You wanna be where you can see...
1. I've been thinking about my Wedding for at least 14 years, but I never really thought I would get married.
2. I am able to counsel survivors of domestic abuse, sexual assault, and rape, but I struggle with applying the same concepts and therapeutic principles to my own life.
3. After having braces for almost three years, my teeth were perfectly straight. I had my wisdom teeth extracted and my jaw had to be broken in the middle of the surgery. Ever since, my bottom teeth have been crooked; this bothers me.
4. Brandon and I talk about baby names, but I don't know if I will ever be able to carry a child.
5. Even if I am physically able to carry a child, I am terrified that I will not be anything close to the type of mother mine is to me.
6. It still hasn't settled in that Brandon and I bought a house and are getting married.
7. Abandoned buildings, especially houses, are magical to me. I make up stories about them and about the people who have come and gone to and from those places. Being able to enter them is even better.
8. I find meaning in the smallest things; I still have a score card from a game of mini golf with my brother when he saved me from a bee-infested butterfly bush. I was 15, he won the game.
9. I find it hard to let go of certain things and people because of the ties I have to them. A song, a rock, a note...
10. I overuse ellipses, and I am okay with that.
11. I used proper punctuation and capitalization in text messages.
12. My handwriting changes depending on my mood.
13. My eye color changes depending on my mood, the weather, and what I am wearing.
14. If I am upset, I go to an antique store near my house and walk through the aisles and floors, thinking, discovering, searching. I like "leftover" antiques, not "collectible" antiques.
15. Our bedroom is camoflage with real antler curtain tiebacks; the scheme was my idea, and it is soothing to me.
16. I miss the days when I didn't realize my parents were sexual beings, death had not yet touched my world, my brother and I lived under the same roof, my mom was a Room Mother, I completely trusted and looked to my Pastor as a Man of God, and I wanted to work at Peight's when I grew up.
17. I wish my mom still packed my lunch. I take my lunch in my Sesame Street lunchbox, but it's just not the same.
18. My family goes overboard at Christmas, but I love the thoughtfulness they put behind every single gift. I still think they all spend too much money.
19. Stickers make me smile, especially after I have blood drawn.
20. I am afraid that I will never love other children the way I love Cade and Kaleigh. Secretly, I am not really afraid of that; I don't want to love anyone the way I love them.
21. I think the domestic talents of cooking, baking, and sewing have escaped me, which saddens me because these abilities are so strong and evident in the generations before me.
22. I feel strongest when I am shooting a handgun.
23. I feel the most comfortable when I am around powerful things: livestock, farm machinery, trains, racecars, weapons, trucks...
24. When I was at my sickest, I felt the prettiest when I was hungry.
25. I miss Edinboro to my bones. A part of me was born there, and I certainly left a huge piece of me behind.
26. The only red meat I will eat is venison.
27. I will not eat chicken, turkey, or any other kind of meat from a bone, even if someone else removes it from the bone out of my sight.
28. I water down everything I drink.
29. I hate air-conditioning.
30. My closets are arranged by type of clothing, by color of type, and by alphabetical order of brand.
31. I have over 200 pairs of shoes because I never get rid of them.
32. The same goes for hooded sweatshirts, pajama pants, and purses.
33. My love for Tinkerbell came before, and goes far beyond, the trend. I am in love with being born on a baby's first laugh, the concept of being built on faith, trust, and that element of a little bit of something more.
34. I love everything "office" related and have an obscene amount of pens, pencils, markers, paper, and other such supplies.
35. I have yet to move my bedroom suite from my parents' house into one of the spare bedrooms at our new house because that will mean I am totally gone and will feel like I can't go back. My closests there are still full and organized.
36. My Pappy Fred (my mom's dad) was buried with his Edinboro Family pin on the lapel of his suit jacket. He and I had a bond over a pair of his very stylish ivory colored dress boots. People are not normally buried with shoes, but I was allowed to place the boots in the casket with him. My dad also asked that he be buried with a Louis L'Amour novel.
37. When the folded American Flag was handed to my Dee Dee on behalf of President George W. Bush, I stood a little taller, knowing that my grandfather was a Prisoner of War for our country during World War II. He was a superb soldier, and an even better grandfather.
38. I have a Living Will/Advance Directive.
39. Breakfasts at the Holstein Calf'e are my favorite.
40. I want to sit on top of the cow on the roof of the Auction Barn at the Salebarn in my Wedding Dress.
41. Nicholas Sparks is my favorite author; I could read his books repeatedly and find new things to love each time.
42. The edges of the pages of my copy of "The Bridges of Madison County" are worn; I will continue to read and re-read it, as it is my favorite novel.
43. I learned to be tremendously prepared for college note-taking by my most pompous high school teacher. I am grateful to him for that. He's still an ass.
44. Having my dad teach in my high school was something I never resented; I felt safe with him there, knowing we were sharing the same general schedule and that he was in the building if (and when) I needed him. I never took any of his classes.
45. I knew a classmate brought a gun to school when we were Freshmen in high school with the intent to shoot his ex-girlfriend and then himself. I told my dad and was then called into the office. I went to my dad's classroom afterwards and cried hysterically. I spent a couple periods in the Darkroom before going back to class.
46. One of my campers committed suicide two weeks after camp. Even though I "know better", I find myself feeling guilty and angry years later, wishing I could have made a bigger difference.
47. Though I have been sexually active, I am not currently. I am not physically able to be so; we hope that someday this will change.
48. I rarely act without reason, even if my actions seem irrational or illogical to others.
49. I am a perfectionist when it comes to written documents. I can be a word away from the end, and if I make a mistake, I will rewrite the entire page.
50. The sound of an alarm clock, even in commercials of on TV, makes my stomach hurt.
51. My body prefers to work Second or Third shift.
52. My mom knows when something is wrong with me, often before I do.
53. My Pappy Huck named an island after me on Black Lake.
54. I would like to be stronger in my Faith walk.
55. I do not believe that a childhood friend is responsible for the death of his wife's daughter.
56. Thinking about something bad happening to my blankey makes my throat feel like it's closing.
57. I turned down a $60,000 a year job to return home after college.
58. Brandon and I have known each other since First Grade; $60,000 comes nowhere close to returning to family and to someone you've always known, but who you never really -knew-.
59. Being in the Delivery Room for Cade's birth was one of the best days of my life.
60. I still have my brand new volleyball sneakers I ordered for the beginning of the season my Freshman year in high school. I never got to wear them because I tore all the ligaments in my left ankle and foot coming down from a spike during a pre-season scrimmage. I was told I may never walk normally again, and I would definitely never play volleyball again.
61. I started high school on crutches. I eventually walked again, but I never played volleyball competitively again.
62. I tore the ligaments in my ankle and foot again while playing hockey. I'm told if there's a third time I can definitely forget the walking.
63. I don't like ice in anything I drink.
64. Brandon doesn't think I'm in remission from Celiac Sprue. I felt a lot better when I was gluten-free, but I am fighting this. I swear.
65. I have a headache and abdominal pain every day. I hate being on the number of pills I'm on a day, but the alternative is even more daunting.
66. I was in the back of a police car for the first time in December of 2008 when "my stalker" wrecked my car. Even though I hadn't done anything wrong, I was still unnerved by being locked in the backseat of a cruiser.
67. I stepped on a jellyfish when I was little, but it was dead. During the same trip to the shore, I dropped a plum in the sand and a seagull took a peanut butter and jelly sandwich right out of my hand. It was a very traumatizing vacation.
68. I won our family an all-expenses paid trip to Walt Disney World when I was seven.
69. If I had complete control, I would drink nothing but room-temperature water and eat nothing but blueberries.
70. I have yet to find a feeling comparable to any of those associated with those I have while riding my quad.
71. I refuse to get on (or go near) anything motorized with two wheels. My dad almost died on the motorcycle he had before I was born, a friend died in an accident in high school, a friend's dad was killed on one, and a very good friend from high school who saved my life on more than a few occasions was killed in a motorcycle accident. My aunt and uncle ride, and it scares me.
72. I have PTSD, and I am triggered by things such as the smell of mint chew, the flicking of lighters, the sight of brown beer bottles (especially if they are broken), aggressive guys who are shorter and stockier than me, aggressive guys who are taller and thinner than me, butterfly knives, being touched or grabbed from behinf, and sitting on the inside in public places such as movie theatres and restaurants.
73. I carry a gun with me at all times.
74. I used to go to the gym seven days a week and run seven days a week; now I'm lucky if I can get through a day without wanting to throw up.
75. I painted Kaleigh's bedroom walls before she was born; I know she will eventually outgrow the flowers and huge caterpillar, but for now I like knowing my artwork is looking over her.
76. Being with patients who have terminal illnesses, who are actively dying, or who are preparing themselves for death is a humbling process. It is also a gift they have given me in their final days and sometimes minutes. What is shared in times of patient interaction is priceless.
77. I don't know how to pluck my eyebrows.
78. I do not know how to properly apply makeup, do my hair, or pick out clothing. I usually do not wear makeup, I throw my hair up in a ponytail, and I either wear scrubs or windpants and a sweatshirt.
79. I would rather text than talk on the phone, unless it's with my mom.
80. I collect old glass bottles. Some of my favorite ones came from a pit in the middle of a friend's cow pasture.
81. I have one pair of white underwear. I don't know what this has to do with anything.
82. I have a better chance of having a good day if my underwear, bra, socks, and watch all match my outfit.
83. My Hope Chest is filled with quilts and blankets. The linen closet in our bathroom is filled with blankets. A basket in our computer room is filled with blankets, and our computer chairs are covered in blankets. Our living room has at least seven blankets in it. My bed at my parents' house has eight blankets and two quilts on it, and about ten more in one of the closet. I looooove blankets, especially if they're soft and quilts, especially if they're old.
84. I want to be a traveling public speaker in high schools, talking about abusive relationships, awareness, resources, and sexual assault/rape statistics and therapy.
85. I enjoy everything coconut and pomegranate.
86. I have to have lip stuff with me at all times.
87. I do not let my gas tank get below a quarter of a tank.
88. I feel uncomfortable if my cell phone gets below two battery bars. I carry my charger with me if it gets like that, and I have my car charger with me at all times.
89. I have never seen pornography, and I never want to.
90. The same goes with visiting adult "gift" stores.
91. I don't like to be naked, and I shower with my eyes closed.
92. I buy local produce from people I know, and it tastes better that way.
93. My car has over 178,000 miles on it, and I hope it lasts forever.
94. I have never had a car payment; I appreciate that.
95. My dad is designing and printing our Wedding invitations and bulletins; I can't wait to brainstorm and design with him.
96. I sublocated three of my thoracic vertebrae in a four-wheeling accident. My shoulders and hips are now mis-aligned, and I find it hard to stay in one position for an extended period of time.
97. I hated Physics in high school, but I looked forward to going to the class because Mr. McCachren was a wonderful teacher, a kind man, and genuinely cared about the subject matter, his students, and school spirit.
98. I thought the world was crashing in on me when my brother went to college. I slept in his bed and wore the clothes he didn't take with him. I cried the day I came home from school and found out my mom had washed the sheets on his bed because they didn't smell like him anymore.
99. Seven Springs is one of my favorite places.
100. I despise everything about bacon.
101. I add picture frames to the walls and flat surfaces of the house because I don't like to cover up other pictures no matter how old they are.
102. I always have two black hairties on my right wrist.
103. I hope I'm like my dad when I get older; we still get together with his college friends.
104. My dad and his friends get together every Wednesday night to play Civil War strategy games on the computer.
105. When I was little, my dad would tune my Fisher Price radio (the one with the microphone) to a Bluegrass show every Saturday night. When he went to bed, he turned it off. Sometimes I'd wake up and ask him to let it on all night. To this I attribute my affinity for Bluegrass music; it is something my dad and I share. I also think this is why I feel better listening to the radio to sleep. So do my parents.
106. When I was really little my dad dimmed the light slowly in my bedroom as if it was the sunlight. Just before the light went out, he pointed to his eye, crossed his arms over his chest, and then pointed to me.
107. Sometimes, especially on weekends when I wasn't particularly tired, he flashed the lights on and off and said, "Disco, Disco Duck!" We'd laugh and then I'd go to sleep.
108. My mom -always- read to me before bed, tucked me in, kissed me on the forehead, and told me she loved me. I still love to be kissed on the forehead, read before bed, and miss being tucked in.
109. As I got older and learned to read, we would read our own books side by side, either in my bed or in my parents' bed. Sometimes, when I -first- learned to read, I read bedtime stories to my mom. Looking back, I admire her patience.
110. I taught myself how to tie my shoes while my brother was taking a bath.
111. My independence showed at an early age when, after trying to comb my waist-length hair and being asked if I needed help, I yelled, "MINE DO IT MINESELF!"
112. Our family has a "throw-up bowl". It is reddish-orange plastic and we'd always have it beside the couch. Last week, I saw my mom washing it after we ate dinner at my parents' house. I automatically asked who was sick; she told me she had washed potato wedges in it. I was, and still am, mortified by this. I wish I didn't know.
113. I found out I had a broken rib when I had tests done at Hershey my Senior Year in college. This was during the two weeks I was in four hospitals across Pennsylvania. I still don't know how it happened, but I have a pretty good guess.
114. I enjoy small town fairs and festivals, especially if they have Bingo played with field corn as markers and local bands as entertainment.
115. I will always feel more comfortable with bovines than with humans.
116. I hate when dentists start to ask questions that require verbal answers as soon as their hands enter my mouth.
117. Assisting with live calf births is a very rewarding experience.
118. I will forever be a barefoot, back roads, small town country girl.
119. I am often battling inner turmoil and insecurity, even as we speak.
120. Some of the greatest people I have met throughout my life were or still are big influences in my life, both in negative and positive ways.
121. Knowing what I know now about Rod Stewart's son Sean, I wish I could go back to the day I met Rod on the street in New York City and ask him to spend more time with Sean.
122. Muscle cars are my thing.
123. I have four tattoos and want more.
124. I'm a Chevy kid.
125. Yes, I know the differences between types and colors of tractors.
126. I used to pretend Ronald Reagan, Elvis, and TuPac lived in my closet at my parents' house and Willie Nelson came by every now and then to visit. I still think about this.
127. My favorite male country singer called me and left a Voicemail on my cell phone from a concert to which I had Meet and Greet tickets. I couldn't make it to the concert because I had to go back to college early, but I listened to the message and saved it as many times as I could, but eventually it went away.
128. I have an extreme phobia of clowns (I even hate to type it) in every form, including pictures, stickers, cartoons, and Ronald McDonald. I know the origin of this, but that does nothing to allay my fears: hence, phobia. I cry, hyperventilate, and sometimes vomit.
129. The toilet paper comes from -under- the roll.
130. The pressure points in my jaw are nonreactive.
131. Unless my nephew has a son when he grows up, our family name stops with him. I don't really like to think about that.
132. I hate wearing shoes (funny, considering Number 31), and I would never wear shoes if I didn't have to. Board of Health and all; working at a hospital can be such a drag!
133. I get along better with guys than with girls as a general statement, but MY girls are treasures.
134. My weekends in middle school were taken up with following my brother and his college Cross Country, Indoor, and Outdoor Track teammates across the state. I wouldn't go back and change that.
135. My brother made the All-American team, but I was most proud when he was an Academic All-American.
136. I will be in Massachusetts in April of 2010 to support my brother at the Boston Marathon.
137. When Kutztown ran PSACs at Edinboro, we ate dinner with the team. I was 12, and my brother kicked me under the table, telling me facts about Edinboro, and saying maybe when I grew up I would go to college there. I blew him off.
138. Susquehanna offered me a full ride, but Edinboro was the only school I applied to. I was accepted during my Junior Year of high school.
139. When I graduated from Edinboro, my brother yelled, "THAT'S MY SISTER!"before I hit the stage. When President Pogue shook my hand, he laughed and said, "Congratulations, Sister!"
140. When my brother crossed the Finish Line at the Harrisburg Marathon, I yelled, "THAT'S MY BROTHER!"
141. Dee Dee and Pappy Fred, Mama and Daddy, and now Brandon and I all have a specified kitchen cupboard door with produce stickers on the inside of it.
142. Christmas Eve is my favorite day of the whole year and calls for the purchase of a new gown for church every year.
143. I am appalled by commercials for male and female products.
144. We have deer, bears, runny babbits, blacksnakes and lots of other "friends" gallavanting through our back creek and yard. I love it here!!
145. I love to relax at Walnut Acres and at Buck Fever Rod and Gun Club. There's just something about the pace of life at camp. Camp Granville will always be in my heart.
146. I lost something at the Lakehouse, something I will never find, something only someone else would even know what, where, or how to look for.
147. I'm guessing I've thrown the equivalent of several cartons of Eric's cigarettes out of windows of moving cars, smashed them under my boot heels in the dirt, ripped them out of his mouth and soaked them in the sink, torn them up piece by piece and piled up the mess, drowned them in buckets of Lysol, and otherwise ruined them.
148. Go Cubbies!
149. The Flyers make ice chips run through my veins.
150. It's hard being a Michigan fan in a Penn State family, but I have BJ with me.
151. I don't know how to study because I never had to learn. I'm hoping to focus on this for Nursing School, because I know that's going to be a different story.
152. I get a deep sense of satisfaction from making and crossing things off of lists.
153. I balance my checkbook to the penny.
154. I have trouble maintaining the lives of plants; I hope this is in no way an indication of how successful I might be as a parent, as I understand babies need more than water and sunshine for them to thrive.
155. I like blue-inked pens.
156. I have to use black ink at work, and I can tell the difference between pens that suck and pens that don't.
157. I color-coordinate things, such as shifts in my planner, DNR status on shift sheets, information on report sheets...
158. I see that this could go on forever, and it probably will in my head...