Morocco maybe?
Title: In Between Phase
Author: The Philosopher Fool
Rating: R...ish?
Spoilers: Not in here
Notes: Post-Hogwarts Era. Remus is a moody little thing. Apparently both Remus and I need some prozac.
They were living in a strange in-between phase these days. Hogwarts was finished. They had two diplomas that Remus had neatly framed and mounted on the living room wall. Neither of them was considering University or higher education at the moment, although sometimes Remus would talk about it, vaguely though. They both knew however that Remus didn’t have the money or energy to get started and he was still too stubborn to take Sirius’ many offers of borrowed or gift money to restart his education.
They had moved an overstuffed couch they had purchased at a second hand shop up the four flights of stairs into the apartment. They had painted the walls and gotten most of the stains out of the carpet, housewarming gifts from the previous owners. They had debated the merits of getting an animal and decided against it on the grounds that neither were cat people and they had enough canines to deal with on a monthly basis. The apartment constantly stank of Sirius’ clove cigarettes or marijuana, but both were beyond caring. There had once been a time when they would go down the fourth flights of stairs to smoke, but that seemed pointless now.
The colors seemed muted and the volume seemed like it was turned down on everything. Remus and Sirius got into patterns and routines and tried to find ways to work each other into those routines. Remus was constantly tired. Sirius was constantly cranky. Remus hated his job and Sirius hated that he didn’t have one or need one. They were feeling very, very old at the tender age of nineteen.
To make matters worse, The Order and Voldemort each seemed to be on some hiatus. Some of the bloodiest, most dangerous times had past during their sixth and seventh year at Hogwarts. They have lived in a protected, safe place, but were always aware of the danger outside of the castle walls. Many lives had been lost on both sides. It seemed as though everyone was regrouping and licking their wounds. Something worse was coming but for now, a state of hush, a stalemate had darkened the war. Neither boy knew how to deal with the overwhelming doldrums of security and comfort that would be inevitably ripped from them. For eager boys just out of school, it was the most depressing state of affairs. They thought it was their turn to fight the good fight.
They were in a strange in-between phase in their relationship. They had emerged just out of the honeymoon phase of things, the newness of sharing an apartment and bed wearing off. They couldn’t get married like James and Lily, not that either of them really wanted to or needed to get married at that very moment, but that was supposed to be the next step for most couples. They were as committed as two people could be, without actually having a piece of paper or a ceremony…but wasn’t there supposed to be something else? Babies and children were definitely not in the future plans, so what was next? Neither was really sure what the next move was supposed to be.
So, they tried different positions. Different locations. They tried to figure out different ways to shake things up. They tried to kiss each other in different ways, on different places.
“Is it wrong that I only feel alive when I’m with you? When I’m in you?” Sirius asked one night after they were done, limbs still warm and tangled. He lit the joint that had been sitting on the side-table for days now. Remus had to decline the hit, he felt heavy and stoned enough for one day.
Remus just kissed Sirius hard, hard enough to draw a little blood from the kiss. Kissed hard enough to make himself hard again. He couldn’t vocalize that he was feeling the exact same way; that he was now only getting excited about sex, but only in the moment. It was the knowledge that absolutely everything felt stagnant and stale in the moments between that threw him a little. Maybe it was that so much had changed and yet everything felt the same as before.
“Maybe we should plan a trip or something,” Remus said suddenly. “Go someplace exotic.” But as soon as the idea was fully formed, he wished the words died had on his lips. Sirius Black’s childhood was filled with strange and exotic vacations. Where could he possibly take Sirius that would be different? Did he himself actually want to go anywhere different at this moment?
“Let’s go to Morocco,” A hint of forgotten laughter was bubbling in Sirius’ voice.
“Morocco?” Remus questioned flatly.
“Morocco, Jamaica, Prague, I don’t really, as long as you are there,” Sirius proclaimed, but Remus felt the proclamation lacked the effort and lackluster it might have deserved.
Remus tried to smile but it felt forced. These were the sort of things you were supposed to say. He wondered for a moment if it was just him, just his frame of mind that was skewing and ruining this moment. Nevertheless, he replied, “Let’s go to Morocco, then,” he rolled onto his side and looked at the wall. “I’m tired.”
“I love you,” Sirius whispered, it was partly pleading, partly desperate.
“I love you too,” Remus said, and the volume almost turned back up.
A/N: Apparently both Remus and I need some prozac. And I need a BETA reader. Stat.
Feedback is cracklove. Feedback might be prozac....