Tommy's List

[philophrosyne]

Author's Notes:
Fandom young avengers.  No beta. No warnings.
This is me trying to get into Tommy's head and trying out a new format/style/what-have-you of writing.  Like it/hate it: please tell me why so I can get better.

Summary: Tommy has some observations.

Comments

[mozzarellaroses]

Very nice observations about the team ;) This is really in-depth and well-thought out.

[philophrosyne]

Thanks, I was trying to see them as Tommy would see and make use of them. Kate and Eli were really hard because I kept getting stuck at the "romantic triangle" angle, and I think Tommy's smarter than to only see them in that light.

I like it but with reservations

[jazzypom]

I like the fact that Tommy is pretty much incisive, because he is, you know, all this cunning hidden by his freewheeling charm. However, it might have been stronger if you had him having conversations, or some observations or dialogue. I think the sort of narrative style that you've used right here, is good for comics, or any sort of illustration that needs the narrative. As it is here, it's just narrative voice telling us instead of showing us what's up, you know?

I agree with your Tommy on most counts, though.

Re: I like it but with reservations

[philophrosyne]

Thanks!
And I agree with you, Tommy not physically doing anything is a bit out of character. I'll remember that for the next fic.

Oh, one more thing

[jazzypom]

it shouldn't be 'summery' - because that's an adjective describing the weather. It should be 'summary'.

Re: Oh, one more thing

[philophrosyne]

Noted and fixed. Thanks.