Starburst - Part 3/3
Title: Starburst
Pairing: Junjin/Andy, JinDy
Genre: Romance, Angst, Friendship, Fluff
Warnings: Some coarse language, sensuality
Rating: PG-13
Summary: It is the single most mystifying and terrifying moment of his life - and that is how he will always remember the first time he met his soulmate in this world.
Previous: Part Two
STARBURST - PART THREE
After filming ends, Sunho is the first to head back to the waiting room which is empty as everyone is still outside, mingling.
He is glad for the solitude because he has barely walked five steps inside the room before the tears come forth, bursting out of him in shuddering gasps.
Sunho has to lean a hand against the back of a chair, his other hand coming up to cover his eyes. It has been a long time since he had wept like this over those memories, but his heart is clenching and he weeps the tears that he had refused to shed on camera.
There is a soft sound behind him and Sunho turns, hastily wiping the back of his hand across his eyes.
It is Choongjae, standing in the doorway with a look of guilt on his face. He makes to walk away, presumably to give Sunho privacy, but the latter blurts out,
'Please, don't go.'
Choongjae hesitates again before finally entering the room. He approaches Sunho slowly, watching him with eyes full of concern, understanding and an apology.
He does not stop when he is in front of Sunho, but keeps coming until he is able to wrap his arms around the other man in a slightly awkward but infinitely gentle embrace. The touch of his soulmate alone sends waves of comfort rippling across Sunho's heart and he fiercely hugs him back.
'I'm sorry,' says Choongjae in a low voice. 'It must have been so hard on you back then.' He rests his chin on Sunho's shoulder, brushing their cheeks together in the process.
Sunho wipes a tender hand down Choongjae's spine. 'I'm sorry, too, that I couldn't be there for you, Jin. When you were alone. I'm glad the hyungs were there to help...'
They lapse into silence, still not drawing away from each other. Choongjae is warm and Sunho can feel the steady thump of his heart against his own chest through their clothes.
The two of them are so different and yet so alike, Sunho muses to himself as he continues to stroke Choongjae's broad back. Their personalities are nearly stark opposites, but their values are so similar - such as their refusal to share any personal problems for fear of burdening another with it.
How much more is Choongjae bottling up inside, just like Sunho is?
'Talk to me,' whispers Sunho.
'About what?' Choongjae whispers back.
'Everything you don't want anyone else to know.'
There is a long moment as Choongjae draws back slightly so that he can see Sunho's face, still holding him close. There are tears in his eyes again.
'I ... I still ... the baseball bat and the wooden katana I used to carry around at - at that time, back then,' he begins very quietly, not looking away, 'I still keep them. In my closet. As a reminder that I'm strong enough to - to face all that.'
The secret hangs in the air between them as Sunho absorbs, with quiet humility, the trust Choongjae has placed in him to reveal it.
'I still dream about that time some nights,' Sunho returns just as softly. 'I dream that I'm surrounded by empty soju bottles and mountains of sleeping pills and my mother is lying there -' He has to take a moment to breathe - 'And when I wake up, I feel like I had failed her because I couldn't do more.'
‘No,' says Choongjae, reassuring and firm. He moves a hand to cup the back of Sunho's neck, soothingly caressing his skin and hair. 'I'll be there for you next time. If ever you need me.' He pauses. 'Even if you don't.'
Sunho gives a small smile. 'And I for you. You can depend on me...'
They grow quiet again, subdued by demons of their past that still haunt them.
With a soft sigh, Choongjae closes his eyes and tips his head forward to rest his temple against Sunho's. It is a gesture they have never done in private before and Sunho is taken aback, before the simple tenderness of it overrides everything else.
Expression softening into a fond smile, Sunho tightens his arms around Choongjae and just eyes his face. His features are blurred at this proximity, but Sunho cannot stop watching, drinking him in, adoring him and wanting him.
I love you, he thinks and, on impulse, leans in to kiss his cheek. His lips meet the corner of Choongjae's mouth as the latter looks round at Sunho's movement.
He holds the kiss for a second. 'We got through it all before,' he says as he pulls back. 'We'll get through everything else, too.'
Sunho's smile fades when he realises that Choongjae has turned to stone under his touch. Not moving a muscle, he gapes down at Sunho with a sort of frozen shock, lips parted and wide eyes filled with -
Sunho's knees almost buckle. His breath catches in his throat and his arms drop to hang limply at his sides, because ... he knows that look. Has been waiting to see it for half a lifetime.
He knows.
Choongjae knows.
He recognises me.
The doors of the waiting room bursts open and the rest of Shinhwa and their managers and crew begin to stream inside, prompting Sunho to step away from Choongjae.
Choongjae remains where he is, eyes locked on Sunho, until he is roused by one of their coordinators. With one final look at Sunho, he allows her to draw him away, and Sunho watches him go, heart thudding in his chest.
He finally knows...
~***~
The next several days are chock full of Shinhwa's promotions and activities, which means that Sunho meets Choongjae every single day, but they have about as much privacy as a public bathroom stall without a door.
Not exactly ideal circumstances to discuss cosmic topics such as soulmates and other universes.
On the other hand, maintaining this temporary distance between them is better for now. Sunho knows from his own personal experience that what Choongjae needs currently is time to think and absorb his newfound epiphany - away from Sunho, who has suddenly become the very centre of his universe.
Accepting that you have a soulmate - that you are someone's soulmate - connected across space and time is nothing short of an emotional roller coaster ride. Sunho had been on that ride for several years. He knows exactly what Choongjae must be going through now.
Nevertheless, it is still the most gratifying thing in the world to see the way Choongjae looks at him now. There is shock there, certainly - that will take time to wear off, for acceptance to dawn - but there is also wonder and awe, disbelief and a touch of fear, and - above all - pure enchantment.
Choongjae looks at him like Sunho is everything that has ever existed and ever will be.
Choongjae looks at him like how Sunho has been looking at him since day one.
It is the best damn feeling in the universe.
Sunho gives him gentle smiles every time he catches Choongjae looking his way during their schedules, trying to convey reassurance without words because Choongjae is not ready to talk yet. He tries to tell him, with kind eyes and tender looks, that everything will work out, everything is falling into place now.
He is not sure if their bond - now mutually felt by both - actually transmits these messages to Choongjae, but his soulmate does not run away from him when they are thrown together during their activities. Choongjae still smiles and tries to act normal around him, which Sunho takes as a good sign.
He is willing to wait, no matter how long it takes, until Choongjae can accept the true nature of their bond and is ready to finally acknowledge Sunho.
He has been waiting for half of his life now. What is there to waiting a bit more?
~***~
Sunho has always been sure, but it is Eric who finally confirms it: there are definitely other soulmate pairs out there.
It happens on a completely ordinary day, during a break on one of the many shows they have gone on to promote their comeback.
‘Do you believe in one true love?’ Eric asks, completely out of the blue, turning to Sunho who is lazing on the chair next to him.
Sunho blinks at him, utterly nonplussed, and gives the only response that seems appropriate for this situation,
‘What the hell, hyung?’
‘I - I know it’s strange, but seriously,’ says Eric, frowning slightly and leaning closer to his dongsaeng, his face entirely devoid of mirth. ‘I know it sounds like the typical children’s fairy tale, but do you think it’s possible that you have …’
He trails off, looking uncharacteristically embarrassed, but then hardens his resolve. ‘That you have one person you’re destined to be with?’
Sunho looks at him carefully, a myriad of thoughts and possibilities springing to mind. Is Eric possibly …?
‘Don’t tell me … are you in love, hyung?’ he tries, putting a touch of humour to his tone as he gauges Eric’s reaction.
Eric actually blushes. ‘I think that’s … one way to put it.’
Sunho probes a bit more, still keeping a devilish smirk in place. ‘Aw, is this why you’ve been talking about marriage more often now?’
Eric nudges him good-naturedly with his elbow. ‘Just answer the question, will ya, you brat?’
‘You think this person is your … destiny? That kind of thing?’
‘It’s just …’ Eric appears to be struggling with words, his cheeks still red. ‘I think she is the one. Like … I can’t look at anyone else the same way.’
Sunho drops pretences. ‘Like she’s your soulmate?’
Eric looks up, shaken and relieved at once. ‘Yeah, she is - I mean … I feel that way. About her.’
Sunho looks away, hiding a smile. So, Eric - of all people! - has finally awakened his soulmate bond. Quite late in his life, but Sunho knows from the visions he sees at night that that is entirely possible. In some of his visions, he sees lives where he himself still remains oblivious to his soulmate, only feeling that sense of emptiness within him.
In some of those lives, it is the other boy - Choongjae - who has not awakened his bond yet.
At least now, in this life, he no longer has to agonise over that, Sunho thinks to himself as his eyes fall on Choongjae. He is standing several feet away, deep in conversation with Minwoo and the host of their show.
He drinks in Choongjae’s side profile with an adoring smile, feeling warmth coursing through him. He longs more than ever for his soulmate now, with his heart and body, but the painful ache from before, when Choongjae had been ignorant of their bond, has finally dissipated.
At least the longing he feels now, despite how powerful and overwhelming it is, does not leave him raw and wounded.
Eric chuckles weakly, jerking Sunho back to the present. ‘God, I’m going nuts here. This is crazy…’
Sunho sees Choongjae turn around. Their eyes meet for a moment - an eternity - before Choongjae turns back to Minwoo again, his cheeks colouring.
‘No, it’s not,’ Sunho answers Eric quietly, without looking away. ‘It’s really not.’
‘She … I don’t think she … feels the same way about me.’ The word yet is so profound that Sunho can almost hear it in the silence that follows.
‘…She will, hyung. I don’t know when, but she definitely will recognise you someday.’
If Eric finds his choice of words strange, he does not comment.
~***~
About four weeks after Choongjae's self-revelation, Sunho finally receives a text from him.
It is short; a simple invitation to Choongjae's place on the first Saturday they get off after their Venus promotions.
The wording of the message is friendly and casual - so casual with the airy 'Let's hang out' and 'I'll be home after seven’ that Sunho wonders for how long Choongjae had struggled with it before deeming it acceptable. Sunho himself pours over the text for a long time, his guts knotted up with nervousness while butterflies of anticipation flutter all over them.
Saturday dawns too fast and not fast enough.
Sunho is so nervous by the time he is in front of Choongjae’s apartment that he wastes five whole minutes just fidgeting in front of the door. He checks his hair in his phone’s reflection thrice, agonises over the choice of beer he had bought (champagne or wine had seemed too much and soju seemed not enough) and anxiously wonders if he should have brought over more than just alcohol.
He even wonders if his all-black ensemble of tight shirt, even tighter jeans and long coat is too … Black? Flashy?
Sensual?
It would be a lie to say that had not been his intention - conscious or not - when he had (uncharacteristically) taken over an hour to get dressed.
One thing he is assured of is that he looks good either way. Though, in all honesty, he is always better dressed in comparison to Choongjae and his fashion terrorist tendencies.
Sunho has to back paddle on that thought when he finally gets the courage to knock and Choongjae opens the door.
He almost stops breathing as he takes in the vision of Choongjae standing in the doorway. Dressed in a white button-down shirt, half tucked into slim fitting black trousers, with the long sleeves rolled up to his elbows, Choongjae looks…
He looks absolutely…
Sunho swallows a little, far too tempted to act on his carnal instincts and equally aware that it is about the most inappropriate thing he can do at the moment.
Choongjae has his hair done as well, he notes belatedly as he shamelessly eyes the straightened strands of dark hair flopping into Choongjae’s eyes -
Oh. Sunho catches his breath, realising he is not the only one openly staring. Suddenly he is very glad that he took all that time and trouble to get ready for this visit.
Because Choongjae appears to have done the same - there is no way his clothes and hair have not been meticulously planned - and Sunho feels both flattered and slightly shy at the lengths his soulmate had gone to.
‘Hey,’ Choongjae says at long last. He is not quite smiling, but that is irrelevant in light of how he is looking at Sunho.
Looking at his soulmate.
‘Hey,’ Sunho returns softly. He holds up the six pack. ‘I brought beer.’
Choongjae barely glances at it and Sunho feels hot around the collar. Is this how he has been secretly looking at Choongjae for all of these years? He had never quite appreciated before how intense that look is.
‘Are you going to invite me in?’ He finally prompts when Choongjae shows no signs of doing anything else any time soon.
Recovering his senses, Choongjae reddens slightly and hastily steps back, allowing Sunho inside and taking the six pack from him. Sunho toes off his shoes and shrugs out of his coat to hang it up, self-consciously aware of how Choongjae’s eyes follow his every movement.
Choongjae leads Sunho through his apartment to the living room. He is barefoot, Sunho notices suddenly, inexplicably charmed by that little detail.
The nervousness from before comes rushing back when Choongjae indicates for Sunho to sit down. He hesitantly takes a seat on one end of the large leather sofa in the living room and Choongjae sits in the armchair diagonally across from it, facing him.
Sunho looks at Choongjae, at the unreadable expression he is wearing, and waits for him to gather his thoughts.
The ice-breaker is atypical of Choongjae, direct and straight to the point:
‘You’re my soulmate,’ he states. His voice is low, filled with the conviction of speaking an absolute truth, and yet tinged with incredulity at the existence of such a truth.
‘And you’re mine,’ replies Sunho simply.
Choongjae gazes at him, like he is seeking answers to the universe in Sunho’s eyes.
‘How long have you known?’
Sunho falters for a second. ‘I felt it from the first moment I saw you.’
Choongjae’s lips part in a soft gasp and he leans back in shock. ‘Since … you … you’ve known for the past - twenty years?’
Sunho has never seen Choongjae look so horrified. ‘Choongjae-yah…’
‘You’ve been living with this - this … feeling for twenty years?’ Choongjae chokes, his voice breaking over the last few words. ‘How … how could you even bear it…?’
Sunho cannot answer, staring at Choongjae whose eyes are dry but filled with so much distress and guilt that it is almost tangible across the few feet separating them.
Taking a breath, he says gently, light-heartedly, trying to offer comfort with a touch of humour, ‘This is only our fourteenth anniversary, remember? It hasn’t been -’
Choongjae shakes his head in anguish. ‘You said you knew from when we first met,’ he breathes, clenching his hands in his lap. ‘That was more than sixteen or seventeen …’ Trailing off, he buries his face in his palms. ‘Oh, fuck…’
‘Choongjae…’ whispers Sunho helplessly.
‘All that time, you … but, do you know when it started for me?’ He looks up, his eyes red but still dry. ‘Four years ago. After that farewell. When you kissed me.’
Sunho straightens, hardly believing his ears.
‘You weren’t drunk.’ It is a statement.
‘I wasn’t,’ Sunho admits quietly.
‘That’s when I first started … feeling it. When you kissed me, it was like … like I was drawn to you, like we were both - both …’
‘I know…’ Sunho understands how hard it is to explain, even to one’s own self, what the soulmate bond feels like.
‘I couldn’t even sleep. You were all I could think about,’ Choongjae continues breathlessly. ‘I knew it wasn’t something normal, it wasn’t a sudden crush. I knew it was so much more than that, but I didn’t know what it was.’
He pauses, swallowing. ‘And then the very next day, our hiatus began and I didn’t see you for four years, but … every single day, every moment of it, I felt that - that thing. It was so strong, even though you weren’t even there. And …’ His voice wavers a little, ‘every night -’
‘You saw visions,’ Sunho finished for him quietly. ‘Of us. Our other lives. Other worlds.’
Choongjae looks at him with mixed desperation and relief. ‘You - you see them, too?’
‘I’ve been seeing them almost every night ever since we met,’ Sunho admits. His heart wrenches as Choongjae’s face falls again. ‘I was feeling that pull to you and saw the visions for months before I actually knew what we are.’
‘I didn’t know for the past four years,’ Choongjae murmurs. ‘I only felt the bond and saw the visions … Until last month - after the show, in the waiting room, you kissed me again.’ He inhales deeply. ‘And just like that, I knew. The answer was right there…
‘Which is why I can’t believe …’ Choongjae drags a hand slowly over his face, looking agitated. ‘I could barely handle what I was feeling for these past few years, I thought I’d lose my mind. But now I find that you … you had to live with it for nearly two decades! How could … God, how could’ve I not seen -?’
‘Hey. Stop that.’ Reaching over, Sunho grasps Choongjae’s right arm.
Choongjae gazes at Sunho’s hand for a moment, then runs his fingers over Sunho’s in a lingering caress bespeaking their mutual desire for their soulmate’s touch.
‘Look at me,’ Sunho adds more firmly and Choongjae raises his head, remorse written all over his face.
‘You’ve seen the visions. You’ve seen our other lives. You know our bond doesn’t always awaken early or at the same time. We haven’t even met in some of them…’
‘I know...’
‘So you know our life here is not your fault, too. We can’t help when or how our bond comes alive. It’s no one’s fault.’
Choongjae swallows. ‘You were hurting … for so long. And I didn’t even know.’
‘Didn’t you hear me?’ Sunho tugs on Choongjae’s arm, pulling him forward so that he is leaning towards Sunho on the armchair. ‘Just stop.’
‘How could you bear it for all this time?’ Choongjae whispers, sounding almost broken.
‘…Because I knew I’d always wait for you, no matter how long it took. Even if it meant waiting a lifetime. I would’ve waited.’
There are tears in Choongjae’s eyes now and, Sunho realises, even in his own.
It is then Sunho notices how close he has pulled Choongjae. He is on the very edge of the armchair now and he is looking at Sunho with everything Sunho has ever yearned for.
And now, having laid everything bare between them, it hits home that he has finally reached the moment he has been dreaming of for so long. All his desires and longing spark into flames under his skin, overwhelming.
Dropping the other’s arm, his stands up slowly. Choongjae follows, looking at him with concern.
‘Sunho...?’
‘Do you still need more time to think?’ Sunho asks very quietly.
It takes a moment for Choongjae to comprehend his meaning. His jaw slackens.
‘No.’
‘Then … can I kiss you?’
The affirmation has barely crossed Choongjae’s lips before Sunho closes the distance between them.
If he had thought his first kiss with Choongjae had been pure bliss, then this - this is what perfection feels like.
Their bond comes alive, singing and resonating between them, and Sunho feels the universe stretch and bend around them, cocooning them in its heavenly arms. Everything he had felt before comes back ten times stronger. The swirling stars and lights around them, the fulfilment of his very soul, and how their beings seem to merge together, finally becoming one and whole - Sunho has never felt it all as vividly as he does now.
Choongjae tastes like the kaleidoscope of contrasts and parallels Sunho remembers from four years ago. Like everything and nothing, salvation and destruction, light and darkness - his kiss embodies exactly what he is: Sunho’s other half which completes him, and without which his soul is empty.
He tastes like home.
Sunho shudders into the kiss, barely able to keep up with the overpowering feelings within him. He is aware of Choongjae lightly trembling in his arms, possibly feeling the full brunt of their souls completing each other for the very first time, and he gasps against Sunho’s lips from the intensity of the moment.
Sunho wraps his arms tighter around Choongjae’s middle, crushing him against his body to both soothe and please, and it still is not close enough.
Kissing Choongjae is entirely different from their first time, now that he is reciprocating Sunho’s every touch with the same ardour. His hands are in Sunho’s hair, cupping his face, searing his very skin down to his soul. His lips are soft and warm like Sunho remembers, but no longer pliant as he nips at Sunho’s lips, rough but not painful. With a groan of pleasure, Sunho swipes his tongue across Choongjae’s upper lip and he follows it up immediately, deepening the kiss.
Choongjae finally pulls back slightly, making a low sound at the back of his throat when Sunho scrapes his teeth over his tongue before letting him go. He is breathing hard, eyes closed in pleasure and is such a vision that Sunho cannot help but touch him again, swearing under his breath,
‘Fuck.’ And then his lips are on Choongjae’s again before moving to mouth at his jawbone.
‘Right now? Really?’ Choongjae jokes with a breathless chuckle, burying his fingers in Sunho’s hair as Sunho slowly kisses down his neck, savouring every inch of his skin.
‘You have no idea,’ he murmurs, pausing to pull down the collar of Choongjae’s white shirt to expose the junction of his neck and shoulder. He bites down lightly, and Choongjae shivers. ‘…how long I’ve wanted you. How much I’ve wanted…’
Choongjae hums and turns his head to kiss Sunho on his temple and then the shell of his ear. ‘Only for my body? Tsk, I’m disappointed.’
Sunho cannot help but chuckle. Hearing Choongjae joke like his usual self, even at moments like this, is reassuring. At least it shows that his guilt from earlier has abated somewhat.
‘Hey, after being in love with you for half of my life, I think I’m entitled to desire you a little,’ he teases, hoping Choongjae does not take his words wrong.
Choongjae stills. ‘…Say that again. That … first part…’
‘You heard me.’ Sunho smiles gently at him. ‘It’s the truth.’ He pauses, a sudden thought occurring to him. ‘Did I make you uncomfortable, saying that? Is it too soon?’
Choongjae laughs weakly, his eyes ablaze with a myriad of emotions Sunho cannot make out. ‘Hell, no.’ Smile wavering, he adds in a lower tone, ‘After nearly twenty years, I don’t think too soon applies.’
There is a small tremor to his hand as he runs his knuckles down Sunho’s cheek, and then the tips of fingers over his lips.
‘All these years,’ Choongjae whispers, ‘I was searching and searching for one thing, and I never realised it had been standing right in front of me the whole time. Just waiting for me to look…’
Sunho takes Choongjae’s hand still resting on his lips, and intertwines their fingers together.
‘I think we can rectify that starting now.’
Moving to kiss Choongjae again, Sunho reaches to pull free his half-tucked shirt from his black trousers.
‘This was on purpose, wasn’t it?’ he asks, drawing away to grin at Choongjae. ‘This half-assed shirt tucking.’
Choongjae scratches the back of his head. ‘I called my stylist in for a favour. She gave me some pointers.’
‘Your whole outfit, you mean,’ Sunho laughs.
‘And my hair,’ Choongjae chuckles. ‘I promised her a free meal in exchange.’
‘But what was up with this?’ Sunho persists, tugging at the freed hem of Choongjae’s shirt.
‘Well, I didn’t want to look too formal…’
Sunho bursts out laughing. ‘You’re ridiculous,’ he tells him fondly, hooking a finger over the lapel of Choongjae’s shirt to pull him in for another kiss.
‘You liked it,’ Choongjae mumbles against his mouth. He returns the kiss for a moment, and then he adds, ‘You got all dressed up, too.’
‘Mm.’ Sunho sucks lightly at Choongjae’s lower lip, shutting him up for several seconds. ‘And the look on your face was worth every goddamn minute I spent.’
‘You’ll be the death of me,’ Choongjae groans as Sunho, still kissing every bit of him he can reach, begins to lightly push him backwards in the direction he vaguely recalls as the way to Choongjae’s bedroom.
‘That might be true after I’m done with everything I’ve dreamed of doing to you.’
Choongjae actually blushes at the implication.
Before he can respond, Sunho catches sight of the bedroom at last and hastily guides them both through the open door. Without further ado, he unceremoniously pushes Choongjae down onto the bed.
‘Whoa,’ Choongjae gasps as Sunho straddles him and grasps his wrists, pinning his hands down.
‘I always knew you had this bold side to you,’ he murmurs, exhaling shakily as Sunho drags his tongue sensually up his neck. ‘I just never thought I’d get to see i -’ His breath hitches when Sunho nips at his pulse point.
‘You weren’t kidding,’ he says breathily. ‘Before.’
‘Of course not.’ Sunho pulls up to hover over him, his eyes intense and feverish. ‘I’ve been dying for you and dreaming of this moment my whole life.’
Choongjae swallows. ‘…Show me.’
‘What?’ Sunho deliberately ghosts his lips over Choongjae’s, teasing.
‘Everything you’ve been dreaming about me…’
Sunho chuckles low in his throat. ‘Sixteen, seventeen years is a very long time, you know. Enough to breed endless fantasies…’
Choongjae grins lopsidedly at him, still flushed. ‘Well, I’ve got time…’
And freeing a hand, he grabs Sunho by his shirt front and yanks him down for a proper kiss.
~***~
The next morning dawns radiant and golden, like an echo of how Sunho feels the moment he opens his eyes.
The first thing he sees is Choongjae, all bed hair and scrunched face in the sunlight streaming in through the windows, and he spends several minutes just watching him sleep with a tiny smile as he absorbs how this man - his soulmate - is finally his.
Sunho can feel a cacophony of emotions - bliss, awe, ecstasy, incredulity - simmering inside him, but layered over all those for now is just a sense of pure serenity.
He has never been at such peace as he is right now.
The rumbling of his stomach is what finally calls him away from the bed. He is reminded that neither he nor Choongjae had eaten anything the night before.
Well, not food anyway, he thinks, blushing a little.
With a caress to Choongjae’s face, Sunho slips off the bed and winces a little at the soreness of his body. Smiling in spite of himself, Sunho snatches up his black jeans from where he had dropped them on the floor and pulls them on. He spots one of Choongjae’s oversized hoodies carelessly draped over the back of a chair and puts that on, too. Just because he can.
He enters Choongjae’s kitchen after his morning ablutions, without much hope of finding food there. He - and all of Shinhwa - has first-hand knowledge of Choongjae’s cooking abilities (or lack thereof), but Sunho is pleasantly surprised to find eggs in the refrigerator. There is a bunch of processed foods in there as well, but eggs at least promise a sufficient breakfast.
Sunho has just taken the last eggroll off the stove when Choongjae emerges from the room, washed and dressed too. He smiles albeit a little shyly as he enters the kitchen, and then raises his eyebrows at the plate of eggrolls Sunho places on the counter.
‘Seriously? You’re making breakfast?’ He asks with a chuckle as he approaches.
‘Doesn’t last night morally obligate me to feed you breakfast this morning?’ Sunho cannot help saying, hiding a smile behind a mug of coffee as he leans back against the counter.
Choongjae laughs, but the blood rush to his cheeks is obvious. Sunho finds that he really likes this side of Choongjae. The one who is still laidback, but exhibits an undoubted hint of shyness around him. Sunho likes it very much.
Holding out a second mug to Choongjae, Sunho adds with a playful scoff, ‘Don’t flatter yourself too much. This is for my health; I always eat on time.’
‘Whatever you say.’ Choongjae cheerfully accepts the mug and takes a sip of coffee, sighing with relief. ‘Mm, this tastes good. Coffee is like the universal cure to everything. Ugh, I’m sore all over.’
He realises a little belatedly what he has just said and almost chokes on his second sip. Sunho ducks his head, grinning broadly despite the heat around his collar.
‘You’re welcome.’
‘Shut up.’ Choongjae snorts, pushing aside his embarrassment. Taking another gulp of coffee, he steps close to Sunho, looking down at his face with a level of adoration that, not for the first time, takes Sunho’s breath away.
‘Morning,’ he murmurs, reaching down to brush a soft kiss to Sunho’s lips. Leaning back, he notices what Sunho is wearing for the first time.
‘That’s mine.’ Choongjae tugs lightly on the hem of the grey hoodie.
‘Which makes it mine by default now,’ Sunho grins.
‘You’re unbelievable,’ Choongjae chuckles.
Sunho shrugs. ‘Believe it or not, like it or not, you’re stuck with me forever.’ With a wicked smirk, he pushes off the counter and presses up against Choongjae, winding his free arm around him. ‘I’m not giving you a way out.’
Choongjae laughs harder. ‘Oh, no, what have I gotten myself into,’ he laments dramatically, dropping his head forward to rest their foreheads together.
They stay like that for several seconds, before Choongjae loses his smile, suddenly looking pensive.
Sunho tilts his head up, frowning. ‘What are you thinking about?’
‘Just that … what are we going to do about the future?’
‘Huh?’
‘You’re right that we’re going to be together. But what does that mean for our lives? Shinhwa?’
Sunho ponders for a long moment, reaching behind him to place his coffee mug on the counter. He is well aware of the potential complications they may have to face.
‘We can never go public with this,’ he says at last. ‘We have to be careful.’
‘Yeah, I figured,’ Choongjae murmurs.
‘But with Shinhwa … I think we can tell the hyungs later. When we’re ready.’
‘Are you sure? I mean, I do want to. I don’t want to hide something so big from them, and I know they’d never hate us, but …’ He looks worried. ‘Do you think they’d actually understand?’
Sunho thinks back to what Eric had said about the girl he found; how he can never feel the same way about anyone else, because she is - though he had not said in as many words - his soulmate.
‘I think they will.’ Sunho smiles at Choongjae, touching his face. ‘They will trust us, at the very least. And that’s all that matters.’
Choongjae finally smiles back and reaches up to cover Sunho’s hand cupping his cheek. When he continues to stare, not saying anything else, Sunho says with a little chuckle,
‘You’re thinking again, aren’t you?’
‘It’s a kind of hard to forget topic.’
‘What is?’
‘I can’t stop thinking about …’ Choongjae takes a deep breath. ‘I still feel horrible, thinking about how I wasted two decades of our lives. We could’ve been together. It’s not fair…’ He closes his eyes, gripping Sunho’s hand tight.
Sunho does not berate him for feeling pointlessly guilty this time. Just like how he cannot help feeling bitter about the loneliness of his past, he can understand that Choongjae cannot help feeling bitter about the loss of time that can never be recovered. Time that could have spelt happiness for them both.
The only thing left is to heal and move on, to embrace the long-delayed happiness they now have found in each other.
‘Yah, stop saying two decades. It hasn’t been that long, or are you that eager to hit your forties?’ Sunho says with gentle good humour. ‘Well, hate to break it to you, but we’ve got a few good years ahead of us before that.’ He pauses. ‘Can’t say the same for the hyungs, though.’
That prompts a laugh out of Choongjae. ‘Don’t let them hear you say that.’ Mellowing a little, he adds softly, ‘I can’t help wanting the time we’ve lost, though. Half of our lives together, just gone…’
‘I know. But…’ Sunho takes the half-empty mug of coffee from Choongjae, places it on the counter, and then pulls him flush against him. ‘We have the rest of our lives to make up for it, don’t we … In fact, let’s start now.’
He kisses Choongjae full on the mouth, muffling any responses or protests, and promptly begins to lead him back to his room, much like the previous night.
‘What about the eggs you just made?’ Choongjae mock-protests with a breathless laugh as they tumble onto his bed.
‘I’m hungry for something else now,’ Sunho chuckles against his lips.
‘Oh my, I’m scandalised.’
‘Are you complaining?’
Choongjae abruptly rolls them over so that he is on top of Sunho, gazing down at him with a feral smile.
‘Not at all.'
~END~
A/N: As with 90% of my work, this turned out to be pretty emotional. But I hope the fluff towards the end made up for it? xD I'd love to hear your thoughts on the fic!
Pairing: Junjin/Andy, JinDy
Genre: Romance, Angst, Friendship, Fluff
Warnings: Some coarse language, sensuality
Rating: PG-13
Summary: It is the single most mystifying and terrifying moment of his life - and that is how he will always remember the first time he met his soulmate in this world.
Previous: Part Two
STARBURST - PART THREE
After filming ends, Sunho is the first to head back to the waiting room which is empty as everyone is still outside, mingling.
He is glad for the solitude because he has barely walked five steps inside the room before the tears come forth, bursting out of him in shuddering gasps.
Sunho has to lean a hand against the back of a chair, his other hand coming up to cover his eyes. It has been a long time since he had wept like this over those memories, but his heart is clenching and he weeps the tears that he had refused to shed on camera.
There is a soft sound behind him and Sunho turns, hastily wiping the back of his hand across his eyes.
It is Choongjae, standing in the doorway with a look of guilt on his face. He makes to walk away, presumably to give Sunho privacy, but the latter blurts out,
'Please, don't go.'
Choongjae hesitates again before finally entering the room. He approaches Sunho slowly, watching him with eyes full of concern, understanding and an apology.
He does not stop when he is in front of Sunho, but keeps coming until he is able to wrap his arms around the other man in a slightly awkward but infinitely gentle embrace. The touch of his soulmate alone sends waves of comfort rippling across Sunho's heart and he fiercely hugs him back.
'I'm sorry,' says Choongjae in a low voice. 'It must have been so hard on you back then.' He rests his chin on Sunho's shoulder, brushing their cheeks together in the process.
Sunho wipes a tender hand down Choongjae's spine. 'I'm sorry, too, that I couldn't be there for you, Jin. When you were alone. I'm glad the hyungs were there to help...'
They lapse into silence, still not drawing away from each other. Choongjae is warm and Sunho can feel the steady thump of his heart against his own chest through their clothes.
The two of them are so different and yet so alike, Sunho muses to himself as he continues to stroke Choongjae's broad back. Their personalities are nearly stark opposites, but their values are so similar - such as their refusal to share any personal problems for fear of burdening another with it.
How much more is Choongjae bottling up inside, just like Sunho is?
'Talk to me,' whispers Sunho.
'About what?' Choongjae whispers back.
'Everything you don't want anyone else to know.'
There is a long moment as Choongjae draws back slightly so that he can see Sunho's face, still holding him close. There are tears in his eyes again.
'I ... I still ... the baseball bat and the wooden katana I used to carry around at - at that time, back then,' he begins very quietly, not looking away, 'I still keep them. In my closet. As a reminder that I'm strong enough to - to face all that.'
The secret hangs in the air between them as Sunho absorbs, with quiet humility, the trust Choongjae has placed in him to reveal it.
'I still dream about that time some nights,' Sunho returns just as softly. 'I dream that I'm surrounded by empty soju bottles and mountains of sleeping pills and my mother is lying there -' He has to take a moment to breathe - 'And when I wake up, I feel like I had failed her because I couldn't do more.'
‘No,' says Choongjae, reassuring and firm. He moves a hand to cup the back of Sunho's neck, soothingly caressing his skin and hair. 'I'll be there for you next time. If ever you need me.' He pauses. 'Even if you don't.'
Sunho gives a small smile. 'And I for you. You can depend on me...'
They grow quiet again, subdued by demons of their past that still haunt them.
With a soft sigh, Choongjae closes his eyes and tips his head forward to rest his temple against Sunho's. It is a gesture they have never done in private before and Sunho is taken aback, before the simple tenderness of it overrides everything else.
Expression softening into a fond smile, Sunho tightens his arms around Choongjae and just eyes his face. His features are blurred at this proximity, but Sunho cannot stop watching, drinking him in, adoring him and wanting him.
I love you, he thinks and, on impulse, leans in to kiss his cheek. His lips meet the corner of Choongjae's mouth as the latter looks round at Sunho's movement.
He holds the kiss for a second. 'We got through it all before,' he says as he pulls back. 'We'll get through everything else, too.'
Sunho's smile fades when he realises that Choongjae has turned to stone under his touch. Not moving a muscle, he gapes down at Sunho with a sort of frozen shock, lips parted and wide eyes filled with -
Sunho's knees almost buckle. His breath catches in his throat and his arms drop to hang limply at his sides, because ... he knows that look. Has been waiting to see it for half a lifetime.
He knows.
Choongjae knows.
He recognises me.
The doors of the waiting room bursts open and the rest of Shinhwa and their managers and crew begin to stream inside, prompting Sunho to step away from Choongjae.
Choongjae remains where he is, eyes locked on Sunho, until he is roused by one of their coordinators. With one final look at Sunho, he allows her to draw him away, and Sunho watches him go, heart thudding in his chest.
He finally knows...
~***~
The next several days are chock full of Shinhwa's promotions and activities, which means that Sunho meets Choongjae every single day, but they have about as much privacy as a public bathroom stall without a door.
Not exactly ideal circumstances to discuss cosmic topics such as soulmates and other universes.
On the other hand, maintaining this temporary distance between them is better for now. Sunho knows from his own personal experience that what Choongjae needs currently is time to think and absorb his newfound epiphany - away from Sunho, who has suddenly become the very centre of his universe.
Accepting that you have a soulmate - that you are someone's soulmate - connected across space and time is nothing short of an emotional roller coaster ride. Sunho had been on that ride for several years. He knows exactly what Choongjae must be going through now.
Nevertheless, it is still the most gratifying thing in the world to see the way Choongjae looks at him now. There is shock there, certainly - that will take time to wear off, for acceptance to dawn - but there is also wonder and awe, disbelief and a touch of fear, and - above all - pure enchantment.
Choongjae looks at him like Sunho is everything that has ever existed and ever will be.
Choongjae looks at him like how Sunho has been looking at him since day one.
It is the best damn feeling in the universe.
Sunho gives him gentle smiles every time he catches Choongjae looking his way during their schedules, trying to convey reassurance without words because Choongjae is not ready to talk yet. He tries to tell him, with kind eyes and tender looks, that everything will work out, everything is falling into place now.
He is not sure if their bond - now mutually felt by both - actually transmits these messages to Choongjae, but his soulmate does not run away from him when they are thrown together during their activities. Choongjae still smiles and tries to act normal around him, which Sunho takes as a good sign.
He is willing to wait, no matter how long it takes, until Choongjae can accept the true nature of their bond and is ready to finally acknowledge Sunho.
He has been waiting for half of his life now. What is there to waiting a bit more?
~***~
Sunho has always been sure, but it is Eric who finally confirms it: there are definitely other soulmate pairs out there.
It happens on a completely ordinary day, during a break on one of the many shows they have gone on to promote their comeback.
‘Do you believe in one true love?’ Eric asks, completely out of the blue, turning to Sunho who is lazing on the chair next to him.
Sunho blinks at him, utterly nonplussed, and gives the only response that seems appropriate for this situation,
‘What the hell, hyung?’
‘I - I know it’s strange, but seriously,’ says Eric, frowning slightly and leaning closer to his dongsaeng, his face entirely devoid of mirth. ‘I know it sounds like the typical children’s fairy tale, but do you think it’s possible that you have …’
He trails off, looking uncharacteristically embarrassed, but then hardens his resolve. ‘That you have one person you’re destined to be with?’
Sunho looks at him carefully, a myriad of thoughts and possibilities springing to mind. Is Eric possibly …?
‘Don’t tell me … are you in love, hyung?’ he tries, putting a touch of humour to his tone as he gauges Eric’s reaction.
Eric actually blushes. ‘I think that’s … one way to put it.’
Sunho probes a bit more, still keeping a devilish smirk in place. ‘Aw, is this why you’ve been talking about marriage more often now?’
Eric nudges him good-naturedly with his elbow. ‘Just answer the question, will ya, you brat?’
‘You think this person is your … destiny? That kind of thing?’
‘It’s just …’ Eric appears to be struggling with words, his cheeks still red. ‘I think she is the one. Like … I can’t look at anyone else the same way.’
Sunho drops pretences. ‘Like she’s your soulmate?’
Eric looks up, shaken and relieved at once. ‘Yeah, she is - I mean … I feel that way. About her.’
Sunho looks away, hiding a smile. So, Eric - of all people! - has finally awakened his soulmate bond. Quite late in his life, but Sunho knows from the visions he sees at night that that is entirely possible. In some of his visions, he sees lives where he himself still remains oblivious to his soulmate, only feeling that sense of emptiness within him.
In some of those lives, it is the other boy - Choongjae - who has not awakened his bond yet.
At least now, in this life, he no longer has to agonise over that, Sunho thinks to himself as his eyes fall on Choongjae. He is standing several feet away, deep in conversation with Minwoo and the host of their show.
He drinks in Choongjae’s side profile with an adoring smile, feeling warmth coursing through him. He longs more than ever for his soulmate now, with his heart and body, but the painful ache from before, when Choongjae had been ignorant of their bond, has finally dissipated.
At least the longing he feels now, despite how powerful and overwhelming it is, does not leave him raw and wounded.
Eric chuckles weakly, jerking Sunho back to the present. ‘God, I’m going nuts here. This is crazy…’
Sunho sees Choongjae turn around. Their eyes meet for a moment - an eternity - before Choongjae turns back to Minwoo again, his cheeks colouring.
‘No, it’s not,’ Sunho answers Eric quietly, without looking away. ‘It’s really not.’
‘She … I don’t think she … feels the same way about me.’ The word yet is so profound that Sunho can almost hear it in the silence that follows.
‘…She will, hyung. I don’t know when, but she definitely will recognise you someday.’
If Eric finds his choice of words strange, he does not comment.
~***~
About four weeks after Choongjae's self-revelation, Sunho finally receives a text from him.
It is short; a simple invitation to Choongjae's place on the first Saturday they get off after their Venus promotions.
The wording of the message is friendly and casual - so casual with the airy 'Let's hang out' and 'I'll be home after seven’ that Sunho wonders for how long Choongjae had struggled with it before deeming it acceptable. Sunho himself pours over the text for a long time, his guts knotted up with nervousness while butterflies of anticipation flutter all over them.
Saturday dawns too fast and not fast enough.
Sunho is so nervous by the time he is in front of Choongjae’s apartment that he wastes five whole minutes just fidgeting in front of the door. He checks his hair in his phone’s reflection thrice, agonises over the choice of beer he had bought (champagne or wine had seemed too much and soju seemed not enough) and anxiously wonders if he should have brought over more than just alcohol.
He even wonders if his all-black ensemble of tight shirt, even tighter jeans and long coat is too … Black? Flashy?
Sensual?
It would be a lie to say that had not been his intention - conscious or not - when he had (uncharacteristically) taken over an hour to get dressed.
One thing he is assured of is that he looks good either way. Though, in all honesty, he is always better dressed in comparison to Choongjae and his fashion terrorist tendencies.
Sunho has to back paddle on that thought when he finally gets the courage to knock and Choongjae opens the door.
He almost stops breathing as he takes in the vision of Choongjae standing in the doorway. Dressed in a white button-down shirt, half tucked into slim fitting black trousers, with the long sleeves rolled up to his elbows, Choongjae looks…
He looks absolutely…
Sunho swallows a little, far too tempted to act on his carnal instincts and equally aware that it is about the most inappropriate thing he can do at the moment.
Choongjae has his hair done as well, he notes belatedly as he shamelessly eyes the straightened strands of dark hair flopping into Choongjae’s eyes -
Oh. Sunho catches his breath, realising he is not the only one openly staring. Suddenly he is very glad that he took all that time and trouble to get ready for this visit.
Because Choongjae appears to have done the same - there is no way his clothes and hair have not been meticulously planned - and Sunho feels both flattered and slightly shy at the lengths his soulmate had gone to.
‘Hey,’ Choongjae says at long last. He is not quite smiling, but that is irrelevant in light of how he is looking at Sunho.
Looking at his soulmate.
‘Hey,’ Sunho returns softly. He holds up the six pack. ‘I brought beer.’
Choongjae barely glances at it and Sunho feels hot around the collar. Is this how he has been secretly looking at Choongjae for all of these years? He had never quite appreciated before how intense that look is.
‘Are you going to invite me in?’ He finally prompts when Choongjae shows no signs of doing anything else any time soon.
Recovering his senses, Choongjae reddens slightly and hastily steps back, allowing Sunho inside and taking the six pack from him. Sunho toes off his shoes and shrugs out of his coat to hang it up, self-consciously aware of how Choongjae’s eyes follow his every movement.
Choongjae leads Sunho through his apartment to the living room. He is barefoot, Sunho notices suddenly, inexplicably charmed by that little detail.
The nervousness from before comes rushing back when Choongjae indicates for Sunho to sit down. He hesitantly takes a seat on one end of the large leather sofa in the living room and Choongjae sits in the armchair diagonally across from it, facing him.
Sunho looks at Choongjae, at the unreadable expression he is wearing, and waits for him to gather his thoughts.
The ice-breaker is atypical of Choongjae, direct and straight to the point:
‘You’re my soulmate,’ he states. His voice is low, filled with the conviction of speaking an absolute truth, and yet tinged with incredulity at the existence of such a truth.
‘And you’re mine,’ replies Sunho simply.
Choongjae gazes at him, like he is seeking answers to the universe in Sunho’s eyes.
‘How long have you known?’
Sunho falters for a second. ‘I felt it from the first moment I saw you.’
Choongjae’s lips part in a soft gasp and he leans back in shock. ‘Since … you … you’ve known for the past - twenty years?’
Sunho has never seen Choongjae look so horrified. ‘Choongjae-yah…’
‘You’ve been living with this - this … feeling for twenty years?’ Choongjae chokes, his voice breaking over the last few words. ‘How … how could you even bear it…?’
Sunho cannot answer, staring at Choongjae whose eyes are dry but filled with so much distress and guilt that it is almost tangible across the few feet separating them.
Taking a breath, he says gently, light-heartedly, trying to offer comfort with a touch of humour, ‘This is only our fourteenth anniversary, remember? It hasn’t been -’
Choongjae shakes his head in anguish. ‘You said you knew from when we first met,’ he breathes, clenching his hands in his lap. ‘That was more than sixteen or seventeen …’ Trailing off, he buries his face in his palms. ‘Oh, fuck…’
‘Choongjae…’ whispers Sunho helplessly.
‘All that time, you … but, do you know when it started for me?’ He looks up, his eyes red but still dry. ‘Four years ago. After that farewell. When you kissed me.’
Sunho straightens, hardly believing his ears.
‘You weren’t drunk.’ It is a statement.
‘I wasn’t,’ Sunho admits quietly.
‘That’s when I first started … feeling it. When you kissed me, it was like … like I was drawn to you, like we were both - both …’
‘I know…’ Sunho understands how hard it is to explain, even to one’s own self, what the soulmate bond feels like.
‘I couldn’t even sleep. You were all I could think about,’ Choongjae continues breathlessly. ‘I knew it wasn’t something normal, it wasn’t a sudden crush. I knew it was so much more than that, but I didn’t know what it was.’
He pauses, swallowing. ‘And then the very next day, our hiatus began and I didn’t see you for four years, but … every single day, every moment of it, I felt that - that thing. It was so strong, even though you weren’t even there. And …’ His voice wavers a little, ‘every night -’
‘You saw visions,’ Sunho finished for him quietly. ‘Of us. Our other lives. Other worlds.’
Choongjae looks at him with mixed desperation and relief. ‘You - you see them, too?’
‘I’ve been seeing them almost every night ever since we met,’ Sunho admits. His heart wrenches as Choongjae’s face falls again. ‘I was feeling that pull to you and saw the visions for months before I actually knew what we are.’
‘I didn’t know for the past four years,’ Choongjae murmurs. ‘I only felt the bond and saw the visions … Until last month - after the show, in the waiting room, you kissed me again.’ He inhales deeply. ‘And just like that, I knew. The answer was right there…
‘Which is why I can’t believe …’ Choongjae drags a hand slowly over his face, looking agitated. ‘I could barely handle what I was feeling for these past few years, I thought I’d lose my mind. But now I find that you … you had to live with it for nearly two decades! How could … God, how could’ve I not seen -?’
‘Hey. Stop that.’ Reaching over, Sunho grasps Choongjae’s right arm.
Choongjae gazes at Sunho’s hand for a moment, then runs his fingers over Sunho’s in a lingering caress bespeaking their mutual desire for their soulmate’s touch.
‘Look at me,’ Sunho adds more firmly and Choongjae raises his head, remorse written all over his face.
‘You’ve seen the visions. You’ve seen our other lives. You know our bond doesn’t always awaken early or at the same time. We haven’t even met in some of them…’
‘I know...’
‘So you know our life here is not your fault, too. We can’t help when or how our bond comes alive. It’s no one’s fault.’
Choongjae swallows. ‘You were hurting … for so long. And I didn’t even know.’
‘Didn’t you hear me?’ Sunho tugs on Choongjae’s arm, pulling him forward so that he is leaning towards Sunho on the armchair. ‘Just stop.’
‘How could you bear it for all this time?’ Choongjae whispers, sounding almost broken.
‘…Because I knew I’d always wait for you, no matter how long it took. Even if it meant waiting a lifetime. I would’ve waited.’
There are tears in Choongjae’s eyes now and, Sunho realises, even in his own.
It is then Sunho notices how close he has pulled Choongjae. He is on the very edge of the armchair now and he is looking at Sunho with everything Sunho has ever yearned for.
And now, having laid everything bare between them, it hits home that he has finally reached the moment he has been dreaming of for so long. All his desires and longing spark into flames under his skin, overwhelming.
Dropping the other’s arm, his stands up slowly. Choongjae follows, looking at him with concern.
‘Sunho...?’
‘Do you still need more time to think?’ Sunho asks very quietly.
It takes a moment for Choongjae to comprehend his meaning. His jaw slackens.
‘No.’
‘Then … can I kiss you?’
The affirmation has barely crossed Choongjae’s lips before Sunho closes the distance between them.
If he had thought his first kiss with Choongjae had been pure bliss, then this - this is what perfection feels like.
Their bond comes alive, singing and resonating between them, and Sunho feels the universe stretch and bend around them, cocooning them in its heavenly arms. Everything he had felt before comes back ten times stronger. The swirling stars and lights around them, the fulfilment of his very soul, and how their beings seem to merge together, finally becoming one and whole - Sunho has never felt it all as vividly as he does now.
Choongjae tastes like the kaleidoscope of contrasts and parallels Sunho remembers from four years ago. Like everything and nothing, salvation and destruction, light and darkness - his kiss embodies exactly what he is: Sunho’s other half which completes him, and without which his soul is empty.
He tastes like home.
Sunho shudders into the kiss, barely able to keep up with the overpowering feelings within him. He is aware of Choongjae lightly trembling in his arms, possibly feeling the full brunt of their souls completing each other for the very first time, and he gasps against Sunho’s lips from the intensity of the moment.
Sunho wraps his arms tighter around Choongjae’s middle, crushing him against his body to both soothe and please, and it still is not close enough.
Kissing Choongjae is entirely different from their first time, now that he is reciprocating Sunho’s every touch with the same ardour. His hands are in Sunho’s hair, cupping his face, searing his very skin down to his soul. His lips are soft and warm like Sunho remembers, but no longer pliant as he nips at Sunho’s lips, rough but not painful. With a groan of pleasure, Sunho swipes his tongue across Choongjae’s upper lip and he follows it up immediately, deepening the kiss.
Choongjae finally pulls back slightly, making a low sound at the back of his throat when Sunho scrapes his teeth over his tongue before letting him go. He is breathing hard, eyes closed in pleasure and is such a vision that Sunho cannot help but touch him again, swearing under his breath,
‘Fuck.’ And then his lips are on Choongjae’s again before moving to mouth at his jawbone.
‘Right now? Really?’ Choongjae jokes with a breathless chuckle, burying his fingers in Sunho’s hair as Sunho slowly kisses down his neck, savouring every inch of his skin.
‘You have no idea,’ he murmurs, pausing to pull down the collar of Choongjae’s white shirt to expose the junction of his neck and shoulder. He bites down lightly, and Choongjae shivers. ‘…how long I’ve wanted you. How much I’ve wanted…’
Choongjae hums and turns his head to kiss Sunho on his temple and then the shell of his ear. ‘Only for my body? Tsk, I’m disappointed.’
Sunho cannot help but chuckle. Hearing Choongjae joke like his usual self, even at moments like this, is reassuring. At least it shows that his guilt from earlier has abated somewhat.
‘Hey, after being in love with you for half of my life, I think I’m entitled to desire you a little,’ he teases, hoping Choongjae does not take his words wrong.
Choongjae stills. ‘…Say that again. That … first part…’
‘You heard me.’ Sunho smiles gently at him. ‘It’s the truth.’ He pauses, a sudden thought occurring to him. ‘Did I make you uncomfortable, saying that? Is it too soon?’
Choongjae laughs weakly, his eyes ablaze with a myriad of emotions Sunho cannot make out. ‘Hell, no.’ Smile wavering, he adds in a lower tone, ‘After nearly twenty years, I don’t think too soon applies.’
There is a small tremor to his hand as he runs his knuckles down Sunho’s cheek, and then the tips of fingers over his lips.
‘All these years,’ Choongjae whispers, ‘I was searching and searching for one thing, and I never realised it had been standing right in front of me the whole time. Just waiting for me to look…’
Sunho takes Choongjae’s hand still resting on his lips, and intertwines their fingers together.
‘I think we can rectify that starting now.’
Moving to kiss Choongjae again, Sunho reaches to pull free his half-tucked shirt from his black trousers.
‘This was on purpose, wasn’t it?’ he asks, drawing away to grin at Choongjae. ‘This half-assed shirt tucking.’
Choongjae scratches the back of his head. ‘I called my stylist in for a favour. She gave me some pointers.’
‘Your whole outfit, you mean,’ Sunho laughs.
‘And my hair,’ Choongjae chuckles. ‘I promised her a free meal in exchange.’
‘But what was up with this?’ Sunho persists, tugging at the freed hem of Choongjae’s shirt.
‘Well, I didn’t want to look too formal…’
Sunho bursts out laughing. ‘You’re ridiculous,’ he tells him fondly, hooking a finger over the lapel of Choongjae’s shirt to pull him in for another kiss.
‘You liked it,’ Choongjae mumbles against his mouth. He returns the kiss for a moment, and then he adds, ‘You got all dressed up, too.’
‘Mm.’ Sunho sucks lightly at Choongjae’s lower lip, shutting him up for several seconds. ‘And the look on your face was worth every goddamn minute I spent.’
‘You’ll be the death of me,’ Choongjae groans as Sunho, still kissing every bit of him he can reach, begins to lightly push him backwards in the direction he vaguely recalls as the way to Choongjae’s bedroom.
‘That might be true after I’m done with everything I’ve dreamed of doing to you.’
Choongjae actually blushes at the implication.
Before he can respond, Sunho catches sight of the bedroom at last and hastily guides them both through the open door. Without further ado, he unceremoniously pushes Choongjae down onto the bed.
‘Whoa,’ Choongjae gasps as Sunho straddles him and grasps his wrists, pinning his hands down.
‘I always knew you had this bold side to you,’ he murmurs, exhaling shakily as Sunho drags his tongue sensually up his neck. ‘I just never thought I’d get to see i -’ His breath hitches when Sunho nips at his pulse point.
‘You weren’t kidding,’ he says breathily. ‘Before.’
‘Of course not.’ Sunho pulls up to hover over him, his eyes intense and feverish. ‘I’ve been dying for you and dreaming of this moment my whole life.’
Choongjae swallows. ‘…Show me.’
‘What?’ Sunho deliberately ghosts his lips over Choongjae’s, teasing.
‘Everything you’ve been dreaming about me…’
Sunho chuckles low in his throat. ‘Sixteen, seventeen years is a very long time, you know. Enough to breed endless fantasies…’
Choongjae grins lopsidedly at him, still flushed. ‘Well, I’ve got time…’
And freeing a hand, he grabs Sunho by his shirt front and yanks him down for a proper kiss.
~***~
The next morning dawns radiant and golden, like an echo of how Sunho feels the moment he opens his eyes.
The first thing he sees is Choongjae, all bed hair and scrunched face in the sunlight streaming in through the windows, and he spends several minutes just watching him sleep with a tiny smile as he absorbs how this man - his soulmate - is finally his.
Sunho can feel a cacophony of emotions - bliss, awe, ecstasy, incredulity - simmering inside him, but layered over all those for now is just a sense of pure serenity.
He has never been at such peace as he is right now.
The rumbling of his stomach is what finally calls him away from the bed. He is reminded that neither he nor Choongjae had eaten anything the night before.
Well, not food anyway, he thinks, blushing a little.
With a caress to Choongjae’s face, Sunho slips off the bed and winces a little at the soreness of his body. Smiling in spite of himself, Sunho snatches up his black jeans from where he had dropped them on the floor and pulls them on. He spots one of Choongjae’s oversized hoodies carelessly draped over the back of a chair and puts that on, too. Just because he can.
He enters Choongjae’s kitchen after his morning ablutions, without much hope of finding food there. He - and all of Shinhwa - has first-hand knowledge of Choongjae’s cooking abilities (or lack thereof), but Sunho is pleasantly surprised to find eggs in the refrigerator. There is a bunch of processed foods in there as well, but eggs at least promise a sufficient breakfast.
Sunho has just taken the last eggroll off the stove when Choongjae emerges from the room, washed and dressed too. He smiles albeit a little shyly as he enters the kitchen, and then raises his eyebrows at the plate of eggrolls Sunho places on the counter.
‘Seriously? You’re making breakfast?’ He asks with a chuckle as he approaches.
‘Doesn’t last night morally obligate me to feed you breakfast this morning?’ Sunho cannot help saying, hiding a smile behind a mug of coffee as he leans back against the counter.
Choongjae laughs, but the blood rush to his cheeks is obvious. Sunho finds that he really likes this side of Choongjae. The one who is still laidback, but exhibits an undoubted hint of shyness around him. Sunho likes it very much.
Holding out a second mug to Choongjae, Sunho adds with a playful scoff, ‘Don’t flatter yourself too much. This is for my health; I always eat on time.’
‘Whatever you say.’ Choongjae cheerfully accepts the mug and takes a sip of coffee, sighing with relief. ‘Mm, this tastes good. Coffee is like the universal cure to everything. Ugh, I’m sore all over.’
He realises a little belatedly what he has just said and almost chokes on his second sip. Sunho ducks his head, grinning broadly despite the heat around his collar.
‘You’re welcome.’
‘Shut up.’ Choongjae snorts, pushing aside his embarrassment. Taking another gulp of coffee, he steps close to Sunho, looking down at his face with a level of adoration that, not for the first time, takes Sunho’s breath away.
‘Morning,’ he murmurs, reaching down to brush a soft kiss to Sunho’s lips. Leaning back, he notices what Sunho is wearing for the first time.
‘That’s mine.’ Choongjae tugs lightly on the hem of the grey hoodie.
‘Which makes it mine by default now,’ Sunho grins.
‘You’re unbelievable,’ Choongjae chuckles.
Sunho shrugs. ‘Believe it or not, like it or not, you’re stuck with me forever.’ With a wicked smirk, he pushes off the counter and presses up against Choongjae, winding his free arm around him. ‘I’m not giving you a way out.’
Choongjae laughs harder. ‘Oh, no, what have I gotten myself into,’ he laments dramatically, dropping his head forward to rest their foreheads together.
They stay like that for several seconds, before Choongjae loses his smile, suddenly looking pensive.
Sunho tilts his head up, frowning. ‘What are you thinking about?’
‘Just that … what are we going to do about the future?’
‘Huh?’
‘You’re right that we’re going to be together. But what does that mean for our lives? Shinhwa?’
Sunho ponders for a long moment, reaching behind him to place his coffee mug on the counter. He is well aware of the potential complications they may have to face.
‘We can never go public with this,’ he says at last. ‘We have to be careful.’
‘Yeah, I figured,’ Choongjae murmurs.
‘But with Shinhwa … I think we can tell the hyungs later. When we’re ready.’
‘Are you sure? I mean, I do want to. I don’t want to hide something so big from them, and I know they’d never hate us, but …’ He looks worried. ‘Do you think they’d actually understand?’
Sunho thinks back to what Eric had said about the girl he found; how he can never feel the same way about anyone else, because she is - though he had not said in as many words - his soulmate.
‘I think they will.’ Sunho smiles at Choongjae, touching his face. ‘They will trust us, at the very least. And that’s all that matters.’
Choongjae finally smiles back and reaches up to cover Sunho’s hand cupping his cheek. When he continues to stare, not saying anything else, Sunho says with a little chuckle,
‘You’re thinking again, aren’t you?’
‘It’s a kind of hard to forget topic.’
‘What is?’
‘I can’t stop thinking about …’ Choongjae takes a deep breath. ‘I still feel horrible, thinking about how I wasted two decades of our lives. We could’ve been together. It’s not fair…’ He closes his eyes, gripping Sunho’s hand tight.
Sunho does not berate him for feeling pointlessly guilty this time. Just like how he cannot help feeling bitter about the loneliness of his past, he can understand that Choongjae cannot help feeling bitter about the loss of time that can never be recovered. Time that could have spelt happiness for them both.
The only thing left is to heal and move on, to embrace the long-delayed happiness they now have found in each other.
‘Yah, stop saying two decades. It hasn’t been that long, or are you that eager to hit your forties?’ Sunho says with gentle good humour. ‘Well, hate to break it to you, but we’ve got a few good years ahead of us before that.’ He pauses. ‘Can’t say the same for the hyungs, though.’
That prompts a laugh out of Choongjae. ‘Don’t let them hear you say that.’ Mellowing a little, he adds softly, ‘I can’t help wanting the time we’ve lost, though. Half of our lives together, just gone…’
‘I know. But…’ Sunho takes the half-empty mug of coffee from Choongjae, places it on the counter, and then pulls him flush against him. ‘We have the rest of our lives to make up for it, don’t we … In fact, let’s start now.’
He kisses Choongjae full on the mouth, muffling any responses or protests, and promptly begins to lead him back to his room, much like the previous night.
‘What about the eggs you just made?’ Choongjae mock-protests with a breathless laugh as they tumble onto his bed.
‘I’m hungry for something else now,’ Sunho chuckles against his lips.
‘Oh my, I’m scandalised.’
‘Are you complaining?’
Choongjae abruptly rolls them over so that he is on top of Sunho, gazing down at him with a feral smile.
‘Not at all.'
~END~
A/N: As with 90% of my work, this turned out to be pretty emotional. But I hope the fluff towards the end made up for it? xD I'd love to hear your thoughts on the fic!