Firstly sweetie, you;'ll have to forgive me for attempting to critique/proofread this at three in the morning. And secondly, I have long fake nails for Halloween weekend and it's totally messing with my typing, but hopefully I'll be able to catch all my own typos and not just make more mistakes for you :P
"It is my goal to continue to use my rounded educational background and understanding to further improve the lives of people around me."
It's a nice, idealistic sentence but the adjective "rounded" sounds odd to me. I want to say "well rounded" but then it sounds cliché and adds a word to your wordcount. (How strict are the applications regarding the length of your personal statement?)
"I have spent ten years in young childhood education doing everything from simply play and organization, to teaching chemifluorescence to elementary school children, and even one-on-one work with challenged individuals (be that physically, mentally, or learning disabled). ""young childhood education" sounds awkward to me. Young is somewhat implied
( ... )
Yay for alliteration!pharmawhatOctober 29 2004, 13:06:26 UTC
My cutie is the bestest, late-night grammar nazi ever! :-) *MWAH* I love all your suggestions, mad I didn't find half of them myself, but proud I didn't get more five screw-ups from an ingish aficionado in such a long paper. :-P I think most grad schools really have no limits, which is why I'm going HOG WILD!!! :) Thank you cutie, go to bed.
Re: Yay for alliteration!slow_like_honeyOctober 29 2004, 16:00:09 UTC
I found one more... "I have recently this past summer been promoted to now be the youngest member..." I thought setting "this past summer" off by commas might make this sentence better but that doesn't sound right to me either. Maybe you want to rework it to say something like "This past summer I was promoted to be the youngest member..." Or something like that? "I was recently promoted to be the..." "Just this past summer I was promoted and became the youngest member..." I think you get the idea :)
I'm glad you think my suggestions are helpful sweetie :) *MWAH!*
My personal statement for my application at Hood limits me to five hundred words. Speaking of which, I should probably start working on that soon. The sooner I apply the sooner I know if I'll be back in the spring or not 'cause registration starts in a few weeks. And I did go to bed shortly after posting that comment :) I didn't have anywhere to be this morning tho' so I got to sleep in and it was nice :D
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"It is my goal to continue to use my rounded educational background and understanding to further improve the lives of people around me."
It's a nice, idealistic sentence but the adjective "rounded" sounds odd to me. I want to say "well rounded" but then it sounds cliché and adds a word to your wordcount. (How strict are the applications regarding the length of your personal statement?)
"I have spent ten years in young childhood education doing everything from simply play and organization, to teaching chemifluorescence to elementary school children, and even one-on-one work with challenged individuals (be that physically, mentally, or learning disabled). ""young childhood education" sounds awkward to me. Young is somewhat implied ( ... )
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I love all your suggestions, mad I didn't find half of them myself, but proud I didn't get more five screw-ups from an ingish aficionado in such a long paper. :-P I think most grad schools really have no limits, which is why I'm going HOG WILD!!! :)
Thank you cutie, go to bed.
Reply
I'm glad you think my suggestions are helpful sweetie :) *MWAH!*
My personal statement for my application at Hood limits me to five hundred words. Speaking of which, I should probably start working on that soon. The sooner I apply the sooner I know if I'll be back in the spring or not 'cause registration starts in a few weeks. And I did go to bed shortly after posting that comment :) I didn't have anywhere to be this morning tho' so I got to sleep in and it was nice :D
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