I'm feeling really alone
My worst fear around losing my mum was that my family would forget all about me. It kind of feels like it's come true.
My brother has never been the best at communication. It's something that always upset my mum, because she was the one who had to call him all the time. And then he would yell at her for calling at inconvenient times. Yet he would never call her. He'd say it's because he's busy all the time, but how hard is it to send a text?
He hasn't asked, even once, how I'm doing. Not even a damn text. He knows I live alone and don't have anyone I'm really close to here. I feel like I can't call him, because I never know when it's convenient for him, and I don't want to get yelled at. I've texted him and seen him maybe a couple of times in the weeks since, but it's always had to be me to take the initiative.
I haven't heard from my aunt (my mother's sister). The only person I've heard from is my cousin (second cousin), who was really close with my mum. She'll tag me on FB or she'll send me a message, so at least she gets it.
My brother has kids and a partner, so at least he has someone supporting him. I have nothing. I'm not faulting my stepdad. He's struggling to deal with things too, so he kind of understands.
I get that my family thinks I'm weird. I can't fix that. I've suspected for a very long time that I have ASD (high-functioning) and I've had at least a couple of people with some experience at this also tell me they think I have it. I don't think my family realises or understands.
So yeah, right now I'm feeling very alone. And invisible. At least where my family is concerned.
I'm tired of expecting even just a little from them, just a 'hey, hope you're doing ok', and getting nothing. It hurts too much. If it wasn't for my stepdad needing me, I'd wash my hands of the whole lot of them and go no contact.
My brother has never been the best at communication. It's something that always upset my mum, because she was the one who had to call him all the time. And then he would yell at her for calling at inconvenient times. Yet he would never call her. He'd say it's because he's busy all the time, but how hard is it to send a text?
He hasn't asked, even once, how I'm doing. Not even a damn text. He knows I live alone and don't have anyone I'm really close to here. I feel like I can't call him, because I never know when it's convenient for him, and I don't want to get yelled at. I've texted him and seen him maybe a couple of times in the weeks since, but it's always had to be me to take the initiative.
I haven't heard from my aunt (my mother's sister). The only person I've heard from is my cousin (second cousin), who was really close with my mum. She'll tag me on FB or she'll send me a message, so at least she gets it.
My brother has kids and a partner, so at least he has someone supporting him. I have nothing. I'm not faulting my stepdad. He's struggling to deal with things too, so he kind of understands.
I get that my family thinks I'm weird. I can't fix that. I've suspected for a very long time that I have ASD (high-functioning) and I've had at least a couple of people with some experience at this also tell me they think I have it. I don't think my family realises or understands.
So yeah, right now I'm feeling very alone. And invisible. At least where my family is concerned.
I'm tired of expecting even just a little from them, just a 'hey, hope you're doing ok', and getting nothing. It hurts too much. If it wasn't for my stepdad needing me, I'd wash my hands of the whole lot of them and go no contact.