GrumpyCat's time-tested ways to roust a two-foot

[phoenixprime]

At least fifteen minutes before the noisy loud thing next to the two-foot sleeping place starts to caterwaul:

Technique 1:

Move to the place next to the sleeping place where the two-foot likes to put things.

Select a lightweight thing that will rattle (but not break). But-not-break is important. You are waking the two-foot, not getting even with

Comments

[sttatus_quo]

GrumpyCat and Snert should never meet.

[nidea]

Iko used to do #4. It most certainly woke me, but got him hit and/or pushed off the bed in a flash, not the food he desired.

Asi goes from #2 straight to #7, with an addendum: do not simply step off the bladder, *leap* off, creating the maximum impact possible.

[tay_en_pointe]

as a nomad two-foot, might i offer some words of wisdom.
1) evacuate bladder (works with snakes as well.
2) offer attention with the expectation of being ignored.
3) make sure the high round altar is full of givings.
4) install locks and non handle designed doors. knobs are a bitch to all classes of four-foots.
5) give up.
6) make sure the majority of four-foots reside elsewhere.
7)give notice
8) give in.
9) scritch and roll over and accept two-foot body temp modulations.
10 etc) consider five foots, ie dogs with drooling tongues.
lather,
rinse
forget
repeat....
11)

[ifimust]

If I may add, from the memories of a friend's cars?

Technique 8
Locate the raised, soft, squishy bits of the two-foot. (Note that only adult female two foots have this area on their person. Research into why never got off the groud because we couldn't be bothered).

If the two foot is lying down, this area may be distributed but will still be noticably softer than the rest of the two foot.

It is a sensitive area.

Walking on it will generally get attention.

Kneading it will always get attention. It may not be the attention you crave, but if the two foot has ignored you this far, it is what the two foot deserves.

That hurt!

[moxie_jen]

*giggles*
"No Funny! Funny hurts!" :)
Why are people trying to make me laugh?