Current thoughts
Bleh.
So i really dont know where im gonna go with this. Figure if i see it in words i'd understand a bit more..
I cant decide what hurts most... The holding on or the letting go. Trying to atleast. I'll never be able to let go of someone like that. Never truly believe in the whole "you dont know what you got until its gone" thing. But lately? All i believe in. Love is pure madness. One day you're together. The next they completely hate you. The promises are long forgotten and their "love" for you seems as if it was never there. Even though you know it once was because you still feel the pain every fucking day from when they ripped out your heart and left you to die.
They said no matter what they would still be there for you. It's all bullshit in the end. They moved on. Tell yourself to get over it and say "fuck em. Shes a cunt anyway. They deserve each other." But you cant make yourself believe it because he left YOU for HER. And really, hes all you ever wanted
Love is madness? Yes. But it's also a beautiful madness. Because one day, they remember you exsist. And you get all worked up over it to only get your heart given back to you, ripped apart beyond repair. He's not "yours" anymore. Not jsut relationship wise. He doesnt act the same. Dont treat you like he did before. But despite that, you're willing to do anything to keep them because you cant say goodbye anymore. Hurts too damn much.
It only takes a few days to realize that they dont care about you anymore. And probably never will because he has her now. And at the moment shes standing on that pedastal you once were on for so long. Hes telling her all the stuff he promised you. All the things he called you now replace her name. Its like you never exsisted and you keep repeating "He loves her now. Youre just the annoying bitch that he put up with. He never could truly love someone like you"
Just face it. That chapter has already been written and ended. You just insist on reading it a hundred times through and trying to work your way into HIS own storyline. But your not in his priorities anymore. You're pathetic to him. You're just a kid in his eyes; hes even called you it.
So now what do you do? Wait for a miracle and him somehow come back to you? Or do you stop chasing after a hopeless drean and continue with the road you're heading down with a different boy. A road you're not even sure how or why you're on it. With a boy who doesnt understand what love is. Probably never will.
You miss the way he made you feel. Like you were his life. The only thing that mattered. You both had lives planned out together and it felt so real... Now that dream life is gone and given to another girl for keeps. It's hard to give up on something when it's all you ever wanted.. Even just the little things can make it hurt so much more. Like the butterflies youd get whenever he'd call you babymama or how you couldnt stop smiling when you were on the phone with him. Everything just felt.. right.
Maybe it just hurts so much because its a part of growing up. Getting your heartbroken just leads you to mature a little more at a time... But this could be a good thing. A final ending to the chapter youre re-reading. And the begining to a new one. In this chapter, youre just happy to have him in your life. Even though what you guys are is nothing serious, its better than him being gone forever. You're not gonna try to win him over anymore because it proven pointless. *If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you it's yours. If it doesnt, it never really belonged to you.*
So i really dont know where im gonna go with this. Figure if i see it in words i'd understand a bit more..
I cant decide what hurts most... The holding on or the letting go. Trying to atleast. I'll never be able to let go of someone like that. Never truly believe in the whole "you dont know what you got until its gone" thing. But lately? All i believe in. Love is pure madness. One day you're together. The next they completely hate you. The promises are long forgotten and their "love" for you seems as if it was never there. Even though you know it once was because you still feel the pain every fucking day from when they ripped out your heart and left you to die.
They said no matter what they would still be there for you. It's all bullshit in the end. They moved on. Tell yourself to get over it and say "fuck em. Shes a cunt anyway. They deserve each other." But you cant make yourself believe it because he left YOU for HER. And really, hes all you ever wanted
Love is madness? Yes. But it's also a beautiful madness. Because one day, they remember you exsist. And you get all worked up over it to only get your heart given back to you, ripped apart beyond repair. He's not "yours" anymore. Not jsut relationship wise. He doesnt act the same. Dont treat you like he did before. But despite that, you're willing to do anything to keep them because you cant say goodbye anymore. Hurts too damn much.
It only takes a few days to realize that they dont care about you anymore. And probably never will because he has her now. And at the moment shes standing on that pedastal you once were on for so long. Hes telling her all the stuff he promised you. All the things he called you now replace her name. Its like you never exsisted and you keep repeating "He loves her now. Youre just the annoying bitch that he put up with. He never could truly love someone like you"
Just face it. That chapter has already been written and ended. You just insist on reading it a hundred times through and trying to work your way into HIS own storyline. But your not in his priorities anymore. You're pathetic to him. You're just a kid in his eyes; hes even called you it.
So now what do you do? Wait for a miracle and him somehow come back to you? Or do you stop chasing after a hopeless drean and continue with the road you're heading down with a different boy. A road you're not even sure how or why you're on it. With a boy who doesnt understand what love is. Probably never will.
You miss the way he made you feel. Like you were his life. The only thing that mattered. You both had lives planned out together and it felt so real... Now that dream life is gone and given to another girl for keeps. It's hard to give up on something when it's all you ever wanted.. Even just the little things can make it hurt so much more. Like the butterflies youd get whenever he'd call you babymama or how you couldnt stop smiling when you were on the phone with him. Everything just felt.. right.
Maybe it just hurts so much because its a part of growing up. Getting your heartbroken just leads you to mature a little more at a time... But this could be a good thing. A final ending to the chapter youre re-reading. And the begining to a new one. In this chapter, youre just happy to have him in your life. Even though what you guys are is nothing serious, its better than him being gone forever. You're not gonna try to win him over anymore because it proven pointless. *If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you it's yours. If it doesnt, it never really belonged to you.*