Rant Therapy
I read the last hundred pages of The Bluest Eye this morning. Yesterday, MB saw me reading and commented that "it's a dirty book"-- I wasn't sure what he was talking about then- but now... it just seems so sad. I don't even know why the reading affected me so much. It's not like I don't already know something about the underbelly of the world, about its crimes and problems, and those indifferent hands that commit these crimes and exacerbate those problems. But there's just something in the way that the "story" is told that makes it seem a lot more "real"- and thus more terrible- as fiction than in words of echoed reality. It's like a omniscient glimpse into a moment, with the power to trace back into each soul and each background... and then you see all the wrongs, and sins, and injustices. You see it through the eyes of the narration and it's all something that really happens, but now there's a deeper sense of reality to it. And it sucks. And I regret reading it in the morning because it made the rest of my day happen under a cloud.
Last night, I had an uncharacteristic convo on AIM. It took a lot more effort than I'm used to, anyway... but I'm not yet all that comfortable with this open-diary thing yet, so I won't elaborate on that. But then I went to bed and had a absurdly long and complicated dream (even by my dream-standards, which are notoriously elaborate anyway). Wish I had time to record it all down when I woke up (I woke up late)... because it was super clear at the time with an insane amount of visual detail. All I remember now is a wood cabin-city type thing at night... old landlady... bathroom stalls that pressed in and traps you... my parents and I moving into an apartment in the cabin... trees that are way easier to climb than they are in rl... a big house and a living room with boxes of CDs with pictures that I don't remember on them.... oh, I think I'm starting to remember how the dream went! It was a nice one... kind of alternate-universe-like. No real "plot", but it was nice.
I got home at about 8 tonight, after about 40 mins of the history review session, an hour of watching the boys tennis team with Lovie, a couple hours for the spring concert (last one of highschool... and it felt like nothing :( I need to get together those UWM IB review sessions, but haven't had the energy to do it. List for tomorrow morning, I guess.
Oh yeah, I'm a little annoyed with the school's near-fascist internet regime. So the IB art exam's over, so we basically have nothing left to do in art at all. So after moving some last stuff down to the basement shelter (ewww-- the mouse was still there! And very very squished and flat-looking. EWewewewew! Poor mouse, but EW!)... so we were back in the room, and half the class weren't talking, so it was kind of boring. I went online and started IMing with people, and then showed AE the site that gets around the filters... well, I logged off in a bit, but she stayed on. The all of a sudden, Mr.C came over-- after a brief talk on the phone-- declared "The thought police has called" and then chastised AE for instant messaging, a "forbidden practice" in the school. Big Brother's watching, 1984, anyone? Yeah, I was a little creeped out too. So Mr.C demanded that AE stop IMing, and marched over and pressed the power button to force a shut down when he got impatient (her computer was responding slow- but by that time, the chat window was gone anyway). That was mean, and I said so. But now I feel like crap for getting AE in trouble. And annoyed with the secret police system. And happy I'm getting out of here very very soon. >_<