TEAM Meeting

Nov 07, 2010 11:46


Fandom Young Avengers, No Warnings Needed, Not Betaed, Characters Belong To Marvel
Word count: 3033
Summary: This is how the Founders roll.
Author's Notes: I wanted more team fic; I miss Nate -> this came about from me thinking about how the team was organized before Kate became the YA sugar-momma.  Criticism welcomed.

TEAM Meeting )

fic young avangers

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Comments 19

Omniscient narrative! jazzypom November 7 2010, 18:54:32 UTC
You seem to like the omniscient narrative (when the narrator steps back, and jumps from thought to thought of all the characters in the room), but the thing with this device is that it takes too long for the reader to get settled in. You'd have been best advised to have a pov of a character to set it up, and then move from thought to character thought.

You also have a few grammar tweaks that throw the reader out. It should be 'borrow' not 'barrow'.

Apart from all that though, you do have good ideas. Of course they'd have team meetings at Eli's place of work! *chuckles* I wanted more of Nate's intentions though, I mean, he's come back into the past, right? What does he think when he sees his teammates? You could have more along those lines.

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Re: Omniscient narrative! philophrosyne November 8 2010, 06:41:18 UTC
I'm a little afraid to do 1st P.O.V. because I'm not really sure how to get into a characters head. I like omniscient because that's how I view reading the comic.

Thanks for that, I shall fix it.

Nate may be the leader of the team, but Eli soo~oo running the day-to-day operations with Billy as his research assistant. That's an interesting idea, and I could see easing myself into 1st P.O.V. with that kind of story. But I have no idea what kind of story to do with him. I love the guy, but we know less about him than Tommy!

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mozzarellaroses November 7 2010, 22:06:56 UTC
Very good ideas indeed, and I was jarred by the science in your story ;D I was jumping for joy at the idea of a core members fic, and thank youuu for making it interesting.

Also, grammar+spelling :3

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philophrosyne November 8 2010, 06:53:06 UTC
Yea~ah, I was also trying to do the research thing to make the Marvel drugs a more prominent part of their lives. The 'Wait, what?' from Eli was supposed to be about the MGH thing, and have him freak-out about his team maybe knowing about him using the stuff. Also, the combo of drugs mentioned by Billy brought about the Civil War -> re: Nitro.

I'm glad you found it interesting! Thank you for reading.

Does the ":3" mean I got better or worse?

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mozzarellaroses November 8 2010, 09:16:36 UTC
:3 means you got better but you're not quite there yet in terms of editing your G and S

XD But that's okay. Just be more careful, or have someone check it over next time.

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philophrosyne November 8 2010, 16:26:33 UTC
Glad I'm getting better, and I hope to find someone. Thank you for your comments.
A good beta-reader is so hard to find.

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fullofmetal November 8 2010, 00:25:52 UTC
The ideas you have here are great! There aren't enough core member fics. >.>

However, I'd suggest getting a beta, just because while the grammar and spelling mistakes aren't completely awful, they can throw a reader off.

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philophrosyne November 8 2010, 06:55:54 UTC
Thank you, and I totally agree with the needing of more core member fics.

Do you know if there is a community or someplace where I can get a beta?

Also, I <3 your icon!

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fullofmetal November 8 2010, 15:27:04 UTC
I honestly have no clue if there's a community of beta readers floating around on the Internet. If there isn't, there should be.

If you can't find anyone to do it, I'd be willing to beta for you, if you want.

And thanks for the compliment on my icon. :D

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philophrosyne November 8 2010, 16:31:57 UTC
There appears to be one on ff.net, but I think it's for members only.
If you are willing, I will be eternally grateful! \o/
What format should I send it to you, if you're willing?

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