Fic: "Fade to Black", Buffy/Giles, chapter 2/10, STRONG ANGST! UNHAPPY ENDING!
The instant her real world was replaced by the blackness of the entrance to his mind, Buffy found herself presented with the door to his apartment once more. She had had to wait two full days, and she was anxious to find him again, worried what might have gone wrong last time. Buffy knew there had to have been a reason for him to let go and she could almost swear she’d heard him scream. Because of that, the door was a relief-proof that he was still there and that they would, in fact, be given the chance to try again.
Bracing herself for whatever his mind might present, Buffy wrenched it open and stepped through, praying that this time she might at least find him quickly.
Buffy immediately discovered herself walking out of the closet of a shabby apartment. It smelled heavily of incense and cigarette smoke and was filled with the noise from the street below, the details reassuring her that he was near. The floor was hardwood and there was a stained mattress in the corner, which caused her nose to wrinkle in distaste, particularly when she noticed the needles and used condoms strewn about the room along with what appeared to be the ingredients for minor spells.
The Slayer was about ready to head for the door opposite the empty closet with its sad single hanger. It was obvious he wasn’t here and whatever memories Giles might have of this place, she was relatively sure this was an aspect of his past she didn’t want to explore any time soon.
Just as she was about to reach for the door, however, it burst open and she had to jump back to avoid being hit by it as two bodies came shoving through, practically wrapped around each other.
“C’mon, Ripper,” the female half of the pair practically purred. “Learn to shag…I’ll make it good.” With a smooth lightening quick motion, the brunette yanked down the zipper of the man’s jeans and slid her hand inside.
Buffy found herself practically staring as her jaw dropped. The dark-haired young man was her Watcher, it seemed, but not like she’d ever seen him. He was dressed in blue jeans and a well-worn black leather jacket thrown over his white t-shirt, but she’d seen that. What struck her was that he was so young! Not more than twenty or twenty-one surely, fresh-faced and gawky…and obviously otherwise engaged.
His eyes were wide now and he backed into a wall even as the woman followed him. “B-but Deirdre, I talk tough, but I never…”
“Shh…” she quieted him as she began work on him with her hand. “I know, and I’ll be gentle. This is going to be sweet, don’t worry. ‘Sides, you gotta start sometime.” The woman named Deirdre leaned in to take his lips once more, and after a moment of hesitation, he responded, leaning into her caress as he clumsily used a hand to fondle her as well.
Buffy realized this was about to go a lot further than she wanted to bear witness. She was tempted to just leave him here and come back later-much later, her mind supplied-but she stubbornly decided to push forward, afraid of losing another chance and not knowing how long she’d have to wait to come back once more.
“Giles! Rupert Giles!” she called out as she waved her hands and stepped out to where she was clearly visible, hoping his full name would cause him to notice her. This time she didn’t have to worry about them ignoring her…both parties noticed her right away.
“And who in the hell are you?” Deirdre asked as she removed her hand from his jeans, causing him to yelp slightly as she pinched him inadvertently on the way out. Buffy just put her hands on her hips.
“Ripper?” the brunette asked her companion, demanding explanation.
“I don’t know!” he whined, face bright red as he carefully tried to hide himself and readjust his clothing to its previous state.
“Well, she obviously knows you!”
Buffy ignored Deirdre, knowing that the other woman was only a rather realistic manifestation. “Giles! Snap out of it. It’s Buffy. Your Slayer?”
“Uh, what?” he asked, clearly rather perplexed.
“You know from Sunnydale…fell into the Hellmouth…year is 2003. Ringing any bells here?”
“Rip, what the hell is she talking about?”
He seemed to shake himself to clear his head. “Buffy?” he asked hesitantly as he looked at Deirdre again. “But…”
She had him now, but he was obviously still confused. “It’s just you and me, Giles. We’re the only ones here. You can make her go away.”
“Hey! Sod off, bitch!” Buffy’s comment had made the other woman indignant and she took a step forward; though as imposing as she looked, Buffy wasn’t the least bit worried, knowing she could take her easily.
“Just you and me, Giles,” Buffy repeated calmly, keeping her attention focused on him.
“You stupid cu- ” Whatever Deirdre was about to say was abruptly cut off as she ceased to exist, and suddenly the room was a lot quieter as Buffy found herself alone with her Watcher.
Giles found he couldn’t meet her eyes. They’d been through a lot together, but this was a new experience for him…even the Olivia incident had been casual, on his turf, and not half so blatant, but this! Buffy had practically seen…well, far more than she needed to. “Buffy, I’m terribly sorry…”
Buffy surprised them both by putting a hand on his shoulder. “Hey! Don’t worry about it. If that was one of your memories, I’m guessing I could have seen a lot worse.”
He looked at her startled, before giving a half-chuckle. “True, but I still didn’t mean…” He was a younger version of himself, yes, but now that he was back to acting more like the Giles she knew, Buffy could see the resemblance a lot more clearly.
“You remember everything okay? I don’t need to tell you what’s going on again?” Buffy asked to confirm, really hoping that she wouldn’t have to go through the painful revelations a second time.
“No. It’s…easier.”
“So, that was your first time?” she asked before she even realized she’d said the question out loud, and she had to fight the urge to let her hand fly up to her mouth.
“Er, yes, but it’s not something I’m very proud of,” he indicated the room with the sweep of his hand. “Not exactly my best.”
“Sorry. Just a bit thrown, you know? I mean, not of this exactly…not that you…” Buffy found herself backpedaling, wishing she’d never started this line of conversation and not wanting to offend him. “Okay, let me start over. As far as first times go, let’s not compare badness, because, as you know, I’m going to win. And I’ve done worse than that since. Mostly I just was a bit surprised that you…hadn’t sooner, you know?”
Not exactly what he’d been expecting, he had to admit, given her past history of ‘eww, gross’ comments at the slightest suggestion of his sexuality. Giles decided to answer, even though it wasn’t exactly a topic with which he was comfortable. Chances were that if the mindwalking experience continued, Buffy might be seeing a lot more than this. “Well, I was twenty-one and it was only about a week after I’d started my rebellious phase and left Oxford. Before that…let’s just say that the training and schooling required to be a Watcher doesn’t exactly allow much time for socializing.”
“So all Watchers are repressed? That would explain a lot.” Buffy mused, unable to stop the quip.
Giles flashed her a quick grin, glad both that the old Buffy seemed to be showing through once again and that she still seemed to be accepting what she’d just witnessed. “Quite possibly. Could we perhaps move the conversation elsewhere, however? I think we’ve discussed this more than enough.”
Buffy nodded with relief. “Yeah, definitely.”
There was a moment of awkward silence and then Buffy found herself reaching up and stopping just short of touching his face. “It’s interesting to see you like this though. You look good…I mean not that you’re not normally handsome and all, but still…this is different-nice,” she said, finding herself once more trying to avoid stepping into a verbal pothole.
“Pardon?”
“You. Twenty-one year old you.” In an instant he’d reverted to his forty-nine year old visage. “Or you were,” Buffy commented ruefully.
“Sorry. It’s just that as soon as you pointed it out, I noticed and couldn’t help remembering my normal self.”
“It’s okay. This is good too,” she smiled. Then her voice grew softer. “It’s just nice to see you, not…coma-ish.”
“It’s nice to see you at all,” he told her sincerely. “I can definitely use all the company I can get in here.”
“I bet…though it seems like you don’t have too much trouble finding your own ‘company.’” She gestured at the mattress.
“Er, yes.” Giles concentrated slightly, and the scene around them shifted, the colors blurring together until they found themselves in the living room of new house he, Willow, Xander, Dawn, and Buffy had found in Cleveland. He hadn’t been that fond of the original purple carpet, but the girls had argued for it, and it had survived the various other re-modeling they’d done. Unfortunately, the transformation wasn’t quite complete; the apartment of the previous scene remained visible where the living room should have opened into the kitchen, and the far wall, which normally would have been covered with displays of various weapons was completely blank, not even a window to be seen.
“Hey, cool!” Buffy congratulated him as she flopped down on the fully present couch. “You’re learning how to control it!”
He nodded. “When I can remember, but the minute I forget…I find myself just meandering through the constructs of my mind once more. And, as you can see, I’ve yet to perfect it. The details either come or they don’t and I can’t even begin to create others with which I can interact when I set about to do it intentionally.”
Giles grinned, and a plate of lemon tea cookies appeared on the legless coffee table that suspended itself seemingly magically in the air. “And the food is terrible, unless I happen to do it without really thinking about it. When I actually try, I can get it to look right, but…”
Since it wasn’t exactly a ringing endorsement, Buffy nervously took one of the cookies as she knew he expected her to do and nibbled before making a face. “Tasting like cardboard isn’t supposed to be literal!”
“And yet.”
Buffy could tell he was trying hard to appear upbeat about it, but realized it had to be rather difficult to do so. Still, she was willing to play along and ignore the sad truth underlying it all, if he was. “Well, hopefully we can get you back to the real world and enjoying some of that delicious hospital food I’ve been living off lately. Believe me when I say it’s just all just the exact same unidentifiable goo-it just comes in multiple colors and textures for your dining pleasure.”
Giles furrowed his brow. “How much more time has passed since you were here before?”
“Um, about two days, and,” she looked at the watch which Willow had insisted she wear, and which had followed her into his mind, “three hours. I had to wait until Willow said it was safe again.”
He nodded. “Yes, mindwalking is taxing, probably for both of us. The more you do it, the easier it gets, but still, caution is probably wise.”
Buffy dropped her gaze. “If we can’t get you out this time, I’ll keep coming back as often as I can until we do.”
“Thank you,” he replied, not sure what else to say. “I appreciate that.”
“Giles? What happened last time? I thought for sure it was going to work.” It was the topic they’d been avoiding.
“Honestly? I’m not sure.” He briefly described feeling the physical pain, then ‘blacking out’ until he’d awoken again in one of his fantasies. He left out the shadow figure, assuming it was more likely than not simply his imagination. He also carefully left out the details of the fantasy to which he’d returned-Angelus’ actual torture had been bad enough, but his mind knew just how far it could have gone. In the daylight he’d long since been able to put it in the past, but that particular nightmare was one that had continued to haunt him even when he hadn’t been trapped in his mind. Now that his dreams and nightmares were manifesting…
“I’m assuming you plan on trying again?” he asked hopefully, even though he knew the same result could easily happen again.
“So long as you want to, yeah. You do, right?” she asked, suddenly worried.
“The sooner the better, as far as I’m concerned. How much longer until Willow…”
Buffy shook her head. “Willow’s not anchoring this time. She thought I might have more control if I did it myself now that I know how to get back. So as soon as you want, I guess, but I thought-you know, in case it doesn’t work-that you might want to, um, talk for a bit? I can stay for a few hours, if you like.”
As hard as it was for him to hear it, he knew it was harder for her to say, because it was an actual admission of the very real chance he might not be able to make it this time, either. After all, they wouldn’t be significantly altering their approach and, with no idea what had caused the difficulty the first time, there was no real way to ward against it now. Giles found himself very much wanting the opportunity she offered. If it turned out that she could only visit every few days, he fully intended to take full advantage of what time she would give him. Even though he truly was getting more control, his mind wasn’t always the most pleasant place to be and while she was there, she kept him grounded, free of his more torrential musings. Worse yet, was the loneliness which he knew would cut him like a knife once she was gone again if they failed this time, as well. “I would like that very much,” he admitted quietly.
“So then, whatcha wanna talk about Watcher-guy? All things considered, I think you get first choice of topics.”
“Tell me what’s been going on, out there in the real world. It’d be nice to know that it’s still actually there.”
“Well, let’s see. Wesley went to England to help out, since…well since you couldn’t,” Buffy admitted. “Fred went with him; I’m pretty sure they’re a couple now. I’m glad for them, and I think they’re happy. They look cute with the smoochiness anyway.”
They discussed the formation of the Council and the continued education of the new Slayers as it was now, being led by Faith and Robin, aided, interestingly enough, by Andrew. On the whole, most of the new Slayers seemed to be performing well, and the protection of the Cleveland Hellmouth was proving a much less arduous task than Sunnydale had been.
Then the conversation moved on to their own little family, starting with Dawn’s performance in school, which, now that evil fighting wasn’t such a major concern, was beginning to improve. In fact, given her interest in research, languages, fighting techniques picked up in Sunnydale, and her new bout of scholarship, Buffy found herself wondering if Dawn might not make a good Watcher. Wesley had speculated that chances were, given her mystical properties, the Call could be induced if she decided it was something she wanted.
Next, Buffy told him about Willow’s new love interest in the coven, Elyssa, who, as far as she was concerned was a far better match for her friend than Kennedy had been. Elyssa was into magic and new age, and, although she was a lot more spunky than Tara, she didn’t have Kennedy’s rashness or pushy abrasiveness. Privately, Giles vaguely remembered having met her at the coven and found himself agreeing that this new girl seemed like the superior choice to the young Slayer who had concerned him as well with her attitude. Aloud, he told Buffy to convey his well wishes.
“Lord knows, Willow could use another healthy relationship if she’s to have any at all.”
Buffy nodded.
“And Xander?”
She sighed. “About the same. He functions, but he’s big on the despondency.”
“Grief has to run its course, Buffy. You know that. It’ll fade over time, we’ll have to hope.”
“Yeah, I know. I just wish it’d fade a little faster, is all. I mean, I know Anya meant a lot to him…she meant a lot to all of us, really, but still…it hurts to watch him like that.”
“I wish…I wish I could…”
“Yeah, I wish you could be there too, Watcher-man.” Buffy looked at the watch again, knowing their time was running out. “Ready to try again and see if we can make that wish come true?”
“Has the time passed so quickly?”
“Well, it flies when you’re having fun,” Buffy replied, giving him a sad little half-grin. Together they rose from the couch. She concentrated and once more called up the way out so that this time the entire front of the house appeared where the blank wall had been and the stone path came into being with the stones set firmly in the shag carpet of the living room.
The Slayer reached out and caught her Watcher as he swooned deeply, steadying him as he clutched his knees and took a few deep breaths until he was again able to stand upright. “Worse?” she asked with concern.
He nodded. “Yes. Let’s hope this is the last time, shall we?”
They walked up the path and, once again, she opened the door to the blackness that lay beyond-between his mind and the real world. Buffy clasped his arms at the elbows and he did the same, locking their grasp together as they made eye contact. He nodded, indicating his readiness, and Buffy wordlessly allowed herself to back up through the door, tightening her grip the instant he began to pass through.
Giles felt the slight resistance and held his breath, waiting for the excruciating pain to hit. It didn’t, and he pushed forward even more. He was beginning to feel safe, when suddenly it came on with shocking force. Buffy heard him begin to roar his discomfort and held on with as much strength as she could muster. The concern of broken bones, if they transferred, was a concern that paled in comparison to the need to get back to the real world anyway. Even if the injuries manifested, it would be worth it. He returned her grip to the point she could feel him bruising with his fingers, and she began to pull, trying to bring him with her by sheer force of will.
At first, they seemed to be making progress. Then she saw it. The bright world behind him seemed to slowly become enveloped in a massive shadow. Then it reared up, and she realized it wasn’t a shadow at all, but something far more substantial as the red eyes seemed to pierce her soul. In a flash, it was gone, but, in its wake, a howling wind began to blow, tearing at her and pulling her Watcher back. His face was so contorted with agony, Buffy wasn’t even sure he knew what was going on as she fought for him, but the wind grew stronger and it almost felt as if there were something on the other side of the portal bodily dragging him back with force equal to, or even surpassing, her own.
The Slayer grit her teeth and dug in her heals, but she knew she was losing the battle. Giles’ grip had long since loosened when Buffy gave one last final massive pull. However, instead of gaining ground, the shock as her tug seemed to be met with equal force wrenched him from her grip and caused her to fall backwards-back into the real world without him once more.
Chapter 3
Bracing herself for whatever his mind might present, Buffy wrenched it open and stepped through, praying that this time she might at least find him quickly.
Buffy immediately discovered herself walking out of the closet of a shabby apartment. It smelled heavily of incense and cigarette smoke and was filled with the noise from the street below, the details reassuring her that he was near. The floor was hardwood and there was a stained mattress in the corner, which caused her nose to wrinkle in distaste, particularly when she noticed the needles and used condoms strewn about the room along with what appeared to be the ingredients for minor spells.
The Slayer was about ready to head for the door opposite the empty closet with its sad single hanger. It was obvious he wasn’t here and whatever memories Giles might have of this place, she was relatively sure this was an aspect of his past she didn’t want to explore any time soon.
Just as she was about to reach for the door, however, it burst open and she had to jump back to avoid being hit by it as two bodies came shoving through, practically wrapped around each other.
“C’mon, Ripper,” the female half of the pair practically purred. “Learn to shag…I’ll make it good.” With a smooth lightening quick motion, the brunette yanked down the zipper of the man’s jeans and slid her hand inside.
Buffy found herself practically staring as her jaw dropped. The dark-haired young man was her Watcher, it seemed, but not like she’d ever seen him. He was dressed in blue jeans and a well-worn black leather jacket thrown over his white t-shirt, but she’d seen that. What struck her was that he was so young! Not more than twenty or twenty-one surely, fresh-faced and gawky…and obviously otherwise engaged.
His eyes were wide now and he backed into a wall even as the woman followed him. “B-but Deirdre, I talk tough, but I never…”
“Shh…” she quieted him as she began work on him with her hand. “I know, and I’ll be gentle. This is going to be sweet, don’t worry. ‘Sides, you gotta start sometime.” The woman named Deirdre leaned in to take his lips once more, and after a moment of hesitation, he responded, leaning into her caress as he clumsily used a hand to fondle her as well.
Buffy realized this was about to go a lot further than she wanted to bear witness. She was tempted to just leave him here and come back later-much later, her mind supplied-but she stubbornly decided to push forward, afraid of losing another chance and not knowing how long she’d have to wait to come back once more.
“Giles! Rupert Giles!” she called out as she waved her hands and stepped out to where she was clearly visible, hoping his full name would cause him to notice her. This time she didn’t have to worry about them ignoring her…both parties noticed her right away.
“And who in the hell are you?” Deirdre asked as she removed her hand from his jeans, causing him to yelp slightly as she pinched him inadvertently on the way out. Buffy just put her hands on her hips.
“Ripper?” the brunette asked her companion, demanding explanation.
“I don’t know!” he whined, face bright red as he carefully tried to hide himself and readjust his clothing to its previous state.
“Well, she obviously knows you!”
Buffy ignored Deirdre, knowing that the other woman was only a rather realistic manifestation. “Giles! Snap out of it. It’s Buffy. Your Slayer?”
“Uh, what?” he asked, clearly rather perplexed.
“You know from Sunnydale…fell into the Hellmouth…year is 2003. Ringing any bells here?”
“Rip, what the hell is she talking about?”
He seemed to shake himself to clear his head. “Buffy?” he asked hesitantly as he looked at Deirdre again. “But…”
She had him now, but he was obviously still confused. “It’s just you and me, Giles. We’re the only ones here. You can make her go away.”
“Hey! Sod off, bitch!” Buffy’s comment had made the other woman indignant and she took a step forward; though as imposing as she looked, Buffy wasn’t the least bit worried, knowing she could take her easily.
“Just you and me, Giles,” Buffy repeated calmly, keeping her attention focused on him.
“You stupid cu- ” Whatever Deirdre was about to say was abruptly cut off as she ceased to exist, and suddenly the room was a lot quieter as Buffy found herself alone with her Watcher.
Giles found he couldn’t meet her eyes. They’d been through a lot together, but this was a new experience for him…even the Olivia incident had been casual, on his turf, and not half so blatant, but this! Buffy had practically seen…well, far more than she needed to. “Buffy, I’m terribly sorry…”
Buffy surprised them both by putting a hand on his shoulder. “Hey! Don’t worry about it. If that was one of your memories, I’m guessing I could have seen a lot worse.”
He looked at her startled, before giving a half-chuckle. “True, but I still didn’t mean…” He was a younger version of himself, yes, but now that he was back to acting more like the Giles she knew, Buffy could see the resemblance a lot more clearly.
“You remember everything okay? I don’t need to tell you what’s going on again?” Buffy asked to confirm, really hoping that she wouldn’t have to go through the painful revelations a second time.
“No. It’s…easier.”
“So, that was your first time?” she asked before she even realized she’d said the question out loud, and she had to fight the urge to let her hand fly up to her mouth.
“Er, yes, but it’s not something I’m very proud of,” he indicated the room with the sweep of his hand. “Not exactly my best.”
“Sorry. Just a bit thrown, you know? I mean, not of this exactly…not that you…” Buffy found herself backpedaling, wishing she’d never started this line of conversation and not wanting to offend him. “Okay, let me start over. As far as first times go, let’s not compare badness, because, as you know, I’m going to win. And I’ve done worse than that since. Mostly I just was a bit surprised that you…hadn’t sooner, you know?”
Not exactly what he’d been expecting, he had to admit, given her past history of ‘eww, gross’ comments at the slightest suggestion of his sexuality. Giles decided to answer, even though it wasn’t exactly a topic with which he was comfortable. Chances were that if the mindwalking experience continued, Buffy might be seeing a lot more than this. “Well, I was twenty-one and it was only about a week after I’d started my rebellious phase and left Oxford. Before that…let’s just say that the training and schooling required to be a Watcher doesn’t exactly allow much time for socializing.”
“So all Watchers are repressed? That would explain a lot.” Buffy mused, unable to stop the quip.
Giles flashed her a quick grin, glad both that the old Buffy seemed to be showing through once again and that she still seemed to be accepting what she’d just witnessed. “Quite possibly. Could we perhaps move the conversation elsewhere, however? I think we’ve discussed this more than enough.”
Buffy nodded with relief. “Yeah, definitely.”
There was a moment of awkward silence and then Buffy found herself reaching up and stopping just short of touching his face. “It’s interesting to see you like this though. You look good…I mean not that you’re not normally handsome and all, but still…this is different-nice,” she said, finding herself once more trying to avoid stepping into a verbal pothole.
“Pardon?”
“You. Twenty-one year old you.” In an instant he’d reverted to his forty-nine year old visage. “Or you were,” Buffy commented ruefully.
“Sorry. It’s just that as soon as you pointed it out, I noticed and couldn’t help remembering my normal self.”
“It’s okay. This is good too,” she smiled. Then her voice grew softer. “It’s just nice to see you, not…coma-ish.”
“It’s nice to see you at all,” he told her sincerely. “I can definitely use all the company I can get in here.”
“I bet…though it seems like you don’t have too much trouble finding your own ‘company.’” She gestured at the mattress.
“Er, yes.” Giles concentrated slightly, and the scene around them shifted, the colors blurring together until they found themselves in the living room of new house he, Willow, Xander, Dawn, and Buffy had found in Cleveland. He hadn’t been that fond of the original purple carpet, but the girls had argued for it, and it had survived the various other re-modeling they’d done. Unfortunately, the transformation wasn’t quite complete; the apartment of the previous scene remained visible where the living room should have opened into the kitchen, and the far wall, which normally would have been covered with displays of various weapons was completely blank, not even a window to be seen.
“Hey, cool!” Buffy congratulated him as she flopped down on the fully present couch. “You’re learning how to control it!”
He nodded. “When I can remember, but the minute I forget…I find myself just meandering through the constructs of my mind once more. And, as you can see, I’ve yet to perfect it. The details either come or they don’t and I can’t even begin to create others with which I can interact when I set about to do it intentionally.”
Giles grinned, and a plate of lemon tea cookies appeared on the legless coffee table that suspended itself seemingly magically in the air. “And the food is terrible, unless I happen to do it without really thinking about it. When I actually try, I can get it to look right, but…”
Since it wasn’t exactly a ringing endorsement, Buffy nervously took one of the cookies as she knew he expected her to do and nibbled before making a face. “Tasting like cardboard isn’t supposed to be literal!”
“And yet.”
Buffy could tell he was trying hard to appear upbeat about it, but realized it had to be rather difficult to do so. Still, she was willing to play along and ignore the sad truth underlying it all, if he was. “Well, hopefully we can get you back to the real world and enjoying some of that delicious hospital food I’ve been living off lately. Believe me when I say it’s just all just the exact same unidentifiable goo-it just comes in multiple colors and textures for your dining pleasure.”
Giles furrowed his brow. “How much more time has passed since you were here before?”
“Um, about two days, and,” she looked at the watch which Willow had insisted she wear, and which had followed her into his mind, “three hours. I had to wait until Willow said it was safe again.”
He nodded. “Yes, mindwalking is taxing, probably for both of us. The more you do it, the easier it gets, but still, caution is probably wise.”
Buffy dropped her gaze. “If we can’t get you out this time, I’ll keep coming back as often as I can until we do.”
“Thank you,” he replied, not sure what else to say. “I appreciate that.”
“Giles? What happened last time? I thought for sure it was going to work.” It was the topic they’d been avoiding.
“Honestly? I’m not sure.” He briefly described feeling the physical pain, then ‘blacking out’ until he’d awoken again in one of his fantasies. He left out the shadow figure, assuming it was more likely than not simply his imagination. He also carefully left out the details of the fantasy to which he’d returned-Angelus’ actual torture had been bad enough, but his mind knew just how far it could have gone. In the daylight he’d long since been able to put it in the past, but that particular nightmare was one that had continued to haunt him even when he hadn’t been trapped in his mind. Now that his dreams and nightmares were manifesting…
“I’m assuming you plan on trying again?” he asked hopefully, even though he knew the same result could easily happen again.
“So long as you want to, yeah. You do, right?” she asked, suddenly worried.
“The sooner the better, as far as I’m concerned. How much longer until Willow…”
Buffy shook her head. “Willow’s not anchoring this time. She thought I might have more control if I did it myself now that I know how to get back. So as soon as you want, I guess, but I thought-you know, in case it doesn’t work-that you might want to, um, talk for a bit? I can stay for a few hours, if you like.”
As hard as it was for him to hear it, he knew it was harder for her to say, because it was an actual admission of the very real chance he might not be able to make it this time, either. After all, they wouldn’t be significantly altering their approach and, with no idea what had caused the difficulty the first time, there was no real way to ward against it now. Giles found himself very much wanting the opportunity she offered. If it turned out that she could only visit every few days, he fully intended to take full advantage of what time she would give him. Even though he truly was getting more control, his mind wasn’t always the most pleasant place to be and while she was there, she kept him grounded, free of his more torrential musings. Worse yet, was the loneliness which he knew would cut him like a knife once she was gone again if they failed this time, as well. “I would like that very much,” he admitted quietly.
“So then, whatcha wanna talk about Watcher-guy? All things considered, I think you get first choice of topics.”
“Tell me what’s been going on, out there in the real world. It’d be nice to know that it’s still actually there.”
“Well, let’s see. Wesley went to England to help out, since…well since you couldn’t,” Buffy admitted. “Fred went with him; I’m pretty sure they’re a couple now. I’m glad for them, and I think they’re happy. They look cute with the smoochiness anyway.”
They discussed the formation of the Council and the continued education of the new Slayers as it was now, being led by Faith and Robin, aided, interestingly enough, by Andrew. On the whole, most of the new Slayers seemed to be performing well, and the protection of the Cleveland Hellmouth was proving a much less arduous task than Sunnydale had been.
Then the conversation moved on to their own little family, starting with Dawn’s performance in school, which, now that evil fighting wasn’t such a major concern, was beginning to improve. In fact, given her interest in research, languages, fighting techniques picked up in Sunnydale, and her new bout of scholarship, Buffy found herself wondering if Dawn might not make a good Watcher. Wesley had speculated that chances were, given her mystical properties, the Call could be induced if she decided it was something she wanted.
Next, Buffy told him about Willow’s new love interest in the coven, Elyssa, who, as far as she was concerned was a far better match for her friend than Kennedy had been. Elyssa was into magic and new age, and, although she was a lot more spunky than Tara, she didn’t have Kennedy’s rashness or pushy abrasiveness. Privately, Giles vaguely remembered having met her at the coven and found himself agreeing that this new girl seemed like the superior choice to the young Slayer who had concerned him as well with her attitude. Aloud, he told Buffy to convey his well wishes.
“Lord knows, Willow could use another healthy relationship if she’s to have any at all.”
Buffy nodded.
“And Xander?”
She sighed. “About the same. He functions, but he’s big on the despondency.”
“Grief has to run its course, Buffy. You know that. It’ll fade over time, we’ll have to hope.”
“Yeah, I know. I just wish it’d fade a little faster, is all. I mean, I know Anya meant a lot to him…she meant a lot to all of us, really, but still…it hurts to watch him like that.”
“I wish…I wish I could…”
“Yeah, I wish you could be there too, Watcher-man.” Buffy looked at the watch again, knowing their time was running out. “Ready to try again and see if we can make that wish come true?”
“Has the time passed so quickly?”
“Well, it flies when you’re having fun,” Buffy replied, giving him a sad little half-grin. Together they rose from the couch. She concentrated and once more called up the way out so that this time the entire front of the house appeared where the blank wall had been and the stone path came into being with the stones set firmly in the shag carpet of the living room.
The Slayer reached out and caught her Watcher as he swooned deeply, steadying him as he clutched his knees and took a few deep breaths until he was again able to stand upright. “Worse?” she asked with concern.
He nodded. “Yes. Let’s hope this is the last time, shall we?”
They walked up the path and, once again, she opened the door to the blackness that lay beyond-between his mind and the real world. Buffy clasped his arms at the elbows and he did the same, locking their grasp together as they made eye contact. He nodded, indicating his readiness, and Buffy wordlessly allowed herself to back up through the door, tightening her grip the instant he began to pass through.
Giles felt the slight resistance and held his breath, waiting for the excruciating pain to hit. It didn’t, and he pushed forward even more. He was beginning to feel safe, when suddenly it came on with shocking force. Buffy heard him begin to roar his discomfort and held on with as much strength as she could muster. The concern of broken bones, if they transferred, was a concern that paled in comparison to the need to get back to the real world anyway. Even if the injuries manifested, it would be worth it. He returned her grip to the point she could feel him bruising with his fingers, and she began to pull, trying to bring him with her by sheer force of will.
At first, they seemed to be making progress. Then she saw it. The bright world behind him seemed to slowly become enveloped in a massive shadow. Then it reared up, and she realized it wasn’t a shadow at all, but something far more substantial as the red eyes seemed to pierce her soul. In a flash, it was gone, but, in its wake, a howling wind began to blow, tearing at her and pulling her Watcher back. His face was so contorted with agony, Buffy wasn’t even sure he knew what was going on as she fought for him, but the wind grew stronger and it almost felt as if there were something on the other side of the portal bodily dragging him back with force equal to, or even surpassing, her own.
The Slayer grit her teeth and dug in her heals, but she knew she was losing the battle. Giles’ grip had long since loosened when Buffy gave one last final massive pull. However, instead of gaining ground, the shock as her tug seemed to be met with equal force wrenched him from her grip and caused her to fall backwards-back into the real world without him once more.
Chapter 3