him anymore frustration.”
Connor crawled into the living room and to Wesley’s feet. He seemed content to sit there, so Wesley let him be. “Cordelia, I’m going to need some supplies from the magic shop on West Grand.”
“I’m shopping girl. Just tell me what I’m getting. You want me to take Connor?”
“If you don’t mind. It will be easier to set up without him here.” He handed her a second page of scribbled notes.
“Come on Connor, let’s get you dressed. Aunt Cordy’s gonna take you shopping!”
“Dee! Shop!” Connor stood and reached for Cordelia with enthusiasm that made her smile.
“Anna, you and Anan should stay here, in case Naan comes. Besides, I think we’re better off keeping you together for now.” He had an ulterior motive that he kept to himself for the moment, pushing it away without really acknowledging it. “In the meantime, I should get Angel back into bed.”
Anna sighed and sank into the couch. Anan moved to Angel’s side, her hand covering his eyes and her face softening. In a few moments Cordelia emerged from the nursery and waved her goodbye as she left and Anan drew her hand away. Angel’s eyes were open and he looked more himself than he had in a long time.
“Wesley?”
Wesley smiled. “Welcome back.”
“Was I gone?”
“In a manner of speaking. Shall we get you up and into bed?”
Angel looked at Anan and blinked. “Naan.”
Anan shook her head. “No, Angel. She isn’t here.”
He considered it for a moment. “You smell like her.”
“I imagine I do. It’s complicated.”
“She won’t hurt you, Angel.” Wesley said, slipping his arm around Angel’s back to help him stand. He was a little stronger on his feet, and he leaned less on Wesley than before as they moved to the bedroom.
Wesley helped him into the bed, drawing the sheets and blanket up around his naked torso and sitting on the bed beside him. “Are you okay?”
Angel nodded slowly. “Better, at least.” He held Wesley’s hand loosely. “I meant what I said earlier, Wes. I need you. When the nightmares are the worst, it’s your voice, your smell…your taste that reminds me what is real.”
“Angel-I…I don’t-“ Wesley fumbled for words, looking down at their joined hands. “I have always…loved you. I never wanted-I never thought you-“
Angel squeezed his hand. “I’ve always been a little slow Wes. If I had known-If I could have believed that you would-“ He chuckled softly. “I guess neither one of us is good at this part.”
Wesley smiled and nodded. “I’d say not.” They sat quietly for a moment. “I came to kill you-that night, I mean. When I found you.” He wouldn’t look at Angel. “I-when you left you were…evil. I wasn’t going to let you hurt us again.”
“Wesley, you should have staked me that night in the warehouse. I gave you enough opportunity. Hell, I’d bet Gunn told you to do it when you brought me here. I certainly wouldn’t have argued.”
Wesley looked up and there were tears in his eyes. “Yes, well, there will be no staking anytime soon.” He laid a hand on Angel’s chest, one finger tracing the pattern over his heart. “Staking you now would not only result in dust in my bed, but everything we know would be gone. You would never have existed.” Wesley leaned forward and kissed the spot. “From this point forward, we defend this spot with our lives.” He whispered.
His kiss was fierce then, his lips capturing Angel’s, his tongue plundering his mouth. He poured every ounce of his affection, his passion, his love into that kiss, wanting it to be enough to make Angel realize how much was invested in keeping him alive.
When he pulled away he wiped at the tears. “You should sleep.”
“I don’t want to sleep, Wes.” Angel moved under the blanket, sitting up against the headboard. “When I sleep I forget. The dreams…and she comes…and…”
“Shh…I know, Angel. I know. But sleep will help make you stronger. I’ll be right here when you wake up. And when we catch Naan, we’re going to make it so she can’t hurt anyone again.”
Angel closed his eyes. “Wesley, I’ve done some pretty terrible things…but Naan…its like…” His voice trailed off, unable to find a suitable analogy.
Wesley kissed him again, softly this time. “Its okay, Angel. I’m right here. Sleep.”
“Stay with me?”
Wesley nodded and climbed up to sit beside Angel, holding his hand and watching over him as slowly sleep came to claim him.
When Wesley was sure that Angel was indeed sleeping, he got up from the bed. He could hear Anna and Anan in the next room, and somehow their presence was irritating. He felt left out, that they had seen, that they knew what Angel had gone through and he didn’t. He needed to know, every instinct in him wanted it. His reasoning told him it wasn’t necessary. What would it gain? Would he really be any better off for watching this man he loved tortured into insanity?
Wesley suspected that the more pertinent reason for the need had to do with his own torture at Angel’s hands, and the human desire for vengeance. Wesley paced around the confines of the room. Damn, why did he always have to have the complex relationships? Couldn’t he once just love someone who loved him back and everything was normal?
Making up his mind, Wesley opened the door and caught Anan’s eye, beckoning her to him with little more than a thought and the movement of his eyes. He moved to let her into the bedroom, then closed the door behind her.
“Angel said something to me before he fell asleep. He said that Naan has been coming to him when he sleeps. Is it astral projection or some such? Is it possible she’s actually getting in here and hurting him?”
Anan shrugged. “I don’t know. Their powers have grown considerably. We’re still figuring out what Anna can do. I have no idea about Naan.”
“Is there a way you can tell?”
“I can try to read him.”
“Can you-“ Wesley swallowed and looked at his feet. “I need to know what she did to him.”
“I don’t think you do.”
He met her eyes, his conviction showing in his face. “If I am to help him find a way back to himself, I have to know what path brought him so far away from it.” He looked to Angel and back. “I need to know.”
“For you…or for him?” she asked, her eyes sparkling with knowledge.
“For us both.”
She nodded once, then moved to the bed. “Stand behind me. Put your hands on my shoulders. If it gets too intense for you, let go. It will sever the connection.” She sat on the edge of the bed, in easy reach of Angel’s head and Wesley moved into position. “Now close your eyes and try to center. I’ll enter your mind first, then his.”
Wesley stilled, and felt the strange sensation of a voice in his head that wasn’t his. Anan encouraged his self control, taking him deeper with a swooping feeling that made him sway a little on his feet. Then they were standing side by side in a room that vaguely resembled his bedroom and she was reaching for Angel. The world spun and they were inside Angel’s disordered mind. The scene flickered around them, from the bedroom to the hotel to a hundred other places. People floated through the scenery, Cordelia, Wesley, Buffy, and then she was there: Naan.
She looked much like her sisters, though her hair was black and matted and wild. There was no air of peace here, no calm, no care. He was alone with her, Anan was gone. His hands and feet were bound to the wall, spread-eagle. He was afraid, dizzy. It took him a moment to realize he was feeling Angel’s emotion, that he was, essentially, Angel. She was coming toward him with a black bowl. The stench of blood laced with some poison nearly made him retch. The taste was vile as she poured it into him, laughing as she murmured some phrases under her breath that made him swallow. “Drink like a good boy, don’t let your friend Wesley go to waste.”
When she moved away, Wesley could see himself, hung on the opposite wall, his naked body covered in bite marks. He shuddered, feeling the poison spread through him. The murmuring changed to a language he didn’t understand and he felt the first cut on his thigh. Slowly, she cut small, shallow marks, murmuring her spell as he bled, and yelled out until he was hoarse.
Wesley was vaguely aware of Anan’s presence, calling him out of the memory, but he couldn’t seem to respond. He felt Angel’s consciousness fading and faded with him, out of the reach of Naan’s blade and into the nightmares fueled by the poison and his own guilty conscience.
Darkness and colors swirled around him, making him feel as though he were falling, and when he landed he was in the lobby of the Hyperion. Blood spattered the walls and floor. The windows and doors had been painted black. Fred was tied to the railing of the second floor, though from the looks had been dead for several days. The smell of rotting flesh was overpowering.
Somehow he knew that Cordelia and Gunn were dead, though not here. His arms felt heavy. He looked down and found himself carrying the unconscious form of Buffy Summers.
Buffy was bruised, battered. Her right arm dangled in a way that hinted it might be dislocated at the shoulder. Up the stairs he went, carrying her down the hall and into the ruined room that had once been Angel’s. The bed was upended, tables smashed to kindling. There was evidence that a fire had broken out in one corner of the room. He dropped Buffy to the floor and opened the closet. On the floor, bound and naked was…himself.
It was apparent Angel had fed from him, bite marks dotted arms and legs. Wesley felt himself-Angel-laugh as he knelt in front of the cowering Wesley. “I brought you some company, Wes.”
The sound of movement drew his attention to the room behind him and turning, he found Buffy awake and watching him, her eyes wide. “Angel?”
“What’s the matter, Buffy? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“What’s going on?”
Wesley/Angel moved closer to Buffy, leaving the bound and naked Wesley . “I brought you here because I need you,” he said, touching her face gently. “Don’t you remember? I told you on the phone.”
“What-Why is Wesley tied up?”
Wesley/Angel sat next to Buffy, looking in at Wesley. “So he can watch.”
With that he grabbed her by the wrists, yanking her arms up over her head and straddling her already broken body. Wesley felt his face changing, felt a desire for blood and violence sweep through him, then the taste of blood filled his mouth. He wanted to retch, to be free of Angel’s memory. Then he saw her.
Naan hovered near them, her voice whispering to him. “Make it last, little one. Don’t kill her too quickly.” She danced around them. “There’s more pain in this one. There’s heartbreak…there’s desire unfulfilled…there’s grief. We must milk it before you drink it.”
Wesley/Angel pulled off of Buffy’s neck, and Wesley could feel her blood moving through him. He laughed as he saw the fury in the face of the captive Wesley. “What’s the matter Wes? Want to try some?” He kissed him then, his mouth still dripping with Buffy’s blood, his tongue invading Wesley’s mouth. “Or maybe it’s something else you’re wanting? Are you ready for me yet, Wes?”
Wesley/Angel bit his wrist and shoved it in Captive Wesley’s face, pressing the bleeding wound against his mouth. No sooner had Captive Wesley given in and opened his mouth, and Wesley/Angel pulled away, standing and laughing. “No, not yet. Soon, but not yet.”
He turned around, tripping over the unconscious form of the slayer and falling forward, falling into the darkness and swirling sounds of voices cursing him and calling to him, and back into the dark cave where Naan still cut away at his leg. He could feel blood running down his skin, could smell it. His body shook.
Naan finished and stood, her hands bloody. She looked at him, her eyes going dark as she looked at him. “You!”
Wesley got the distinct impression that she saw him, and at the same time, felt the sudden presence of Anan beside him. In that instant he was outside of Angel, and Anan and Naan faced one another.
“Naan, please come back to us. We need you.”
“No, no. It must end. I will make it stop!”
Naan paced agitatedly in front of them. “Go away!”
Wesley felt the pressure of her will against him and retreated a step. Anan came with him. Then the world was spinning again, and he felt his physical body suddenly around him, felt his hands falling from Anan’s shoulders and his knees collapsing beneath him. He heard Anan call for Anna, just before he succumbed to the darkness.
Click here for chapters 9 & 10
Pairing: Angel/Wesley
Rating: NC-17 (with the sex!)
Setting: Part way through season 3, alternate universe type of thing (wherein I would take a different road than Joss...because last I checked, I wasn't Joss....)
Disclaimer: If wishes came true, Angel and Wesley would live in my closet, and I would play with them mightily...but alas...they do not
Feedback: gladly accepted...greatly appreciated
Summary: Anna and Anan reveal their true identity and the mystery of the markings on Angel's skin is revealed (oh, yeah, and there's the Angel/Wes sex bit too)
*cross posted to AO3*
Click here for chapters 1 & 2
Click here for chapters 3 & 4
Click here for chapters 5 & 6
Chapter Seven
Wesley set down his pen and stretched his arms and back before standing. The apartment was still, quiet. Cordelia slept peacefully on the couch. Connor was down for a nap. He’d spent hours combing through his books developing a working theory and a rudimentary understanding of Kalvi, with the hope that it would help him decipher whatever was written on Angel.
Now, he needed to actually work with the markings, which meant convincing Angel to allow him to look and touch. Quietly, Wesley moved to the bedroom, slipping in without knocking and closing the door behind him. Somehow he didn’t want Cordelia to know, about his feelings, about the feeding, about the intimacy that had built between the two men. It was private, and she wouldn’t understand.
Wesley moved silently to the bed. Angel was asleep, though his face was contorted in an expression of pain. Wesley undressed down to his boxers and climbed in beside him. The cool of the sheets echoed the cool of Angel’s skin as Wesley moved close and let their legs touch.
He wanted the waking to be gentle for a change, wanted Angel to open his eyes to see him, not wait to be chased from his slumber by the nightmares. Wesley let his fingers wander up Angel’s arm, over his chest…down his flat stomach. He could feel Angel beginning to stir and shifted so that he was on his side, his body pressed against Angel’s. His hand moved to caress his face, one long finger sliding over dry lips. How often had Wesley thought about those lips?
Now he leaned in and ever so softly kissed them, barely touching his lips to Angel’s. His breath warmed Angel’s skin so that the second kiss seemed softer somehow. His lips closed over Angel’s and he deepened the kiss, feeling Angel respond. He pulled back to find Angel’s eyes open, watching him. He smiled and Angel leaned in to kiss him this time, raising his head from the pillow.
He felt Angel’s tongue slide over his lips and opened them, accepting him in, slipping his own tongue over Angel’s as Angel’s hands found their way to his hips. Wesley’s leg was between Angel’s now and he could feel the hardening of Angel’s cock. He wasn’t ready to go there yet…not with Cordelia in the next room.
Wesley rolled so that he was straddling Angel, one knee on either side of his legs. He held his uninjured wrist toward Angel’s mouth. “Want?” he asked in playful tones. He could see the desire in Angel’s face, even before his brow thickened and his teeth became fangs. Then there was the sharp pain, the dizzying draw. When Angel pulled back, Wesley pressed toward him, insisting he take more. “Good.” Wesley murmured. He could feel Angel’s cock hard against his ass, but chose to ignore it. “I need you here with me Angel. We have work to do,” he said as Angel pulled away a second time.
He brought his bleeding wrist to his own mouth, instinctively sucking at the wound. He could taste Angel on his skin. That made his own cock twitch.
“Want.” Angel said, pulling Wesley down to him so that he could kiss him again. Wesley melted into the urgent desire of Angel’s lips, losing himself in a moment he had once convinced himself would never happen. Then he remembered himself and pulled away.
“Not now, Angel,” he said, with great difficulty, moving off of him and to the side. Angel sat up, his hands touching Wesley’s bare skin.
“Want,” he said again, this time reaching for Wesley’s crotch. His eyes met Wesley’s, clear, determined. His hand stroked through Wesley’s boxer shorts, bringing him rapidly to a full erection. His kiss was gentler this time, capturing Wesley’s lips and lingering there before sliding off and kissing down to his neck. “Need you, Wesley,” he whispered in Wesley’s ear before he was nipping and sucking at the tender spot just between the neck and shoulder.
Angel’s hands fumbled a little as they withdrew Wesley’s hard cock from his boxers, but they knew what they were doing once it was free. Wesley closed his eyes as Angel fondled him, praying he could stay quiet and not wake Cordelia. “Want.” Angel pulled him down again, and Wesley required little prompting to take up a position between Angel’s spread legs.
Angel’s hands positioned Wesley so that the head of his cock was nestled in Angel’s ass cheeks. Wesley looked at him, his eyes filled with question. “Are you sure, Angel?”
Angel smiled, “Want.”
Wesley closed his eyes as he moved, slowly pushing himself inside, then just was slowly back out. He wanted to savor it, but his body had other notions. Already he was close to coming, just from the mere thought that this was happening. His thrusts became swifter, his left hand moving to stroke Angel’s hard cock in rhythm with his own movements. He watched Angel’s back arch and felt his toes curling.
Angel came, wetting Wesley’s hand and Wesley lost himself in his orgasm, collapsing onto Angel’s chest. He hadn’t meant for it to go so far, not now. He’d only wanted to wake Angel gently. Breathing heavily, Wesley pushed himself up and off of Angel, standing quickly and looking for something to change into.
“Wesley.”
“I’m sorry Angel. I shouldn’t have let that happen.” Wesley pulled on a pair of jeans and turned. Angel sat on the edge of the bed.
“Wesley, its okay.”
“No, it isn’t. I shouldn’t-“ Wesley shook his head. There were so many things he shouldn’t, but suddenly he could put words to none of them.
Angel pushed himself to standing, swayed a little with the effort, then took two steps to Wesley’s side. “When I’m with you, I know what is real,” he said softly, taking one of Wesley’s hands. “When I taste you, I know where I am, and that I am safe.”
Wesley closed his eyes. Angel’s nearness made him hot, weak. “I shouldn’t take advantage of you like this,” Wesley said after a long pause.
Angel only responded by kissing the hand that he held, then slowly sinking into the chair. “Big boy,” he said, and Wesley was fairly certain he saw a smirk before Angel’s face went slack again.
“Are you okay?” Wesley asked, moving closer.
Angel nodded slowly. “Feel…strange…like…” His face went even paler than normal and his body started to shake. “She’s near…I can feel her.” Angel slowly drew his legs up to his chest and clutched them, rocking his body like he had in his first days there. “She’s going to hurt me,…stop the hurt….” Suddenly his head popped up and Wesley could see the terror. “Don’t let her-Don’t let her touch me-“
“Who Angel?”
“Outside in….Outside In….Naan.”
“Shh…its okay, Angel. You’re safe here.”
“No…not safe…hurts….”
“Angel.” Wesley rubbed Angel’s exposed skin, drew his face up to look at him. “We will get through this. I think I know who she is. I need to read you so I can know what her plans are, so we can stop her.” Angel’s eyes closed. “Can you stay with me, Angel? I need you.”
It took a long moment, but those dark eyes eventually opened. There was still fear there, but he had some measure of control over it now. Tightly, he nodded. “We need to move out to the kitchen, where I can see, where there’s enough light to see.”
Angel nodded again, taking the shorts Wesley handed him and slowly pulling them on over his naked body. He stood even more slowly, as if each movement might bring the panic bobbing to the surface. When Wesley held out his hand to steady him, Angel clung to it, shuffling on weak legs out of the bedroom and into the light space beyond. He blinked in the light, holding to Wesley and moving a little at a time until Wesley turned him and settled him onto the stool. Angel’s eyes moved through the shadow and light of the space, dancing over the drawn curtains and Cordelia’s form on the couch.
“Where…” Angel’s eyes moved to the nursery door. “Sleeping?”
Wesley nodded. “Yes, he wore himself out playing with toys he hasn’t seen in a week. He’s been with Fred.”
“Fred.”
“You remember Fred, don’t you?”
Angel nodded. In his false memories she was one of the first casualties of his fall from grace. He’d cut her… a little at a time, and drank her blood from the finest crystal in the hotel kitchen. Wesley moved behind him, his fingers skimming the surface of his skin, looking for a place to begin.
Angel tried to ignore the touch, so much like hers. Instead he concentrated on the blood in his stomach, Wesley’s blood. It felt good. He wasn’t full by any means, but it was clean, strong. It didn’t taste of Styrofoam or drugs, just Wesley. He could feel it working in him, restoring his body, even if it did little to restore his mind.
His eyes went back to roaming the room. He started a little when he realized that Cordelia was awake and looking at him. He started even more as a quick staccato knock on the door brought Cordelia to her feet.. Wesley’s hand on his shoulder kept him from bolting as Cordelia opened the door carefully.
Gunn slipped inside, followed by two women. Angel could tell Gunn by his smell and profile, but the two women stayed in the dark, behind Gunn. Wesley turned to them.
“Sorry for interrupting.” Gunn said. “We think she’s in the area.”
“She is.” Angel said. His eyes were riveted to the two women. Slowly, almost as one, they stepped closer. He jumped, clinging to Wesley and closing his eyes for a moment. He opened them again, startled that they had come so close. They were so much alike, their faces, the smell.
“This must be Angel.” Anna said, her voice soothing. Angel could feel her voice inside him, gliding over the places that hurt and easing the pain. He nodded. “I’m Anna, Angel. This is Anan. We can help you, if you let us.”
His hand sought out Wesley’s, pulling him closer. Some part of him knew that Anna was not his tormentor, but his mind saw her face surrounded with dark, matted hair, saw her warm smile warped into a sneer. He swallowed as he watched her arm moving toward him and pulled away. It was Anan’s hand that touched him first though and he jolted as if the touch were fire, burning into his skin.
His eyes closed as more calm filled him and he could almost sense the two women in his mind, urging stillness. Anan, like a solid pillar of dark red and behind her, connected by glowing strings of light was Anna, a white-yellow ball of energy. Beside him he felt another presence, cool, protective. He didn’t have to look to know it would be Wesley.
“Let go, Angel.” Anan’s voice said. He swallowed his panic and felt her touch inside him, bringing the quiet and the dark, blessing him with a place where the nightmares and memories wouldn’t find him.
When Anan touched Angel’s face, her other hand clasped lightly in Anna’s, the room seemed to fill with light, Anna’s features disappearing in the swirl of energy. Wesley felt Angel’s hand go slack in his, felt his body relax. Then the light diminished, though Wesley was fairly certain Anna was still glowing.
For a long moment, nobody moved or spoke. Angel sat still, his eyes closed, his face peaceful. Wesley took his hand away from Angel’s and crossed his arms. “I hope you plan on explaining this,” he said. He sensed no malice in Anan, and Anna had been with them for nearly a year. He was beginning to suspect that she was much more than a simple witch.
“We’ve helped him go deep enough inside that Naan won’t be able to reach him.” Anan turned squarely to Wesley. “We need to figure out how she’s using him, before she gets here.”
Wesley looked at them both, pieces of the puzzle still falling into place. “Naan is the one who brings the external within.” His eyes moved from Anan’s to Anna’s. “You must be the one who brings the internal out.”
Anna met his eyes evenly. “That is a very loose translation, Wesley, but I think you’re beginning to understand.”
He nodded and turned back to Anan. “Then who are you?”
She sighed and stepped away. “I am the conscience, the mediator, the focus. Together we heal the wounds of humanity.”
“This don’t look like healing to me.” Gunn said, gesturing at Angel.
Anan sank to a seat on a chair near the table. “No, this is what comes when were are separated.” She picked up the mythology book that Wesley had found his first clue in. “This doesn’t tell the whole story. Not that I blame them. This will tell you of Anna and Naan, two children born to heal the world. Anna was given the gift to feel the joy and love of the world, and to radiate it outward. Naan was given the gift to feel the pain and suffering of the world, and take it within herself. Together, they were destined to do much good.”
She looked up at the expectant faces. “Of course, no one bargained on the fact that they were only children, that they had no idea how to use their gifts, how to control the powers that came with being the children of gods. Their mortal bodies were still those of children when Naan could no longer bear the pain and began to lash out at others. That is when I was created.”
“Created?” Cordelia had moved closer, and Gunn was now leaning on the kitchen counter.
Anan nodded. “Yes, magically. I don’t remember much about it. I was two pieces, one of Naan, one of Anna and then I was Anan, fully myself and yet a part of both. I formed something of a conduit between them, as well as between them and the world at large. Naan’s pain helped us to keep Anna connected to the world, while Anna’s joy and peace enabled us to keep Naan’s pain from overwhelming her.”
“It worked for a time.” Anna picked up the narrative and all eyes moved to her. “Until we were nine or ten. There was war and destruction, and a foreign king sought to bring healing and peace to his country by stealing me. The further away they took me, the weaker my connection to my sister’s became. Anan could no longer ease Naan. Our powers had grown, and Naan’s lashing out became a fury that threatened to consume the world. She sought to end her pain, but her pain was the world’s pain and in her mind it would only end with the world’s end.”
“Suicide by Apocalypse, not my first choice.” Wesley said, shaking his head. “So is it safe to assume that she is looking to do the same now?”
Anan nodded. “Yes, that would be my guess. I just don’t know how.”
“And you think Angel is the key?”
“She is using him. Gunn filled us in on Angel’s…ordeal. Chances are we can read the code and figure it out.” She stood and moved to stand behind Angel.
“I’ve tried to read it, but can’t find a translation guide.” Wesley said, moving with her.
“You wouldn’t. It’s a language we made up as children. Anna.”
Anna joined her sister, once again joining hands. The glow began again, but didn’t build to the same intensity. They moved in tandem around Angel’s still body, never touching, reading across his back, down his arms, up his legs and over his chest. For a long time they stood silent in front of him, staring at the circular pattern over his heart.
The light grew in intensity, then faded away. The sisters separated. Anan’s face had grown pale and it took her a moment to find her voice. “Our time away has seen Naan grow powerful, and creative,” she said at last.
“What does it say?” Wesley asked, glancing at the nursery door. Cordelia saw him look and moved to check on Connor.
It was Anna who responded, her voice small and weak. “She has turned him into a walking booby trap. If the entire text is read aloud, or if he is staked, he will cease to exist, all good and bad he has ever accomplished will disappear, all memory of him erased.”
“And any apocalypse he averted brings the world to an end.”
“It need not even be his actions that averted it.” Anan said, sounding weary. “A life he saved, an influence he made on another.”
“Just imagine any of your lives without ever knowing him.” Anna said, looking up at the sleepy Connor that Cordelia was bringing out of the nursery. “It would all end, and the world, as you know it, would be gone.”
Chapter 8
The room was silent for a long moment, until Conner squirmed about in Cordelia’s arms to be put down, asking to be fed. Numbly, Wesley moved through to the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle he’d made earlier in the day.
Without Angel, none of them would be where they were, least of all Connor, and Wesley couldn’t imagine what that would be like. Buffy would have died sooner, Kendra might not have died at Drusilla’s hands, Faith might never have been called. Without Faith, Wesley would never have gone to Sunnydale, he wouldn’t have suffered her torture. As much as he despised her for it, he knew that it had been a significant step in who he had become.
Wesley realized that he’d drifted off in his thoughts as Connor’s hands pulled on his pant legs and he squatted down to hand off the bottle. “Sorry, Dada’s a little distracted.”
He watched Connor sink onto the floor and stick the bottle in his mouth before he stood and faced the group. “So what happens now?”
“As long as Angel doesn’t get staked, and you can’t read the writing, the world continues pretty much as it has.” Anan said. “Provided we can get Naan and you can re-bind us.”
“You were bound together?” Wesley considered everything they’d learned so far.
“When we, Naan and I, were reunited with Anna, the wizards who had created me crafted a spell to bind us together as one within a talisman. Almost two years ago, we found ourselves in a vault in Vienna, freed. The talisman was destroyed and we were unbound.”
“What happened?” Cordy asked.
Anan shrugged. “We aren’t entirely sure. Naan took off before Anna and I were fully aware of what was going on. By the time we set out to find her, our connection to her was strained.”
“I suggested we understand the time and place we found ourselves in, so that our search might be easier. My gifts had grown, as our bodies obviously had, and we followed the visions.“ Anna’s natural color was returning after draining in response to what she had read etched in Angel’s skin. “I don’t see everything. Much like Cordelia I get flashes of sights, sounds, feelings. I didn’t know anything about Angel when I came to you. I knew that I was needed here, and that by being here, I would find Naan.”
“She’s getting closer.” Anan said, shifting on her feet. “She’ll be feeling us too by now. She’ll either come to us, or run the other way, depending on how far gone she is.”
“Pretty far.” Anna whispered. Wesley looked at her, and saw an echo of what he’d been seeing in Angel’s eyes for the last week.
“Did you-I mean, could you see what happened to him? What she did?” he asked, returning to his place at Angel’s side.
Together Anna and Anan nodded. Angel stirred as Wesley touched him, but didn’t open his eyes. “Can you…make him forget?”
Anna smiled softly, putting a hand over Wesley’s. He felt calm rush into him with her touch. “We could, but it would do little to help him. The work she has done is extensive, and if we take away the memory of it, it will bring him peace for a time, but the fear and the guilt will still be there, the behaviors learned because of them will still be there. Only through the memory can he find his way back to himself.”
Wesley nodded, a part of him wanting to push back the peace she was offering him. He had no right feeling happy, not when all of this came down to something he caused. He pulled his hand away.
“Gunn, its time to go to my father again. He has something we’re going to need if we’re going to join Anna and her sisters together again.”
“You think he’ll give it me?”
Wesley shook his head as he bent over the table and scribbled a note. “No. Your job is to make sure he understands that our accepting his offer of alliance depends on his getting it here as soon as quickly as humanly, or magically, possible.” He folded the note and handed it to him. “Make it very clear that if he wants our assistance with their little problem, he’ll see to this with the utmost urgency.”
“Are you sure that’s wise, Wes? Offering alliance with them?” Cordelia moved into the living room, reaching for the blanket she had dropped to the floor upon rising. “These are the people who did the spell thing that turned Angel all psycho.”
“There will be no alliance, Cordelia, we only need to make them think that there will be. There is very little that will make my father allow me anything I desire, one of them is the Watcher’s Council. I aim to use that to get us what we need, namely the original spell I crafted when I was 16, and the source material that goes with it.”
“Damn, that’s messed up.” Gunn said, pocketing the note.
Wesley smiled uncomfortably. “Yes, Charles. My father and I have a…difficult relationship.” He turned Gunn toward the door. “He’s probably very irritated at our lack of response so you should go now and prevent him anymore frustration.”
Connor crawled into the living room and to Wesley’s feet. He seemed content to sit there, so Wesley let him be. “Cordelia, I’m going to need some supplies from the magic shop on West Grand.”
“I’m shopping girl. Just tell me what I’m getting. You want me to take Connor?”
“If you don’t mind. It will be easier to set up without him here.” He handed her a second page of scribbled notes.
“Come on Connor, let’s get you dressed. Aunt Cordy’s gonna take you shopping!”
“Dee! Shop!” Connor stood and reached for Cordelia with enthusiasm that made her smile.
“Anna, you and Anan should stay here, in case Naan comes. Besides, I think we’re better off keeping you together for now.” He had an ulterior motive that he kept to himself for the moment, pushing it away without really acknowledging it. “In the meantime, I should get Angel back into bed.”
Anna sighed and sank into the couch. Anan moved to Angel’s side, her hand covering his eyes and her face softening. In a few moments Cordelia emerged from the nursery and waved her goodbye as she left and Anan drew her hand away. Angel’s eyes were open and he looked more himself than he had in a long time.
“Wesley?”
Wesley smiled. “Welcome back.”
“Was I gone?”
“In a manner of speaking. Shall we get you up and into bed?”
Angel looked at Anan and blinked. “Naan.”
Anan shook her head. “No, Angel. She isn’t here.”
He considered it for a moment. “You smell like her.”
“I imagine I do. It’s complicated.”
“She won’t hurt you, Angel.” Wesley said, slipping his arm around Angel’s back to help him stand. He was a little stronger on his feet, and he leaned less on Wesley than before as they moved to the bedroom.
Wesley helped him into the bed, drawing the sheets and blanket up around his naked torso and sitting on the bed beside him. “Are you okay?”
Angel nodded slowly. “Better, at least.” He held Wesley’s hand loosely. “I meant what I said earlier, Wes. I need you. When the nightmares are the worst, it’s your voice, your smell…your taste that reminds me what is real.”
“Angel-I…I don’t-“ Wesley fumbled for words, looking down at their joined hands. “I have always…loved you. I never wanted-I never thought you-“
Angel squeezed his hand. “I’ve always been a little slow Wes. If I had known-If I could have believed that you would-“ He chuckled softly. “I guess neither one of us is good at this part.”
Wesley smiled and nodded. “I’d say not.” They sat quietly for a moment. “I came to kill you-that night, I mean. When I found you.” He wouldn’t look at Angel. “I-when you left you were…evil. I wasn’t going to let you hurt us again.”
“Wesley, you should have staked me that night in the warehouse. I gave you enough opportunity. Hell, I’d bet Gunn told you to do it when you brought me here. I certainly wouldn’t have argued.”
Wesley looked up and there were tears in his eyes. “Yes, well, there will be no staking anytime soon.” He laid a hand on Angel’s chest, one finger tracing the pattern over his heart. “Staking you now would not only result in dust in my bed, but everything we know would be gone. You would never have existed.” Wesley leaned forward and kissed the spot. “From this point forward, we defend this spot with our lives.” He whispered.
His kiss was fierce then, his lips capturing Angel’s, his tongue plundering his mouth. He poured every ounce of his affection, his passion, his love into that kiss, wanting it to be enough to make Angel realize how much was invested in keeping him alive.
When he pulled away he wiped at the tears. “You should sleep.”
“I don’t want to sleep, Wes.” Angel moved under the blanket, sitting up against the headboard. “When I sleep I forget. The dreams…and she comes…and…”
“Shh…I know, Angel. I know. But sleep will help make you stronger. I’ll be right here when you wake up. And when we catch Naan, we’re going to make it so she can’t hurt anyone again.”
Angel closed his eyes. “Wesley, I’ve done some pretty terrible things…but Naan…its like…” His voice trailed off, unable to find a suitable analogy.
Wesley kissed him again, softly this time. “Its okay, Angel. I’m right here. Sleep.”
“Stay with me?”
Wesley nodded and climbed up to sit beside Angel, holding his hand and watching over him as slowly sleep came to claim him.
When Wesley was sure that Angel was indeed sleeping, he got up from the bed. He could hear Anna and Anan in the next room, and somehow their presence was irritating. He felt left out, that they had seen, that they knew what Angel had gone through and he didn’t. He needed to know, every instinct in him wanted it. His reasoning told him it wasn’t necessary. What would it gain? Would he really be any better off for watching this man he loved tortured into insanity?
Wesley suspected that the more pertinent reason for the need had to do with his own torture at Angel’s hands, and the human desire for vengeance. Wesley paced around the confines of the room. Damn, why did he always have to have the complex relationships? Couldn’t he once just love someone who loved him back and everything was normal?
Making up his mind, Wesley opened the door and caught Anan’s eye, beckoning her to him with little more than a thought and the movement of his eyes. He moved to let her into the bedroom, then closed the door behind her.
“Angel said something to me before he fell asleep. He said that Naan has been coming to him when he sleeps. Is it astral projection or some such? Is it possible she’s actually getting in here and hurting him?”
Anan shrugged. “I don’t know. Their powers have grown considerably. We’re still figuring out what Anna can do. I have no idea about Naan.”
“Is there a way you can tell?”
“I can try to read him.”
“Can you-“ Wesley swallowed and looked at his feet. “I need to know what she did to him.”
“I don’t think you do.”
He met her eyes, his conviction showing in his face. “If I am to help him find a way back to himself, I have to know what path brought him so far away from it.” He looked to Angel and back. “I need to know.”
“For you…or for him?” she asked, her eyes sparkling with knowledge.
“For us both.”
She nodded once, then moved to the bed. “Stand behind me. Put your hands on my shoulders. If it gets too intense for you, let go. It will sever the connection.” She sat on the edge of the bed, in easy reach of Angel’s head and Wesley moved into position. “Now close your eyes and try to center. I’ll enter your mind first, then his.”
Wesley stilled, and felt the strange sensation of a voice in his head that wasn’t his. Anan encouraged his self control, taking him deeper with a swooping feeling that made him sway a little on his feet. Then they were standing side by side in a room that vaguely resembled his bedroom and she was reaching for Angel. The world spun and they were inside Angel’s disordered mind. The scene flickered around them, from the bedroom to the hotel to a hundred other places. People floated through the scenery, Cordelia, Wesley, Buffy, and then she was there: Naan.
She looked much like her sisters, though her hair was black and matted and wild. There was no air of peace here, no calm, no care. He was alone with her, Anan was gone. His hands and feet were bound to the wall, spread-eagle. He was afraid, dizzy. It took him a moment to realize he was feeling Angel’s emotion, that he was, essentially, Angel. She was coming toward him with a black bowl. The stench of blood laced with some poison nearly made him retch. The taste was vile as she poured it into him, laughing as she murmured some phrases under her breath that made him swallow. “Drink like a good boy, don’t let your friend Wesley go to waste.”
When she moved away, Wesley could see himself, hung on the opposite wall, his naked body covered in bite marks. He shuddered, feeling the poison spread through him. The murmuring changed to a language he didn’t understand and he felt the first cut on his thigh. Slowly, she cut small, shallow marks, murmuring her spell as he bled, and yelled out until he was hoarse.
Wesley was vaguely aware of Anan’s presence, calling him out of the memory, but he couldn’t seem to respond. He felt Angel’s consciousness fading and faded with him, out of the reach of Naan’s blade and into the nightmares fueled by the poison and his own guilty conscience.
Darkness and colors swirled around him, making him feel as though he were falling, and when he landed he was in the lobby of the Hyperion. Blood spattered the walls and floor. The windows and doors had been painted black. Fred was tied to the railing of the second floor, though from the looks had been dead for several days. The smell of rotting flesh was overpowering.
Somehow he knew that Cordelia and Gunn were dead, though not here. His arms felt heavy. He looked down and found himself carrying the unconscious form of Buffy Summers.
Buffy was bruised, battered. Her right arm dangled in a way that hinted it might be dislocated at the shoulder. Up the stairs he went, carrying her down the hall and into the ruined room that had once been Angel’s. The bed was upended, tables smashed to kindling. There was evidence that a fire had broken out in one corner of the room. He dropped Buffy to the floor and opened the closet. On the floor, bound and naked was…himself.
It was apparent Angel had fed from him, bite marks dotted arms and legs. Wesley felt himself-Angel-laugh as he knelt in front of the cowering Wesley. “I brought you some company, Wes.”
The sound of movement drew his attention to the room behind him and turning, he found Buffy awake and watching him, her eyes wide. “Angel?”
“What’s the matter, Buffy? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“What’s going on?”
Wesley/Angel moved closer to Buffy, leaving the bound and naked Wesley . “I brought you here because I need you,” he said, touching her face gently. “Don’t you remember? I told you on the phone.”
“What-Why is Wesley tied up?”
Wesley/Angel sat next to Buffy, looking in at Wesley. “So he can watch.”
With that he grabbed her by the wrists, yanking her arms up over her head and straddling her already broken body. Wesley felt his face changing, felt a desire for blood and violence sweep through him, then the taste of blood filled his mouth. He wanted to retch, to be free of Angel’s memory. Then he saw her.
Naan hovered near them, her voice whispering to him. “Make it last, little one. Don’t kill her too quickly.” She danced around them. “There’s more pain in this one. There’s heartbreak…there’s desire unfulfilled…there’s grief. We must milk it before you drink it.”
Wesley/Angel pulled off of Buffy’s neck, and Wesley could feel her blood moving through him. He laughed as he saw the fury in the face of the captive Wesley. “What’s the matter Wes? Want to try some?” He kissed him then, his mouth still dripping with Buffy’s blood, his tongue invading Wesley’s mouth. “Or maybe it’s something else you’re wanting? Are you ready for me yet, Wes?”
Wesley/Angel bit his wrist and shoved it in Captive Wesley’s face, pressing the bleeding wound against his mouth. No sooner had Captive Wesley given in and opened his mouth, and Wesley/Angel pulled away, standing and laughing. “No, not yet. Soon, but not yet.”
He turned around, tripping over the unconscious form of the slayer and falling forward, falling into the darkness and swirling sounds of voices cursing him and calling to him, and back into the dark cave where Naan still cut away at his leg. He could feel blood running down his skin, could smell it. His body shook.
Naan finished and stood, her hands bloody. She looked at him, her eyes going dark as she looked at him. “You!”
Wesley got the distinct impression that she saw him, and at the same time, felt the sudden presence of Anan beside him. In that instant he was outside of Angel, and Anan and Naan faced one another.
“Naan, please come back to us. We need you.”
“No, no. It must end. I will make it stop!”
Naan paced agitatedly in front of them. “Go away!”
Wesley felt the pressure of her will against him and retreated a step. Anan came with him. Then the world was spinning again, and he felt his physical body suddenly around him, felt his hands falling from Anan’s shoulders and his knees collapsing beneath him. He heard Anan call for Anna, just before he succumbed to the darkness.
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