Advice Please

[picassolette]

So I just got back from chillin with Brenda...I really don't like relaying what has happened in details in my personal, personal life via the internet so I'm gonna keep this a little vague, but I'd like some feedback here. We went to an art gallery this evening and she bought a piece that I helped her pick out. We had a good time looking at all

Comments

[ladylysandra]

Hey you!
Don't let yourself be messed around with. By the looks of it, you still have feelings for Brenda, but you also have pride! She chose to get rid of you, and go back to her ex-girlfriend. A decision which hurt you and your feelings. Now you're supposed to play best friend and comforter, when you have to grapple with your own feelings? I think that's asking a bit much.
Only you know how you feel about her, and only you can decide, how much you want to take. All I'm saying is, watch out for yourself, because you deserve time to heal, too.

If she does in fact come back to you, then you can still decide how to deal with it. For the time being, I'd politely tell her to give you space and time to deal with the situation on your own, without bothering you with her problems with the new-old-girlfriend. After all, she was the one who decided to go back!

That's just what I think. I wish you the best of luck, and lots of strength. I'll call you friday!
Love,
Laura

[queerbychoice]

Ouch. This is a really bad situation and very unfair to you. Really Brenda should never have dragged you into it at all if she wasn't positive her relationship with her ex was permanently over.

You're in a position to be hurt. You've already been hurt, but if you continue hanging around with Brenda it's likely to go on hurting longer. That doesn't mean you should necessarily stop hanging around with her - sometimes, if you feel you're up to handling it, the pleasure of being around people can outweigh the pain. But not always. And, well, I sort of get the impression that Brenda likes the idea of your wanting her back, and would probably (without being really conscious of what she was doing or why) string you along and toss you just enough affection to keep you from quite getting over her, just because it makes her feel better about herself to have this flattering notion that two people want her at once. And her real loyalty would be to her girlfriend.

[circlifly]

Damn. What they all said.

Don't put yourself into a position where you're sacrificing your own feelings and happiness to help Brenda. It's fine that you're trying to be there for her, and it's quite admirable. But... when it starts hurting you and she starts using you like queerbychoice said, it's gone overboard.

Don't stretch yourself too thin in any capacity - in this case, emotionally. Hang in there.

PS

She told me earlier that she's been thinking a lot about me.

...Wait. She split up with this girl, got together with you, split up with you, and got back with this first girl. Now she's flirting with you and telling you that she's thinking about you a lot? Either she's amazingly indecisive or she has multiple personalities. Don't let her play yo-yo with your feelings. You deserve better.

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[pianonoire]

i know how you feel. but the best thing to do (i think) is to control those little kissy-urges. its hard, but in the end neither person will be used. i don't like the idea of the "second option," BUT it like she has no idea what she wants right now. My best advice is to talk with Brenda and ask her what it is that she wants, but also relay your worrys about being the second choice. It doesn't seem like it, but there are people out there that would make a wonderful and interesting partner. good luck!

hey, megan..

[auzzy]

This is not in reference to what is above, since I already addressed that elsewhere..

I just wanted to let you know I downloaded AIM again, and added you to my list. I have a new s/n (auzzyluv). So, hopefully, we'll have a chance to chat soon. ciao.