Screaming matches with your parents at 1 AM are the funnest
I don't know why I think it’s okay.
I don't know why I think, if I just read fanfic and go to sleep and fabricate some new lie in the morning, it'll just magically be better.
I don't know why everyone around me even still bothers.
You know that feeling you get when you realise that you'll never amount to anything and you're simply going end up wasting everything you’ve been given for the rest of your pathetic life? Yeah? It's kind of a shitty feeling.
I mean, I wish I could be like the kids who get to complain about their terrible overbearing parents stupid High Expectations Asian Mothers blah blah blah, but I honestly have no right! My parents are awesome! They put up with way more shit than any parent should need to! I’m the weak link here, source of all problems, anchor, bad apple, rotten egg, etc etc. Still trying to figure out which genetic anomaly put me in my mother's womb.
And you know the worst part? Well, me neither, but it's probably knowing exactly how much more awesome the world would be if I was gone, and then realising that--whoops!--I'm too cowardly and selfish to take my own life. That part's a real bummer.
It's like--I know exactly how much I suck. I know exactly how I can be less suck. But I'm not strong enough to actually do it. It's like watching a train wreck: staring at myself from the single self-aware particle in my entire brain as I drive my life into the ground and hurt everyone around me.
Well, maybe not everyone. But the ones that count. The ones I actually care about.
You know, maybe it's silly to be getting all depressed and suicidal over a single high-school essay. But the thing is, it's not just this assignment. It's every single assignment I've been given for the past eight years. I'm clinically incapable of finishing homework. I'm clinically incapable of sticking to something--anything.
It's what this incapability says about me on a deeper level: lack of commitment, lack of responsibilty, lack of self-respect. Lack of drive. Lack of humanity, if the stories are to be believed. I'm weak-willed. I'm actually too weak-willed to do anything about it other than blubber incomprehensibly on the internet. I recognise all my faults, but can't do anything to amend them? Like, seriously, what kind of person am I?
This existential crisis brought to you by “it’s 1:39 AM and I haven’t finished this overdue assignment and I’m 89% certain I’m going to fail Year 10”™; call 1800-GODDAMIT for your free quote today!
I don't know why I think, if I just read fanfic and go to sleep and fabricate some new lie in the morning, it'll just magically be better.
I don't know why everyone around me even still bothers.
You know that feeling you get when you realise that you'll never amount to anything and you're simply going end up wasting everything you’ve been given for the rest of your pathetic life? Yeah? It's kind of a shitty feeling.
I mean, I wish I could be like the kids who get to complain about their terrible overbearing parents stupid High Expectations Asian Mothers blah blah blah, but I honestly have no right! My parents are awesome! They put up with way more shit than any parent should need to! I’m the weak link here, source of all problems, anchor, bad apple, rotten egg, etc etc. Still trying to figure out which genetic anomaly put me in my mother's womb.
And you know the worst part? Well, me neither, but it's probably knowing exactly how much more awesome the world would be if I was gone, and then realising that--whoops!--I'm too cowardly and selfish to take my own life. That part's a real bummer.
It's like--I know exactly how much I suck. I know exactly how I can be less suck. But I'm not strong enough to actually do it. It's like watching a train wreck: staring at myself from the single self-aware particle in my entire brain as I drive my life into the ground and hurt everyone around me.
Well, maybe not everyone. But the ones that count. The ones I actually care about.
You know, maybe it's silly to be getting all depressed and suicidal over a single high-school essay. But the thing is, it's not just this assignment. It's every single assignment I've been given for the past eight years. I'm clinically incapable of finishing homework. I'm clinically incapable of sticking to something--anything.
It's what this incapability says about me on a deeper level: lack of commitment, lack of responsibilty, lack of self-respect. Lack of drive. Lack of humanity, if the stories are to be believed. I'm weak-willed. I'm actually too weak-willed to do anything about it other than blubber incomprehensibly on the internet. I recognise all my faults, but can't do anything to amend them? Like, seriously, what kind of person am I?
This existential crisis brought to you by “it’s 1:39 AM and I haven’t finished this overdue assignment and I’m 89% certain I’m going to fail Year 10”™; call 1800-GODDAMIT for your free quote today!