The Final Word in Crazy.

[phil_in_a_box]

This entry is about my parents. I chose this title because they are the final word in "crazy," plus this should be the final word on their craziness since I've finally given them the boot out of my life

Comments

[anabell_moore]

I'm a Christian, but your mom is the kind of Christian that makes me despise Christians. I'm glad you're finding your own path, Phil. There's so many things I could say, but I'm just not going to because it would partly be going into your moms letter (which I take it you still haven't read) and partly going into my own beliefs (which I don't like to talk about very much...if you want to know, you can always ask, that's my stance on it) and partly because I'm just sitting here not really knowing exactly WHAT to say...but I wanted to make a comment anyway because I read this whole thing and am stunned.

[phil_in_a_box]

My parents are pieces of shit. I can go ahead and say that, and filial piety be damned.

And you know, a lot of people (including my siblings) want to give my dad a free pass on this stuff, making him out to be another victim or at worst a hapless accomplice rather than a fellow perpetrator. That doesn't fly with me. He might not have been as fucked up and crazy as my mom is, but he still went along with everything she did and ruthlessly enforced it all with us. Plus he had his own bad behavior, like his awful temper. No indeed, my dad doesn't get a free pass AT ALL.

[thatquietboy]

i don't pretend to know what went on in your house when you were growing up, but your mother sounds crazy. and you father, by doing nothing or quietly going with the flow, probably did just as much harm as she did.

[phil_in_a_box]

Yup; dead right on both counts.

A lot of people think my father is blameless because next to my mom he looks like a saint, plus they see him as sort of a victim of her craziness too. Whatever truth there might be in that, he still had a responsibility toward his kids that he took a pretty sizable shit on.

Parents/home/family should provide a child a sense of sanity, stability, security, etc. in which children may form their own healthy views of themselves, the world, relationships, etc. My family didn't provide that, and I fear that to be the rule more than the exception nowadays. I hope I'm wrong.

[marisolicious]

I too don't know the extent of your youth, but we have been LJ friends long enough for me to know enough. In the last couple of years I've come to some conclusions, which have been reaffirmed with this entry

[phil_in_a_box]

Thanks so much for what you had to say. *hugs back*

One of the reasons I didn't read my mom's letter is that the bits I started to read were pulling the strings my parents spent my whole life tying me up in. I started to feel sorry for her and feel the guilt and submissiveness that would keep me from keeping a proper perspective. I can't do that to myself anymore. I think her letter will just remain un-read because reading it would bother me too much.

I've really glad that you and my other friends have been so supportive here. I was afraid that posting these things might get some people responding and telling me that I'm being a whiner or a bad son, and even though I don't think those things about myself I'd still be hurt to hear them. Thankfully everyone seems to really have my back; they're telling me that I'm right, that I'm being fair, that I'm NOT crazy. Unlike...well, nevermind, that's a subject for another entry.

[starlick]

It baffles me how you can give your mother any amount of credit or use her evil manipulative way of putting things as evidence that you are somehow lacking. There is no messing around here - she is totally completely absolutely nutjob INSANE. You are totally completely absolutely sweet, loving and loyal. Which is a handy combination for someone like her. The fact that you are those things makes it easier to do what she does.